How do you deal with...

[Pix]

Hurtful words other have to say? In regards to your bump.

Normally I'm rather quick witted, especially with comebacks. But right now I just don't know how to deal with people. I have to literally mentally prepare myself for work every day I go in. I work in a salon and deal with older women daily. I'd love to just say F it and go on maternity leave but I just can't afford it. It's also family owned so thankfully my 'coworkers' aka my mom is understanding. But that generation is so unforgiving and judge mental I'm pulling my hair out. Saturday I sat and cried they were so cruel.

How do you ladies do it? With this baby I'm so emotional I have no mental shields that I just don't know how to deal with the situations.

 

[x Helen x]

What do they actually say to you? x

 

[Pix]

This past weekend it was

"In our day our doctors never allowed us to get THAT big and if we did we were committed until we were a proper weight..."

"I sure hope you deliver soon you are way too big."

"I can't believe you allowed yourself to get like that."

"Looks like you're going to have a rather healthy baby there from the looks of it. Are you sure you aren't due next week?"

"Is it safe for the baby if you allow yourself to gain that much."

And my personal favorite "YOURE AS LARGE AS A HOUSE!"

This is all literally with in a 4 day span.

It's so HARD to be polite and not go off on a tangent about how they are exactly what is wrong with society and the reason why teens have horrible self image issues. But I can barely talk past the lump in my throat. I'm not unhealthy and in fact got so upset brought it up to my Dr. Who told me I was in perfect health. I'm only 5'4" @150lbs.

I just don't know how to deal with it this time! It's horrifying and has been a continuous issue. I'm not entirely sure what life lesson I'm meant to learn here but apparently it isn't sinking in.

 

[madseasons]

This is what I posted on another thread like this:

My husband's Aunt has to make a comment every time she see's me eat something "You know the you need to watch what you eat because you are older and it will be harder to take of"....or when I am eating candy which I don't normally do........"You eat nothing but crap and will regret that later in pregnancy" She is always saying something about everyone's weight, and I HATE when people are VAIN AS*HOLES like her.

I had my last straw the other day, so I just said "I LOST 90 pounds after having DS and that was his 40 plus 50 more, and I am confident I can take off the weight after, in fact I know I can.....I haven't even gained CLOSE to half of what I did with him and I was smaller when I got pregnant this time, so PISS OFF" I also may have said "AND if is DON'T lose the weight I don't give a f*ck because I am not a vain person and would die a happy fat girl with two beautiful healthy children"

She hasn't said anything since. I am a super bit*h this pregnancy, don't know if it's the extra estrogen, but I don't have a filter like I normally do........but I don't care. If you say something stupid or rude to me, don't expect me to be nice back...just saying.....

I also had my SIL say she couldn't stand me when I was in my first Tri because of my rotten attitude. I told her I am WAY hormonal this pregnancy...then she brought up an altercation between my MIL and I...I said that wasn't the pregnancy talking, that was me.......sorry if you didn't agree, but I don't like people underminding my parentage......like your mom did.

I just tell people to go f*ck themselves...before and after pregnancy. I don't care....they were the one that was wrong and my life goes on.

Dee

 

[Beee]

Whoa!!! How can people think it's ok to say those sorts of things to you? I think I'd be tempted to do something a little 'creative' with their hair! Seriously though, I think I would have to say something back to them, along the lines of 'would you comment on my size if I wasn't pregnant? I would really appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself in future'
( That's the polite version anyways)
Don't let ignorant people like this get to you. You are growing a new life inside you and doing a great job xx

 

[x Helen x]

Wow..... just wow..... I cannot actually believe people would come out with this stuff!! I'm really sorry that you have had to endure this kind of crap from people! I'm genuinely gobsmacked that people can be so cruel. I think I would flip out if someone dared say something like that to me... goodness knows how you haven't killed someone by now! X

 

[BunnyN]

My bump is measuring 5 weeks ahead so I really am huge. Everything is fine on the scans so it seems just to be how I carry. People are always saying how huge I am. As long as it is meant well it doesn't usually bother me too much, I just laugh and agree. It does bug me when people say all knowing things like "you are never going to make it to your due date". I was huge my last pregnancy too and went 10 days over. People like to have something to say and if they were not telling you you were too big they would be telling you you are too small. A lot of the time people say stuff without any actual basis and without thinking, although some of those comments are quite mean. Here are some responses off the top of my head.

