How do you feel about epidurals/natural birth?

[Nic1107]

I never said people couldn't want a natural birth. Fuck it, I would have wanted one to. I'm just sick of people implying that my experience was lesser than theirs! I don't "have" to live with it, I didn't just hand over my birth to the smart lady with the stethoscope, and sometimes taking two seconds to consider someone else's feelings isn't a bad thing. Jesus Christ, no one has to have a bloody epidural or c-sec to spare someone's feelings, or stop talking about their births. But when one is talking about someone else's birth, maybe their own view on it could be taken with the same value? Of course not, after all we can't even be trusted with our own womanly empowerment. I'm sick of trying to spare the feelings of people who are so hurt by being called patronizing, just like they are sick of sparing the feelings of people who are hurt by their words. Hey well, support really IS a one-way street isn't it?

 

[Laura2919]

I never said people couldn't want a natural birth. Fuck it, I would have wanted one to. I'm just sick of people implying that my experience was lesser than theirs! I don't "have" to live with it, I didn't just hand over my birth to the smart lady with the stethoscope, and sometimes taking two seconds to consider someone else's feelings isn't a bad thing. Jesus Christ, no one has to have a bloody epidural or c-sec to spare someone's feelings, or stop talking about their births. But when one is talking about someone else's birth, maybe their own view on it could be taken with the same value? Of course not, after all we can't even be trusted with our own womanly empowerment. I'm sick of trying to spare the feelings of people who are so hurt by being called patronizing, just like they are sick of sparing the feelings of people who are hurt by their words. Hey well, support really IS a one-way street isn't it?

I agree.. Especially with the bit at the top.

 

[Blah11]

I have to say, it bothers me when people assume they'd be terribly upset if they gave birth the way I did, or had a section, or ventouse or forceps. If you haven't been there, how can you know how you'd feel? No reason to feel sorry for me, I had a great birth experience. And I feel bloody proud of myself too, you know? Hell, I pushed out a baby through a birth canal I couldn't even feel, through sheer force of will and a great pelvic floor I may have run a different kind of marathon, but I ran for miles too and we all crossed the same finish line in the end.

Prob cos I've already had a birth I aboslutely loved and I know anything less than the same, I'd be disappointed with.

'Different' than the same could very well turn out not to be any 'less' after all though. . That's what I'm saying- again not to sound confrontational, but my birth certainly wasn't any "less" than anyone else's. (I keep saying 'mine', I mean my daughter's of course, lol). And no less joyful, no less wonderful. I know everyone wants their birth to go to plan, be everything they always dreamed of- but having everything go exactly the way you want isn't really the point, is it? I definitely understand a general desire for more education about the birthing process and risks of intervention- but even unintentionally, saying one would be really disappointed to have a birth like mine is really implying a cheapening of my experience, and of my daughter's birth. Some births are truly traumatic- and there are traumas and tragedies from BOTH "types" of birth. I think something disappointment is very small potatoes stemming from too much focus on the 'perfect' day. I'm not for a second suggesting that you or anyone here cares less than the rest of us about just having a breathing baby- that would be so untrue as to be ridiculous. I do hope your next birth goes just the way you want it- but I hope, if it doesn't, you won't dwell on it too much and let it cast a shadow on your joy.

Like I said, it's because I have something to compare my next birth too. If my first was a csection I'd be comparing my next to that... but it wasn't. It was text book and I really enjoyed having no stitches and being able to be with my baby straight away and walk to post natal carrying her I don't know why you're getting upset, I'm not slagging your birth story off, I just wouldnt want it for myself. I'm not talking about your births, I'm on about mine and what I want.

 

[Laura2919]

I have to say, it bothers me when people assume they'd be terribly upset if they gave birth the way I did, or had a section, or ventouse or forceps. If you haven't been there, how can you know how you'd feel? No reason to feel sorry for me, I had a great birth experience. And I feel bloody proud of myself too, you know? Hell, I pushed out a baby through a birth canal I couldn't even feel, through sheer force of will and a great pelvic floor I may have run a different kind of marathon, but I ran for miles too and we all crossed the same finish line in the end.

