Husband attacked me 6 weeks postpartum..my fault

[shinona]

Oh darling, I felt sick to my stomach reading this. He viciously attacked you. There is never an excuse and nothing you did caused this. It sounds like he is wearing you down with his bullying and insults.
I've never been in this situation but if I ever was I hope I'd walk away and never look back. I know it might not be that easy but you deserve better, much much better. Also, what if he starts turning that acid tongue on your children? Even his verbal bullying could trash their confidence and cause damage.
Please find someone to confide in and get them to help you xx

 

[calm81]

Thank you all for the encouraging advice.

I was expecting most of you to say," if you can bow up to a man then expect to take a hit from a man." Those are some of the responses I've found googling what to expect when you get in the face of a guy.

It's nice to read that even if I got loud and was point a finger at him that I don't deserve the "self defense" he proclaimed. I'm going to open up my own bank account and get some funds transferred.. We have three kids and I don't want them in a women's shelter, but I will talk to my mother or sister incase I ever need a place to stay for the night. I'm ashamed for letting him think I forgave him. I just told him 10 minutes ago that I can't and will not forgive his actions and he started the ," I won't drink anymore...BLAH blah." It's all repetitive white noise to my ears now. I have a degree in criminalogy and should have noticed any signs.
I need to try and see if there's hope for my marriage for the sake of our young children BUT my fingers will be dialing for the cops of he so much as lays a finger on me again...in the mean time Im going to save money in my own account for a place to move to.

 

[AK89]

Thank you all for the encouraging advice.

I was expecting most of you to say," if you can bow up to a man then expect to take a hit from a man." Those are some of the responses I've found googling what to expect when you get in the face of a guy.

It's nice to read that even if I got loud and was point a finger at him that I don't deserve the "self defense" he proclaimed. I'm going to open up my own bank account and get some funds transferred.. We have three kids and I don't want them in a women's shelter, but I will talk to my mother or sister incase I ever need a place to stay for the night. I'm ashamed for letting him think I forgave him. I just told him 10 minutes ago that I can't and will not forgive his actions and he started the ," I won't drink anymore...BLAH blah." It's all repetitive white noise to my ears now. I have a degree in criminalogy and should have noticed any signs.
I need to try and see if there's hope for my marriage for the sake of our young children BUT my fingers will be dialing for the cops of he so much as lays a finger on me again...in the mean time Im going to save money in my own account for a place to move to.

Reading this has made me feel so much better, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this! So often you see women post stuff like this (although usually not quite this brutal) and the OP ends up just making excuse after excuse for her OH and then disappearing into a puff of smoke! (As in on the thread/forum...haha!)

But there is absolutely NO excuse for his behaviour. Not the alcohol, not the "self defense" bullshit, nothing. It sounds like he has some serious issues that he needs to work through, but in the meantime you could really do with getting yourself and your children out of the picture. Maybe if there were no kids in the mix I'd suggest helping him through it, if he admits he has a problem, but it's just not safe in your circumstances. Maybe in time if he sorts himself out you can work on your relationship, but for me at least that would take some drastic action and some serious grovelling!

Please tell someone you know.. There's no reason to feel apprehensive about it.. I know it might feel weird coming out with it but trust me, they (and you) will be so glad you confided in them and that they can help you out of this situation.

Good luck! And be brave

 

[alex_22]

There's absolutely no way on earth you deserved that!

Obviously I don't know this man but from what I've read I'd be surprised if you even did swing for him sounds more like he knows you can't remember (because of the kiss the next morning before you realised) and made up any old shit do defend himself but regardless even if you did swing for him he should have RESTRAINED you not beat you to a pulp!!! He sounds like a nasty manipulative man who thinks he's gods gift after a bit of drink and I think you should leave easier said than done I know but I can't see things getting any better unless he sorts his drinking and anger problems

So sorry you've had to go through this, no one deserves that I hope your ok x

 

[SarahBear]

I haven't read what others have said, but I'm going to be blunt and assume others have assured you it's not your fault: it's time for a divorce and to get the hell out of there. Not only for your own safety, but also for the sake of your children.

