How do you cope with your family being complete when you don't feel done?

[Eleanor ace]

... or you do but you feel sad about it?

I thought it might be helpful to share things that help us with coming to terms/seeing the bright side of being done adding to our families.
Some things which help me:

* Planning a holiday which we couldn't do while I was pregnant/with a baby
* Packing away (mentally atm but physically later on) baby things so it feels more real
* Taking up a hobby which would be hard to do with a baby
* Working on getting my body into shape now that I can maintain it and I'm not thinking "there's not much point when I'll hopefully be pregnant soon and unable to maintain it".
* Ditto buying clothes which fit!

What do you do, or plan to do?

 

[calm]

I am looking forward to some free time when they go school lol I don't have time to exercise or draw, or generally look after myself! I will have to work a few mornings, but don't plan to go too mad so to give myself some me time. That will help A LOT with not having a third baby!

 

[george83]

... or you do but you feel sad about it?

I thought it might be helpful to share things that help us with coming to terms/seeing the bright side of being done adding to our families.
Some things which help me:

* Planning a holiday which we couldn't do while I was pregnant/with a baby
* Packing away (mentally atm but physically later on) baby things so it feels more real
* Taking up a hobby which would be hard to do with a baby
* Working on getting my body into shape now that I can maintain it and I'm not thinking "there's not much point when I'll hopefully be pregnant soon and unable to maintain it".
* Ditto buying clothes which fit!

What do you do, or plan to do?

All of the above!! I'm so sad we can't practically have another baby but all of these reasons are the ones I've thought of that are keeping me sane. My youngest two are also really bad sleepers so I'm constantly exhausted which even my oh doesn't understand so I'm looking forward to getting some reasonable sleep again

 

[hayz_baby]

Sleep defo sleep! Knowing the tantruming toddler years will end. That teething will end. No more weaning, no more nappies.
Feeling more confident when leaving them with someone, being a bit more selfish.

 

[calm]

Sleep defo sleep! Knowing the tantruming toddler years will end. That teething will end. No more weaning, no more nappies.
Feeling more confident when leaving them with someone, being a bit more selfish.

Oh yes sleep!!! My sleep is still mucked up. And I can't sleep with DH in bed I have to co sleep with one of the twins in their room (we have a single bed in there, I don't get in their cots )

 

[Eve]

I look forward to the possibility of becoming a grandmother soon (but not too soon as DS is only 13)

 

[Tasha]

Although this isn't my situation now, it was something I'd come to terms with before Orion. In my case it was time and too much heartbreak. But mostly time!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I look forward to the possibility of becoming a grandmother soon (but not too soon as DS is only 13)

Oh my gosh this is something that keeps me going when I think about no more babies, and my eldest is only 4

 

[Eve]

I can't wait to be a grandmother

 

[calm]

I've told DH if I'm anything like MIL when I'm a grandmother to please shoot me I too think of being a grandmother, I am already sorting what toys I want to keep for the day

 

[wookie130]

I definitely don't feel "done", but at 37, and having my two children 17 months apart...well, financially it's draining, and honestly, our home would not accommodate another child at this point.

*We'd have to buy a mini-van.
*We already pay out the nose for daycare...
*We're already losing our minds. (LOL!)

Honestly, I remind myself that we're just so thankful to have the two healthy and beautiful children that we have...we suffered miscarriages and infertility prior to having our daughter in 2013, and we've been blessed with two gorgeous little ones. We're so, so lucky. Another healthy child would be a gift and a blessing, and a welcome addition (at least for me...DH isn't so sure), but I also feel that getting pregnant with a third would be pushing our luck at my age. My second pregnancy was rough, and there's just no predicting how it would go a third time.

 

[george83]

I'm so sad about this at the minute, I just re-read everybody's reasons and all of them had me nodding along in agreement but I just want another baby so badly. Deep down I really really know we can't yet this evening ive spent ages looking for 5 bedroom houses that we can afford so all the kids - including the non existent one - can have their own room (which by the way we can't afford any)

 

[Tasha]

I don't think not sharing a bedroom is the important hun. Is that the main reason?

