How do you get through this and pretend everything's ok??

[MrsD140810]

Hi ladies,

It's horrible having to be on this forum! Here's my story. Absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant at the beginning of August. When I was 7 weeks pregnant, I had some brown spotting. I went for an early ultrasound and there was no sign of the baby. My hcg level kept rising though, so the doctors were concerned it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had a laparoscopy and the 'good' news is it wasn't ectopic and I haven't had a tube removed. The doctors are calling it a miscarriage, but it was slightly complicated as my hcg level was rising. They removed 'something' in the operation and now the levels have dropped.

Close family who were so incredibly supportive and concerned when I was in hospital, now think I'm fine. I get the impression that because I am recovering well physically, they think I'm back to my normal self and it's all in the past. My husband has been amazing but he doesn't even talk to me about how he feels.

So here I am, physically getting better, heading back to work tomorrow but feeling like an emotional mess. Life feels empty. I just feel depressed and angry all the time. I'm trying hard to be positive and realise that I have a good chance of getting pregnant again in the future. But all I want is my baby and I feel like no one understands that. I feel pathetic every time I cry.

The other problem is, only close friends and family know I had a miscarriage. Most people at work just think I have had an operation. So I find myself having to pretend that everything is fine and I'm happy when inside I'm not. How do I get through this?

Sorry for the long, depressed message. I just needed to let it all out!

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Hi, Mrs. D?

It's hard to pretend like everything is ok, I still haven't gotten the hang out it.

Your hubby probably feels just as sad as you, but he doesn't want to burden you with his feelings.

Have you thought about telling people at work your situation?

I'm very sorry for your loss, Mrs.D.

 

[LifeAfterDepo]

Let it all out girl. Don't bottle anything up, it will tear you up. I would be so upset if the HCG was rising and that happened to me.
I just found out mine dropped to 85.

In all the Google'ing and research I've conducted. Some studies show that women are actually more likely to have a successful pregnancy after miscarriage and can be more fertile. I'm going to console myself that that for the time being.

Here is my story if you're interested, so you can feel less alone... https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/trying-conceive-1/1998963-best-worst-week-my-life.html

 

[newlywedtzh]

I understand:-/ .. I don't think any of us envisioned ourselves in these situations. I think we all assumed a positive test would mean a bouncing baby at the end. I just have to remind myself that everything is out of my control and that there is a greater plan. And that one day, no matter how we get there.. we will have a family.

 

[ashaz]

MrsD.
I just had my D&C this past Thursday so everything is so fresh for me too. I too have had very similiar emotions to you and today is my 1st day back. Just realize that what and how you feel is normal. You will be fine one minute and then break down. Just realize that you still have the hormones in your body and it takes time for these to leave your system. You are not alone!

I think our husbands are trying to be 'strong' for us, but I keep encouraging mine to PLEASE talk to someone. If he feels bad talking to me (like he is burdening me - which he is not), I encouraged his mom or even his brother. I know that he is sad and he was very scared during my procedure as he almost passed out 2 times in pre-op and then when the surgery lasted nearly an hour vs the 30 mins they told him he sat in the waiting room alone. Makes me so sad that he was so scared.

I have found this site so supportive and have helped me get through the worst day of my life. Always know that we are here to support you on your good and bad days.

 

[italianlady14]

Hey all. So I thought I'd throw my recently learned knowledge and pain into the mix. This past Friday I was scheduled for a routine '7 week' nurses visit for blood testing etc. It was my first pregnancy, and I had felt like I was diligent about prenatals/health...etc. Last Thursday I noticed some light bleeding and pretty much knew something was wrong. My husband spent the day at work googling everything I would have been (I was at work training all day, REALLY HARD to concentrate with that on the back of your mind, barely passed the test at the end)...and had tried to stay positive by the end telling me since I didn't have severe cramps and such that it probably wasn't anything. Can't blame him. Plus the bleeding stopped by the time I got home. Anyways...long story short, there I am trembling telling the nurse on Friday about the bleeding...seeing her expression about the blood...and having a good idea what the ultrasound would show. Even the doctor tried to stay positive before the ultrasound, heck I'm 26, in pretty good physical shape, what could go wrong? Well, the baby never really developed and I spent the weekend waiting for a natural miscarriage. I am shocked at how painful passing a simple gestational sack, and I just can't imagine the pain of farther along miscarriages. I truly admire and my heart aches for those going through a miscarriage.

Since this is my first pregnancy and miscarriage, and I'm going through it with you guys, all I can say is I worked from home today to give me some physical and mental space to continue trying to accept this. I feel like I've had an identity crisis. I was someone who tried to eat healthy-ish, but had my share of caffeine and did very intense workouts...and for the past 7 weeks I cut everything significantly back and was just beginning to accept my new limits in workouts, in how tired I was...etc. And now...who am I? I have nothing to protect again. It gives you a new sense of purpose, in just those few short weeks. Anyone else felt that way?

I really don't know how to act normal at work. I have a close coworker who Ive told, and I will be depending on him to help me if a moment gets tough during the day. I can't imagine feeling normal again until I see a heartbeat on the screen. And that is atleast a few months away for even trying. God bless you all. Glad we have each other, because I've never felt so alone. The husbands, and even the mothers who haven't miscarried, can be very helpful, but its just not something anyone can really get unless you've been there. God bless.

 

[Literati_Love]

I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that you're having to join the world of pretending everything is okay. I have no idea how I started acting like that, but I did automatically as soon as I went back to work as well. Now everyone assumes I am fine, and only a couple of people know what actually happened. Even those people, who were supportive in the beginning, assume I am totally fine now. Well, guess what - I'm not! I am still a basketcase most of the time at home, but I'm just good at keeping myself going during the day. It does get a bit easier as time goes on, but I don't really know when it will ever stop hurting.

 

[LifeAfterDepo]

I've been open about it. I think more people need to be aware of how prevalent this is and no one should mourn in silence. My coworkers have been very supportive and so is my family. They were just as shocked as we were. I couldn't have rebounded from this experience so strongly and quickly without that support. And I am not one to openly talk about my feelings and cry in front of other people.

This experience especially has made me reconsider how hard I work. I'm going to back down from FT and try to find a PRN job (non medical folks, PRN is basically as needed, can still work FT though). I want to focus on my family and home life, work needs to be on the back burner right now. I'm too stressed. And that certainly isn't helping TTC.