How do you know it's the right decision?

[Angel2Fire]

I've been questioning if I've made the right decision recently...

Those of you who had planned pregnancies (sorry I'm being really nosey) what made you think you were ready? And why did you decide to try at that specific time?

Were there things going off in your life that weren't perfect at the time (health, money, work, relationships e.t.c.) and did that affect how things are now or did you get through it?

And also... why did you want children? What did you think it would do for you, has it been how you thought it would?

Has there been times you've really wanted to give up even though you thought you were ready?

Sorry for all the questions, if anyone would answer one or some I'd be really grateful.

Thanks

 

[Dragonfly]

I believe it happens when Its meant to happen. I didnt plan mine but It was meant to happen. I learned so much before it over the years that I think when I got pregnant even though it shocked me that is my time then. I didnt actually think I could have children as an ex and I years ago tried and thankfully we didnt suceed. So I was a bit unsafe with Darren but we have been together years and known each other since young ones. never thought looking back at a high school formal when he was my mate who I fancied that he would be the daddy to my baby! Darren said he never wanted kids though and so did i, ok well i meant i wanted them later in life but we where doing nothing anyway! we didnt drink or go out partying where like some old couple getting animals and treating them like babies lol I think darren did want them all along he was just scared as i had one scare once and he was fine about it then this one here wheni t was for sure he is looking forward to being a daddy and is really great.

ok i am all soppy now. And sorry for rambling.

 

[Dee_H]

Hi hun..I have always known I wanted to be a mom. I would have had children a lot earlier but I always had the feeling that the guy I was with at the time was not the right one to have a baby with. I met Elliott and knew things were different. We had tried for some time before getting engaged but with no success...obviously that wasn't our time. we took some time off from trying until after the wedding and then jumped back on the baby train. My DH and I are both in good health, have great jobs, have a home, married..we just were missing the baby part. i don't know what it will be like to be a mom but I know that I am looking so forward to it. Of course there will be difficult times but that is life...having the support to get through them is what we all need.I'm willing to take the bad with the good. Motherhood has been a long time coming for me so I am over the moon about the whole thing

 

[Shinning_Star]

hmmm, oh the fateful questions. I too believe it only happens when it is suppost to. My first wasn't planned, and was with a god awful man! But in saying that myds tsaught me so much about life and gave me the ambition to further myself, make something of myaelf for him. I was going through a bad time before I conceieved my ds, and the **** came into my life and well long long story but let's say I didn't really want to sleep with the man. But I did, for obviously the reason my son was ready to come down for me.

With this one it was planned, we haven't been together for years but I just knew, we just knew. It's like no relationship I've ever had before, and am compleltly looking forward to sharing the experience with my fiance.

As for in a good position, money, house, marriage etc. I don't think there eveis a good position you can have evrything when you concieve and loose it all by the time the baby is born, Nine months is a long time and alot can happen People loose their houses, for one reason or another, people loose jobs for one reason or another and people will separate one reason or another.There is never a PERFECT time to conceive, as I am a firm believer in it only happening when it is suppost to, but then I believe firmly in karma, and fate and that our children's spirits sit up there waiting for us, to come down only when the time is right.

I also want to add if your worrying about it, trust me it's normal. I think in the early stages people (I now I did) when thorugh a phase of oh poo what have we done have we/i done the right thing. I'd say all part of the learning curver our children provide us!

xxxx

 

[jobee2222]

I guess i have to believe fate plays a part in this too, OH and I were going down the wrong road and when we found out i was pregnant it put us on the straight and narrow. We could'nt be more happier about this lil bubba, we have so many ambitions now, this baby was basically the kick that we needed to do things right.

 

[marley2580]

I planned Kaya, but it was totally kicked off by my sister having her baby - her son is 10 months older than Kaya. It was totally hormones kicking off at a time when I was in a relationship with a good bloke.

 

[Angel2Fire]

Thanks everyone

I feel it's the right time because I have a lot of love and time to give to a child. Me and my bf both suffer from an illness, but I really don't agree with anyone who says this will stop us from being great parents. We may slightly have to change how we do a few things, but we have put a lot of thought and planning into this and answered everyones "what if this happens..."

