I don't want family at the hospital before baby is born & dh disagrees :(

[mod19]

I'm not sure how the hospital in the labor and delivery area, but it seems to be the norm from what all you guys have said that they'll keep close watch on anyone wanting to visit, which is very reassuring. I will be having this baby at the same hospital I had my last surgery at, but that area wasn't that locked down. Before surgery it was dh and his mom there. When I got out it was dh, his mom, dad aunt and four cousins, two of which I never talk to. All I wanted to do was go home, and I couldn't get them osut of the room to get dressed! Ugh. Thank god that the labor wards are more strict on letting people in!

 

[babifever]

I'm not sure how the hospital in the labor and delivery area, but it seems to be the norm from what all you guys have said that they'll keep close watch on anyone wanting to visit, which is very reassuring. I will be having this baby at the same hospital I had my last surgery at, but that area wasn't that locked down. Before surgery it was dh and his mom there. When I got out it was dh, his mom, dad aunt and four cousins, two of which I never talk to. All I wanted to do was go home, and I couldn't get them osut of the room to get dressed! Ugh. Thank god that the labor wards are more strict on letting people in!

wow that must have been extremely awkward. When I had my sone only 2 people were allowed in the room, period. I thought that was the standard at most hospitals...

 

[Hopefulk]

Maybe take a different approach with him so it doesn't turn into a disagreement between the two you? Eg: check the hospital policy on visitors. Where I live the norm is to have two people in delivery room with you as a maximum. And the labour ward is busy... They won't want people hanging around in the corridor. Our hospital also has strict visiting times to allow the medical staff to do their checks and for new mums and babies to rest, and again you're allied x number of visitors at a time for same reason.

So what I'm saying is that if you don't have your baby between 10am and 12noon or 5.00pm and 7.00pm it might not be an issue anyway so there's no need to drive a wedge between you and hubby. Also, when we had dd, even the midwife didn't really come in to us after initial checks (she was born by cs at 9.35pm, we were back in delivery room by 10 and midwife didn't weigh or dress baby until 12, which was when we called family. Even my hubby was asked to leave at 1)

Also start looking at books re birth and bonding after and share with him so he understands that you aren't making this up or being stubborn but that it is advised. And tell him one of the reasons you're excited he'll be your baby's daddy is that he values family so highly?

Good luck.xx

ps: if worse comes to the worst, the medical staff on the day will listen to your requests as their patient over his so just lY the law down then but try to resolve it beforehand without conflict first - you don't need to be stressed.xx

 

[Alyssa Drough]

Yeah in the uk usually only 2 people are allowed in the delivery room with you, which they're very strict about. Then you've got bonding time, health checks, cup of tea and a shower. No visitors are allowed until after all this when you get moved to post-natal, and that's subject to strict visiting hours.

I let my dad come during visiting times cos my dd was the first grandchild on my side of the family and when visiting times started my dd was about 5 hours old anyway so worked out fine!

 

[troxxy]

I feel the same as you. I have made it very clear to FOB that when I go into labor that he can let his family know, but to make sure that they know this is NOT to be seen as the time to come to the hospital. I told him that the first few hours of baby's life are OUR time with him, and even if he wants his family there right away that it's not his choice as I am the one giving birth to his child, I am the one going through the pain and exhaustion, I will be the one to say who is there and when. I am usually a push over when it comes to everything,but I think that when it comes to labor and delivery we have every right to have all say! Maybe try explaining to him that you want this special time as a family with your new baby, and that you feel other people being there will take away from the experience for you both. You can still have the excitement of introducing your new baby to your family, but after you've gotten to enjoy them to yourselves

 

[Ziggie]

You don't need to argue your side, you don't need to justify your reasons, you only need to say NO.

Feeling you can't is akin to bullying in my eyes.... (from the family). Feeling you have no control over something so intimate is horrible. Seriously your husband should recognise that and back off.

