katelynen810
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It is with a heavy heart I write this as hard as I am trying to stay positive I feel like I am drowning in tears.
After trying for 18 years to get pregnant to my complete surprise I found out I was pregnant last Thursday, one week ago. This has been a nearly two-decade struggle. I have lived through losing a child, losing my husband to cancer and finding love again and then a miraculous pregnancy. I was told that I had unexplained fertility and my chance of conceiving was basically less than 3%. I hadn't used birth control in the past 3 years with my SO and we were so shocked to get 3 immediate, as in seconds, positive home pregnancy tests. My SO had actually had a dream the week before, I didn't know this until after the pregnancy had been confirmed, that he was standing at the gates of Heaven begging God to make me pregnant. Funny how real life can mimic your dreams.
So yesterday I went to the Veterans Affairs hospital to get blood drawn and the doctor said they could do an ultrasound to check fetal age. My LMO was Sept 4th I believe but have no idea my ovulation cycle, I've never tracked it and had really given up on pregnancy because of the chances being so low. Anyways, it was the VA so take that for what it is worth. Anyways, she was pretty rushed and did a vaginal ultrasound and said well definitely pregnant, there is the gestational sac and yolk sac, no fetal pole yet but she said, and these were here words, they hurt so bad "well the edges of your gestational sac look rough, not smooth like I like to see just come back in two weeks. Did you want to have an abortion or is your intention to keep the baby" I am died. How could you even say such a thing. I had told her when she first came in how shocked and happy an overwhelmed I was that I was pregnant after 18 years (I am 41). I couldn't believe the abortion comment, it was a stab in the heart. I asked her if maybe I just ovulated late, I thought I should be about 6 weeks pregnant and she said no probably 4+ weeks I'm confused, what does this mean that I will miscarry? I'm a wreck. Everything I've read says you wouldn't even see yolk until 5-5 1/2 weeks. I didn't get any pictures she rushed through it so quick and told me to come back in 2 weeks. I read on another post that jagged edges on a gestational sac mean fetal abnormalities and miscarriage. I'm a mess. I don't know how to make it through 2 weeks. I did make an appt at Loma Linda University Medical Center using my private insurance but don't see them until Nov 28th. I can't find anything online with someone with experience, lots of comments about irregal shaped gestational sacs but not what she said to me. She did ask me if I needed prenatal vitamin prescriptions and said no I had already bought them. Should I prepare myself for the worst? I have pregnancy symptoms, very sore boobs, very tired, changes to appetite, etc. I have prayed constantly since yesterday. I feel like my heart is already breaking. To top it off I was raped at 18 and gave my son up for adoption so maybe this is punishment for that. I do have a son who is 18, a freshman in college so I have had 2 successful pregnancies in the past. Any thoughts or advice on how to get through this?
Thank you for reading my long post, I don't know how to make it any shorter.
Katie
k
After trying for 18 years to get pregnant to my complete surprise I found out I was pregnant last Thursday, one week ago. This has been a nearly two-decade struggle. I have lived through losing a child, losing my husband to cancer and finding love again and then a miraculous pregnancy. I was told that I had unexplained fertility and my chance of conceiving was basically less than 3%. I hadn't used birth control in the past 3 years with my SO and we were so shocked to get 3 immediate, as in seconds, positive home pregnancy tests. My SO had actually had a dream the week before, I didn't know this until after the pregnancy had been confirmed, that he was standing at the gates of Heaven begging God to make me pregnant. Funny how real life can mimic your dreams.
So yesterday I went to the Veterans Affairs hospital to get blood drawn and the doctor said they could do an ultrasound to check fetal age. My LMO was Sept 4th I believe but have no idea my ovulation cycle, I've never tracked it and had really given up on pregnancy because of the chances being so low. Anyways, it was the VA so take that for what it is worth. Anyways, she was pretty rushed and did a vaginal ultrasound and said well definitely pregnant, there is the gestational sac and yolk sac, no fetal pole yet but she said, and these were here words, they hurt so bad "well the edges of your gestational sac look rough, not smooth like I like to see just come back in two weeks. Did you want to have an abortion or is your intention to keep the baby" I am died. How could you even say such a thing. I had told her when she first came in how shocked and happy an overwhelmed I was that I was pregnant after 18 years (I am 41). I couldn't believe the abortion comment, it was a stab in the heart. I asked her if maybe I just ovulated late, I thought I should be about 6 weeks pregnant and she said no probably 4+ weeks I'm confused, what does this mean that I will miscarry? I'm a wreck. Everything I've read says you wouldn't even see yolk until 5-5 1/2 weeks. I didn't get any pictures she rushed through it so quick and told me to come back in 2 weeks. I read on another post that jagged edges on a gestational sac mean fetal abnormalities and miscarriage. I'm a mess. I don't know how to make it through 2 weeks. I did make an appt at Loma Linda University Medical Center using my private insurance but don't see them until Nov 28th. I can't find anything online with someone with experience, lots of comments about irregal shaped gestational sacs but not what she said to me. She did ask me if I needed prenatal vitamin prescriptions and said no I had already bought them. Should I prepare myself for the worst? I have pregnancy symptoms, very sore boobs, very tired, changes to appetite, etc. I have prayed constantly since yesterday. I feel like my heart is already breaking. To top it off I was raped at 18 and gave my son up for adoption so maybe this is punishment for that. I do have a son who is 18, a freshman in college so I have had 2 successful pregnancies in the past. Any thoughts or advice on how to get through this?
Thank you for reading my long post, I don't know how to make it any shorter.
Katie
k