How young is too young to start trying?

[Ella]

Hey everyone, just saw wishandhope's thread in WTT.. and decided that I wanted to get everyone's views on the other end of the spectrum! How young do you all think is too young to start TTC?

Obviously I'm sure we'll all agree under 16 is wrong.. But more along the lines of late teens? Early 20's?

Thoughts?
xx

 

[Vickie]

Just a polite reminder that the forum does not support under 18 TTC

 

[XxkayleighxX]

i fink it sud depand on the person and how long they have been 2gether for! but i fink 22, 23 onwards

 

[sparkswillfly]

It completely depends on the person. Im 22 almost 23 and I think now was the right time for me but at 18... definitely not. I was a knob... but then some 18 year olds are far more stable and would cope well. I think the strength of your relationship is the most important thing. It really tests you.... you should be with someone for quite a while before planning a baby just to be sure your relationship could cope. I think generally speaking over 21 because most 18 year olds arent mature enough.

 

[Ella]

I agree, Kayleigh.. I think that people are too quick to put a 'correct age' on important life decisions tbh.. I think that the situation is different for every couple
xx

 

[Amygdala]

I agree with you all that there's no "right age" for everyone. At the same time I think there's a few reasons to not start TTC too early in life.

First: In your late teens and early twenties, you're still finding yourself. It might not feel like you are at the time but I think most people would agree that they were looking back. I think planning a child too early means you miss out on some great life experiences (such as travelling, uni, your dream career...). And what feels right to you at 19 might not be right for you at 35. That goes for partners as well, as people change so much between 15 and 25 and a lot of previously stable relationships break up in this time.

Second: I think it's absolutely essential that you can support yourself and your child. So I think you should have a steady job or preferably a degree or some training. Of course some people achieve this by the time they are 18 but I think usually it means waiting till your mid-twenties. I think if you're still dependant on anyone else, such as your parents or the state, then it's too early to TTC.

Third: Babies should grow up in stable families. Personally I wanted to be married before I start TTC but I don't think a marriage license automatically means that your relationship is stable (or the lack of one that it isn't). I just think you should be very very sure that you and your partner are fully and utterly commited. Of course a relationship can always break up but I think you should only bring a baby into a realtionship if you're as sure as you can be that it's going to last.

If I apply all these things to me, then it would have been too early for me to have kids before my mid-twenties (and I waited for those reasons, despite the old biological clock ticking away in my ears). But I think it's important to remember that some people have achieved all these things by say 22 while others may not have them into their 30s. So it's not about age but about getting your life in a place where it's ready to accomodate a child.

 

[jen1604]

I think under 16 is ALWAYS a bad idea.
If youre under 18 then its pretty much always a bad idea unless youre in extremely unusual circumstances.
But I think once youre over 18 as long as you know youre ready in every way and have done a lot of thinking its pretty much ok.
Ella,I havent see you around much lately!Glad to see you xx

 

[x-amy-x]

I had caitlyn at 19 and do not regret my decision at all. i'm 20 and pregnant with number two. Married and do not claim benefits. Now was a good time for us

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think under 18 is too young. 18+ I think is ok but would always encourage girls even at that age to wait. Mental age is more important than physical age sometimes

 

[Aria]

While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them. When you were 14, you probably thought you were mature, but look at how much you've changed and how immature you now see that you really were. That was only a few short years ago.

As for over 22, I'm not going to automatically be all, "Yay! You'll be an awesome mom!" No. At this point, its about had the person thought it through? Is the relationship truly stable? Is there a plan to support the baby that is NOT tax dollars? Have the couple thought about things such as what happens if one loses a job or even dies? What is the reason for wanting a baby?

I fully expect someone to take offense, but I'm not going to lie and say, 'Oh, as soon as you turn 18, it's all good!" because that would be lying. I have seen far too many teen mothers (and I am the ONLY one in my ENTIRE family EVER to not be a teen mom among those who had kids - and only a couple didn't), and I've seen the reality of what they go through.

Having a baby is not a game, and being truly ready means more than just wanting one and having a job at the moment.

 

[sparkswillfly]

why are you so obsessed with tax money and tax payers?

 

[Vickie]

While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them. When you were 14, you probably thought you were mature, but look at how much you've changed and how immature you now see that you really were. That was only a few short years ago.

As for over 22, I'm not going to automatically be all, "Yay! You'll be an awesome mom!" No. At this point, its about had the person thought it through? Is the relationship truly stable? Is there a plan to support the baby that is NOT tax dollars? Have the couple thought about things such as what happens if one loses a job or even dies? What is the reason for wanting a baby?

I fully expect someone to take offense, but I'm not going to lie and say, 'Oh, as soon as you turn 18, it's all good!" because that would be lying. I have seen far too many teen mothers (and I am the ONLY one in my ENTIRE family EVER to not be a teen mom among those who had kids - and only a couple didn't), and I've seen the reality of what they go through.

Having a baby is not a game, and being truly ready means more than just wanting one and having a job at the moment.

You're right I do take offense. There are plenty of women on here under 22 who have babies and who are damn good mothers. I also have a niece who got pregnant at 17, no it wasn't easy, no it wasn't planned but it happened and she's dealt with it and been a wonderful mother to her (now 2) kids.

Having a baby is hard at ANY age. I am 29 and it is hard. There are days that I've wondered whether or not I was really ready or not. It happens no matter what your age!

Honestly can you not find a nicer way to put things? This is not the first time concerns over your posts have been raised.

 

[~KACI~]

I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them.

I'm sorry i totally disagree some 18 years old are more mature then others the same as 19, 20, 21 and 22.
I totally depends on the person, I was 18 when i got pregnant with my son and 19 with my daughter, i am mature. I think i am mature because i have had 'life experiences' while i was still young which made me more mature before my time.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

honestly? 21+ i started at 19 im now 21 and still waiting but in the years iv been trying iv realised iv missed out on alot of my life just trying, ill be nearly 23 by the time i have a baby * if all works* i have 6 months before i have treatment for fertility and i intend to live those 6 months to the full..

so i say 21 + is a good age if your ready to put any wild life on hold for a bit

 

[polo_princess]

While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready.

I started TTC just after 19 because i knew of fertility problems ahead from medical problems when i was a teen. Low and behold i didnt conceive until i was 22 ...

That statement is just tarring everyone with the same brush and i completley disagree. Whilst i dont support under 18's TTC there are always exceptions to the rule and you should stay open minded to that

 

[Arcanegirl]

We started when i was 18, 3 years later and 2 IUIs later and im where im at now at 22, im glad i didnt wait and i dont have any doubts at all that im too young.

 

[princess_bump]

i agree 100% with polo, i too don't encourage ttc 18 or under, i do think, 18+ it is completely down to the person, and the relationship they are in. i wasn't ready before i met james, when i was 20, but i think we were both ready long before we did, i was 22 in the nov, we started trying in the jan and lucky enough to conceive the sept, and that was with pcos and endo. anyhow, getting back to the original post, i too think it is down too the individual as like all babies, we're all different, and must be accepting, even if we don't necessary agree with there choices x

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

exactly if i didnt try at 19 i wouldnt no what i do now.. not everyone is ready at 18 but some are.. i thought i was.. i wasnt, but then again nobody is every really ready!

 

[sparkswillfly]

exactly if i didnt try at 19 i wouldnt no what i do now.. not everyone is ready at 18 but some are.. i thought i was.. i wasnt, but then again nobody is every really ready!

Thats true! I wasnt ready and I am young and skint but doesnt make me a bad mother. Meadow has everything she needs and more.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

ofc it doesnt make u a bad mummy it makes you stronger not knowing the unknown