Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[cranberry987]

Ho ho. Just had my first "you can't do natural birthing" comment. Posted on Facebook that I'd met my doula yey so water birth/shiatsu all the way. It wasnt meant nastily. I said nonsense, I've had gallstones and I'm stubborn. What do ppl usually say as a replies tho? Would like something non confrontational but also which would shut em up. "it'll be fine" just seems like it's inviting them to carry on dissing it

 

[moomin_troll]

my mum thinks im nuts for not wanting to be drugged up. u hear so much negativity about natural birthing that it does put doubt in my mind, even tho ive done it before lol

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Just catching up, that's great news, Sam, hope it all gets more relaxing for you soon.

I can't believe the UK govt would try to abolish IMW's, that's beyond ridiculous, and very sad, hopefully the crappy coalition dissolves before then and you get a new government - otherwise I can see an increase in UC, as choices are taken away from those women who have bad previous experiences in hospital. I think if the Tories had their way they'd have it run like the States - all private and insurance-funded.

Cranberry, I'm not even telling my family as I don't want to listen to the hysterical ill-informed dribble I'll have to endure! That will be easy for me as my family are all in Scotland and my MIL is 3.5 hours away. Maybe it's not such a good idea to post your plans on the wide net of FB, I know it would be nice to try to promote the idea and get some positive affirmations from your friends, but unfortunately there will always be somone who thinks they know better and is determined to let you know that! I'm only discussing it with people I know are supportive as I know I need to stay positive. Of course it's up to you though, I just can't be bothered to expend the energy fending off negative comments, but make sure you post your lovely natural positive birth story on there afterwards, that should shut them all up!! I can't think of any witty repostes except: the fact that every one of us is here, is testament to the hundreds and thousands of generations of women who did it before us, and modern pain releif has only been available to the last few generations. Not possible, eh?

I had a pretty-much full-on fight with a lady on a NZ forum yesterday. Well, a heated debate, after I was discussing options of a couple of local midwives with someone on the forum and revealed my desire for a HBAC and the fact that I've just switched midwives as the policy of the first one's organisation is not to support VBAC outside hospital, where the second is part of the homebirth collective and was quite willing to do it. Anyway, said lady chimed in with all the usual hysterical nonsense about risk and blah blah "and you are 4 hours away from a main hospital"! Yes, I know where I live, thank you! "And all the helicopters might be busy with ski-field injuries" (what, in the middle of summer??) Anyway it turns out she's "in the industry" (her words and quite revealing, I thought) so I asked her if that was in a medical setting, and if so did she not think that dealing with mainly high-risk and problem cases in hospital had skewed her ideas on natural birth a bit? Naturally have had no response, I think I'll just steer well clear of that site in future, I should have known as they have no "natural birth" section. Anyway, I'm rambling a bit, but just wanted to share an example of revealing your plans to a less than supportive or understanding audience, I won't do it again.

Hope you are all well xxx

 

[Jodie.82]

cranberry I dont find my home friends are very supportive of the idea, I dont think they understand why you would choose not to eliminate pain if you could, but they also dont think anything of being induced etc etc. I would probably be really defensive without meaning to if I had comments like that and end up offending them all back as id say something like not everyone chooses to pump drugs through their system which are going to go into their babies, mother nature built us to give birth so there are very very few cases where you actually need a hospital to help do this. I dont get peoples attitudes at all!

 

[Bournefree]

My dear friend ended up with an emergency c-section with her first.. (we have children the same age and she is pregnant with her second). How do I try to get her to see that a combination of poor setting/environment for labour and birth, culture among the staff of heading towards interventions at this particular hospital; because they can't seem to leave well alone, and first do no harm, the hospital she attended with her first has a 39% section rate - which is shocking!

She, very understandably, found her experience of having a baby (rightly so) traumatic - but, in our circle of friends, of all the mummies (there are about 10 in total), 2 of us had a normal birth (i.e no interventions).. she takes this and thinks, well it's just NORMAL to have the experience she did then, and normal birth isn't the "norm"
In some ways she is statically right - but I just want to try and make her see, that no she doesn’t have to have a routine c-section for this pregnancy.. she needs to look at where the interventions started to take away the power for her body to do this physiologically.. that ended up in her birth being one that was a medical procedure, rather than a normal physiological event. How to do that, without her thinking she failed.. she didn’t.. the system failed her, the hospital failed her, the consultants failed her, and the MWs working in this environment of high intervention rates, failed her!

