Holy crap, I'm living in a movie...

[BadMamaJAMA]

Well, I finally shared the news with my parents... Only to find out my dad and my stepmon are expecting at the same time as me. Father of the Bride Part 2, anyone?

I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm just a little... Weirded out.

My father is almost 60 years old. He already has a five-year-old (not to mention three kids around 30 years old.) Why does he have to have another baby right now? News flash, dad, no matter what you do, you're still getting old.

Aside from the weirdness, I'm kind of insulted by his lifestyle... As I have been since he started a new family. Does he not realize that starting over means being less available to the kids he already has... And now his first grandchild? Does he just not understand what a huge insult it is to us when he says he wants to "do it right" this time?

Why is my family so freaking weird? Ugh.

 

[August3]

I can totally understand you being weirded out and a little bit offended that this is your dad's chance "to get it right". It definitely will be strange in ways.

On the plus side your little one will have a playmate their age which will be sweet.

 

[babyhopes2010]

Oh no id freak out

 

[brandonsgirl]

I completely understand huni. I was in sort of the same situation when i was pregnant with my son. I was around 24 weeks when i found out my dad and his gf (now wife) were pregnant. I was a little freaked out. But the main thing that worried me the most was, their baby would give my dad less time with his first grandchild. I felt bad about thinking of it this way, because of course any new baby is exciting and brings a lot of joy. However, my dad also told me 'i can learn by the mistakes i made with you and do it better this time around'! Lol, yes that hurt!

I do feel like he spends less time with our son then he maybe would have done if he hadn't of had a child around the same time. But they are starting to get a nice bond now which is nice. There is exactly (to the day ) 5 months between my son and my little sister. Its odd to think that way isn't it! lol.

 

[rosesmummy]

My dad has a few kids, im the eldest (23). I have a 16 month old & my dad a 2.5 YO. When my parents split I hardly ever saw my dad & hardly ever do now & you know what my dad still makes the same mistakes he has with all his kids, having more doesnt solve what kind of fathers they are!!!

Any way if your dad is anything like mine then your child is so much better off without him around. (but yes him having a newborn will effect how much of a grandad he can be!)

x

 

[TicToc]

I guess my perspective is pretty different because I have older kids and am now pregnant. We did try on purpose a few years ago but then stopped trying due to some medical issues that came up, of course once we started trying to prevent I ended up pregnant within a year on accident and this time things are going well so it looks like the baby will actually come to be.

I don't think it matters how far apart your kids are in age it is normal for a parent to think about not making the same mistakes with subsequent children. I felt that way between the kids who were close in age just as I do now. Any healthy adult will continue to learn, grow, and change for their entire life. We don't just stop and become fixed because we reach a certain age. For example, I am a different person now and this time I am breastfeeding, have entirely different opinions about nutrition, and am considering homeschooling. I wish I would have done things different before and I will be making changes this time around. A certain level of tact when discussing things should be considered as to not unintentionally hurt feelings but at the same time it's not fair to 'box' our parents into a place for our convenience and comfort. They have lives to live just as their adult children do, and we can't expect them to stop learning and changing from their experiences. It may be weird and nontraditional but it is what it is. Expecting that our parents stay the same is no different then the overbearing parent that expects their kids to remain the same and not start doing their own thing as they become adults.

I can honestly say that with a 23 year age gap between my oldest and soon to be youngest, I have no less love or concern for the oldest. Nothing would ever make him mean less to me even if I am busier and less available once the baby is born. And when he has kids, I will love them as I would have no matter how many babies I had running around my own house, or no matter how much busier and less available he becomes because of it. I am sure your parents feel the same way.

I am not trying to be snarky, just trying to shed some light from the other end. And I agree with other posters, it will be neat to have aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews running around playing together. In a few years it might actually make time spent with your dad easier as the kids can occupy themselves and have fun while the grown-ups talk.

 

[GroomerMama]

Hugs to you, OP!

I was hesitant about trying to have our own at first. Long story short, my FIL kind of skipped out on my husband and his brother when hubby was about 17 (bro was 13.) He then had a baby with a woman he had met at a mental institution (which makes 4 children for him now from 3 mothers.) It sort of weirded me out to think that my child would be that close in age to a potential aunt or uncle.

I can't imagine actually going through that with my own parents. I hope this doesn't add too much stress on your during your pregnancy.

 

[Yipee]

I admit I would be pretty weirded out too. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. All the kids grown up and having kids of their own, and dad remarries and starts having more babies that are younger than or a few years older than his grandchildren. At one point, his wife and his daughter-in-law were pregnant at the same time.

But I wouldn't take your dad's "do it right this time" remark personally. He probably means from his side, he's going to try to be a better dad this time, because he's older and more mature. I doubt he's saying that you or your siblings didn't turn out well and he wants to try again. Some men take a long time to grow up; that might be what he's referring to.

 

[Srrme]

My parents are expecting too. They're in their mid 40's. It's weird being pregnant at the same time, and because of that I haven't shared the news yet.

 

[Whitesoxfan41]

My oldest daughter will be 22 when I have this baby. I think it was "weird" for her as well, but she's super excited and not planning to have kids of her own for quite a while.

