How did you know you were done?

Discussion in 'Complete Families' started by MaggieR, Feb 7, 2019.

  1. MaggieR

    MaggieR Member

    Jan 13, 2019
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    I was wondering if any of you could share your experiences on how you knew you were 'done' and that your family was complete?
    I have two children, aged 6 and 4. I was a SAHM and managed to get a job in a school that fits perfectly with my youngest's nursery hours. Having another would most likely mean having to leave that job (lack of childcare etc). I really do enjoy my job. Now the children are getting older we rarely have sleepless nights and things are 'easier' than they were when they were younger. We also enjoy going away on holidays etc which would obviously become more expensive if we had #3. We have a 3 bedroom house so my two children each have their own room.

    BUT.. I still get this feeling every now and again that I'm not done and that I'd love one more. I think I feel scared about having another as it would be such a change and I feel we are all in quite a good place just now. In my head I think we're done, but my heart says otherwise if that makes sense.

    Has anybody felt the same, and what did you do?

    Thanks :flower:
  2. AngelUK

    AngelUK Mum of twin boys

    Aug 27, 2011
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    The only reason I have for being done is that I am too old to have more kids. I was lucky to have my twin boys when I did though and that thought and realisation is the only thing that helps me get over the longing for another.

    I am sorry you are struggling but I think I would not concentrate on the one year you would have a baby when thinking about another but rather on all the years that come after. Imagine your family at Christmas, is it complete how it is or is there someone missing? Are you just longing for squishy baby cuddles or another child?

    Good luck!
  3. noon_child

    noon_child Well-Known Member

    Jan 27, 2013
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    I'm similar. Life is easy, I'm not exhausted. I miss feeling like I'm doing a good job at being a mum though. I remember (sometime round 18months) when I knew everything my daughter wanted and was thinking, would plan things to do to develop her skills and interests and we were like a unit. Now she spends her days at school, when she gets home she is too tired to talk to me, finds me a bit intrusive when I question her about her day, I almost feel like we suddenly became strangers compared to when she was pre-school age. Thing is I want that back with HER, not necessarily another child (which might make it harder to have quality time with her). Then I think back to the newborn days and how helpless and overwhelmed I felt, then the months after that when I was just sooooooooo tired and sooooooooo bored. I think about how, now when she has a bad dream, and I have to pull myself out of sleep to reassure her, I am an absolute zombie, I have to really summon all my strength to have any empathy for my scared child because my tired brain just wont function, and I'm so thankful when she's quick to settle and I can get back to bed. Do I want to be the person (again) who is so tired they think hateful, hateful thoughts when their newborn wont sleep, imagines shutting the door and just running away, who can't empathise with a tiny helpless baby because exhaustion breeds a special kind of resentment?
    I think the fact that my husband has never wanted another has helped the decision too. If he wanted another I'd have to seriously consider it, but my occasional pangs aren't strong enough to warrant challenging his position that he is happy as we are. Now I think I'm probably edging towards too old and there being a big age gap, so it wouldn't be like they'd play together, it'd be me having to get back to being the main play mate - and I'm so bad at that!!

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