Prob cos I've already had a birth I aboslutely loved and I know anything less than the same, I'd be disappointed with.

'Different' than the same could very well turn out not to be any 'less' after all though. . That's what I'm saying- again not to sound confrontational, but my birth certainly wasn't any "less" than anyone else's. (I keep saying 'mine', I mean my daughter's of course, lol). And no less joyful, no less wonderful. I know everyone wants their birth to go to plan, be everything they always dreamed of- but having everything go exactly the way you want isn't really the point, is it? I definitely understand a general desire for more education about the birthing process and risks of intervention- but even unintentionally, saying one would be really disappointed to have a birth like mine is really implying a cheapening of my experience, and of my daughter's birth. Some births are truly traumatic- and there are traumas and tragedies from BOTH "types" of birth. I think something disappointment is very small potatoes stemming from too much focus on the 'perfect' day. I'm not for a second suggesting that you or anyone here cares less than the rest of us about just having a breathing baby- that would be so untrue as to be ridiculous. I do hope your next birth goes just the way you want it- but I hope, if it doesn't, you won't dwell on it too much and let it cast a shadow on your joy.

Like I said, it's because I have something to compare my next birth too. If my first was a csection I'd be comparing my next to that... but it wasn't. It was text book and I really enjoyed having no stitches and being able to be with my baby straight away and walk to post natal carrying her I don't know why you're getting upset, I'm not slagging your birth story off, I just wouldnt want it for myself. I'm not talking about your births, I'm on about mine and what I want.

But if it doesnt go that way then you shouldnt dwell on it.. Whatever happens your going to have your child and thats all that should matter.. I had a really bad experience but I dont let it be the one thing that dissapoints me.. I have my girls so it doesnt matter to me.. It would have been much worse if they had continued to let me dilate..
My mum delivered all three of us with just gas and air. I had a general anaesthetic and my sister had an epidural, both delivered via section. My friend had a natural then a section, my other friend had a medicated birth and then a natural birth. It changes, so if you would need a section with your second for whatever reason you shouldnt let it bother you, yes its not what you want but you have a baby to love and to cuddle.

 

[Gen79]

I think I am just as offended that I'm not allowed to have a preference for birth experience, just as others are that we do have a preference. I understand it I guess, having a preference means implicitly that theres some judgement there. But, its not personal judgement, its not about you, its about me. I don't really care what you do. I know its hard to understand because the world is full of busybodies telling everyone how to live their life and what they're supposed to do. But honestly, I don't care. But I do have a preference for the most natural birth I can safely acheive for my and my baby's comfort. C-section won't be comfortable for me and forceps won't be comfortable for either of us. If it has to be, then it has to be and of couse a live healthy baby is first and foremost. But don't tell me I'm not allowed to have a preference. If my preference makes you feel bad then maybe you have an issue to work through, and I sympathise, but don't project it onto me as my issue.

 

[Laura2919]

I think I am just as offended that I'm not allowed to have a preference for birth experience, just as others are that we do have a preference. I understand it I guess, having a preference means implicitly that theres some judgement there. But, its not personal judgement, its not about you, its about me. I don't really care what you do. I know its hard to understand because the world is full of busybodies telling everyone how to live their life and what they're supposed to do. But honestly, I don't care. But I do have a preference for the most natural birth I can safely acheive for my and my baby's comfort. C-section won't be comfortable for me and forceps won't be comfortable for either of us. If it has to be, then it has to be and of couse a live healthy baby is first and foremost. But don't tell me I'm not allowed to have a preference. If my preference makes you feel bad then maybe you have an issue to work through, and I sympathise, but don't project it onto me as my issue.

Nobody has said you arent allowed to have a preference.. Nobody has said you cant have a natural birth, just have an open mind because it doesnt always mean you will deliver naturally.

