How to say no politely to more hand-me-downs and etiquette on giving it back...

[superfrizbee]

My SIL has a little girl 4 years older than my DD and a little boy who will be 3 years older than my baby no2, who I strongly suspect is also a boy.

We've been very lucky to receive various hand-me-downs from her, particularly clothes. However I'm now at the point where I'd like to give out grown stuff back (she sells it on) and say a very polite and grateful "thanks but no thanks" to more stuff. I have various reasons for this - space is one (we've got clothes years ahead and no shortage of them). Also the clothes I'm receiving are more "worn" - to be expected as kids wear them for longer and put them through more punishment. Lastly, they're just not too my taste and I can rarely coordinate anything. SIL loves a sale and I have lots of stuff like lime green and orange trousers etc that DD has never worn. Most of the stuff DD wears is her own and it'll be the same for baby no2 - I know we're lucky to have the money to do this and others aren't so fortunate. I'm so grateful for the stuff we've had, but considering the above, how do I now go about politely refusing any more?

 

[pinkribbon]

Following, because I find it hard to say no too

 

[Noodlebear]

It's awkward. My auntie gave me 4 bin bags full of stuff and didn't want it back but seemed put out when we mentioned giving it to someone else

If I were you I think I'd give the old stuff back, say thank you etc and then make a joke like 'We're all set for the next year so won't be pestering you again for a while' (obviously you're not actually pestering her). Then thank her again for how much she helped you while your daughter was small. I'd just keep saying 'no thank you, we've got it covered' from then on. They don't grow out of things as quickly when they get that little bit older so you can mention that you haven't been going through clothes as fast and have a load of neutral stuff of her's for your next baby.

 

[AnneD]

I like Noodlebear's suggestion.

 

[jd83]

I would just politely tell her that you are so thankful for all the help they've given with all the clothes, but you just don't have room to store anything else, and already have quite a lot stored up for the kids. There's nothing wrong with saying that you've started to pick your own sense of style for you lo, either.

I bought probably 75% or more secondhand for the first few years, and then pass it on to my sister, my brother, or my cousins for their boys. But I'd honestly not be put out in the least if they every told me they were good, and wanted to get their own things from now on. I've only been trying to help, and its not offensive if they no longer need the help. Now that DS1 is getting older, I've started buying most of his things new now, as I've really noticed things looking much more worn secondhand for his age now. Which I can see why! My son DESTROYS his clothes, lol. Won't be any more passing on beyond this age, I don't think.

 

[Natasha2605]

I'd just give back what you need to and just say ''Thanks a lot, having all that as a head start means we've been buying next sizes for a while and are all set for a long time. I really appreciate your help''.

Or similar

 

[Marie000]

I would not mention anything about not liking the style or anything of the sort, but just tell her you don't have the room for it. Do thank her for her generosity and maybe direct her to a charity that would use them. Maybe not a charity bin (I'm sure she knows they exist and for most people it's not what you do with clothes that are still really nice) but maybe mention to her a women's shelter or family center that needs that kind of donations.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd just say "LO's outgrown the clothes you passed on and I wondered what you wanted to do with them- would you like them back or should I donate them? I'm having a big clear out because we have sooo much stuffnow- the attic is full of clothes for both LO's for the next 2 years! " and then if she offers you any more stuff say thanks but you can't as you literally can't fit anything else in, but you know of a charity/family/organisation who could really use it if she decides not to sell it on.

 

[impatient1]

I would thank her for her generosity and tell her that you are all set for your LO if she mentions it and that you don't have the room to store anymore.