How do you know when you're done?

[Pearls18]

Having children that is?

Do you just lose all desire to have another baby? Do you have a feeling of completeness? Does the fear just override all else? Or do practical reasons just prohibit it? How long do you give yourself to evaluate your feelings?

DS2 is only 9 weeks and I am only 26 so I'm not needing to make a decision this second, but the thought of if I want another child is overwhelming me at the moment. DH says he is well and truly done (he said that after Ds1 though lol) I was packing away the new baby grows and it just really upset me to think that's it for that size, I look at DS2 and I feel so sad I won't be doing this again, how do you differentiate natural broody feelings from a real desire to have another, I don't want to do anything I regret either way and I don't have a strong pull one way.

I should say I hate the newborn stage, I am getting PND again and the thought of pregnancy, labour and the work of a newborn all over again makes me shudder which is why I am so confused as to how I feel I thought I would be laughing saying "no more". I'm sure it's just still hormones etc, but I'm just wondering what helped you decide if you were done or not?

 

[QueenMummyToBe]

For me when we had dd1 and ds I always thought in the back of my mind one more would be amazing..

This time I have.no desire for anymore. This is our familly, no babies dont stay babies for long but I find the baby stage so difficult and nearly 6 months without any
decent sleep I couldn't do it again.

Before we had dd2 we had such a good routine and I look forward to getting that back again but that is because I thrive on control and routine and Alma doesnt!!

xx

 

[dgirllamius]

I'm done for now. As you know things aren't good and I wouldn't want to go through putting another baby through it. I have never had a broody feeling since LO was born.

My feelings might change if the situation changes, but I don't see that happening for a while.

 

[x Michelle x]

I am definitely done! I had my 2 and have no desire whatsoever to have another!
Strangely enough, i would love to be pregnant, just don't want to actually have a new baby.. perhaps i should be a surrogate
I think you'll know when you know, i know thats a bit vague sorry!
perhaps once the hormones calm down a bit you might feel different

 

[Yo_Yo]

I actually wonder if some of us ever feel we're finished in that area.

I mean Mother Nature programmes us to want babies, and it can be so hard to ignore.

I felt the same way after dd2 was born and small. I gave it time thinking it was because I'd just had a baby, but here we are with no3 2 years later.

It certainly does no harm parking the idea for a few months and reviewing it down the road.

I'd talk to your hubby and get your feelings out.

 

[RaspberryK]

I don't know that I'll ever feel done but I think we will be limited my practical reasons xx

 

[Blah11]

I kinda feel like I'll never feel done either I def don't feel completely done yet. Meadow is only 9 weeks so I have a good 3/4 years before I need to decide about a 4th. My oh wanted to stop at 2 lol.

 

[hayz_baby]

We are not claiming were done as I don't think we should at our age (I'm 25 he's 27) but I for one am not sure if I want a newborn again and 2 practical reasons for only having 2. Also I'm not sure how I would feel if I had another boy... I guess I'm kinda saying we are done but I'm not really.. Like leaving the door slightly open..

 

[emyandpotato]

We're not even thinking about a second for years (though I know we both want another) but I do hope that at some point I'll feel done or I imagine either it'll be horrible to stop or I'll just have loads!

 

[mammy2oaklen]

I know I'm not done yet we r ttc #3 I see us with 3 kids I think although I'll be sad my family will be complete. When I have our 3rd.
Practically we could prob have 4 but sharing time and luxuries wise id like To stop at 3. Dh was done at 1 so I've done well convincing to go for #3 lol.

I hoe my broody feeling will calm down after we have one more I'd hate to feel like this knowing there will be no more

 

[lovelylaura]

I'm done and for me its a mixture of things. I just feel done and once this one's here im sure i'll feel complete. However 4 is too impractical for us anyway. We would have to move and get a new car. I hate being pregnant although i've enjoyed this pregnancy. For me to have a career i need to stop, even having this one is going to make it extremely difficult to progress. Also my sister has 4 children and its just chaos i couldn't live with it all day. She would still have more though she doesn't feel 'complete' but due to having lots of complications throughout her pregnancys can not have any more. I think some people just will never feel done. Therefore practicalitys have to come first.

 

[Tasha]

I'm another that won't ever feel done, I think. I always wanted six children and DH wanted two, we've had five but obviously losses make it that much more complicated because some of the children we have had aren't here, so we can't be complete, really.

I think for a lot of people practicalities such as finance and space make the decision for them.

