I don't want family at the hospital before baby is born & dh disagrees :(

[mod19]

So I'm not in the third tri yet, but we've already had a disagreement about this. Here's my situation. I'm from Wisconsin but currently living in Texas by dh family. Our families are VERY different. I told him I don't want anyone at the hospital until after is born, mainly because his family stresses me out, especially his mom! And I can't imagine them being any less stressful when I'm lying on a bed in pain and will probably be stressed to begin with. He wants his family there from the start but I know they will make things for me soooo much worse! They are so overbearing, never shut up, and are always up in your business. Plus, is it too much to ask to have an hour alone with my first born before everyone comes in and starts snatching him away from me? I'm OK with two of his cousins being there that have trouble TTC, but that's it. Am I wrong in this and being too selfish? I'm just being realistic as I know how I react in stressful situations and I know how they male me feel. Last time I was in the hospital waiting for surgery for my last ectopic his mom was there making the situation sooooo much worse than it already was. I was already sad and worries, and she's sitting there talking away saying all the wrong things. I just sat there and cried for three hours waiting for them to come take me. Before she had gotten there I was fine!

Plus, I would like to add that my family has always given the parents time with their new babies. A call is made to announce that baby is here and everything is OK, but we wait to go see them so they have time to meet their new little one, get cleaned up, etc.

 

[Alyssa Drough]

Tell your oh to lay down with his bits on display and legs spread wide open for a couple of hours while YOUR family are in the room.

You are not in the wrong and you're not being selfish. YOU are the one who's every need should be catered for during labour. It's got nothing to do with them so if they get pissed off it's their problem.

 

[RaspberryK]

No it is not too much to ask. The next time your dh gets to push a watermelon out of his Nether regions he can pick the audience.
This is YOUR birth, YOUR choice.
Xx

 

[RaspberryK]

Lol we posted very similar things at the same time. Too funny xx

 

[Alyssa Drough]

Lol.

If you have to then tell the hospital staff not to let anyone in until you say so.

But you really need to make your oh understand. It's not a spectator sport, and stress can cause real medical complications like labour stalling and the baby becoming distressed.

In an ideal world your oh would support your decision but if it comes to it you need to put your foot down.

I know it's his baby too but he's not the one who has to deliver it.

 

[Laylagirl]

that sucks....fortunately for me, I am going to have my baby alone. I dont even have my husband.... we are not in a very good place. He seems to be wrapped up in a chick at his work....so shes better and treats him better he says.... but anyway, that means that his horrible family wont be there either. I hate his sister and his brother is just a big a jerk as he is.... so Im fine.... sorry....not in a very good mood..
but I think you have every right not to want anyone there in thr room... its a very intimate experience and I hope when the time comes, your husband will understand your feelings...

 

[babifever]

Your not wrong at all. Can they just wait in the waiting room - maybe that can be the compromise?

 

[mod19]

He agrees that only he will be in the room for the birth, but I don't want them there before either. I mean, come on. They stress me out in normal situations, and I sure as hell don't want an audience when nurses come in and stick their fingers up my crotch! No one before baby is born! Like I said, I'm OK with his two cousins because I love them and are having a hard time TTC, but going through contractions and vag checking with his mother and sister over my shoulder is just going to make things worse! I get stressed just by thinking about them being at the hospital during contractions.

 

[mod19]

that sucks....fortunately for me, I am going to have my baby alone. I dont even have my husband.... we are not in a very good place. He seems to be wrapped up in a chick at his work....so shes better and treats him better he says.... but anyway, that means that his horrible family wont be there either. I hate his sister and his brother is just a big a jerk as he is.... so Im fine.... sorry....not in a very good mood..
but I think you have every right not to want anyone there in thr room... its a very intimate experience and I hope when the time comes, your husband will understand your feelings...

I'm so sorry this is your situation at what should be one of the happiest times in your life. My husband and I split up (before we were married) because he found someone else (I was still living in WI at the time) and as soon as he realized I let him go he freaked. I stopped calling and texting. Stopped answering his calls and texts. He literally lost it and it took him almost 3 years to get me back. He dumped gfs twice thinking I was ready to come back to him I'm that time period. My point it, "the grass is always greener" until they realize what they actually did. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Do you have a close friend that could accompany you?

 

[babifever]

Make them stay in the waiting area!! I totally get it.

 

[mod19]

Waiting room is not OK. If they're there dh is going to be constantly asking me if they can come in the room and he'll leave me to go be with them feeling bad that they can't come into the room likewise guilting me into letting them in. I know my husband and them being there somewhere won't work. What I don't understand is that he knows how much his mom stresses me out. So why fight this? I will win!

