Hitting/spanking your kids..

[xXDonnaXx]

I will not be smacking my little girl, I'll shout yeah. But I won't physically touch her. I couldn't bring myself too.

 

[Shri]

I was smacked as a child for being naughty - and although I know my parents loved me I will not be smacking my children. I just feel it demonstrates physicality as a solution and that is not what I want to teach my children. But they will be taught to understand the consequences of their actions. I think the solutions I come up with will depend on the child, but I intend very strongly not to use any method that involves humiliation or physicality.

 

[CamoQueen]

I was spanked sometimes as a child, if I was being pretty bad. I remember that it never really hurt, but that I found it to be pretty embarrassing to be restrained physically like that. I can't say that it probably wasn't warranted, though, because I can't remember what I did to get spanked!

I figure that I'll spank my child only if nothing else works. I know for me that a lot of times the threat of being spanked was enough to deter my actions. But really, I hope my kid is good enough that I won't have to pull out the 'big guns' at all.

 

[armychicmkm]

I don't remember ever being spanked but I remembering knowing my parents would do it if I misbehaved. They also used several other forms of punishment (groundings, time outs, etc.). Joe was physically disciplined his whole life. He thinks his parents took it too far sometimes although doesn't feel he was abused in any way. That was just what his parents knew.

We plan on using what works basically. I would much rather have grounding, talking tos, and timeouts work but if they don't then I will spank if I think I have to. Every child is different and therefore will need different methods of discipline. I think it's most important for a child to know right from the start that bad behavior will be punished so that as the child grows the need for punishment isn't there (much).

 

[mBLACK]

i agree, i know many parents who wouldnt touch there kids, and the kids have turned into complete spoilt brats and get into more fights than other children as they feel they can get away with it, as they always have.

Then again there are the kids who get 'spanked' and turn around and rebel just as bad, I see more rebels in kids who get spanked than those who don't. I couldn't understand why my mother told me it was wrong to hit yet she spanked me, how could it be wrong if she was doing it to me? I think that will only last a little while because you're child is going to grow up and personally if anybody ever tried to raise their hand to me I would raise it right back(I'm talking about slaps and spanks, etc.), the most I would ever do is tap my baby on the hand.

 

[mBLACK]

Lets say for instance, you smack your child for doing something VERY wrong, and explain to him it's so he will never do it again.
And he's at school a few days later where people are teasing him and being mean to him. He asks them to stop, explains to them why it's wrong and they stop. Then they start again, so he smacks them. How do you explain to him that it's what he's doing that's wrong?

 

[Moraine]

Man, things were so different when I was younger. If we smacked each other on the playground at school it just wasn't a big deal. So I have no idea how to answer your question. It was just rough play and that was okay. Of course if it turned into a big brawl that's a different story, but I don't ever remember seeing that.
I was spanked as was my sister. I remember it being more of a humiliating experience than anything else as someone mentioned before. I mean it hurt a bit too, but not that badly. It was enough to not want to get in trouble like that if I could help it. And I certainly had no problem growing up knowing that it wasn't okay to hit people for no reason.

In all honesty I learned more about fighting from my sister than from being spanked occasionally. She was a bitch and used to beat me up all the time, at least until I became stronger than her and turned the tables lol! Of course he is only a year and a half.

Enough blabbing, I don't know if I will spank my child or not, hopefully he will be a complete angel and never get in trouble. Taps on the hand, definitely. If the situation was serious enough, then I would most certainly consider it. The funny thing is is that my sister has never spanked her son, and she was the violent one growing up!

 

[Blah11]

I'd probably tap my kid on the hand if it picked something up in the street like a cigarette end or something. I don't really think that's hitting or spanking though.

 

[Whisper]

I was smacked as a child and i have never ever been in a fight. I've never hit anyone including my brother who used to be a complete twat when we were younger!
It didn't do me any harm at all, i certaintly wasn't abused. A smack is totally different to being hit, a smack doesn't even have to hurt it was more of an embarrassment deterrent for me as a child.
I will smack my child if the situation arises after i have gone through the timeout, talk to stage and nothing else is working.
I do believe that too many parents issue out punishments, whether it be time-out, grounding, smacking etc and never bother to explain to the child what they did wrong, how are they ever going to learn?