It is just the hardest thing to get across.

As for the "can't do natural" the comment Cranberry.. I'd be tempted to point out that, in itself it is an oxymoron - natural is what every women's body and baby will do if left alone unhindered and undisturbed. It makes me both angry at our culture, and very very sad for those women that have this view point.

Xxx

 

[murmur]

We have told very few people close to us that we are going for a home birth. My mother knows, as do my in-laws. They are incredibly supportive. My father would freak out. I have also told my best friend as she was going to take us to the hospital before we decided on home birth. I don't want anyone else knowing after my OH had an unfortunate run in with a work colleague the other week. They were talking about the birth and he mentioned that we were looking into home birth and she just came straight out and accused him of being a neglectful partner! When he asked her why she felt that she said that if something were to happen to me during labour and due to the fact we live a hour from the hospital we might not get the "proper" medical attention we need then it would ultimately be his fault for not persuading me to have a hospital birth and that would be something he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

I was totally dumbfounded when he told me this - he said he tried to explain that statistically a home birth was safer etc but ended up giving up as she was obviously had the mindset that "you are pregnant therefore you MUST give birth in hospital".

 

[cranberry987]

I think I might not mention it again tbh as I dint rly want to have ppl put the shits up me about the birth -saying you're having a natural birth seems to invite ppl to tell you about tearing and hours of screaming pain. And also I'm not anti transfer to hospital if we all agree that I need it. If I need a medical procedure then I'll go in. Also if I'm
Worn out after days of regular contractions or something crazy and cannot do any more I'll probably be open to an epidural for a few hours just to gather my strength for the last bit. So I wouldn't want ppl to say ha told you so.

I do feel like it's a natural thing tho and I mean ppl give birth down toilets and in the backs of cars. I'm gonna be in my living room with the iPod on. Hardly third world.

 

[cranberry987]

Also. Ppl have such strong opinions about it dont thy. It's almost as if you asked them to do it. Why can't they just respect our decision to want to experience something in the way that nature intended. Feels like were personally offending them in some way.

 

[Jodie.82]

I think a lot of is is ignorance to be honest! have you watched the business of being born? its so true what they say on there, people spend longer researching what mobile phone or car they want to buy than they do researching birth pregnancy or safely bringing a baby into the world. Its easier for people to do as they are told by the docs, without actually finding out anything for themselves, so anyone going against the norm, which is ridiculous as we are only doing what is natural, is seen as risky! madness

 

[murmur]

Cranberry, I also have no problem going to the hospital if I need to. We are advised to labour at home for as long as possible before going to the hospital and if anything I feel that I will be under better care than most because I will have a midwife with me who will monitor me and advise if they feel I should go to the hospital or not.

Additionally, one other reason I want a home birth is because there are so many pregnant ladies due in my area at the same time as me (what happened last October???) that the maternity ward at the hospital has had to close due to being full more and more often recently. At times of closure they have only taken on emergencies. When they close the ward you are transferred to one of two other hospitals - both of which have a very poor maternity facilities as far as I know.

I believe by deciding to stay at home I am doing the very best that I can for both by baby and myself by being in an environment where I feel most relaxed.

 

[Nyn]

Hi everyone!

I'm going to start checking this thread as I've had the ok from my midwife for a home birth! I met her last week and she's great.. near retirement age I think and has tons of experience and seems very gentle and kind so I'm really happy

I've got my 20 week scan next week so am looking forward to that!

 

[moomin_troll]

when i was pregnant with zane my mil who used to me a mw said ur not having a stupid homebirth are u, so i took great pleasure in telling her im having baby at home lol she kept her mouth shut...for once.

ive had comments from people asking me if its safe no i fancy putting my child in danger......ofcourse its safe no matter what room im in hes still going to come out the same way....idiots.

my sil was very suprised how easy a homebirth is to plan, i just pointed out it doesnt take much planning its about believeing in ur own body and the fact ile be in my own space so it will make things easier rather then worrying about bitch staff at the hospital....which has a lovely virus going round it atm

 

[2ndtimeAbz]

Even once you've given birth people still don't want to believe you!
Every health professional I've seen since Nathans birth has the same response
*look in red book* "Oh, you gave birth at home?!"
me - "yep"
"Was it an accident?" (Yeah like I just didnt realise and the baby flew out! LOL)
me - "no, it was all planned"
"oh, well, well done you"

