How young is too young to start trying?

[Pyrrhic]

Amy, don't worry hun. I wouldn't have thought anyone would see an issue with someone who is married, and in a stable home and 20 having kids.

 

[mikababy]

You know, since being on here I have had a big change of heart about younger Mums. There are good younger mums and bad ones, just as there as some pretty crap older mothers and of course some fabulous ones too.

I wanted children in my early twenties and probably would have had them if my long term relationship had worked out, but it didn't, and lo and behold here I am at 30 and WTT!

At any age there are pros and cons and I really think that as long as you are in a long term, stable (there's that word again!) relationship and able to support your child both financially and emotionally then that should be your biggest consideration.

Most of my friends that have children are married and in their early thirties and to be quite honest, from what they tell me, NOTHING can prepare you for parenthood!!

(although I still think that 18/19 is a tad young though (sorry!) but I guess with a really good family support network it can be done - after all, in other countries that's the norm!).

 

[AppleBlossom]

Well had she know, i've paid my taxes since i left school at 16. So NOW am i mature enough to be a good mother to my children? Spoiled my evening, i'm going to bed. Fed up of being judged. Get a grip and accept that people aren't all living the same old lives. Back in the day it was NORMAL to have children very young!

couldn't agree more hun x

 

[mikababy]

You'll find out soon enough that motherhood is damn hard and not even your age will save you.

Exactly. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

 

[Mrs G]

I agree with nikky, I don't think age should be the deciding factor on whether you should have a baby.

I'm a teacher and in the area where I work, having a baby young is the norm and is seen as a "quick and easy" (lol!) way to get benefits and housing. I think whatever age you are, you should ideally be in a position to support yourself and the baby. There is family near here who have 13 children and they openly admit they make more on benefits than they ever would working.

And it's people like that that give the rest of us a bad name. If Grace hadn't have come along without being planned I would certainly have waited until I was financially secure. But things happen and change your plans. Doesn't make me any less of a mother

I completely agree. There is never an ideal time to have a baby and I think that in many ways those of you who have your babies younger have more challenges to face than those of us who, for whatever reason, have waited. I would never have had the guts to have a baby young, it still scares the crap out of me now! Like you said, I think young mum's get a bad press from the few who do take the p*ss out of the system.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready.

I started TTC just after 19 because i knew of fertility problems ahead from medical problems when i was a teen. Low and behold i didnt conceive until i was 22 ...

That statement is just tarring everyone with the same brush and i completley disagree. Whilst i dont support under 18's TTC there are always exceptions to the rule and you should stay open minded to that

I agree Polo.

Aria, it seems like you always say things like "oh you think you are more mature than everyone your age, but really your not-I think you are basing your own experiences on what you think everyone else is like-Everyone is different. I started ttc when I was 19, got pregnant at 19 and had Alexa at 20. Everyone around me knows I am more mature than most people my age-Michael and I didn't even start ttc until we talked it out with his parents to make sure it was the right decision-his parents will be the first people to say I am more mature than most people my age, and they never class me with anyone in my age group-like I said everyone is different, and no one knows what they are like, and capable of, except themselves and their family and friends (to an extent). It just seems like you have a lot of opinions, that you can't even back up with your own experience-like you didn't have a child young-you say you have friends and seen what they went through raising kids young-well that may be true, and I do not know your friends, but I am almost positive that those same friends will say that all the good things about having their LO in their lives overrides the bad things. I am not going to say about how a bad mother can be any age, and a good mother can be any age, because we all know that already, but one should not be judged based on their decisions that they have made-after reading some pages of your blog, I would think that you, would understand that!
As for your many references to tax money and people on assistance, Aria, I have no idea why you are so ignorant towards that topic! Obviously you have never had to be on social assistance before, so you have no idea what it's like. I, myself, have never had to go on assistance, thankfully, and hopefully never will *knock on wood* but there are people out there who need it, and that does not make them bad people, or bad parents at all. Life changes, and even with the most stable job, these days, that stability is not even guarenteed. I pay taxes, you pay taxes, everyone pays taxes-as far as I am concerned, I don't care where the taxes go, the same gets taken out of our income regardless how many people live on assistance, or don't live on assistance. Yes, we all know a couple of people who scrounge of benefits because they are lazy asses who think they shouldn't have to work, and have no intention of ever looking for work, but I don't think most people are like that. You do what you have to do to get by in this world, and if it isn't hurting someone else, then why is that anyone elses business?

Anyway, I think that is all I have to say for now, sorry if I have offended anyone with this reply, that was not my intention, I merely had an opinion that I had to get out.

 

[lozzy21]

I also think that teenagers in the US that are 18/19 are a few years behind the 18/19yrolds in the uk,(sorry if i have affended anyone).
In the us they dont start propper school till 7, cant leave till 18 and then cant drink intill your 21.
In the uk you start school at 5, leave at 16 and can drink at 18. So by the time your 21 you have had 3 years of going out and partying and if your anthing like me, are bored of it, dont get me wrong i still enjoy the odd night out but i couldent go out 3 night a week like i did when i was younger, infact i started going out at 15.