Just to add another question into this....those that are not dead against smacking, how do you feel about family and friends disciplining your child/children? If you are going to smack, will they have permission too? or how would you handle it if someone smacked your child withour your consent?

 

[Shri]

Thought it might be better to re-write what I had put in a fresh thread because it was more about general ideas on discipline than the smacking/not smacking thing.

: )

 

[leeanne]

Lets say for instance, you smack your child for doing something VERY wrong, and explain to him it's so he will never do it again.
And he's at school a few days later where people are teasing him and being mean to him. He asks them to stop, explains to them why it's wrong and they stop. Then they start again, so he smacks them. How do you explain to him that it's what he's doing that's wrong?

Exactly!

My way of thinking is how does smacking your kids teach them anything? Say if my son Jayden hits my daughter, and I smacked him? Is that teaching him anything? NO!

Aren't I doing exactly what he did? Then I should be spanked too.

Honestly, I was spanked as a child and I vowed that hitting my kids was not the way to go. And, in general, my kids are good kids. They do kid mistakes, but they are young and learning.

 

[mBLACK]

You see now there's a difference between discipline and abuse.

Discipline on the other hand is the practice of training to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

Without discipline, your child will be corrupt.

Then again your child can also become corrupt depending on the type of discipline you use, and it's not saying "Well it hasn't worked for so-and-so!", the fact is that violence affects everybody in a different way. Sure, it may have worked for Johnny and Bobby but what about Dylan? My theory is you wouldn't hit them when they're bigger, why hit them when they're little? Because they can't hit you back? That's kind of like saying "I'm big, you're small, I'm right you're wrong!"
Our children are our future, howcome violence should be accepted in the solitude of our homes but should not be accepted publicly?

I agree that there is a difference between discipline and abuse, however there are also alternatives to 'disciplining' your child by smacking them.

 

[leeanne]

I read something quite awhile back that pertains to children up to 6 years of age. Ever notice that no matter how many times you say no or tell your child something is wrong, they will continue to do it? So much that you feel like a broken record?

Fact of the matter is, a child at a young age doesn't have the mental ability to reasoning. They don't realize that when the run across the road, they will suffer consequences such as getting run over etc. They say that a child doesn't learn to think of consequences of their actions until they are 6 and over.

Which is quite true if you truly sit and think about it.

One other thing I would like to add is do you want to instill fear in your child? Do you want to instill it so much that that child will never be open to you and tell you what is going on in their life and instead will be sneaky about such things?

I'd rather have the open lines of communication so that my child will tell me what's happening, even if it's things I don't want to hear about. I don't want my child being scared of me and doing things behind my back.

If you think it cannot happen, it did happen to me. I feared my mom and yet I couldn't bring myself to talk to her for fear I would get in trouble.

Example, when I was 16 I was dating a guy and I went myself to the doctor and got birth control. I never told my mom. She did find out much later and I was so scared that I would get in shit. She actually praised me. But still, the fear was there.

 

[ryder]

Physical punishment doesnt work, isn't necessary and is only a control issue.

I was never hit as a child, though having my hide tanned was always threatened lol... But instead I was sent to a corner to chill out, where I got to count the flower pattern on our wallpaper. Which I still vividly remember hahaha, dont think I spent TOO much time there.

 

[armychicmkm]

Really, I think the biggest issue with discipline is that so many parents don't enforce it. A time-out does no good if you allow your child to get out of the chair and run around. Grounding does no good if you give-in and start allowing privileges right away.

As I said before, we will use spanking if we feel we have to but looking back Joe realizes that spanking just made him rebel more. His parents now also acknowledge that there are times when they should have tried something else.

 

[marley2580]

will not smack my children, mainly because I believe all violence is wrong. However, I also think that it's wrong to smack in the heat of the moment as you are taking out your feelings (fear, embaressment, anger) on the child, if you are going to smack I think you should take a few minutes to calm yourself down before smacking. If, after your time out, you still think a smack is warranted then do it. All too often I have seen LOs smacked very hard in public because their parent is embarassed by what the child has just done - the last time I saw that, it was a wee boy who was touching vases in a shop and some of them fell and smashed. The mum screamed at the boy 'how dare you do that! How dare you do that to me!' and smacked him very hard. In reality, she was embarassed and took it out on him - in my opinion it was her fault as she wasn't watching him properly.

