Hitting/spanking your kids..

[Chellebelle]

Growing up - my mum slapped the back of my legs if I was naughty - which I remember sometimes I felt it was un-called for, and my dad didn't believe in smacking children (he was a residential Social Worker working with disaffected kids). When I turned into a teenager - I had complete respect for my dad... and as he didn't raise his voice to me unless he was seriously angry, I was frightened to death when he did shout at me... my mum however lost all my respect as I got older and she could not control any of us - she knew she couldn't smack me anymore as I was a teen.

My parents split up after the second child and me and my brother ended up living with my dad due to bruises being found on us both when living with my mum and step dad. We grew up respecting our elders. My mum and step dad had 3 children - all of whom they smacked - my step dad was even arrested on one occasion for it as he took it too far and his son was brused all over. All 3 of them had issues - the 2 boys had ADHD and my step sister wet the bed until about 10 years old.

I know it is each to their own... but I personally feel that in today's society - I would not smack my children - I will try my best to instill discipline how my dad did... it worked for me, my brother and my step sister. xxx

 

[Uvlollypop]

i would never smack my child. i was properly beaten as a child and by the time my mum had finished i had forgotten what i had done wrong in the first place!! so it didnt work it just made me hate her and i left home at 14 because if it.


my step daughter gets smacked at home but she doesn't here if shes been smacked the morning that we pick her up we have hours of tears and my mummys a monster!
she can be naughty and we just say this is whats happening (going out getting dressed having a bath whatever) and if you dont stop being silly i will get really cross, and thats enough for her to pull it together. if shes done something really wrong we explain what she had done wrong, why its bad what she could have done better, and move on.

 

[Chellebelle]

she can be naughty and we just say this is whats happening (going out getting dressed having a bath whatever) and if you dont stop being silly i will get really cross, and thats enough for her to pull it together. if shes done something really wrong we explain what she had done wrong, why its bad what she could have done better, and move on.

That's my plan

I believe that if you are firm enough - and only when it's called for, it works far more than smacking.

 

[Tilly]

I got some beatens too back in the days, but I know not to do what my mom has done to me, to my baby.

You see now there's a difference between discipline and abuse.

What your mom did to you as stated above, was abuse. That is the consequence she had to face when you were taken away from her.

Discipline on the other hand is the practice of training to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

Without discipline, your child will be corrupt.

You have to discipline them and then show them what they have done wrong so they'll learn not to do it again.

Parents nowadays take out their frustration and beat their children with all kinds of things out of anger. They think they have done something right to teach their child a lesson, but instead their child ends up hating them and get more corrupted.

The reason why they're so many corrupt kids and teens in this generation, is because there's no discipline in the households. Parents allow there children to do whatever they want and they're more like friends than a parent. Their children is running things in the home.

Parents are scared, because the system of the world tell them they will go to jail if they discipline their child. Therefore, more and more children get corrupted and the system of the world has your children in their arms. which makes them go to jail or die early.

Discipline and Abusing your child is two different things.

I will discipline my child, not out of anger but in love, and she will know why she got disciplined and thank me for it later.

Mello

I completely agree with this..

I got a few smacks when I was younger, at the time it seemed unfair but I now understand why my mum did it and I thank her for it. You need to draw a line, the odd tap on the hand or a smack on the bum for being naughty will not cause a long term problem in my opinion.

Saying that, I prefer the grounding/taking toys away approach and hope I will never have to give little smack.

 

[oOKayOo]

just remember people that people that do spank (in my instance its a tap on the bum ) its not beating them

 

[Rachiebaby24]

I will discipline my child with smacking as it never done me any harm however, it would be for a good reason....not for minor naughtiness....smacking is the last resort....when everything else hasnt worked....

I got smacked, as did my brothers and sisters...we got beaten if we did soemthing really bad.....but i love my mum for it and from the about age 8 upwards....i rarely got smacked unles it wa really bad because all my mum had to do was use a certain tone with us and we knew not to push it.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

just remember people that people that do spank (in my instance its a tap on the bum ) its not beating them

totally agree hun there is a huge diffference between spanking a child becuase they have been naughty and physicaly abusing the, i was spanked as a child and i dont see it as my mum abusing me lol. i think i will soank my child of everything else fails.

i think people that spank their chilren are just trying to diciplin their children and my mum always used it as the last resort. but it def made me listen and think twice about doing the the naughty thing i did again.

i grew up on a pretty rough council estate and ive seen kids that have not been disciplined and they either end up in prison or badly hurt. my step brother was never smacked as a child and was only shouted at which went straight over his head. he is now doing life in prison for something truly horrible. so i think kids do need disiplin and if that is a lil smack(not to really hurt) every now and then them so be it

xx

 

[polo_princess]

I intend to wait until my LO is here to decide on this one, i'll see what kind of personality/temperment they have then use some form of discipline to suit it.

 

[Carley]

I intend to wait until my LO is here to decide on this one, i'll see what kind of personality/temperment they have then use some form of discipline to suit it.

That's a very smart idea!

