How do we know that everything is okay?

[truly_blessed]

I think the previous poster said it best-- just because we see so many losses on this board, we can't view it as 'the norm'. Often, ladies are drawn to this board *because* they are having problems and need support-- so there's bound to be a much higher concentration of bad news.

Consider this: How many of your friends have gotten pregnant and delivered just fine (and how many times have they been pregnant)?
How many people do you know? That means their mother carried them with no problem.
How many friends do your little ones have, or classmates? That means their mother carried them no problem.
How many of THOSE people have siblings? That means their mothers carried THEM full term, too.....

See? When you look around, you realize, a normal pregnancy IS the norm -- not the crazy stuff that shows up on here.

Perhaps your heart was in the right place when you wrote this, but how freaking insensitive and uninformed are you? Just because someone is on this earth does not mean their mother had a "normal" pregnancy. As for "all the crazy stuff" you see posted here - they're called complications. They aren't crazy, and they have great chances of delivering healthy babies too. Complications aren't a death sentence. I sure hope you have a great and healthy pregnancy, otherwise the gravity of your thoughtlessness might keep you up at night.


For the OP, we just hope and pray, it's all you can do.

I think that's a bit harsh tbh. She was only trying to reassure people, as you can see from her profile, she has experienced loses herself. I didn't see anything she said as insensitive or uninformed and I've had MMC and chemicals to boot in the past. She certainly made me feel better anyway. We're supposed to be here to support each other not put them down for making a comment which maybe wasn't quite worded in the way you word like. I'll put this down to pregnancy hormones as I'm sure you meant no ill.

 

[Eternal]

I had a silent miscarraige, wouldnt have know except we use a home dopplar, heatbeat healthy one day gone the next. so its scary.

However in reality silent miscarraiges are uncommon, it seems really common on these sites because there are so many users and so many people talking about their loss.

There are no garuntees with pregnancy, miscarrige is common but statistically your much more likely to have a normal problem free pregnancy than anything else.

You have seen the heartbeat, that statistically brings your change of carrying a healthy pregnancy to 95%, plus although its still quite "common" to mc in the first 12 weeks, again its much more common before 9 weeks, so your over the real danger time and everyday is another day closer to having tha baby in your arms.

Im a worrier too, I still use my dopplar and even 30 minutes after hearing the twins heartbeats im worrying again.

My 12 week scan is tomorrow, at 3pm and time is going soooooooooooooooooo slow. i want to lock myself away until its time for the scan.

What helps is keeping busy and trying not to worry too much, avoid threads that look scary as they really dont help, i did that in my second pregnancy because i just couldnt deal with my own stress and worry while worrying about other people too.

Good luck, wishin you a healthy and happy pregnacy with no complications.

 

[StranjeGirl]

I think the previous poster said it best-- just because we see so many losses on this board, we can't view it as 'the norm'. Often, ladies are drawn to this board *because* they are having problems and need support-- so there's bound to be a much higher concentration of bad news.

Consider this: How many of your friends have gotten pregnant and delivered just fine (and how many times have they been pregnant)?
How many people do you know? That means their mother carried them with no problem.
How many friends do your little ones have, or classmates? That means their mother carried them no problem.
How many of THOSE people have siblings? That means their mothers carried THEM full term, too.....

See? When you look around, you realize, a normal pregnancy IS the norm -- not the crazy stuff that shows up on here.

Perhaps your heart was in the right place when you wrote this, but how freaking insensitive and uninformed are you? Just because someone is on this earth does not mean their mother had a "normal" pregnancy. As for "all the crazy stuff" you see posted here - they're called complications. They aren't crazy, and they have great chances of delivering healthy babies too. Complications aren't a death sentence. I sure hope you have a great and healthy pregnancy, otherwise the gravity of your thoughtlessness might keep you up at night.


For the OP, we just hope and pray, it's all you can do.

I think that's a bit harsh tbh. She was only trying to reassure people, as you can see from her profile, she has experienced loses herself. I didn't see anything she said as insensitive or uninformed and I've had MMC and chemicals to boot in the past. She certainly made me feel better anyway. We're supposed to be here to support each other not put them down for making a comment which maybe wasn't quite worded in the way you word like. I'll put this down to pregnancy hormones as I'm sure you meant no ill.

I agree, I don't think that she was saying every pregnancy doesn't have complications, I think she was saying that every person we see was once a fetus, and that pregnancy did not result in a miscarriage. ANd honestly it is true and a good reminder. I freak myself out reading these sites because there are always horror stories of mmc, late mc, etc, and just when I start to feel excited about the pregnancy I read something like that and I think it is going to happen to me. As for "crazy" stuff I believe she means, awful things that are not the norm, such as a late miscarriage etc. The truth is that most pregnancies will make it and the baby will be just fine! Of course until the baby is born we won't know, but the odds are in our favor and as hard as it is sometimes because I too am having complications, it helps to be reassured and starts to again make me hope for the best!