 

[Gen79]

I think I am just as offended that I'm not allowed to have a preference for birth experience, just as others are that we do have a preference. I understand it I guess, having a preference means implicitly that theres some judgement there. But, its not personal judgement, its not about you, its about me. I don't really care what you do. I know its hard to understand because the world is full of busybodies telling everyone how to live their life and what they're supposed to do. But honestly, I don't care. But I do have a preference for the most natural birth I can safely acheive for my and my baby's comfort. C-section won't be comfortable for me and forceps won't be comfortable for either of us. If it has to be, then it has to be and of couse a live healthy baby is first and foremost. But don't tell me I'm not allowed to have a preference. If my preference makes you feel bad then maybe you have an issue to work through, and I sympathise, but don't project it onto me as my issue.

Nobody has said you arent allowed to have a preference.. Nobody has said you cant have a natural birth, just have an open mind because it doesnt always mean you will deliver naturally.

Yes she really did.

I definitely understand a general desire for more education about the birthing process and risks of intervention- but even unintentionally, saying one would be really disappointed to have a birth like mine is really implying a cheapening of my experience, and of my daughter's birth.

 

[Blah11]

I'm getting fed up of these threads. It happened to me in the BF one too cos I said I'd rather wet nurse than formula. Its okay for others to have a preference for an elective csection, epidural or to use formula but its not okay for me to have a natural birth and give my baby donated milk? It stinks of hypocrisy in here sometimes and I'm fed up of tiptoeing around incase someone is offended by MY preference

 

[WW1]

Blah - you have the right to choose the birth and method of feeding you wish! Of course you do just as I had preferences for mine.

I've not once read you "cheapen" my birth experience (which was very different) and I'm sure you will do what is best for your next baby when the time comes (hopefully a pain free birth with no meds at all!). You have the right to express your preferences here as well - I for one don't take offence!!

We all have preferences but that isn't to say we always get what we want. What I've taken from this thread is that epis do have their place but shouldn't be overused. Also, the ultimate outcome is a healthy mum and baby. However that happens we should consider ourselves very luckyfor having that baby in our arms - no matter whether it came out naturally or with some assistance.

 

[Kalah]

I'm getting fed up of these threads. It happened to me in the BF one too cos I said I'd rather wet nurse than formula. Its okay for others to have a preference for an elective csection, epidural or to use formula but its not okay for me to have a natural birth and give my baby donated milk? It stinks of hypocrisy in here sometimes and I'm fed up of tiptoeing around incase someone is offended by MY preference

To be honest I think it's just because there is more sensitivity from people on the other side of things.

 

[marley2580]

I actually don't understand how people can say that it doesn't matter how your child gets here, as long as they do so safely. Giving birth is a major event in a woman's life. You'd be disappointed if your wedding day didn't go to plan, giving birth is a whole lot bigger than that. I tried for home births twice and ended up with sections twice, I'm plumping for an elective next time as at least that way some part of my birth may go to plan.

I was very lucky in that my MWs were very supportive, as was my partner. But there are so many women out there that have been traumatised by their experience. You can't just say to someone that's experienced a horrendous birth, or who feels that their experience was handled badly by medical professionals, to get over it as they have a healthy baby - that totally dismisses a woman's feelings and experience.

Back on topic, I don't see anything wrong with epidurals, but I do think they are overused as a way of coping with understaffing - a woman with an epi doesn't need much attention until close to birth (in their eyes), whereas a woman going natural needs coaching through the pain, intermittent monitoring etc.

 

[Laura2919]

I actually don't understand how people can say that it doesn't matter how your child gets here, as long as they do so safely. Giving birth is a major event in a woman's life. You'd be disappointed if your wedding day didn't go to plan, giving birth is a whole lot bigger than that. I tried for home births twice and ended up with sections twice, I'm plumping for an elective next time as at least that way some part of my birth may go to plan.

I was very lucky in that my MWs were very supportive, as was my partner. But there are so many women out there that have been traumatised by their experience. You can't just say to someone that's experienced a horrendous birth, or who feels that their experience was handled badly by medical professionals, to get over it as they have a healthy baby - that totally dismisses a woman's feelings and experience.