There's quite a few people I know (especially younger people who aren;t ready for children themselves) who don't agree with our decision and think we should wait until we're back working, own our own home and aren't on benefits.... personally I don't agree. My OH was a maths teacher before he got ill and once he goes back to work he will have no spare time at all. I'd rather him be able to enjoy every minute of the child being young, and be able to be there for the chid. We might not be able to do outdoor activites and trips every single day, but we will be there with the child, for emotional support 24/7. Thats something I never had growing up, and want to make sure I don't repeat my parents mistakes.
When I was about 3 I've been told I asked "who is that man" because my dad was ALWAYS out working, andI'd hate it to come to that with our kid.

Also, yeah we might be on benefits, but these are disability benefits not Jobseekers because we can't be bothered to work. (And we would be entitled to the disability living allowance even if we were working right now because that's all about how your condition affects you.) Eventually I hope to go back to work and pay tax, theres absoloutely no way I'll be on benefits when I don't need to be!

Also, we live in a council flat but it's in a lovely area and I feel secure here. I'm not sure I'd actually want to move just yet as my neighbours are great and the flat is really nice.

Also, I do feel like I've got my head screwed on. I've always loved children, and cared for so many at one time or another. I'm under no false illusions about how difficult it's going to be, but I do believe we can manage it, and hopefully make a good job of it too

 

[Beltane]

I don't think anyone is ever truly ready for babies.
There is never enough money, time, sleep etc.

We decided to try for our first child together when his mother got ill. We originally wanted to start trying in Sept so we'd have a spring/early summer baby. Once we heard his mother was ill, I panicked. I love my mother-in-law and I wanted her to see our babies. I suggested to my husband that we start early so that she would be in our childrens lives. We knew since the day we met that we wanted babies together. Each of us came into the relationship with 1 child. Both of our previous children are loved immensely but we couldnt wait to have children of our own together-- as married adults. Our biggest reason for wanting children is that we are just insanely in love with eachother. We are best friends and we wanted to raise a child that came from love.

I think the fact that we already had kids made it easier as we knew what we were getting into!

 

[Shifter]

We planned this pregnancy, but had intended to wait until the autumn (i.e. now) to start trying. I wanted to have finished my OU degree and for us to have relocated to near my family and be settled in jobs before we started trying.

But it didn't work out like that! We both got impatient in June and thought bugger it, let's just start trying and see what happens, it could take months to conceive

Well, we got lucky, as many women here would see it and conceived on the first attempt. I was over the moon when it happened but then after a couple of weeks I started to really freak out. I felt that it was too soon, there was way too much stuff up in the air and thought we'd made a very silly and impulsive mistake.

But I came to accept that there will never be a perfect time to have babies. The chaos that was impeding our relocation evaporated when I told my parents the news and suddenly it was nothing but progress as we were all motivated to get me and hubby moved in plenty of time. Now we are moving in less than two weeks and it is chaotic again, but in a good way, the way a move will always be!! Especially when the house you are moving to is being renovated

Hubby and I are very secure in our relationship, we've been together for over nine years, married for four and a half but we are still fairly young (I'm 26, he is 29) and knew we wanted to wait a while before bringing a child into our lives. I'm very glad we had those years together as a couple, our early twenties weren't exactly stress-free, we had money problems and so on, like many people. But that time to grow into adults together was really important and I know we are stronger as a couple because of it.

Now I know that we are emotionally ready to be parents and we have supportive families. Hubby has a good job where we are moving to, but obviously I am nervous because of the global financial crisis. Anything could happen, but you can't let that stand in the way of having a family. People cope in much worse conditions than we are in now.

 

[Serene123]

Someone needs a hug!

You aren't the first person to bring up a baby on benefits and you won't be the last. That's what they're there for. If you and your OH are ready and you have alot of love to give to this baby, what's the problem? You go enjoy being pregnant! Quit worrying so much xx

 

[beancounter]

We planned this pregnancy, but had intended to wait until the autumn (i.e. now) to start trying. I wanted to have finished my OU degree and for us to have relocated to near my family and be settled in jobs before we started trying.

But it didn't work out like that! We both got impatient in June and thought bugger it, let's just start trying and see what happens, it could take months to conceive

Well, we got lucky, as many women here would see it and conceived on the first attempt.

That's exactly what we did! We wanted to have a baby in the summer hols because OH is a teacher, but everyone told us it would take ages to conceive so we started, and finished, trying in june. I'm really happy to have a march baby now I have my head round it! I didn't think winter would be a good idea because winter depresses me but hopefully march will be ok

I think with us we were old enough and in love enough to want a baby together