 

[Zephram]

I agree, you have to get out of that relationship. He's abusing you physically and verbally. He clearly needs counselling and help to stay sober. For me it would be an ultimatum - get sober or you aren't going near our kids either.

It is not your fault. There's no way in hell you deserve that.

 

[Jessicahide]

I do understand you wanting to see if your marriage can work, but it can't its only a marriage if he is not abusive otherwise its just you waiting for another smack you suffered a full on beating from this man too..... My mother wasted 14 years of her life with my father who was like this, he bit her, attacked her,cheated on her, and worst of all it was not just her that Got it, it was me to... And she didn't know, or think he would ever do that..... Please leave, if not for you, for your children's sake!

 

[lisaalove]

My OH agrees that if I were ever in your position he'd expect to either be thrown out or alone by the next day.

 

[Tattoo]

Take your kids, and get the hell out of dodge.

 

[Quartz]

You need to leave for the sake of your children. He clearly has a drinking problem that means he has anger and control issues once he starts drinking. This means you and your children are not safe. If you feel that he can work on it then say to him he needs to leave (or you leave) and get himself help.

As for it being your fault that is rubbish. If you brought charges self defence would be thrown out (at least in the UK) as its about a reasonable response and that is certainly not reasonable. I think you are very lucky not to have ended up at hospital as blacking out is probably due to concussion.

Its not your fault. If he did feel at risk its a complete overreaction. And i am not sure what you googled to get it was reasonable. Even in a bar fight that is a complete over reaction

 

[HaveANiceDay]

This is in no way your fault, this is an abusive relationship that is escalating. You need to get out for the sake of yourself and your children.

 

[sarah34]

I am one of those people that believes that if you are prepared to hit a man then you are prepared to get hit back HOWEVER you did not deserve what he did! You shouted at him....self defence would be shouting back, not pulling your hair out and hitting you so hard you can't remember anything the next day. I would be calling the police to report him now.

Calling you fat is abuse too. My oh would NEVER call me fat, even though I did put on a few pounds and especially not after having a baby!

I really hope you find a way out or a way to get him some help x

 

[calm81]

Reading all of your responses lets me to believe that I'm sickened to even lay next to this man in bed. Each day I look in the mirror remembering that I can't put my hair in a pony tail because of what he did sends me into a cry fest. I'm. Done. With. Him.

I feel like an idiot for excepting his apology.

 

[Tattoo]

Good luck.

 

[Jessicahide]

You can unaccept it at any time, you are not bound to an acceptance xxx this is not your fault, you are a victim of mental and now physical abuse, please leave... You can be safe and feel real love without him, as you will be able to pay all your attention to your childrenxxxx

 

[lau86]

don't feel like an idiot- you're not, it's his abuse and mind games that make you feel like that. I hope you can get some support and get rid of him.

 

[apple_20]

You are not an idiot! many highly intelligent women end up in the same position, the important thing is you've realised what needs to be done. I hope you have friends or family to support you through this .

 

[AK89]

You're not an idiot, you're the exact opposite; you've realised what's going on and you're going to do something about it! Don't let anything stand in your way. Leave him as soon as possible. I know it'll be hard but it's gotta be done

 

[Unlucky41]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. You only just delivered his baby six weeks ago! I hope you get good support from your mum and sister. Have you told them what happened? Have you told the inlaws?

Your body is still healing and your hormones are still going all over the place. If you got mad at him first who can blame you. He need him to get some help and you need to be surrounded by people that loves you.

 

[blueeyedmedee]

That is not ok. He shouldn't lay a hand on you and he shouldn't insult you. You gave him beautiful babies, and a body takes a while to recover. It took me almost 8 months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, and when I was putting myself down, my husband was the one saying it was beautiful because I got these marks creating our daughter. He can't excuse his actions and you shouldn't let him convince you that what he did was ok or your fault.