Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[moomin_troll]

It's very upsetting when people don't take ur feelings about a birth seriously. I hate it when people compare my birth to others and say I had it easy! Yes the birth itself was good compared to most but they have no idea what it feels like to have ur mw slag off ur oh and moan about being with u on her anniversairy.

We were given a mw we had complained about n they told her it was us! She rushed the pushing after leaving me alone for 7 hours, called me stupid for saying I needed to push cuz she didn't believe me till she checked.

The only time she was nice was after my oh went to find her n had ago at her.

God I hate that hospital

 

[MandaAnda]

I must be mad... When I was pregnant, I happily let slip that I was planning a home birth. Even now, I still mention that I was planning one (even though a few of my colleagues think I'm crazy for it and "should know better") and that I'll plan the next one to be at home as well. I also am more than happy to answer people's questions when they realise I'm still breastfeeding my baby (one of the dads of a baby at my work saw my EBM in the fridge and asked why "that milk" was so white and not yellow, I explained that it's because it was my milk for my baby and he said, "Wow! You can breastfeed them for that long?!"). Normalise, normalise, normalise!!!

Best wishes for all you new girlies!

Chuck, where in Kent are you? I'm in Folkestone.

 

[Jenniflower]

It's very upsetting when people don't take ur feelings about a birth seriously. I hate it when people compare my birth to others and say I had it easy! Yes the birth itself was good compared to most but they have no idea what it feels like to have ur mw slag off ur oh and moan about being with u on her anniversairy.

We were given a mw we had complained about n they told her it was us! She rushed the pushing after leaving me alone for 7 hours, called me stupid for saying I needed to push cuz she didn't believe me till she checked.

The only time she was nice was after my oh went to find her n had ago at her.

God I hate that hospital

Oh wow!! Good on your OH for setting her right! I have this fear of my midwife telling me something I don't want to hear when I feel it's time to "push" I say it like that, because in my hypnobirthing I was taught to "breath the baby down" and that many midwives don't understand/appreciate that. I've warned my DH that there may come a time when I look at him to give him the signal I'm about to breath her down but to NOT let the midwife know. Especially if it's the same one I've had through out (And it most likely will be) as she's a very much a midwife that believes she knows more about my body than I do.

 

[moomin_troll]

It's very upsetting when people don't take ur feelings about a birth seriously. I hate it when people compare my birth to others and say I had it easy! Yes the birth itself was good compared to most but they have no idea what it feels like to have ur mw slag off ur oh and moan about being with u on her anniversairy.

We were given a mw we had complained about n they told her it was us! She rushed the pushing after leaving me alone for 7 hours, called me stupid for saying I needed to push cuz she didn't believe me till she checked.

The only time she was nice was after my oh went to find her n had ago at her.

God I hate that hospital

Oh wow!! Good on your OH for setting her right! I have this fear of my midwife telling me
something I don't want to hear when I feel it's time to
"push" I say it like that, because in my hypnobirthing I was taught to "breath
the baby down" and that many midwives don't understand/appreciate that.
I've warned my DH that there may come a time when I look at him to give
him the signal I'm about to breath her down but to NOT let the midwife know.
Especially if it's the same one I've had through out (And it most likely will be)
as she's a very much a midwife that believes she knows more about my body
than I do.

I want to do hypno birthing as like I said with Zane pushing was rushed and my body wasn't ready
for him to come out yet, so I'm really excited about starting my classes.
My mil was a mw and hv (she's a total cold hearted bitch so I feel sorry for who ever had her) and she thinks she knows it all, but hey she's got no say in what I do.
And if god forbid anything does go wrong and she try to say I told u so then cuz my ohs not here I really dint have to see her again and I won't lol

As for my mw before that's only a few things that happened, by experience of birth was terrible due to her and the hospital, it has scared be for life and put me off having anymore children. I only agreed to try for baby 2 because we were in Germany so thought this hospital will be ok....now I'm back here

 

[Mervs Mum]

This link is really relating to CS but I think some of you will relate to it.

You should be grateful.....

 

[PeanutBean]

Moomin you really should see if you can book into a different hospital in case you need to go in.

Apart from mild incompetence my mws were ok but the dr who did the ventouse kept shouting "you are angry with this baby!" as if that would somehow un-numb my pelvic floor and legs and re-energise me after 34 hours of contractions removing the necessity for the ventouse. It was most off-putting!

 

[moomin_troll]

Moomin you really should see if you can book into a different hospital in case you need to go in.

Apart from mild incompetence my mws were ok but the dr who did the ventouse kept shouting "you are angry with this baby!" as if that would somehow un-numb my pelvic floor and legs and re-energise me after 34 hours of contractions removing the necessity for the ventouse. It was most off-putting!

Yes I am going to bookin with a different hospital for scans and birth if I need to as I will refuse to go there again.

It's stafford hospital, many of u may have heard about how awful it is on the news. I would of reported it but I no for a fact it wouldn't of been looked into.

That's awful peanut as if shouting at you would make a difference. The me did a epi on me and pulled Zane out, oh thought she was going to pull his head off.

 

[Mervs Mum]

It's just NEVER ok to shout at a woman in labour. Never.

 

[Jenniflower]

It's just NEVER ok to shout at a woman in labour. Never.

Hear Hear!

 

[2ndtimeAbz]

If anyone shouted at me, I'd bloody well shout right back lol

 

[Rmar]

I would hate to be shouted at. DH asked what my idea of trauma in a birth was and I said that it would be any time that I didn't want to do something but felt pressures into it by someone else. Shouting would fall under that category.