"In our day our doctors never allowed us to get THAT big and if we did we were committed until we were a proper weight..."
"I'm glad medical care has improved so much since your days, they did silly things back then didn't they."

"I sure hope you deliver soon you are way too big."
"At least its better than measuring small."


"I can't believe you allowed yourself to get like that."
"Pregnant? Oh no, it was planned "

"Looks like you're going to have a rather healthy baby there from the looks of it. Are you sure you aren't due next week?"
"The doctor said I'm the right size for my dates but it's funny how people like to guess"


"Is it safe for the baby if you allow yourself to gain that much."
"The doctor said I'm a good weight. It can be bad for the baby if you don't gain enough".

"YOURE AS LARGE AS A HOUSE!"
"Well I am pregnant, if I wasn't I'd be worried"

 

[Beee]

"In our day our doctors never allowed us to get THAT big and if we did we were committed until we were a proper weight..."
"I'm glad medical care has improved so much since your days, they did silly things back then didn't they."

"I sure hope you deliver soon you are way too big."
"At least its better than measuring small."


"I can't believe you allowed yourself to get like that."
"Pregnant? Oh no, it was planned "

"Looks like you're going to have a rather healthy baby there from the looks of it. Are you sure you aren't due next week?"
"The doctor said I'm the right size for my dates but it's funny how people like to guess"


"Is it safe for the baby if you allow yourself to gain that much."
"The doctor said I'm a good weight. It can be bad for the baby if you don't gain enough".

"YOURE AS LARGE AS A HOUSE!"
"Well I am pregnant, if I wasn't I'd be worried"

These are brilliant!!! xx

 

[madseasons]

"In our day our doctors never allowed us to get THAT big and if we did we were committed until we were a proper weight..."
"I'm glad medical care has improved so much since your days, they did silly things back then didn't they."

"I sure hope you deliver soon you are way too big."
"At least its better than measuring small."


"I can't believe you allowed yourself to get like that."
"Pregnant? Oh no, it was planned "

"Looks like you're going to have a rather healthy baby there from the looks of it. Are you sure you aren't due next week?"
"The doctor said I'm the right size for my dates but it's funny how people like to guess"


"Is it safe for the baby if you allow yourself to gain that much."
"The doctor said I'm a good weight. It can be bad for the baby if you don't gain enough".

"YOURE AS LARGE AS A HOUSE!"
"Well I am pregnant, if I wasn't I'd be worried"

These are brilliant!!! xx

AGREED! Much better than what I would have said...an a lot nicer

 

[Mummy to be x]

If someone said those things to me I'd tell them to piss right off customers or not!

Would they go and say those things to an over weight lady? Doubt it. So what gives them the right to say that to a pregnant woman, we have feelings too.

Don't put up with it tell them where to go.

 

[katherinegrey]

I genuinely sympathise. I'm avoiding family even because of the comments. My last baby was over 9lb, so he was large, and a difficult birth, so the comments affect me even more this time around, I feel like saying 'no, please do tell me how big this baby will be, it's really comforting, I'm not at all scared to death as it is, a healthy dose of terror every time we speak is good for my blood pressure and stress levels right now!'.

I went for a scan where baby was actually measuring small for my gestation, and the comments I had were unreal. Everyone kept saying 'but you're so huge, if baby is small do you have a lot of water or something?'. Nope, borderline low actually, nothing like being told I'm just a cow as it's neither baby nor water though, thanks!
Now baby has caught up, so everyone feels justified in telling me how they never believed for a minute baby was on the small side, I mean, look at me! How could someone so massive have a small baby in there?

I have no idea why people think it's okay to comment like this. When I see a pregnant lady I say 'you look lovely' and leave it at that. I wouldn't comment on anyone's size, pregnant or not. I also love the 'you look tired' comments too. So I'm fat and look like crap, wonderful

No wonder I've stopped leaving the house!

 

[RaspberryK]

I've already started getting the are you due soon and how long left comments but no one has been quite as rude asc those comments and I'd be very tempted to say something awful back.
.xx

 

[UnderPressure]

Depending on how people say things, I'll tell them I'm not pregnant to see if they feel bad or will tell them I'm just a superstar baby-grower. Even my doctor asked me a couple weeks ago if I was sure there was just one in there... I told him it's not funny when other people say it and it's just mean when he does. Jerks.