I'm going to have counselling to accept that I won't have more children, that seems pretty ridiculous to me but I feel I need it

 

[RaspberryK]

I'm another that won't ever feel done, I think. I always wanted six children and DH wanted two, we've had five but obviously losses make it that much more complicated because some of the children we have had aren't here, so we can't be complete, really.

I think for a lot of people practicalities such as finance and space make the decision for them.

I'm going to have counselling to accept that I won't have more children, that seems pretty ridiculous to me but I feel I need it

This is not ridiculous in the slightest!
I think it's very brave of you actually, to face it and seek help.
Xx

 

[Lauraxamy]

Well atm I know I'm done because I know if I got pregnant now I'd be more worried than excited, mainly because I already have a two year old and a three year old, I'm a single Mum, my house wouldn't be big enough, I can't afford three children in childcare so I'd have to give up my job, but I do know that I'm not done forever.. I can't imagine never having another baby...

 

[lhancock90]

I can't ever imagine feeling "done"?
The desire for another is always there.
We plan to have one more but if we had the money i'd have 5 or 6.

x

 

[aimee-lou]

I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm never going to feel 'done'. I always thought I'd feel complete after DS3 was born. We'd always said 3 children and it was all a little bit too perfect lol. Now I've been having the exact feelings described in the opening post - I am having to 'streamline' our house to enable us to fit so hanging on to all but the essentials is not allowed. I'm keeping a few bits though and have kept virtually all of the newborn/0-3/3-6 stuff as ostensibly it's for SIL (we were team yellow so it's all neutral) and if she has a baby before we have another then she can have it. I've said to a few people though, including hubby, that I can totally understand these women who go on to have 10,12,16 children like on the TV. That over-whelming love, that rush of emotion, that feeling of amazement, it's addictive! Pregnancy and childbirth aside, children are amazing. Practicalities dictate though that you can't keep going on forever - be it financial, physical space, logistics or plain old mother nature you'll have to stop at some point. That's the difficult pill to swallow.

Hubby and I are very much on the same page with all this though- and luckily I can vent all I want. We are no longer on any birth control as it was interfering with my other medications too much so there is a very real temptation to just let nature take it's course but, I'm only 30 and each successive baby has been easier to conceive than the previous! If we carry on we'll have to buy a shoe to live in! lol

We're keeping the doors open, but to be honest I think we're 'done'. There's always that possibility that things might fail, and we may indeed change our mind in a few months time, but we know we wouldn't want a massive age gap (no more than 3 years really) so I think the further we get down the line, the less we'll want to take that step back to the baby days. I am finding it easier to break the thoughts and move forward by thinking of all the fun we're going to have now and the next milestones for all of them that I need to concentrate on. Being a mum of 3 is lovely, and the balance is nice. I just think it's a hard-wired instinct to make babies. Let's face it, if no-one had these feelings, no-one would have more than 1!

Good luck hun, and don't feel bad. Try to savour the moments as they come and enjoy the now. I have in the past found myself sat wondering where the time has gone, but what I should be doing is looking at what they're doing right this second, and what they're about to do! I keep their baby books up to date, and photo albums and their memory chests. If nothing else, it gives me an excuse to keep those little sentimental things for the future.

 

[hel_5]

I thought I would never feel done, I thought I only ever wanted 2 kids, but after DD2 was born I was SO broody! But after DS it's safe to say I feel done, I've given away my maternity clothes, all the girls clothes, all baby toys and pretty soon the boys clothes will go too, something I never thought I would be able to do without crying!! We are not saying never, as you don't know what the future holds, but no more kids for the foreseeable future, and that makes me happy xx

 

[sam2eb]

I don't think I'll ever feel done.

We have had 4 babies although our first passed away when he was a few days old. The practical side of things doesn't bother me but my son has autism and I suspect my 1 year old also is on the spectrum. So that's what's putting me off.

 

[liz1985]

I always wanted 3 or 4 children and so did OH. when I was pregnant with ds I was already planning our next child (age gap etc) within weeks of him been born I was working out when we would start trying for no2. This time I didnt have the same feelings while pregnant, I started to feel that this would be my last. I still feel the same now. I dont enjoy been pregnant and I dont love the newborn stage either. Im also planning on selling all my baby things to a pregnant friend, whereas with ds I couldn't imagine getting rid of it all. I cant say 100% I wont want another but im pretty sure I dont.

 

[smileyfaces]

Id love a third. I dont feel as though I am done having babies yet. My OH is adamant he does not want another child though