 

[babifever]

Waiting room is not OK. If they're there dh is going to be constantly asking me if they can come in the room and he'll leave me to go be with them feeling bad that they can't come into the room likewise guilting me into letting them in. I know my husband and them being there somewhere won't work. What I don't understand is that he knows how much his mom stresses me out. So why fight this? I will win!

okay about the waiting room, smh. Did you explain it to him like you did us? I believe he will give in eventually, he definitely should! Is it that he's afraid to tell them no?

 

[DJMooMoo79]

I'm in a similar siduation where I don't want anyone there, but luckily hubby is being very supportive on my decision. Maybe y'all can compromise? Have them in the waiting room? Or even call your dr discreetly and say you want restrictions on your room, that DH is the only person allowed. They will see on your file that you are not accepting visitors and will shoo them away.

 

[Luvspnk31]

I agree with everyone else. Considering ur the one who has to go through everything physically, then personally, what u want trumps what he wants. I try to be reasonable when my DH asks certain things of me, but he knows if I say no, absolutely not to something, then he knows I mean it.
Not knowing ur oh, I don't know if he would go behind ur back and tell them anyway, but in case he would, you can also tell ur nurses that NO ONE besides u and ur oh are to be in the room until u say ok. And, keep ur name off the hospital directory. That way if they call, they don't know where u are, or even if ur there.

 

[mod19]

Probably so. He said "its going to be hard to tell my family not to come to the hospital". And i told him I'm not saying they can't come to the hospital, I'm saying I want them to wait to come till after baby is born. I asked for reasons why they needed to he there before and he couldn't give me any. I am a very private person whereas they are not. But I feel if I want the birth if my child to be private it should be. Not with his sister there posting pics of me on Facebook (i HATE facebook) in a hospital gown with IVs sticking out of me. I've asked her on other occasions not to post pictures of me and she completely ignores my requests and laughs as if I'm being ridiculous for not wanting my picture on the Internet. I feel as if my privacy won't be protected with them there.

 

[mod19]

I didn't realize I could tell the nurses no visitors. That's good info to have!

And no, he wouldn't go behind my back.

 

[kksy9b]

Nurses are awesome and will always follow the request of mom. Let them be the bad guy if your DH can't. The hospital where my DS was born required you to check in first. They would call the room every time a visitor came to ask if they xould come back so it was nice to uave some contril over it. And if all else fails, hide the phones so the family can't be called I am sure it will all work out and I hope your hubby comes around and supports what you want to do

 

[babifever]

I just looked at your ticker, girl you have plenty of time to win him over

 

[Laylagirl]

that sucks....fortunately for me, I am going to have my baby alone. I dont even have my husband.... we are not in a very good place. He seems to be wrapped up in a chick at his work....so shes better and treats him better he says.... but anyway, that means that his horrible family wont be there either. I hate his sister and his brother is just a big a jerk as he is.... so Im fine.... sorry....not in a very good mood..
but I think you have every right not to want anyone there in thr room... its a very intimate experience and I hope when the time comes, your husband will understand your feelings...

I'm so sorry this is your situation at what should be one of the happiest times in your life. My husband and I split up (before we were married) because he found someone else (I was still living in WI at the time) and as soon as he realized I let him go he freaked. I stopped calling and texting. Stopped answering his calls and texts. He literally lost it and it took him almost 3 years to get me back. He dumped gfs twice thinking I was ready to come back to him I'm that time period. My point it, "the grass is always greener" until they realize what they actually did. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Do you have a close friend that could accompany you?

Thank you so much for saying that...so sweet...
I don't really have anyone else, but I'm completely fine with doing it alone... I'm still very hurt going through all of this, but what can I do? I'm planning on the split after things settle down when the baby is born.. That's my final resolve..

 

[babifever]

that sucks....fortunately for me, I am going to have my baby alone. I dont even have my husband.... we are not in a very good place. He seems to be wrapped up in a chick at his work....so shes better and treats him better he says.... but anyway, that means that his horrible family wont be there either. I hate his sister and his brother is just a big a jerk as he is.... so Im fine.... sorry....not in a very good mood..
but I think you have every right not to want anyone there in thr room... its a very intimate experience and I hope when the time comes, your husband will understand your feelings...

I'm so sorry this is your situation at what should be one of the happiest times in your life. My husband and I split up (before we were married) because he found someone else (I was still living in WI at the time) and as soon as he realized I let him go he freaked. I stopped calling and texting. Stopped answering his calls and texts. He literally lost it and it took him almost 3 years to get me back. He dumped gfs twice thinking I was ready to come back to him I'm that time period. My point it, "the grass is always greener" until they realize what they actually did. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Do you have a close friend that could accompany you?

Thank you so much for saying that...so sweet...
I don't really have anyone else, but I'm completely fine with doing it alone... I'm still very hurt going through all of this, but what can I do? I'm planning on the split after things settle down when the baby is born.. That's my final resolve..

I'm sorry as well. Stay strong.