I also noticed that in the how old is to old post, if you read it ,she has had to go one better with everything iv said, not im not saying that those things havent happend to her but it dose look a bit petty

 

[AutumnRose]

We will be TTC when im 18 nearly 19 and honestly life experiences through school bullying everything have made me a stronger person and i now think differently to how i thought even 2/3 years ago.
I know i will be a good parent regardless of my age because i have thought it through and its something i want to do after getting a full time job.
There are alot of young mums on here that do an amazing job yet there are some in their 30s that dont do a very good job. Age has nothing to do with it.

 

[coccyx]

Now, someone very old here,42.
I would never encourage anyone under 18 to ttc. I think from then onwards is ok. Its hard work financially, physically, mentally whatever your age and the more stable you are in your relationship the better.
Some of the younger Mums on here seem to be doing a wonderful job and think Aria should avoid tarring everyone with the same brush. You can be a crap mum at 18 as well as you can at 38.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I also think that teenagers in the US that are 18/19 are a few years behind the 18/19yrolds in the uk,(sorry if i have affended anyone).
In the us they dont start propper school till 7, cant leave till 18 and then cant drink intill your 21.
In the uk you start school at 5, leave at 16 and can drink at 18. So by the time your 21 you have had 3 years of going out and partying and if your anthing like me, are bored of it, dont get me wrong i still enjoy the odd night out but i couldent go out 3 night a week like i did when i was younger, infact i started going out at 15.

I also noticed that in the how old is to old post, if you read it ,she has had to go one better with everything iv said, not im not saying that those things havent happend to her but it dose look a bit petty

Lozzy, I think you are misguided with your information about the age that children start school in the states, because I am pretty sure they are the same as Canadian's and start school at the age of 4-5 depending on the month they were born-yes, we do not graduate usually until we are 17-18-19, but I can tell you that just because North Americans are still in school at that age certainly does not mean they do not go out party, and live a little, because they certainly do! I don't know how the highschool aged teens are in your area, but in North America, high school parties, and organized international trips, are very common. I have no idea why in North America we graduate a few years later than you, perhaps you guys have shorter school years or less years to complete school, but I can say positively, that just because we are older when we graduate, it doesnt make us "behind" you guys, in the UK.

 

[Vickie]

yeah I started kindergarten at age 5 (grew up in Texas) and graduated at 18

 

[nikky0907]

Kari's right... I graduated at 17 actually ( in June, my 18th birthday was in July) but I asure you I definitely 'lived it up'.

 

[polo_princess]

I think between the ages of 4/5 and 18 we all do the same things, just a different way around

 

[x-amy-x]

I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend.

xx

 

[clairebear]

i think when planning a baby age isnt the main factor (obivously if ur still in education its not wise to plan a baby) its mauturity and fiancial sitiuation X

 

[clairebear]

i should read a whole thread before posting!

Aria your commment was very rude and uncalled for a lot of us on here under 22 are good mothers who are in secure relationships the same as any of the older mothers. i have bee with my partner for nearly 7 years! You really need to think how u word things as ur beginning to annoy a lot of people!!!!!

 

[Vickie]

I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend.

xx

I wasn't offended but was confused at starting proper school at 7, because we do start around the age of 5. So was just trying to clarify because I was a little confused

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend.

xx

I wasn't offended but was confused at starting proper school at 7, because we do start around the age of 5. So was just trying to clarify because I was a little confused

same here-wasn't offended at all, just thought I would correct her

 

[Tasha]

Well I agree with pretty much everyone here, it is pretty much about you, your partner, and your circumstances (although I too wouldnt promote TTC for the under 18's).

There is no perfect time to be come a parent, just like most things in life, thing usually dont pan out the way we hope so how can there be? I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18, he was born shortly before my 19th (I was working until he was born), a few weeks later he got meningitis (he made a full recovery) and although me and his Daddy were already engaged it made us realise that we wanted to get married now, so just six weeks later we did just that. When Morgan was just 15 months old his little sister was born (I was 20), then we got pregnant again and when Morgan had just turned three and Naomi-Mae 22 months Honey was born sleeping, we TTC straight away and 4 days before Honey's first birthday (Morgan had just turned 4 and Naomi-Mae 2 months off being 3) there little sister Kaysie was born. So now I am only 23 with 4 children, I was a young mum, and we as a family have been through SO much, but the proof is in the pudding, me and Matt are still going strong, all of my l/c are bright, healthy individuals, but more than, my children are happy, loved and happy considering what the older two have been through, I think that shows young Mum's can do fine, more than fine.

SO to the people slating young mum's its all bullshit, I am a young mum and PROUD!!!

 

[Tasha]

And sorry for the rant, just got a bit cross there