Help.....how to get over not having anymore babies

[Taurus8484]

I dont even know if this is the right place to post this......but i want to try for another baby so much but hubby is adamant he only wants 2. I can't get it out of my head. I feel like i was born to have 3 children and at 41 time is not on my side even though i have had no problem conceiving. I try to change his mind at least once a week but he is having none of it. I didnt meet hubby until i was 35 and i don't regret having children later in life but if we were younger maybe i would have had a chance to change his mind later but thats not an option.

Any one else gone through this....how do i get passed the fact that i will only have 2 beautiful children when I want more. I know im blessed i even have 2 but i would love more.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Following... I don't have an answer, but am kind of in the same boat. My DH adores LO, but says he is "one and done". I hope that changes, but he seems pretty firm! I can't imagine anything good coming out of trying to force him... and do hate the idea of having a baby whose daddy was anything other than overjoyed to be having them! So, I just hold my one LO tight and say thanks for my one sweet bundle. I do hope it will be two, but if not, I don't want to not enjoy what i have now.

Love your little ones and just try to savour what you have. They grow so quickly... Don't miss out on the little baby you have now because you are thinking about the fact that may not have another. It would be such a shame to look back and feel like you didn't enjoy this time. Good luck!

 

[Taurus8484]

I do. I soak up every little thing. Especially my youngest as he grows so quickly. I feel selfish when i have friends in theirs 40s trying to have 1 baby after multiple IVF fails. But i can't help it. I just dont feel finished.

 

[george83]

I agree with pp about not missing out on the lo that you do have thinking about the others but also know how hard it is accepting that your oh is done when you aren't. Some days I'm fine with it and feel like it makes sense but other days my heart feels like it might break not having another. My youngest two are only 15 months apart and I feel like I'm missing out on so much with both of them that I'd like another baby in 3 or 4 years when my youngest starts school and I know that it will hit me hard then. I also have 3 boys but long to have a baby girl which my oh doesn't understand and I can't imagine not trying at least once more for her

 

[MumToEva]

Same thing here. I would like more children, but DH says he is done at 2. After some arguments about it, we had a proper discussion and decided to shelve it for another year and then decide for certain then. For me, I think the thought of not having any more children is getting easier to bear as they get a little older - it was a real urge initially, but now I can see it with a more rational mind. I can see that they are getting easier as they get older, it's lovely being past the sleepless nights and nappies stage, and it does feel nice to plan foreign holidays again, etc. But I'm secretly hoping DH will feel a bit differently when the childcare bills go down when they go to school, and when Ds gets past the toddler stage, as DH finds being patient withthem difficult at times. Basically, I'm getting more used to the idea of no more kids with time, but I'm still hoping I can change DH's mind!

Also, I think part of it for me is that I didn't realise when I was pregnant with Ds that it would probably be my last baby - I think if I had realise that I would have savoured it more and It might have made a difference to things.

 

[Septie]

I am the same age as the OP and am currently enjoying my last baby He is my third, and believe me, you may still long for another even after a third (I am!)...Some thoughts that I am using in an attempt to convince myself: At our age, we are really lucky to have conceived and had healthy loved ones. I had two losses last year and a difficult, worrisome pregnancy this time around, vs. 2 quick conceptions and perfect pregnancies before that. So I wouldn't want to repeat this past year and a half - so heartbreaking! I also missed out on a lot in my older kids' lives - no family travels, a beautiful spring spent mostly on bedrest etc. ... And don't forget: At our age, the risk of chromosomal difficulties is rather high. Do you want another, even if it meant a special needs child? Even my OH, who is less anxious about these matters than I am, said that he breathed a major sigh of relief when the baby was healthy!

Yet another thought for us older parents (keep in mind you might be 42, 43 by the time the next one comes around!): The chances of one of us having a major health crisis before our kids are grown and/or done with their education is not all that small (think cancer, heart issues, stroke - the stats are not in our favor)...and the other parent will have to pick up the slack. So if your OH doesn't want another, can you really blame him?

One last thing that might apply to those with young kids regardless of age: I have met many many people with kids that say they would have loved another baby,toddler, ten year old - but they could not have endured another teenager!
Sooo, does any of this help? Sorry for such a negative post...

 

[StranjeGirl]

I"m in the EXACT same situation!! Dh says no way. I'll be 41 in January so not a lot of time to wait around and see if he changes his mind. I know another would be a lot of work and for dh he is more worried about finances since i'm at home with the kids, but I still really want another one! I wish I had a good answer for you. You are definitely not alone though!!! (and the more women I talk to, the more it seems many are in the same situation)

 

[mummytobe_93]

I'm not in the exact same situation as I know we will have one more baby in the future, but only one more. We currently have a 21 month old and a 1 month old.

However I know I won't feel satisfied with just one more and knowing that will be the last time im pregnant and give birth etc. However one thing I tell myself is, if im not happy with the two I already have (or hopefully three im going to have) what makes me think I'm going to be happy with more?

I think you have to just be content with what you have and look at the positives.

I recently read an article https://www.renegademothering.com/2014/11/07/dont-want-kids-ill-never-done/ which helped. And another one caller 'the ache' which basically said that the ache never goes away and you learn to accept it and live with it. It's human nature wanting to breed more and have more children I think xx

 

[misspriss]

I am kind of in the same situation. DH is sure two is enough, but I have always wanted 3 or more. I want another one SO bad. I had a horrible premature birth EMCS with my first, my second had to be induced, it was a rough induction but I still got my VBAC. My VBAC was so empowering for me I want to have another one so bad. I want to do it over and over again, have tons of kids...but a 3rd may be enough

I want to wait until my youngest is at least a bit older.

 

[Taurus8484]

Thanks for the replies ladies....i tried one more time last night to try and get him to change his mind but isn't going to happen. Just going to try and let it go and soak up as much as my little babies as I can.......

 

[AP]

I still get sad I won't have a third but the only thing that helps is my selfishness to keep dance training, which I couldn't do if I had another.

It's so hard but I think time will help you