 

[wookie130]

I'm so sad about this at the minute, I just re-read everybody's reasons and all of them had me nodding along in agreement but I just want another baby so badly. Deep down I really really know we can't yet this evening ive spent ages looking for 5 bedroom houses that we can afford so all the kids - including the non existent one - can have their own room (which by the way we can't afford any)

I totally understand your pain in this, hon. My baby fever has reached a rather painful, icky level, and my husband really won't budge on it. I don't want to try to talk him into something that he's really firm on in his own heart and head...his opinions matter to me, and to our marriage. It isn't just about me. Sigh. But I do wish God would speak to his heart on this, and help him see that we both have enough love to give to a third child. Honestly, we don't have the money for a third, and we have a tiny home as well...we'd be packed in this home like a bunch of sardines, and that really isn't fair, either. There's also the possibility that my uterus could rupture with a third pregnancy, as it was deemed "paper-thin" during my last c-section...it's scary. Trying to afford daycare would be next to impossible.

But still...I would give anything for a third healthy baby right now. It's a heart decision, and it defies logic, in our situation. But that ache for another child remains...

 

[george83]

I'm so sad about this at the minute, I just re-read everybody's reasons and all of them had me nodding along in agreement but I just want another baby so badly. Deep down I really really know we can't yet this evening ive spent ages looking for 5 bedroom houses that we can afford so all the kids - including the non existent one - can have their own room (which by the way we can't afford any)

I totally understand your pain in this, hon. My baby fever has reached a rather painful, icky level, and my husband really won't budge on it. I don't want to try to talk him into something that he's really firm on in his own heart and head...his opinions matter to me, and to our marriage. It isn't just about me. Sigh. But I do wish God would speak to his heart on this, and help him see that we both have enough love to give to a third child. Honestly, we don't have the money for a third, and we have a tiny home as well...we'd be packed in this home like a bunch of sardines, and that really isn't fair, either. There's also the possibility that my uterus could rupture with a third pregnancy, as it was deemed "paper-thin" during my last c-section...it's scary. Trying to afford daycare would be next to impossible.

But still...I would give anything for a third healthy baby right now. It's a heart decision, and it defies logic, in our situation. But that ache for another child remains...

That must be so tough, I can't imagine having a true medical reason for not having another. I think is feel even worse as though the decision would have been taken away from me. I had to have an emergency c section with ds3 because I had placenta previa and was bleeding heavily so the thought of having something go wrong again does play on my mind but I think I'd just be unlucky for that to happen twice

I don't think not sharing a bedroom is the important hun. Is that the main reason?

I grew up with two sisters in a 3 bedroom house and when we got to a certain age my mum and dad split our biggest bedroom in two so me and my little sister could have our own little bedrooms. They were tiny but at least they were ours, I can't imagine having to share a room during my teenage years and possibly older. I think we could eventually stretch to buying a 4 bed house so our existing kids could have their own space so I'd feel awful taking that away from them

 

[Tasha]

Do you think that's because it's what you had though? Like I shared with my sister and I can't imagine not sharing through those years.

 

[george83]

Do you think that's because it's what you had though? Like I shared with my sister and I can't imagine not sharing through those years.

Maybe I suppose. There's a family in our street who have the same house as us and they have 3 teenage boys living there I just can't picture 2 of them sharing. I just wish I didn't want another baby so much

 

[lau86]

Huge hugs george. Yours are a similar age to mine, do you think once you're out of the baby stage and enjoying sleeping a bit more, having them be a bit more independent you might feel differently? I'm struggling with this too btw so it's not just you! My strategy is to have the coil put in and try to forget about it for a bit but it is hard as I am pretty sure hubby won't have a fourth and I can see why

 

[george83]

Huge hugs george. Yours are a similar age to mine, do you think once you're out of the baby stage and enjoying sleeping a bit more, having them be a bit more independent you might feel differently? I'm struggling with this too btw so it's not just you! My strategy is to have the coil put in and try to forget about it for a bit but it is hard as I am pretty sure hubby won't have a fourth and I can see why

I think it's the thought of never having another baby now that my youngest isn't a baby anymore. Plus when ds2 was the age that ds3 is now I was already pregnant again. Definitely when they start sleeping I'll feel better about not going back to the lack of sleep - my 2 year old had me up nearly all night again. I've just made an appointment to have the contraceptive implant fitted so like you I'm hoping that stops me thinking about it for a while.

Do you think you'll try to convince your oh or deep down do you agree with him?

 

[lau86]

im not going to try and convince him, he was happy to stop at two! So I've pushed my luck a little bit already. Just things like booking a holiday, it's so much more expensive with each child so I think three is enough. And my mum reminded me the other day I'm going to have three teenagers, all doing GCSEs and a levels at the same time etc. it's gonna be busy! is your oH a definite no?