Back on topic, I don't see anything wrong with epidurals, but I do think they are overused as a way of coping with understaffing - a woman with an epi doesn't need much attention until close to birth (in their eyes), whereas a woman going natural needs coaching through the pain, intermittent monitoring etc.

It honestly doesnt bother me how my babies got here. Everyone is different.

I had a woman say I dont want a section cos I feel like I have failed.. Nobody fails when it comes to labour, not everyone has the birth experience they want to have but you just gotta let it go. Whats the point in being dissapointed and upset, its happened and its not gonna change.

My mum cries her eyes out when she tells people what I went through and I just sit there. When I came out of hospital my HV came round and examined me and said if I needed I could get some anti depressants. I didnt need them but my mum was so cut up I said she should of had some..

 

[moomin_troll]

some people are bothered when their births dont go the way they want and some dont care. but just because some dont care it doesnt give them the right to jump on those that do.

i really shouldnt but alot is hanging over the birth of my second son, ive had a horrible time during this pregnancy and i want his birth to be a certain way and id be crushed if it didnt.
ofcourse id be happy that he got here safetly and was well but that doesnt mean i cant be really happy or dissapointed with how that happened.

it amazing to me that people who plan a natural birth get jumped on....whats so bloody wrong with wanting a natural birth?
we arent stupid! ofcourse if things went wrong wed take advantage of living in this day and age with the right doctors and medication to help us.

just because we dont want a epidural or would hate a section doesnt mean we are wrong and not one of us have said anything really bad about women using epidurals other then when women arent informed

 

[freckleonear]

It's fine for people not to be bothered about how their babies are born, but it's also fine to be upset about it. I was disappointed in myself that I had pethidine for my first and I would be devastated if I ever have to have an epidural or c-section. Of course I'll be glad that my baby was born safely, but now that I know how amazing a natural drug-free birth is I would be even more disappointed to miss out on that experience. It's not something you get to do many times in a lifetime. I'm not belittling anybody else's birth experience and I really don't care how you choose to give birth, but I would be upset if MY birth didn't go to plan.

 

[bathbabe]

How does everyone feel about gas and air?

 

[moomin_troll]

i tried gas and air, cant say it did much as then when the pain got really bad i just used the mouth piece to bite down on hahahaha

i will have it to hand this time and use it if i feel the need, altho im doing hypnobirthing if i can remind myself to put the cd on lol so ile be busy doing that breathing

 

[WW1]

It's fine for people not to be bothered about how their babies are born, but it's also fine to be upset about it. I was disappointed in myself that I had pethidine for my first and I would be devastated if I ever have to have an epidural or c-section. Of course I'll be glad that my baby was born safely, but now that I know how amazing a natural drug-free birth is I would be even more disappointed to miss out on that experience. It's not something you get to do many times in a lifetime. I'm not belittling anybody else's birth experience and I really don't care how you choose to give birth, but I would be upset if MY birth didn't go to plan.

I agree with you here. I suppose it probably depends on whether it was a CHOICE or not. If a woman has her mind set on a specific way and that is not possible then I think that will always be harder to come to terms with (especially if she has a previous birth to compare it to).

It's the same with many things - if people feel in control of a situation they are often able to accept it much easier, regardless of what it is.

And before anyone puts "there is always a choice because you can say no to an epi or c section" I know that's technically true. However, a section and healthy baby or no section and ... Is no choice at all in my opinion.

 

[indy and lara]

I actually don't understand how people can say that it doesn't matter how your child gets here, as long as they do so safely. Giving birth is a major event in a woman's life. You'd be disappointed if your wedding day didn't go to plan, giving birth is a whole lot bigger than that. I tried for home births twice and ended up with sections twice, I'm plumping for an elective next time as at least that way some part of my birth may go to plan.

I was very lucky in that my MWs were very supportive, as was my partner. But there are so many women out there that have been traumatised by their experience. You can't just say to someone that's experienced a horrendous birth, or who feels that their experience was handled badly by medical professionals, to get over it as they have a healthy baby - that totally dismisses a woman's feelings and experience.

