Help or just a big rant...

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Staceiz19, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Staceiz19

    Staceiz19 Mother of 2, 1 on the way

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    Ok so a rant and kind of if you know anything dont be afraid to say ...

    Im looking to get my childs bio fathers rights relinquished (praying possible)
    He hasnt been in her life for over 2 years (shes 3) he doesnt pay child support , he was violent towards me on a continuous basis( i was just young a too naieve at the time) the police came around so many times for domestic violence and the last time the police officer even witnessed it and he was charged (one was even attempted murder) so they are on record , he has a drug issue , he has warrants out for his arrest due to not complying with his bail conditions . DHS ( to ppl who dont know i think they're called the child welfare in your countires) have even prompted him to have access (supervised) and he hasnt (thankgod) and i have a new partner we are ttc and getting married in 2011 and he wants to adopt my baby girl. She sees him as her daddy hes always there takes her to the park plays with her you know all the things daddys do and she doesnt even know who her bio dad is when shes seen a pic of him oh did i mention when he beat me bonnie was in the room and shes scream and cry so not to say it had an affect on her! shes now happy and content i just want him to be banished from ever interfering in our lives.

    But some things i read on the internet doesnt look like much hope cos of all these father rights lately but thats the thing hes not!!! He may aswell just be a sperm doner...

    ARRR i hate him and i know he wont sign any papers just be spiteful... i wanted to take her to the u.k with me 2 years ago and he didnt let her as the passport office has to contact him first. Its such bullsh*t!!

    sorry had to let it out... i just feel so down and frustrated.
     
  2. sassybaby

    sassybaby Mother of 1 & Pregnant :)

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    Oh I know how you are feeling I feel the same about my little boys father he has never wanted to be apart of my Baby's life who is now 6 and now wants to take me to court I always gave him chances when he was younger but was not interested, I have now been with my partner for 2 years who my little boy calls Daddy so upsetting really because it will really confuse my Son if he gets visiting rights I also just see him as a sperm donnor I wish he would just butt out and let us get on with our lives Ive always said that I will tell my Son when he is old enough to deal with it. Im afraid I did seek legal advice and it is surprising how many rights fathers have grrrr don't know why when they are absent :( I never had to get permission off him when I took him out of the country though ?? Hope you get your situation resolved Im sure it will go in your favour if he is violent x
     
  3. Annamumof2

    Annamumof2 Mum to 2 boys 2 girls

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    My sister was going thought this with my 19year old neice, she has been trying to sort it all out then my neice finaly saw her dad and he was nice one min then the next he didnt want to know her.

    now she is getting money from him and all they did was called up someone to sort it out.
    i hope you will get him to pay for your little girl.

    and i know this might sound mean but you coudl always let your new partner adopt her and say hes her real dad, seeing as she has gown up with him around and you see her happy.

    i hate seeing people go though this and i wouldnt want to see a little girl being unhappy.

    i will keep my fingres crossed
     
  4. Staceiz19

    Staceiz19 Mother of 2, 1 on the way

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    thanks girls...

    oh i know sassy it totally sucks how many rights they get when they havent been a father. Angers me so much..

    Anna omg u dont sound mean and trust me my partner would adopt her but we have to have her bios dads rights relinquished ... stupid law here >.<
     
  5. emmys_james

    emmys_james TTC #1 Cycle 15

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    ahhhhhhhhh fathers rights my ass yano. if he was decent then fair enough but he sounds like a right loser, big time. the law is sooooooooo stupid nowour days its unbelieveable. GRRR. lol sorry. didnt wanna read and run hope you get it all sorted soon as poppet, he shudnt be a father. :hugs: disgusting man.
     
  6. mommy2baby2

    mommy2baby2 Pregnant with #4

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    In the US you have to get his permission to get him to give up rights. He has to sign some waiver or something. There is also the option to have him give permission to your new BF to adopt her. Another waiver. I don't know if there are options like that where you are but I had a good friend deal with a situation like that here and those were basically the only options.

    Is your ex currently in jail? I would assume yes because you said a cop witnessed an attack and he was charged with attempted murder. I would ASSUME that a witness would be enough to get a guilty verdict but who knows (laws are crazy).

    If your country allows those two above options, maybe you could convince him to give her up. Remind him that he won't have to pay child support (or any of the back child support he owes) and that he can move forward with his life.

    Good luck!
     
  7. ablacketer

    ablacketer Just Call Me Angel :)

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    my opinion, and its just that. my opinion

    offer to waive all of the back support he owes in return for relinquishing his rights. sounds like he may be the type to do just that. and be 100% honest with your child. at 3 they may not remember the "real" father, but she needs to know.
     
  8. blessedbylife

    blessedbylife Married Mom of 1 & Preggo

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    i completely agree with ablacketer... i hope it all works out in the end. If he still won't willingly give up his rights, then i'd call a lawyer, or contact the county offices and ask what you can do.
     
  9. Staceiz19

    Staceiz19 Mother of 2, 1 on the way

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    thanks heaps for your advice...

    Yea we do have that option of waiving his rights but hes not the type to do that.
    Very spiteful even though he has nothing to do with her.

    and ablacketer haha thats funny my DF said the same thing and i was always going to be honest with her once shes old enough to understand but im going to be like you said %100 honest and tell her that hes her bio dad and exactly what he was like aswell.

    So then she can make her own decsion if she wants to try and get incontact with him that way shes got all the facts.
     
  10. Angel_dust

    Angel_dust Pregnant with #3

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    I'm sure when you tell your daughter about her biological father she will have totally the same opinion of him as you. I think when a man behaves like that he has no right to even call himself a father!
     
  11. AriannasMama

    AriannasMama Guest

    Well I see nothing wrong with fathers rights, but he is obviously no father! He could be a threat to her. Take him to court.
     
  12. mommy2baby2

    mommy2baby2 Pregnant with #4

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    I'm sorry but I disagree with telling your little one. There is no reason to tell her that her "real dad" doesn't want/love her. Her Daddy is the man that is raising her. When/If you guys decide to tell her, she should be older and actually able to fully comprehend what you are saying to her. I know a couple people in a situation similiar to this. One friend told her little one the truth...ever since he seems to be more depressed and seems to have depression/attachment problems now. The one who wasn't told (she's 4) is so happy and in love with her Daddy (not bio but man who is raising her) and couldn't be happier. It just makes me sad for my friends little boy. They told him at 3-4 as well and I've heard him ask why his dad doesn't love him. I've heard him ask his new dad if he's going to stop loving him and leave too...I'm sorry but I think that is WAY too heavy of a load for any young child to handle. He's not going to really UNDERSTAND why Dad isn't there even if you've convinced yourself otherwise...

    Sorry! *blushes* this is mostly a rant. Just got done talking to my friend in this situation. Her son, now 6, is apparently depressed according to his school. He's doing to angry drawings and sad child stuff. :(
     
  13. Staceiz19

    Staceiz19 Mother of 2, 1 on the way

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    oh to be honest , this may sound mean to some people but i wasnt planning on telling her till shes 16 so shes seen how her real daddy all apart from genetics has treated her and been there for her so she will know he 100% loves her and isnt going to leave before i hit her with a bomb shell .

    I really do appreciate all your advice girls , i know its an iffy subject ..
     
  14. ablacketer

    ablacketer Just Call Me Angel :)

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    I never meant that you should tell a 4 or 5 year old. and you never tell a kid that a parent doesnt love/want them!!!

    I was 18 when I found out my father wasnt my father. I havent spoken to him since. (granted he was a terrible father! but still) you have to make them feel loved by their "dad" not unloved by their "father". nothing like feeling lied to for your entire life.
     

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