how do you make friends when you work full time?

[hayz_baby]

I really don't have any friends at all. Its really starting to depress me tbh. I have tried going to a mum and toddler group but it goes a but downhill when I'm at work as I work full time and everything is during the week. I have no one to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, I have no one to hang round with, no one invites me out, I have no one to talk too its just really getting to me. Anyone have any ideas of how to meet people? Baring in mind I work full time?

 

[misspriss]

Subscribing. I'd really like to know as well!

 

[MiniKiwi]

Sorry. It's hard, isn't it?

Is there anyone you work with that could be a friend? I know a bit how you feel, we moved to another country a year ago and I have made one good friend who is moving away this month I have made a couple of friends through a facebook group for New Zealanders who live in Norway, but other than being from NZ we don't have that much in common. I still catch up with them quite a bit and try to make it work but it's not like with my good friends, where it's effortless to spend time together.

I am good friends with both my SILs, have you got family nearby, that you get on with? I know there's not much (any!) spare time when you're a mum and working full time, but do you have any hobbies? That's a good way to make friends, it only has to be one night a week or something.

Maybe nobody invites you out because you never invite them out? Have you tried asking someone if they want to catch up for a coffee/playdate with the babes/movie/girly night? I think a lot of adults find it hard to make new friends too, people take pretty well to being invited out for a coffee or whatever, in my experience at least! I've started asking mums with children in my daughter's kindergarten and they don't say no, they're often feeling lonely too. One of them I've clicked quite well with and our daughters adore and entertain eachother.

As for bridesmaids, I'm getting married next year, in my new country with none of my old friends and I plan on asking my two nieces (5 & 10 yrs old) and probably my daughter too. I think they'll be the cutest bridesmaids I could have

Sorry this was long, I understand your situation and it is very hard, I've found it hard too. Bnb is always a good place for support

ETA: Does your OH have any friends with gfs/wives? My OH has one friend whose wife is so lovely, I'd definitely want to spend more time with her if they lived a bit closer to us.

 

[Noodlebear]

I actually think that now I work I have more opportunities to make friends than when I didn't! I've made an effort to make friends at work and don't really go out now unless it's a night with the work lot.

Do you not have old school friends that live nearby that you could reconnect with? When I first had LO I found that people often assumed that I couldn't/wouldn't want to go out so if I fancied a night out I'd arrange one. I don't think waiting to be invited out is the best idea, people might end up feeling like you don't make the effort with them iyswim?

 

[Eleanor ace]

Do you have any hobbies or anything you'd like to try? If so then going along to a class or group one evening or on the weekend could be good. Like an exercise group, a knitting circle, join a rowing team, chior...
Join a toddler group with your LO on the weekend, like gym/swimming/dance and you might make friends with other parents
Failing that get a dog! You're bound to get talking to other dog walkers (and be out at the same time as other people who work and walk their dog when they coe home) and hopefully make a friend or two that way .
Put a post on Netmums or similar, I bet there are lots of other mums in your position who work but want to make friends. And meeting up for playdates at the park is a good way to sus sout whether you have much in common and want to hang out 1:1.

 

[sparkle_1979]

It's hard I know. I moved to a new area and kind of struggle. I'm fiends with my neighbour, she is lovely but we are quite different

I'm still friends with all my old mates and I do see my best mate once a mth but I find it hard to find people I really like, it takes ages to build up a good strong friendship with someone

I'd try at work ?

 

[seoj]

Tough one! I meet lovely ladies at work and at the gym, but our "friendship" (if you can really call it that) only revolves in those moments. It's hard as we get older and have more responsibility to even find the time to do things with new people. I only have one really close friend (of 15yrs) I see often- and she's dating a guy in another state and planning on moving there end of the year. And, although I'm SO happy for her- I'm sad cause I'll miss her SO SO much- and she's truly the only friend I have that I talk to and see often. The rest- I see here and there-- like maybe a few times a year (if that). IDK-- It's hard meeting new people.

If there are any hobbies you enjoy- maybe you could meet other women with similar interests and just put yourself out there. Is there anyone at work you could ask out for happy hour or even just coffee after work? Even at your mummy group- if there is anyone there you might connect with? I know it's tough during the week- I get it! But even if you could find once a month on a Sat afternoon to get the kids together for a play day and mommy chat time... or leave the kiddos with your OH and go have a bit of girl time. Sorry I'm not more help. I need to consider these things too- as it's gonna be tough when I've no longer got my bestie 15mins away...