 

[Mommy2missR]

yeah I would just straight up tell him NO. With my first, my mom and my useless ex-husband were there. I was very happy to be able to share that moment with my mom. This go-round, it may be just me and my DH, though I have mentioned it to my mom. I'm not sure how my DH is going to do with me being in pain and him not being able to do anything about it. It was great to have my mom there when it came time for pushing, as my ex just stood there with his thumb up his a$$ doing nothing. But we'll see.... As for my MIL in the room.... Aw HELLS no!!!!!! Not that I don't like my MIL, she is just not my mom, and I don't want her there while my girly bits are on display.

 

[purplecupcake]

I'm with Ziggie. He can disagree all he wants, but its your body, your decision. My MIL had planned on coming down before my due date and waiting for the baby to be born...I told DH no way and he didn't even ask why, he just told her we'd let her know when we were ready for visitors. If he insists on having them there, I'd tell him then he can stay in the waiting room with them the whole time!

 

[Laylagirl]

At my hospital during the maternity tour age informed us that we can make it a party if we want to... We could have as many people as we want... They DONT play bouncer though... We can only say if we want visitors or not..other than that, they will let just about anybody in prior to the golden hour... Sucks..

 

[mod19]

At my hospital during the maternity tour age informed us that we can make it a party if we want to... We could have as many people as we want... They DONT play bouncer though... We can only say if we want visitors or not..other than that, they will let just about anybody in prior to the golden hour... Sucks..

That does suck. My mind is made up that no one will be there beforehand so he's just going to have to suck it up and tell them, or I will. And if they can't understand my reasoning tough shit. I talked to the girl at work today who recently had her baby and she said you absolutely need like the first three hours to bond with the baby, especially if breastfeeding.

 

[kksy9b]

Good for you!! You have to make the best decision for you and it sounds like you have! I hope your DH gets on board with you so you won't even have to think of it anymore.

With my DS, I was in labor at 4 PM, at the hospital at midnight and he came at 8:40 that morning. With our local family all out of town until the next day and my parents a 4 hour car ride away, we opted to wait a few hours to announce to friends and just have the time for us. We had 2 hours in the L&D room, were moved up to our room on the maternity floor, got a shower and nap. We then let some friends know and had an hour of more bonding time before visitors starting coming. It was wonderful! I am definitely hoping to have the same time frame the next time around. You need a minute to breathe and bond and rest

 

[sethsmummy]

im glad youv made your decision hun. And im so so glad our hospital have strict visiting hours for non parents/children. My husband and children can visit at any time between 8am and 10pm (minus protected meal times) But for everyone else there is only two hours in the day they are allowed in (although they can be lax about making people leave if theyre being quiet and theyre not too busy), however they do just let anyone in during those visiting times xx

 

[Alyssa Drough]

My dd was born at 2.27 in the afternoon. Visiting times weren't til 7pm so worked out perfectly for us. The only people we invited were my dad, step mum and step sister. Then we had visitors at home staggered over the next couple of weeks.

 

[Laylagirl]

I JUST TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT HE IS NOT GOING TO ATTEND THE BIRTH OF OUR SON!!! HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS HIS RIGHT!!!' Ummmm.....WHEN YOU DECIDE TO STOP CARING ABOUT YOUR PREGNANT WIFE AND DECIDE TO TREAT HER BAD AND GO AROUND WITH A GIRL FROM WORK, YOU GAVE UP THAT RIGHT!!! I NEED SUPPORTIVE AND LOVING PEOPLE WITH ME! NOT CHEATERS!

Sorry, not my thread...just thought I would post that no one will force me into having anyone I don't want there... Including a non suppoertive other parent... He's killing me with what he's been doing and I'm supposed to share my experience with him when he can't even be bothered for anything else?!?!
Now he's very angry...
I let him know that when he actually has a child with someone he will love for the whole pregnancy, he will understand why he can't be there when I give birth.

Sorry again... Rant over.

 

[mod19]

I feel so bad for you. I don't know how I'd do it if I were you. But I agree with you, he can be pissed all he wants, shoulda thought about that before he decided to bang some other skank. Not your problem if he's mad about your decision, as far as I'm concerned he gave up the right to care when he stopped caring about you. I'm sorry but what an a$$hole. I'm sure he'll have all sorts of words for you between now and the birth, but once again, just remind him he did it to himself.