 

[xprincessx]

I would be a little weirded out too but think how cool it will be for your LO to have their aunt/uncle that close

 

[AC1987]

I think it'd be very odd!! I can't imagine my parents having another baby now!

 

[Zuki]

Does he not realize that starting over means being less available to the kids he already has... And now his first grandchild? QUOTE]

Sorry, but I think that's a really unfair thing to say. You are fully grown and starting a family of your own, it's not like you're ten and need your dad full time. He has his own life to lead as well and I think you should respect that. He shouldn't live his life by your rules any more than you should live yours by his in my opinion.

How would it make you feel if he was frail and objected to you having a child because it would mean you could dedicate less time to looking after him? I'd imagine you'd probably be quite hurt. So maybe your take on him starting a new family is equally hurtful to him?

At the end of the day it's your family and your life, and I wish you nothing but the best, I just think maybe you and your dad should have an honest chat about this sort of thing before it damages your relationship with each other?

 

[JessPape]

I think once the baby(ies) are here you will find it less, odd, and weird, and like the time well be spent else where. Since they will be closer in age, its all the more reason to rock over there and have a play date.

I really don't hink it'll be as bad as your currently thinking, but know that how your feeling is 100% normal

 

[lovelymiss]

I was a foster kid who was adopted. One of my older brothers has a daughter 3 months older than me, and another 7 months younger. It's odd to other people, but perfectly normal to us. I loved growing up so close in age! My oldest older brother is 25ish years older than me. It's not what most would consider "normal" but what family is "normal" now a days? I love my family the way it is.

I can see how it can be weird for you, though. And I get the sense that there are a lot of underlying feelings you have towards your dad. *hugs* Sorry about that. I hope it works out for the best!

 

[d_b]

Weird, yup! But it's nice that your LO will have a close family member who's the same age. My LO has 2 cousins but they live in another city and we don't see them too often, I wish he had more young relatives nearby.. He mostly just sees adults when I get together with family members.

 

[Dtswife]

My youngest sister and oldest niece are 18 months apart (Same parents, baby sis was a HOLY COW WE CAN STILL SPAWN!! child). It's actually really cool for the two of them. They're best buddies and more like sisters than anything. It was also nice for my sister because my mom REALLY remembered what she was going through and totally empathized. Actually, since it was only 8 years ago, i still have that benefit too - she knows EXACTLY how I feel. MIL, who's last pregnancy was 27 years ago. . . .Not so much!

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

Does he not realize that starting over means being less available to the kids he already has... And now his first grandchild? QUOTE]

Sorry, but I think that's a really unfair thing to say. You are fully grown and starting a family of your own, it's not like you're ten and need your dad full time. He has his own life to lead as well and I think you should respect that. He shouldn't live his life by your rules any more than you should live yours by his in my opinion.

How would it make you feel if he was frail and objected to you having a child because it would mean you could dedicate less time to looking after him? I'd imagine you'd probably be quite hurt. So maybe your take on him starting a new family is equally hurtful to him?

At the end of the day it's your family and your life, and I wish you nothing but the best, I just think maybe you and your dad should have an honest chat about this sort of thing before it damages your relationship with each other?

Uh... OK. Not that it's really any of your business, but allow me to share the whole story before you invalidate my feelings please.

My father left my mother when I was 18 and my brother and I were freshmen in college. We came home for Christmas to find out we would no longer have a home to come home to.

Worse, he left my mother for one of his patients. Did I mention he is a reproductive endocrinologist? As in, my now-stepmother and her husband came to my then-married father to help them conceive... and then they fell in love. I know it was ten years ago, but the whole things still gives me the heebie jeebies.

Throughout the whole divorce process, we found out more and more... he started cheating on my mom right after I was born, for instance. Needless to say, it messed me up a bit to learn that basically my whole childhood was a lie.

And now my dad has started his new family and acts like none of this ever happened. He and my oldest brother are barely on speaking terms because my brother forgot to send my stepmother a mothers day card. Again, hello? She's not our mom. I don't expect my own stepdaughter to give me a mothers day card and I actually raise her five days a week.

I wouldn't get into this, except for the fact that we're all about to be parents. You don't just stop being someone's parent when they're 18. Your actions in your child's late adolescence can have real consequences... even if you are just trying to "live your own life" or whatever. Like it or not, parents are more responsible for their children than the converse.

He has no financial obligation to me. He has no requirement to be a good grandfather. It would be nice if he cared enough to try, but I have a feeling things aren't going to be great. For instance, my stepmother will see to it that he doesn't leave her side after her baby's birth to be there for mine.

It's all good. His loss. My mom is grandma enough for the both of them.

 

[Zuki]

My dad isn't in my life after leaving my mum for my best mate, so I do know how it feels to be abandoned by a parent, he still has a right to make his own choices. I didn't "invalidate your feelings", I simply gave my opinion on the situation you shared.
And if its no one's business to voice an opinion then it's a bit strange posting about it on the Internet?

 

[sevenofnine]

I, too, would be offended if my dad said to me that it was his chance to "do it right" this time. Especially considering everything he did to the family.

I realize he has the right to make his own choices, as Zuki mentioned, but it still doesn't make it right to invalidate the feelings of his other children by making statements like that...