I also had a load of my cousin in laws tell me I'm 'so brave' to which I replied.
"Not really as I had 2 midwifes giving me 1-2-1 care, did you have that at hospital?"
"Erm, no"

I do think people imagine scenarios out of the dark ages hahaha

 

[moomin_troll]

i think health professionals are shocked about natural homebirths because so many woman want epidurals now.
yesterday while waiting for my scan i heard this girl whos in my little sisters yr at school (her mums also pregnant :S) saying oh x had her baby and all she had was a epidural! i was sat there thinkin what do u mean only, thats the top thing u can have while giving birth u daft cow lol

my mw was very suprised when i first said i want a homebirth and even tho she says she loves them everytime i see her i still get "are u sure u still want a homebirth?" which them makes me question myself. but i just say yes i am sure n its left at that

 

[PeanutBean]

"only" an epidural?!

I have to say I can't recall any negative comments about homebirthing (except on here). My family have all planned or had homebirths and my friend's almost exclusively haven't had kids so maybe that's why. In fact the only negative comment I can think of came from the anaesthetist during the placenta removal after transfer, who was pregnant. Seemed odd given I'd just successfully given birth at home and the only reason I was there was because I'd stupidly changed to managed third stage.

I did get many negative comments about choosing not to have antibiotics for gbs. Given I have a whole thread of evidence supporting my position and those with the comments could only muster a "your baby could die" I fancy I had the upper hand. I also had a steaming row on here after saying internals aren't necessary. Utterly bizarre! I'm almost as proud of having no internals during labour as I am of birthing at home. I just find it baffling that women think it not possible to just birth babies.

For those planning a natural birth you know it's really ok. I have had everything and nothing by way of pain relief and my 22 hours of labour pain relief free were utterly marvellous compared to my 35 hours with gas, pethidine and failed epi. It was fast and furious and out of control at the end but that's what pushed my baby out and no pain relief would've helped then. I could see the difference in my un-drugged alert little baby.

 

[chuck]

I hear teenage girls talking about labour etc in school mostly because they have no shame in asking a pregnant teacher like me intimate questions LOL and thanks to things like OBEM they are terrified!

They're overly worried about their appearance, how scary, painful, undignified (although they wouldn't use that word) the process is...it looks like medieval torture was one girls statement....all because all they hear is negativity wrapped up in flippant 'its all worth it in the end' statements.

Lots of the girls I speak to state already that they'd opt for a CS if they could, or every drug under the Sun.

They arent so keen when i ask them if they'd smoke or drink in pregnacy...they say no, I ask if they'd do smack or opium..they say no, so I ask them why they'd do it in labour LOL.

 

[chuck]

I never got negative comments about my choice to HBAC or natural birth more 'wow youre brave, no painkillers' type comments, never any you wont manage comments.

Although Mum and Hubby were worried for me, they felt I'd be safer in hospital. but i think they're both glad and proud of my choice now despite not quite homebirthing i did do it with gas only, and i can say its sooooo much better this way.

i never understand these 'you/I wont cope' statements. You bloody have to! How can you not cope? Its not like a busy day where you can have a nap or give work to someone else!! Nothing will stop labour its tough bloody luck you will get through it and you will cope you have to!

 

[moomin_troll]

ive got nothing against teen mums but this girl was younger then her age! there is currently 5 girls in my sisters yr pregnant ages 15-16.
i feel sorry for them because i no how they are going to get treated in my local hospital and it wont be nice.

i had to laugh out of pure shock when i heard "only a epidural" lol

having another baby has just started to sink in for me so hearing positives on here are egging me on to get my homebirth....ive always said id be safer in a field alone then my local hospital so i no my homebirth will go well, i just need to start believing in myself abit more

 

[moomin_troll]

I never got negative comments about my choice to HBAC or natural birth more 'wow youre brave, no painkillers' type comments, never any you wont manage comments.

Although Mum and Hubby were worried for me, they felt I'd be safer in hospital. but i think they're both glad and proud of my choice now despite not quite homebirthing i did do it with gas only, and i can say its sooooo much better this way.

i never understand these 'you/I wont cope' statements. You bloody have to! How can you not cope? Its not like a busy day where you can have a nap or give work to someone else!! Nothing will stop labour its tough bloody luck you will get through it and you will cope you have to!

i agree with this, when ever i have a wobble my mum says its too bloody late thats babies got to come out some how and ur going to have to do it lol

 

[chuck]

Oh Moo, you can get anything you want! Us Mums are the strongest people there are.