When I imagine giving birth, I keep imagining being in the birth pool or a matress under dim lighting with my DH behind me and anyone else in the room standing to the side. I wouldn't mind talking to them throughout the labour but the birth part, I just want it to be us. DH thought it was funny that we were paying a lot of money for an independent midwife to stay away from us and it is quite true that if we were to go with a hospital and not pay a single cent, we might not be able to be left alone.

 

[rayasunshine]

Hi All!

I just wanted to join the group. I am pregnant with my first. My hubby and I are planning an "unassisted" birth with the support of two of my close friends and my mil and my mom I can't wait to get to know you ladies!

 

[LuckyD]

Wowzers, some of the stories you all have to tell are horrible! I am so sorry that you have been through that. What is up with shouting 'you are angry with this baby'???? That is the most unhelpful thing I have ever heard!

I had a chat to my midwife the other day about her approach to birth....and was really relieved that it fitted with mine, i.e. to leave me (and my OH) alone unless she needs to get involved. She said she often will stay in another room and just check in now and again...sounds perfect to me!

I have done Calmbirth, which is like hypnobirthing and also talks about 'breathing the baby down' instead of pushing - I need to chat to my midwife about this as well, as we were also told that not all midwifes would support/understand this idea. I think mine is pretty much open to whatever I want though....

Good luck with the floor scrubbing snagglepat! Hope bubs moves around for you xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think it's really important for professionals caring for labouring women (and their partners) to remember that it's about the mother and unless she really NEEDS anything, she actually has everything she needs to birth. A low profile will help her to get into her zone and birth easier. At my own home birth the MW sat in the other room and just popped her head around the corner every so often to make sure we were happy. If we needed her she was right there. It really adds to the whole intimate home birth vibe.

 

[Jenniflower]

I think it's really important for professionals caring for labouring women (and their partners) to remember that it's about the mother and unless she really NEEDS anything, she actually has everything she needs to birth. A low profile will help her to get into her zone and birth easier. At my own home birth the MW sat in the other room and just popped her head around the corner every so often to make sure we were happy. If we needed her she was right there. It really adds to the whole intimate home birth vibe.

This sounds like my dream homebirth. Do you think there's any nice way of asking a midwife to be this way? I'm so afraid mine is too touchy feely. She talks about wanting to do internals all the time and checking the heartbeat like once an hour. I just want to be left alone!

 

[MandaAnda]

Jenni, have you written a birth plan? It might be a good idea to do that and then go over it with her (when I mentioned a birth plan, my midwife asked me to bring it to the next appointment so we could go over it together). In it, you could put that you prefer a hands-off approach and minimal or no internals. I didn't think internals whenever they wanted was an issue for me, but after my birth I've decided that I definitely want minimal internals the next time around. A good midwife can gauge how you're progressing without many, if any, internals. Besides, you have to give consent for each one they want to do - your body!

Oh, by the way, I'm an American, too! I've lived in England for over eight years now - originally from Mississippi/Texas.

 

[Mervs Mum]

WSS. Make sure you ask for 'hands off' in your birth plan and dont be afraid to specify that you'd prefer to labour with just your birth partner/s when ever possible. I had 1 VE my 3rd (home birth) labour at my request (during transition and the MWs never asked to do one before that having read the preferences) and as Manda said there are several completely non intrusive ways of gauging progress. I use them myself when doula-ing and they can be VERY effective so home birth MWs should be clued up - mine used them with me and in fact taught my hubby one of them as I laboured! So just make sure you have 'hands off' 'no VE's' and 'labouring in private' on the plan and when the MW arrives, it's your partner's job to hand the plan to her/them and politely ask them to read it to ensure they are aware of your preferences for YOUR birth experience x

 

[PeanutBean]

I'm going to request no internals too. Going to discuss all this with the MW at my appointment later this month. Having just had on at hospital for spotting I'm even more determined as it was utterly horrible.

 

[kisywisy]

hi everyone

first post, so be gentle!!

i'm expecting my 3rd child on 16th may. found out yesterday we're having another girl!! 3 beautiful, pink and fluffy girls!! woohoo!!

i wanted a homebirth with my last (almost 16mths old) but felt i had left it too late to change my mind. i decided the next baby (this one) would be a homebirth.

my h2b needed a little convincing, but once he saw how confident i was he changed his mind. the last birth was a doddle and i loved every second of it. my first birth i was 18 and induced. had gas and air and an epidural. hospital was the right choice for me then. 2nd birth was gas and air and diamorphine, but i could've done without it. birth was hilarious and i had a great time lol although the experience was wonderful and the care i recieved was fantastic in the birthing suite, i hated being in the ward overnight. i just wanted to go home and sleep/eat when i wanted to!! had to go back in a few days later for 3 days due to an infection and i hated that even more.

said to my mw during the booking in appointment i wanted a homebirth and she never questioned me. just made sure i was making an informed decision.

i have been thinking about where to actually have the baby. i don't think i want to have her on our bed, as the clean up would be a bit much and i don't want a water birth. was thinking i would get a blow up bed and have her in the livingroom. anyone else done this sort of thing??

 

[moomin_troll]

You will have to make sure it's a good blow up bed tho as u don't want to be falling all over the place while trying to push! Depending what u birth on I think it depends what positions u want to be in, which again I can't see be easy on a blow up.

I wouldn't give birth on my bed either, I'd get in each time and think of the pain lol that is if the bed wasn't ruined lol

If I get my home birth I want a water birth and ile be doing it on the front room prob watching tv lol I also want to be more active is time around, as with Zane I was strapped to a bed