 

[JackiePed]

Perhaps your heart was in the right place when you wrote this, but how freaking insensitive and uninformed are you? Just because someone is on this earth does not mean their mother had a "normal" pregnancy. As for "all the crazy stuff" you see posted here - they're called complications. They aren't crazy, and they have great chances of delivering healthy babies too. Complications aren't a death sentence. I sure hope you have a great and healthy pregnancy, otherwise the gravity of your thoughtlessness might keep you up at night.


For the OP, we just hope and pray, it's all you can do.

Wow.
Listen, I get that you may have been in a bad place emotionally when you wrote that, but that was out of line.
You want me to understand complications??? Fine. I'll lay it out for you so that you don't think I'm in Candyland.
I keep miscarrying and we don't know why. Once at 8 weeks, once at 10 weeks only discovered on an ultrasound with no heartbeat. Now I'm just praying, every single day, that I don't get bad news again with this pregnancy. I reached out to the OP because I understand all too well how smothering the worry can be... it can consume your every thought and rob you of the joy that SHOULD be your pregnancy.

Of COURSE I didn't mention this to the OP because that is NOT what she needs to hear right now!! When I said the word 'crazy stuff', I wasn't implying insane, I was referring to the fact that when we are on these boards, we read a very high concentration of incidents in which everything that can go wrong... does. Why? Because that's often why women post on here: to get support in times of trouble, because ladies in here are amazingly supportive and understanding.

Just because women have pregnancy complications doesn't mean I need to point that out to someone who is worrying 'just to be real with her'. I told her the POSITIVE things... the way that she can look around her and reassure herself that in the 'real world' (i.e. NOT on a pregnancy message board), the incidences of complications and tragedy are not as closely spaced and are not the norm, therefore we needn't stress that everything that we read about on here will happen to us. Again... the word 'norm' referring to *statistical norm*, not 'normal v.s. abnormal'.

As for my reference to the mothers carrying their babies with 'no problem', the OP was worried about miscarriage, so I was pointing out that if someone is alive, their mother didn't miscarry. The OP wasn't worrying about all the other possible pregnancy and birth complications (those worries come later in the pregnancy, right now we all just want to know there's a live baby in there), so I didn't think I needed to include those in my reference. Again, is it necessary to remind her of all of those tragic or stressful possibilities?

There was no need for me to tell her that *I* am one of the women who experience those very complications and tragedies...because that would negate all the positives I just said.

Please think before you attack someone who is trying to spread positive vibes on a board that can freak the hell out of a pregnant woman. How ELSE can we get through this shaky first tri if not for some positive, reassuring, uplifting reminders?

Gosh, I'm shaking I'm so mad.

Sorry to hijack the post, and I don't mean to continue drama, but I just have never been attacked before for trying to comfort another woman who is experiencing crippling worry that I know all too well.

 

[Yersinia]

Of COURSE I didn't mention this to the OP because that is NOT what she needs to hear right now!! When I said the word 'crazy stuff', I wasn't implying insane, I was referring to the fact that when we are on these boards, we read a very high concentration of incidents in which everything that can go wrong... does. Why? Because that's often why women post on here: to get support in times of trouble, because ladies in here are amazingly supportive and understanding.

I agree with this and many of us do. Do not worry please about this response to your post, which was very emotional....

I do like the supportive atmosphere on forum. In terms of %, chances of MC are very low after the first few weeks and heart beat detection, so I would not concentrate on potential problems (of course they *might* come, but worrying does not make this chance bigger or lower! Probably bigger if anything, since stress has been suspected as possibly a factor, not confirmed though).

 

[happythought]

I know how you feel. I have seen and heard my baby;s heartbeat twice and I m still always praying and anxious for the next Dr appt. I wont have another ultrasound until around 18 weeks since I already had 2 but they will be using the doppler at the next visit on Wed, so just hearing the heart beat again will be so reassuring.

 

[xdxxtx]

We just have to have faith. There are SO MANY people in this world. Some of the most populated places have the worst healthcare, and people never see doctors and deliver babies in their homes by themselves. Have faith that your baby will be okay, and don't be afraid to form a bond now. Enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[bekib10]

I completely understand. I had an early scan at 6+1 due to bleeding and saw the heartbeat. I was thrilled for about 24hrs and then I was scared again that the babies heart has stopped (especially as I still don't have nausea or ms). I have booked a private scan for when I'll be 9 weeks coz there's no way I can wait until 12 weeks!

I understand the stats and now I'm being irrational but I just can't help worrying. Thanks for all the positive posts on here. I'm terrible for reading all the negative posts and then worrying it's going to happen to me, so it's good to be reminded that for every devasting story there's loads more positive stories that aren't posted because there's nothing really to say.

Thanks so much for this thread and H&H 9 months, I'm sure you'll be just fine!