Back on topic, I don't see anything wrong with epidurals, but I do think they are overused as a way of coping with understaffing - a woman with an epi doesn't need much attention until close to birth (in their eyes), whereas a woman going natural needs coaching through the pain, intermittent monitoring etc.

It honestly doesnt bother me how my babies got here. Everyone is different.

I had a woman say I dont want a section cos I feel like I have failed.. Nobody fails when it comes to labour, not everyone has the birth experience they want to have but you just gotta let it go. Whats the point in being dissapointed and upset, its happened and its not gonna change.

My mum cries her eyes out when she tells people what I went through and I just sit there. When I came out of hospital my HV came round and examined me and said if I needed I could get some anti depressants. I didnt need them but my mum was so cut up I said she should of had some..

Well Laura, I never thought the day would come but I have to say that I completely agree with you I completely and utterly had no care as to how Emma got here. It would not have mattered in the slightest if I had had a section or an epi. All that mattered to me was to have my baby safely here.

As ever though (Marley I don't mean you, I just wanted to answer your 1st point) this seems to be getting into 'I'm allowed my point of view' rather than reading what people are saying. The original question was about epis and as I said, if someone has chosen that route then it does not mean that they never researched the side effects or that they were pushed into that route by medical professionals, it may be that was their considered choice. It was mine but I just couldn't sit still enough for it to be done safely. I DID need pain relief, hence my decision to then have pethidene. Gas and air just made me vomit- pointless for me!

For me, I cannot understand why people would be disappointed if they had to use pain relief. That is because I come from a different school of thought altogether. If your child is here then Ithink that is the important thing to focus on. Having been on the other side it is very hard to understand why, when your baby is here and safe, you are still upset. But that is just something I can't relate to. I have no issue with people wanting a natural birth but surely I am allowed to say that it was not important to me? Someone else's decision and feelings do not belittle the birth I had- why would they? My daughter is here and safe and at the end of the day, that is what makes a 'successful and positive' birth for me.

 

[freckleonear]

How does everyone feel about gas and air?

Gas and air doesn't cross the placenta, so besides possibly making the mother feel a bit sick and woozy it has no negative effects on the baby before or after birth. It may not be particularly effective at reducing the pain but it does give the woman something to concentrate on and can help her breathe properly.

 

[nov_mum]

I'm a little puzzled why we are all supposed to be eternally grateful with whatever we get landed with. Of course we all love our babies but like someone said earlier, it's one of the hugest things we will ever do with our lives. If I brought a car and it wasn't what I wanted I would be entitled to be unhappy. If I get crap care during birth I am entitled to be unhappy, but if things don't go to plan and it is no ones fault then I am not allowed to have any feelings of disappointment?? I don't think I get the rules.

I had PET and that meant my birth centre birth was off the cards. It meant I had to be
admitted to hospital and induced a week later. It meant my boy was very likely to need nicu. None of that was planned, none of that was wished for. I don't have to be happy about it. What I was super happy with was the way I advocated for my baby and managed an induced but vaginal labour with no drugs. This meant he was well enough to be on the ward with me, be near me and be cared for by his mum and dad. I am super proud of that as if I didn't advocate I would have ended up with an emergency section and a baby in NICU. I would have loved things to work out differently, just because I was lucky enough to walk out of there with a healthy baby doesn't mean I can't grieve for what I would have liked and that I can't wish for a complication free pregnancy and birth.

Gas and air didn't work for me. I was told itwas probably taking the edge off things in both labours but I was skeptical. After my second son was born I had ot be stitched up. It was about 30 mins later so I was not in labour still, I got told to have five ro six dpeth breaths on the gas before they injected the local and it did nothing. I told the docs and they said it doesnt work for a large percent. I told them I better not break any bones that need resetting with Gas then and they told me that in Orthopaedics the gas is concentrated so would work but with maternity it is quite dilute. I think we are ripped off!!