There's something about being pregnant that makes people think they're entitled to their opinions. The hostess seating us at the restaurant yesterday wouldn't stop asking personal questions so I ended up telling her we're giving the baby up for adoption. It makes my hubby mad when I tell people things like that or that I'm just fat not pregnant but frankly, it's none of their business. I spend a lot of time telling coworkers that my eyes are UP HERE and that they should look there when they talk to me.

 

[Pix]

Awww. You ladies are fabulous!

I'm actually measuring 4 weeks ahead. But still even so the words are unjust. He's happy and healthy. I just wish I had quicker comebacks. As I told my mom today if it weren't a business maybe I'd be better off. But these women I see daily and weekly.

Worse is coworkers expecting me to be pleasant. Sigh. Not gonna work. Sadly I feel better that I'm not the only one!

 

[BunnyN]

My MW did say she would be thinking twins now if she didn't know it wasn't. She has beed really nice and layed back about it though. She said that since she saw me my last pregnancy and since the begining of this one and I've always measured large it just seems to be the way I am and is normal for me. Everything is fine on the scans, no extra fluid or anything. Baby is big as expected, all the babies in our family are and LO was 9lbs 5oz but that doesn't explain measuring 5 weeks ahead. I am on the heavy side but I lost loads of weight at the beggining because of awful morning sickness so its not like I've even put on too much weight.

 

[maddog37]

I would probably snap a sharp pair of scissors near their ear while staring at the woman with a hard grin in the mirror, and then wipe the blades in as Sweeney Todd a style as possible.

Older women really are horrible when it comes to that though. Im sure you look great no matter what you gained. Plus, all that matters is that you and baby feel and are good, health wise.

 

[BunnyN]

I would probably snap a sharp pair of scissors near their ear while staring at the woman with a hard grin in the mirror, and then wipe the blades in as Sweeney Todd a style as possible.

Older women really are horrible when it comes to that though. Im sure you look great no matter what you gained. Plus, all that matters is that you and baby feel and are good, health wise.

Lol, I like that one.

 

[Bmama]

how rude of your customers! Honestly I don't know how they can say such hurtful things to another women, especially a pregnant one! I have had the 'you're as big as a house' comment and I should have spoken up and said 'that type of comment hurts my feelings', but I am still growing a thick skin and have a hard time coming up with on the spot comebacks. Maybe after a customer says a comment like that say 'you know, I'm the one holding the scissors here, you may want to be nice to me'

 

[Dobsd]

Ugh those vile women! Why do they think it's ok to say those things to you?
I had my annual health check at work when I was around 31 weeks. The woman doing the check is, shall we say, quite a bit over weight. She weighed me and said I had put on 17kg during pregnancy and then said "you know, you don't HAVE to eat for two"... I so nearly said "yeah, well neither do you!". I was so mad at her!
Another thing that's annoying me, an guy at work who must be in his 60s makes a comment EVERY time I see him... "Here she comes with the triplets", "oh, I saw your belly arrive 5 minutes before you did!" And my personal favourite "Are you sure you should be eating that sandwich?".... grr it's so annoying! He's usually a nice guy and I don't think he means anything by it, but it is very annoying.

Just try not to let it get to you, know that your baby is happy and healthy and no matter what they say, your baby will be here before you know it and you'll forget everything they ever said

 

[jzgrace]

In THEIR day they were also told to smoke cigarettes when stressed during pregnancy.....so her comment holds no weight (no pun intended)
Also since when did you hire ANYONE to be your dietitian?! These people really have some nerve. Dieting while pregnant shows low self image , selfishness , and vanity. (Unless you have GD)
I dont know that there is any way of putting these people in their place other than being blunt and as rude as they are. Why care what they think when they have no mind of your thoughts or feelings?
I know I get big when im pregnant. I gained almost 100 lbs with dd1 & dd2. And now again with this baby. Ive lost the weight each time. The one saying oh you wont be able to lose the weight probably has no self control. Its as easy to lose the weight as it is to put on. Im 5' 6 and at my last appt I weighed 195. Im well on my way to the 100 lb (about 6 stone)weight gain. 25 more pounds and im there (about two more stone for UK readers.)