Best of luck hun

 

[jd83]

It's hard. I'm not a very outgoing person, so I find making friends hard even without the work factor. Places I have made friends:
Play groups
Local Facebook groups. My neighborhood development has a mommy page, started by my neighbor. It started out with just a few mommies, and now there are almost 300 moms on it that live in our development. When she made the page, she just went around handing out slips of paper with the Facebook page link to people out walking or put them in newspaper boxes, and that the point of the page was to meet local mommies, make new friends, find friends for play dates, etc. Since the start of the page, moms now request to join just from hearing about it word of mouth from other moms in the neighborhood. I LOVE the page. Its kind of like this forum; a place to ask tons of questions about the kids, gripe about things bothering you, we sell our outgrown baby stuff to each other, etc. We set up play dates with whoever is free to come play. If you think you could do something like this, honestly, it has been SO successful for our area. Or even just search for local facebook groups in your area, as there might already be some groups. My 2 closest friends were met from this group, one on a play date, and the other I was buying some maternity clothes from when I was pregnant with my 2nd son and found out our sons were only a week apart in age. So we just hit it off and talk all the time now.

 

[PresqueVu]

Have you had a look at https://www.meetup.com to see if there is anything you like near you?

I have a little trouble with finding time as well, everything seems to be on days I don't work and in Oxford. Nothing seems to happen in Abingdon when I'm here...!

I've had some good success with messaging people via that site though, and I've got a mummy friend just because her son made friends with mine, so we meet up occasionally together. That does help when the kids do the socialising for you

 

[steele]

Make friends through work! Most of my friends are work friends. I also make a special effort to keep in touch with old school friends, with fb it's much easier than it was before. Just send them a message and getting chatting

 

[Lauraxamy]

It's hard. Luckily my group of friends I've had since primary school and they've always stuck by me but I feel like I miss out on a lot, I work full time, I have two kids, I can't always go out at the drop of a hat like they can. You just have to make an extra effort sometimes to be part of the group, I couldn't go out the other weekend but I still tried to be a part of it by texting them all asking about it etc.
I agree with the making friends at work bit, I do have people at work I consider friends, I don't go out with them as such but I have a laugh and chat to them at work and stuff.

 

[smallpeanut]

I'll be your friend!!!

 

[FAB mama]

I stopped working when LO was born and I've just become more and more alone. I had more friends when I was working! Well, not many but at least I was in contact with more people. I'm not very outgoing. The friends I am in the most contact with are a few from high school that are just wonderful, but I still don't see them too often.

I can't afford activities for LO right now and haven't joined any playgroups or anything. I just don't see much in our area that doesn't involve expenses!

As someone else said… I'll be your friend.

 

[hayz_baby]

Thanks everyone! My office where I work is really small and the 2 other girls I work with are nice but are at completely different places and they can both be quite clicky.
I try to invite some people out but it doesn't happen very often so I should do it more but in afraid I'll come across wrong.

I will defo take some more stuff on board xx

 

[hayz_baby]

I'll be your friend!!!

 

[hayz_baby]

I stopped working when LO was born and I've just become more and more alone. I had more friends when I was working! Well, not many but at least I was in contact with more people. I'm not very outgoing. The friends I am in the most contact with are a few from high school that are just wonderful, but I still don't see them too often.

I can't afford activities for LO right now and haven't joined any playgroups or anything. I just don't see much in our area that doesn't involve expenses!

As someone else said… I'll be your friend.

 

[Pearls18]

I'll be your friend too Milton Keynes isn't all that far from me lol.

But yeah it is really hard, the only way I have managed is because the military community is quite close knit, although I've been here 2 years and only now do I feel like I have a few friends. I met them through Facebook as there is a page for our base. I found it harder in my home town, it's small so if I wasn't already friends with someone chances are I didn't want to be I really crave a couple of best friends, the ones you see on tv, where you can pop in anytime, text them when you're upset, that kind of thing, my friends are more acquaintances really. I just talk to my mum and hubby (or on here!!) about most things.

 

[hayz_baby]

I'll be your friend too Milton Keynes isn't all that far from me lol.

But yeah it is really hard, the only way I have managed is because the military community is quite close knit, although I've been here 2 years and only now do I feel like I have a few friends. I met them through Facebook as there is a page for our base. I found it harder in my home town, it's small so if I wasn't already friends with someone chances are I didn't want to be I really crave a couple of best friends, the ones you see on tv, where you can pop in anytime, text them when you're upset, that kind of thing, my friends are more acquaintances really. I just talk to my mum and hubby (or on here!!) about most things.

Thanks

I think that it something I miss, a close friend. We grew apart years ago and although we talk we are nowhere near as close as we were.

I need to force myself out a bit more, I just cane across a group on Fb called a meet up club so I'm going to try and force myself to go to a couple of meets and go from there x

Thanks ladies, I have found myself venting on here loads so I am glad there are ladies on here tbh. X