high school drama: am I allowed to be mad?

[HerdingDogs]

So... I have not heard from my baby's father in a week which is fine. I get it. I did what any hormonally charged woman would do and checked his Facebook. <- This is where things start being high school/ I'm really too old for this but I'm doing it anyway drama. So here he is flirting with a girl like I'm not here pregnant. I understand we're not together nor have we ever been. But still. I cannot believe he just turned around and is massively flirting with this girl while I'm carrying his child! I'm not sure how rational my anger is and it is taking everything I have to not chew him out. I just keep telling myself if I do that it'd be hurting our child to add more strain. But I am so MAD!!!! And kind of hurt... and sad... but mostly mad. I think I need to start looking into a single mom support group.

 

[TTC First]

I grew up and my parents were divorced early on so I know a lot about separate parents. I do know that my mother was very proud and never badmouthed my father. I really respect that about her. I think that you should be the bigger person in all this and focus on your lo. You don't want to be seen as that crazy jealous "baby mama", he will badmouth you to anyone who will listen.

 

[MamaLoCo]

He's already the one who is ultimately going to look bad. The 9nly way that will change is if you start going nuts. A single mom support group doesn't sound like a bad idea either. I think it's natural for women to expect at least some respect from the person who they technically have a living piece of inside of them.

 

[HerdingDogs]

Thank you. I know. I don't want to bad mouth him to our friends or to the baby once born. I don't want to be like that or create that negative space. But man am I more aggro than a croc being tied up by Steve Irwin. And a little rejected. I'm cute, educated, I like to think I'm pretty darn funny sometimes... why not flirt with me? Haha why doesn't he like me?! OK I'll shut up now. I just needed to vent before I blew a gasket. Thank you hugs

 

[greats]

I don't mean to be rude but you guys aren't together nor have you ever been except for the one night thing. I get that you're carrying his child but you guys really don't have an emotional relationship connection, if that makes sense? You're single, and he's single. Is it unfortunate, yes! But you guys didn't plan this pregnancy so that's why he's doing it. Just remember, don't be that crazy baby momma. He's going to be the one who will miss out on everything and look like the jacka$$.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I definitely don't think you're being irrational feeling hurt- I am sure I would feel the same way if I was carrying a man's child and saw him flirting with another woman. That said I do think he is perfectly entitled to- you guys aren't together and although you're pregnant with his baby his only responsibility is as a father, so he's not doing anything "wrong" by flirting with other women. It is definitely a hard situation, but maybe him doing it now will help you to move on- so you won't have hope of things happening between you two and then get hurt later on (which I know I would do if it was me, sucker for the happy ending!), kind of a blessing in disguise? I'd probably delete him off FB, you don't need to be upset seeing that . There is a single parenting section on ere, have you checked it out?

 

[HerdingDogs]

Thanks to you both. I don't think you are being rude at all. It's the truth and why I do feel crazy haha. I think I was super hormonal last night because for that 30 minutes I was all over the place.

I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and I want one for my kid. I just have to accept that happy ending probably does not involve this guy. Just a loving mom, two freakishly cute dogs, two fluffy cats, and a snake. And a crazy Thai grandmother. And days out with mom.

Hugs hugs thank you all! I'm so glad I could come here and emotional dump my rage. It had to go somewhere, and I am just glad it did not go on him or to any of our mutual friends.

 

[hivechild]

Thanks to you both. I don't think you are being rude at all. It's the truth and why I do feel crazy haha. I think I was super hormonal last night because for that 30 minutes I was all over the place.

I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and I want one for my kid. I just have to accept that happy ending probably does not involve this guy. Just a loving mom, two freakishly cute dogs, two fluffy cats, and a snake. And a crazy Thai grandmother. And days out with mom.

Hugs hugs thank you all! I'm so glad I could come here and emotional dump my rage. It had to go somewhere, and I am just glad it did not go on him or to any of our mutual friends.

Not all single moms stay single for the rest of their lives. There are many, many men in the world capable of loving a woman, and her children.

 

[babers]

Have you thought about talking to him about possibly dating and seeing how it goes? Maybe if you guys got to know each other you'd actually be able to build a relationship. He needs to know you are not yourself right now. Pregnancy hormones make some people crazy. I am absolutely crazy when I am pregnant. Who knows, maybe if you guys take the time to get to know one another things might work out, or at the least you really should get to know your babies father anyways and his family.

 

[HerdingDogs]

I've considered it. Our mutual friend who knows asked why I haven't brought it up. He said he thinks we'd match up pretty well, but I'm just trying to give him some space to process right now. I was thinking of offering to take him out to dinner after the prenatal on the 12th to talk it over.

 

[nicem815]

I think the single mom support group is a GREAT idea. You need that support from people who understand your situation. I am sure there are tons of groups in your area. Have you ever tried meetups?

So... I have not heard from my baby's father in a week which is fine. I get it. I did what any hormonally charged woman would do and checked his Facebook. <- This is where things start being high school/ I'm really too old for this but I'm doing it anyway drama. So here he is flirting with a girl like I'm not here pregnant. I understand we're not together nor have we ever been. But still. I cannot believe he just turned around and is massively flirting with this girl while I'm carrying his child! I'm not sure how rational my anger is and it is taking everything I have to not chew him out. I just keep telling myself if I do that it'd be hurting our child to add more strain. But I am so MAD!!!! And kind of hurt... and sad... but mostly mad. I think I need to start looking into a single mom support group.