 

[Mamafy]

I wasnt smacked and have never smacked. My nephews are smacked and are quite violent and I think that is down to smacking.

My kids range from age 18 to 10 months and we've done a brilliant job I think. They are the best kids I know, havent been in fights, in trouble anything

Is it down to not smacking? I dont know Maybe it is just down to good parenting

 

[cuddles314]

I wasn't smacked a s a child, but remember having a "healthy fear" of getting into trouble with my parents. I guess I was worried about their disapproval or something. I had other punishments such as grounding and loss of priviledges, and this is how I wish to discipline my child also. I would like to think I wouldn't smack my child, but I guess you can never say never until you're in that situation. However I do think it's important to understand the difference between smacking and hitting. This is a tricky debate, as everyone will have their own opinion, and nobody can really say that anyone is right or wrong.
x

 

[babymello]

Then again your child can also become corrupt depending on the type of discipline you use.

Let's put it like this.

Everyone needs discipline, whether your an adult ,child or animal it doesn't matter.

People are bound to get out of order based on the decisions they make, and they're consequences for it, point blank.

You mentioned:
"Then again your child can also become corrupt depending on the type of discipline you use"

My question to you is:

Explain what kind of discipline will make your child corrupt?

Discipline is design to correct disobedience.

That's like saying: "A person will be corrupt if the law corrects them".

When you go to work, lets say for an example you get there late everyday.

You might get away with it a few times, but there are records of your lateness and one day you will have to answer to your boss for your actions.

The just recompense for your actions is called "discipline". You will either be embarrassed, possible no pay, or even fired, but there will be some kind consequence you must face.

Does that mean you're corrupt? No! You learn from it.

There are many examples we can use for discipline.

Try going into the Army with your way of thinking, in-terms of how you're living now and see how they'll reshape and mold your thinking according to their way of doing things. They'll not tolerate anyway of your thinking, in-terms of doing what you want to do.

Likewise with a child, discipline doesn't necessarily has to be a beaten for a child. They're sure not going to beat you in the Army, but they will not tolerate and put up with a person's mess.

The key words "reshape" and "mold."

Reshape and mold their thinking according to your way of what's right, or else they'll ride your coat tail and think you're soft.

By doing this, they are learning what behavior is all about.

Mello

 

[babymello]

My theory is you wouldn't hit them when they're bigger, why hit them when they're little? Because they can't hit you back? That's kind of like saying "I'm big, you're small, I'm right you're wrong!"
Our children are our future, howcome violence should be accepted in the solitude of our homes but should not be accepted publicly?

I agree that there is a difference between discipline and abuse, however there are also alternatives to 'disciplining' your child by smacking them.

I think your main issue here is the actually physical hitting of a child.

My main focus is the discipline of the child.

That's a whole another topic.

Many parents think they're abusing there children if they discipline them with a wack or to. There's nothing wrong with it. They will not die.

What's wrong is when that parent gets out of control, by beating the life out of there child. When it gets to the point of whips and bruises, scolding/chastising, and physically hurting them, then that's a problem.

That is why I think some parents choose not to discipline them because:
#1 They don't know how.
#2 Scared of going to jail.
#3 Scared of actually hurting them, so they choose not to do it.

A parent know when they hit their children in any form, they know how aggressive they can get. If they hit them in a way that can hurt them, they end up feeling bad/guilty because of what they have done.

So,
Like I've stated in my first post "that without discipline, your child will be corrupt."

You have to discipline them and then show them what they have done wrong so they'll learn not to do it again."

It's training, you have to instill this in them, over and over. It's our job. You can't just let them do their errors, and correct the situation once and then that's it. No! It's practice..


I've stated "Parents nowadays take out their frustration and beat their children with all kinds of things out of anger. They think they have done something right to teach their child a lesson, but instead their child ends up hating them and get more corrupted."

I've Also stated" The reason why they're so many corrupt kids and teens in this generation, is because there's no discipline in the households. Parents allow there children to do whatever they want and they're more like friends than a parent. Their children is running things in the home."

Mello