 

[sglascoe]

well as a mother of three already i dont see the harm in a tap on the hand,

The other day i was picking my older two children up from school with my little boy and he suddenly ran off and was heading for the road, he was looking back laughing at me, two of my friends who also take their children to the same school had to catch him as i could not run after him.

anyway when i finally got him back i did smack his hand, so he could feel it, he knew right at that moment that it was very naughty, i did explain also about the dangers of the road and running off, but to a 3 year old it does'nt seem that dangerous (almost a game to him).

He said to me later "that was naughty was'nt it mummy" so he did remember and then when he realised it was wrong, i gave him a big cuddle and told him a loved him.

so i think in that situation you have to make a child realise, after all i would prefer to smack him on the hand, than for him to do it again and get run over by a car, he has'nt done it again.....

sorry if anybody dissagrees..

 

[Emsi76]

ever did me any harm, actually taught me a lesson alot quicker than the naughty step would have!

I intend using it as a last resort, but if a smack is called for, a smack they will get!!!!

Too many spoilt kids around who think they can do exactly what they want to do with no consequences!!!

 

[brewanneanan]

I don't think it's a big deal, i was hit as a child, only if i did something very serious, as a child, you do think too yourself i'm never gonna do that to my kids and you hate it, but the more you think about you realise, it never did me any harm in fact it disciplined me.....were a bit stuck on this atm as my half brother has phoned social services on his step mum hitting him....i don't agree with non family members hitting a child, but if it needs be done then i think mummy and daddy can, but i would rather use different punishements like no treats and taking toys away, but maybe that would just make them rebel more, but hey i don't really know :S

 

[brewanneanan]

ever did me any harm, actually taught me a lesson alot quicker than the naughty step would have!

I intend using it as a last resort, but if a smack is called for, a smack they will get!!!!

Too many spoilt kids around who think they can do exactly what they want to do with no consequences!!!

i agree, i know many parents who wouldnt touch there kids, and the kids have turned into complete spoilt brats and get into more fights than other children as they feel they can get away with it, as they always have.

 

[enigma]

Im another one for a slap on the butt, i was smacked as a child when i was naughty as i was a horrid child and they only way they could make me take notice of them, was to smack my bum and send me to bed.
I have carried this on with my kids, as it helps to disapline them, i also have to scream at them in a horrid tone of voice just to make them listen.
When they are little, they dont realise how dangerous some of thing they are doing are, so if you smack them then explain, it would have hurt alot more if you had fallen off that wall, or if you had run in front of of a car, then they will start to get the message.
Petty thing deserve a petty punishment, where as other thing need a more serious punishment.

 

[nikky0907]

I intend to wait until my LO is here to decide on this one, i'll see what kind of personality/temperment they have then use some form of discipline to suit it.

On the same page!



I was never hit as a child.But I was completely ignored and my nanny sometimes used the naughty chair and I was mostly punished by being grounded,was forced to stand in the corner....
So I really don't know how spanking or smacking would affect me.


And I just want to say that I am so annoyed that in US they see even small spanking as child abuse...:shrugs:

 

[brownhairedmom]

I THINK...that here, spanking is just considered discipline unless it leaves a mark. I think.

I say that I wouldn't do it, but after reading some of the situations (running into traffic, etc) I would say that in the heat of a moment like that I would probably abandon all intentions of trying to not do it, but only if it was a dangerous situation.

But then again, it does depend on the personality/temperment of a child. I could very well end up with the spawn of the devil like one of my little cousins, and in that instance I would have to reconsider my options.

 

[Moulder86]

I was hit as a child and as I got older it got worse between my dad and I to the point where mum had to come in and physically pull us apart but I think that's because we both have the same tempermant. I wouldn't just stand and let him shout at me and neither of us would back down.

To a certain extent I don't think a spanking is a bad thing as long as you don't cross that line. But again I think I'll be waiting till the issue arises before I make that decision.
x

 

[Blah11]

No. I'm going to try the positive reinforcement route. I was never hit, never were my siblings and we were never difficult children. I don't think it's neccessary.

 

[hypnorm]

I was hit/spanked as a child and it worked with me, but i dont think it workds for all kids, all have different temperaments.
Ewan gets a smacked hand or bum if he continues to be naughty or answers back, he is very strong willed, the naughty step doesnt work and neither does removing his toys really, so that is the only way we can get him to listen some times other than shouting at him which i hate.

 

[PeanutBean]

This is an interesting question and like PP said it's hard to know what you will do or will need to do before you meet LO. We were smacked as kids if we were really naughty. I'm not sure that I remember any occasion so it can't have been when I was very old, or maybe I wasn't much naughty! lol

I agree that it's not a great message to give and if there are alternative forms of discipline they should be tried first however I do think sometimes a smack is necessary. It ought not be anywhere uncushioned, so thighs or bum only, so it's not too painful. It's all well and good trying to explain every right and wrong but sometimes kids are too young to understand or too stubborn to want to. On rare occasions a smack will get through where words don't, but like was said in the other thread it is a shock tactic and only for something really really important.

Of course my LO will be an angel and won't ever need a smack!