 

[wlovew]

Just my 2 cents - since you guys are not a couple and never were, it's kind of not really so much your place to be upset - BUT, I totally can understand why you would be. That being said, a pregnancy isn't going to snag you a man nor keep one around. I'm also going to be a single mom and I haven't even told the dad I'm pregnant because he is an old ex boyfriend of mine who has been very abusive in the past and I am frankly just scared to tell him. He's almost 40, his daughter is nearly 18 now...he will SHIT HIS PANTS. I don't know if I'll ever tell him. But I damn sure don't want or expect that he will want to be in my life. I am 32, I can do this on my own. You don't need a man! Sure, it would be nice....to have the support. But if he can't grow up and choose to be there then you shouldn't try to force it. You can do this, babe!!! *GIRL POWER* haha

 

[spunky84]

Definitely a hard situation!

On one hand, you two were never dating, no emotional connection (though the emotional connection may not be true - you might feel that because you're carrying his child), etc. as someone else had mentioned. So he's not in the wrong, but at the same time, I completely understand why you feel the way you do! I really think in a situation such as yours, it's probably not uncommon to feel that way.

As far as you being ALLOWED to be mad, you are ALLOWED to feel however you feel. However you feel is not wrong. It's just simply the way you feel. It's just a matter of what you do based on how you feel Sometimes what we feel doesn't make sense.

I felt intense anger towards people I have no good reason feeling that anger towards, but I recognize why I feel that anger and know that it's due to my own insecurities and issues, and it's not specifically them. I'm not saying that this is the same for you, but I just mean that even if someone thinks you're wrong for how you feel, you can't be wrong or not allowed to feel the way you feel. If any of that makes sense lol

But I do think a singles mom support group would probably help! Best of luck when you do talk to him about the idea of a relationship!

 

[HerdingDogs]

Hugs. Thanks. I want him for our child not for me. I've got this. My mom told me today (spent the day just my mom and stepdad) that she is trying to be supportive despite disagreeing with my choice. I told her just don't ex - communicate me, and she said of course not. He's a nice kid, but emphasis on kid. He's cute, well mannered, funny, but lacks any drive or passion in life which is super unattractive to me. It's weird. Some days I want him around or feel sad about doing this alone, but others I couldn't care less. Bah. Hormones. I have my mommy and my child will have his or her mommy and Yai and Tuat. it'll work out

 

[HerdingDogs]

I was also just peeved because my one friend said, "Well, you are ruining his life." Ok it's my body, but it takes two people to make a baby. He said he would support me with my decision, but he really meant I support you as long as you make the decision I want you to make. And while I have to deal with MS and the fun bits of being pregnant and telling guys to eff of because I'm pregnant and have zero patience to flirt or date, he gets to pretend it's not happening.

 

[nicem815]

Hugs. Thanks. I want him for our child not for me. I've got this. My mom told me today (spent the day just my mom and stepdad) that she is trying to be supportive despite disagreeing with my choice. I told her just don't ex - communicate me, and she said of course not. He's a nice kid, but emphasis on kid. He's cute, well mannered, funny, but lacks any drive or passion in life which is super unattractive to me. It's weird. Some days I want him around or feel sad about doing this alone, but others I couldn't care less. Bah. Hormones. I have my mommy and my child will have his or her mommy and Yai and Tuat. it'll work out

So glad to hear your mom is coming around!

 

[HerdingDogs]

So glad to hear your mom is coming around!

Thanks! And for the PM that I will get to! I just feel bad when people put in the energy to type a kind message and I don't respond with the same energy, but I'm so tired and usually on my phone hehe.

My mom said (we have a twisted sense of humor), "First, I get mad because you are totally robbing me of this experience. But then I remind myself that you're also robbing yourself. And that makes me feel less mad at you. Haha. Love you."

 

[nicem815]

So glad to hear your mom is coming around!

Thanks! And for the PM that I will get to! I just feel bad when people put in the energy to type a kind message and I don't respond with the same energy, but I'm so tired and usually on my phone hehe.

My mom said (we have a twisted sense of humor), "First, I get mad because you are totally robbing me of this experience. But then I remind myself that you're also robbing yourself. And that makes me feel less mad at you. Haha. Love you."

It's okay, girl. Don't worry. You have a lot less time than I do right now. Rest and relax.

haha that sounds a lot like my good friend's Vietnamese mother. They have a funny relationship like that, too

 

[MamaLoCo]

You are not ruining his life. Your friend should have thought a little harder before blurting that one out. Why would she go down that road instead of the "he ruined your life" route? You're the one whose life is actually changing (not being ruined -that is a bad choice of words all around).

Just think about how many people are going to be eating their words and regretting their negative emotions when that little sucker is born and wins over all their hearts.

 

[HerdingDogs]

You are not ruining his life. Your friend should have thought a little harder before blurting that one out. Why would she go down that road instead of the "he ruined your life" route? You're the one whose life is actually changing (not being ruined -that is a bad choice of words all around).

Just think about how many people are going to be eating their words and regretting their negative emotions when that little sucker is born and wins over all their hearts.

Hugs! Thank you thank you thank you! My kid is going to be the bomb dot com. All of our kids are.