How do you get through this and pretend everything's ok??

[MrsD140810]

Hi ladies,

It's horrible having to be on this forum! Here's my story. Absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant at the beginning of August. When I was 7 weeks pregnant, I had some brown spotting. I went for an early ultrasound and there was no sign of the baby. My hcg level kept rising though, so the doctors were concerned it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had a laparoscopy and the 'good' news is it wasn't ectopic and I haven't had a tube removed. The doctors are calling it a miscarriage, but it was slightly complicated as my hcg level was rising. They removed 'something' in the operation and now the levels have dropped.

Close family who were so incredibly supportive and concerned when I was in hospital, now think I'm fine. I get the impression that because I am recovering well physically, they think I'm back to my normal self and it's all in the past. My husband has been amazing but he doesn't even talk to me about how he feels.

So here I am, physically getting better, heading back to work tomorrow but feeling like an emotional mess. Life feels empty. I just feel depressed and angry all the time. I'm trying hard to be positive and realise that I have a good chance of getting pregnant again in the future. But all I want is my baby and I feel like no one understands that. I feel pathetic every time I cry.

The other problem is, only close friends and family know I had a miscarriage. Most people at work just think I have had an operation. So I find myself having to pretend that everything is fine and I'm happy when inside I'm not. How do I get through this?

Sorry for the long, depressed message. I just needed to let it all out!

 

[calvinzoey]

Hi ladies,

It's horrible having to be on this forum! Here's my story. Absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant at the beginning of August. When I was 7 weeks pregnant, I had some brown spotting. I went for an early ultrasound and there was no sign of the baby. My hcg level kept rising though, so the doctors were concerned it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had a laparoscopy and the 'good' news is it wasn't ectopic and I haven't had a tube removed. The doctors are calling it a miscarriage, but it was slightly complicated as my hcg level was rising. They removed 'something' in the operation and now the levels have dropped.

Close family who were so incredibly supportive and concerned when I was in hospital, now think I'm fine. I get the impression that because I am recovering well physically, they think I'm back to my normal self and it's all in the past. My husband has been amazing but he doesn't even talk to me about how he feels.

So here I am, physically getting better, heading back to work tomorrow but feeling like an emotional mess. Life feels empty. I just feel depressed and angry all the time. I'm trying hard to be positive and realise that I have a good chance of getting pregnant again in the future. But all I want is my baby and I feel like no one understands that. I feel pathetic every time I cry.

The other problem is, only close friends and family know I had a miscarriage. Most people at work just think I have had an operation. So I find myself having to pretend that everything is fine and I'm happy when inside I'm not. How do I get through this?

Sorry for the long, depressed message. I just needed to let it all out!

I'm so sorry! It's rough to go through, even if its early. Everyone I know knew I was pregnant as I was just about 3 months. It's been 3 weeks now, and I still get very sad and cry - but it does get easier as the idea of trying again soon gets exciting.

 

[LPF]

There's no other way to describe it but that its sh*t.

It's a horrible, dark, miserable time. I never thought it could happen to me and it did and I was so ill / hospitalised / need blood transfusion. People who knew also think I'm fine because I've recovered physically but I'm not.

A friend just announced her birth all over Facebook and I had to hold the tears back and it's been 6 weeks. Bit it does get a bit easier and when normal life starts to resume you feel a little more distracted.

Big hugs xx

 

[Topanga053]

You find people around whom you DON'T have to pretend everything's ok. If your DH doesn't want to talk, find a friend, a pastor, a therapist, etc who you want unload to. It's so important to be able to be honest about your grief and work through it. Keeping it all inside and pretending to be fine all of the time isn't healthy. Best of luck hun.

 

[celine]

I agree, its so hard yesterday it was confirmed my 2nd mc ( last one was10 weeks ago) so 2 mc in 12 weeks i went to playgroup today to carry on and for the sake of ny daughter but everyone kept asking why i looked so tired and at one point i almost burst into tears chatting to a friend who is secretly early preggers

 

[FloatingKiss]

Hiya hun,

I just wanted to let you know that I understand..... I honestly and truly understand everything you have written and I'm sending you the biggest, squiggiest, supportive hug.

From my experiences, I agree that people do unfortuntely see that you are physically okay and then think everything else is fine... we can't blame them for how they feel - as many of them will not have had to go through the trauma that you are experiencing.

I'll add though hun, you will probably find out that more people that you ever imagined actually do know what you are experiencing ... and they will slowly come out of the woodwork with their experiences.

My husband was exactely the same as you have described... so so supportive towards me, but simply refused to discuss things.. my husband also at one point asked me to stop talking about it!!! As you can imagine, that sent me into turmoil BUT I also understood why he didn't want me talking about it.... it hurt.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling depressed and angry - but they are natural reactions and you must allow yourself to work through those feelings.

I nearly burst into tears reading your post hun... as you could have been inside my head, writing my feelings.... "Life feels empty" - this is just heartbreaking but I promise you this feeling won't last.

Please don't tell yourself off for allowing an emotion to rear its head. If you want to cry, cry... allow yourself to cry and have that release. Please please don't think you are anything other than human for feeling sad and upset - what you have experienced is just awful, so awful that words can't describe... but again I promise you it will get easier.

I feel we put ourselves through alot, wanting to be positive and just 'get on'.... some days you will be able to do this and others may be different... let them happen how they happen. As you grow stronger your sad emotions will decrease.. you'll never forget, but you will feel slightly 'different' about things. But please don't push yourself.

As already advised above, talking about how you feel will be very good for you. So if you do have a family member or a friend who you can talk to, I'd truly encourage you to do this...that is something I didn't do... and it did me no good at all.

Going back to work you may find will help you, but it may be worth maybe telling your direct Manager or HR (I work in HR) about your situation, so that it you do need to take 'time out', you can without having to be asked questions.

If you want to PM me, you are MORE than welcome. I will listen/read whatever you want to right and believe me, I so understanding how you feel.

Sending you lots of support.
FloatingKiss xxx







The other problem is, only close friends and family know I had a miscarriage. Most people at work just think I have had an operation. So I find myself having to pretend that everything is fine and I'm happy when inside I'm not. How do I get through this?