How to tell husband

[arturia]

Hello ladies.

I just got a positive this morning. Cautiously expecting May 3rd 2017.

I haven't told my dh yet as that situation is complicated. Some of you may know the story as I posted a whole tl;dr thread about it on the WTT board.

Spoiler

Our TTC journey has been complicated. End of February I went off the pill with my husband's blessing. Around the same time, he started to taper off his SSRI. We halfheartedly tried for the next couple months. I only tracked anything for the first month, in part because I was planning our move into a new house, our first with a mortgage. We moved June 7th.

About a month after we move (and a couple months after he stopped his SSRI completely, before he had really stabilized emotionally) he tells me he was wrong, he never wants to be a father at all. We nearly divorce over this, as being a mom figures strongly in my own vision for the future.

Cut to August. I still haven't gotten my birth control back in order because I like being off the hormonal stuff and fear getting a copper IUD. (I have a tilted uterus and expect my backwards facing cervix to cause trouble with insertion.) and he's telling me he's not sure what he wants anymore. We have risky I think 3-4 days before my expected O day. Seems to have caught an egg. Afterwards, he tells me he regrets that choice, so I guess he really hopes I'm not pregnant.

Luckily I feel that, due to my financial situation, parenting for him ends up largely optional. I have a career, I can pay for child care and a place on my own if I have to. (I'd have to take on roommates to stay in the new house though.)

So really, my question is, does anyone have any suggestions for how to tell him? He's not going to be happy, so I don't know that something like buying a 'daddy' book or wrapping my pregnancy test is going to work. Sitting down and telling him 'I'm sorry, I have 'bad' news' is likely to result in an unhappy several days. And lastly, I am not going to terminate. He's told me it's not something he'd ask me to do, but I expect he'll be thinking it.

 

[Pix]

I'm so sorry this is something you're going through. It can't be easy. Honestly for me I'm a planner and if DH wasn't into it I would have everything in order to do it with out him. Which it sounds like you've already been thinking about. It's going to be emotional just being pregnant and you need a SOLID support system. You can always wait until you have your head in the right space to handle whatever he throws your way.

Good luck and keep your head up.

 

[bcos21]

Why don't you give yourself a few days to get it straight In your head and then maybe just sit down and say our plans have changed, they now include a baby. I don't know the whole story but best of luck and congratulations, I hope you can find some joy in it! 😊

 

[arturia]

I'm so sorry this is something you're going through. It can't be easy. Honestly for me I'm a planner and if DH wasn't into it I would have everything in order to do it with out him. Which it sounds like you've already been thinking about. It's going to be emotional just being pregnant and you need a SOLID support system. You can always wait until you have your head in the right space to handle whatever he throws your way.

Good luck and keep your head up.

Thanks. Everyone else is going to be supportive, I'm just uncertain about him. I manage our finances and I'm pretty certain I'll be fine to go either way from that perspective.

The only problem is he knows I was expecting AF today (who, unsurprisingly, has not shown up) so I'm certain he'll figure out something is up in relatively short order. And I'm not of the mindset that I'd lie if he asked me directly.

 

[Isme]

If he asks you, just tell him. You don't have to gloat or act super excited in front of him (even though it's absolutely okay to be excited if you are), but don't for a second act like you're sorry that it happened. Don't feed into his moody BS. This is adult matter and he needs to understand that you are an adult and are going to be embracing the situation with or without him. Announce that you're pregnant with as little emotion attached to it as possible. Leave it to him to decide how to process things when he is alone. Don't allow him to impact the way you feel with his (potential) negativity.

 

[x__amour]

Completely agree with Isme. Don't ever be sorry for something as precious as your baby.

 

[arturia]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I worked up the courage to tell him today. He flipped about finances, which was expected, but followed it up by being happy for me, despite all the 'don't want to be a dad' complaints from months ago.

He doesn't seem really interested in the process, but I can live with that.

 

[x__amour]

Glad to hear it went better than expected. Best of luck to you and the happiest and healthiest 9 months.