I don't want my MIL to babysit!

[special_kala]

Because it isn't fact. There are lots of families that aren't like this.... There are women that are closer to their fathers, MIL's, Aunties, friends.... The list is endless.

Generally isnt fact

gen·er·al·ly/ˈjenərəlē/
Adverb:

In most cases; usually.


I did not say all i am aware there are exceptions.

 

[Dk1234]

I don't understand the point, so what she is closer with her mom. He is closer with his. That's not the point. The point she is dismissing her husband's wishes and she asked if people agreed and obviously we don't all agree.

 

[highhopes19]

I've got to say your mil sounds like a saint compared to mine mine really is the wicked witch.... Most recent thing which was the final straw tbh and it all kicked off was her knocking my lo over on purpose because she was standing in her way ( she's learning to walk) , ohhhh and stealing thousands of pounds of my oh, threatening to stab her 4 year old neighbour etc she's a delightful woman my mil.

I can get where your coming from though I really can I think you need to sit down with her before you go out and explain the routine you have in place perhaps write it down Aswell. It's for a couple of hours go for dinner enjoy yourselves even though it'll be hard not to worry atleast try. If all goes tits up and she unsettles your lo atleast then you can say to yourself and oh you gave it go.

Xx

 

[Soph n Chris]

I know generally isn't fact- in your very first 'statement' you made out it was a simple fact and the 'norm'

state·ment/ˈstātmənt/
Noun:
A definite or clear expression of something in speech or writing: "do you agree with this statement?"

An official account of facts, views, or plans, esp. one for release to the media.

 

[special_kala]

It is the norm that doesnt meant there arnt exceptions.

 

[AP]

I don't think we need to go down the root of pulling each others posts apart now?!

 

[Soph n Chris]

I think we had better agree to disagree..... Not getting anywhere

 

[MummytoSummer]

Ok, so even IF GENERALLY most women are closer to their own mothers, is it also fair to suggest that GENERALLY most men are closer to their own mothers??? Yes???

Then why if the father sees his own mother as someone capable of watching HIS OWN child, is this less important than if the mother doesn't want her to watch THEIR child???

It is NOT ok for a mum to say 'no your mum can't watch our baby, but mine can'.

I'm sorry, that is just never ok, and to be quite honest not a healthy view at all in any relationship to think that one of you has the superior say over the raising of your child.

I've said it before I hate my mil, I hate how patronising she is and how generally uneasy she makes me feel, but I know she wouldn't do anything to harm my daughters because she loves them. If I were to tell my oh his mum couldn't look after OUR children because I wasn't comfortable with it, but my own mum can he would be heartbroken. If I ever did that I would totally understand if he were to say back to me 'fine then but your mum also doesn't look after them because I don't feel comfortable'.

Carrying a child for 9 months does not in any way shape or form make me any more of a parent. My oh would be devastated if I believed this to be the case. We love our children equally. I may have had that initial bond happen more quickly but his bond with our children was there within days and I know he'd sooner die than put them in harms way. Bottom line is I TRUST my oh and HIS judgement as well as my own.

 

[weewdy]

Ok, so even IF GENERALLY most women are closer to their own mothers, is it also fair to suggest that GENERALLY most men are closer to their own mothers??? Yes???

Then why if the father sees his own mother as someone capable of watching HIS OWN child, is this less important than if the mother doesn't want her to watch THEIR child???

It is NOT ok for a mum to say 'no your mum can't watch our baby, but mine can'.

I'm sorry, that is just never ok, and to be quite honest not a healthy view at all in any relationship to think that one of you has the superior say over the raising of your child.

I've said it before I hate my mil, I hate how patronising she is and how generally uneasy she makes me feel, but I know she wouldn't do anything to harm my daughters because she loves them. If I were to tell my oh his mum couldn't look after OUR children because I wasn't comfortable with it, but my own mum can he would be heartbroken. If I ever did that I would totally understand if he were to say back to me 'fine then but your mum also doesn't look after them because I don't feel comfortable'.

Carrying a child for 9 months does not in any way shape or form make me any more of a parent. My oh would be devastated if I believed this to be the case. We love our children equally. I may have had that initial bond happen more quickly but his bond with our children was there within days and I know he'd sooner die than put them in harms way. Bottom line is I TRUST my oh and HIS judgement as well as my own.

I think you have worded this well

 

[special_kala]

Ok, so even IF GENERALLY most women are closer to their own mothers, is it also fair to suggest that GENERALLY most men are closer to their own mothers??? Yes???

Then why if the father sees his own mother as someone capable of watching HIS OWN child, is this less important than if the mother doesn't want her to watch THEIR child???

It is NOT ok for a mum to say 'no your mum can't watch our baby, but mine can'.

I'm sorry, that is just never ok, and to be quite honest not a healthy view at all in any relationship to think that one of you has the superior say over the raising of your child.

I've said it before I hate my mil, I hate how patronising she is and how generally uneasy she makes me feel, but I know she wouldn't do anything to harm my daughters because she loves them. If I were to tell my oh his mum couldn't look after OUR children because I wasn't comfortable with it, but my own mum can he would be heartbroken. If I ever did that I would totally understand if he were to say back to me 'fine then but your mum also doesn't look after them because I don't feel comfortable'.

Carrying a child for 9 months does not in any way shape or form make me any more of a parent. My oh would be devastated if I believed this to be the case. We love our children equally. I may have had that initial bond happen more quickly but his bond with our children was there within days and I know he'd sooner die than put them in harms way. Bottom line is I TRUST my oh and HIS judgement as well as my own.

EDIT

 

[special_kala]

Nice edit!

 

[weewdy]

Nice edit!

Thanks at least i can admit it sounded a bit harsh. Hence the reason i removed it. Sorry if it offended

 

[highhopes19]

Nice edit!

Thanks at least i can admit it sounded a bit harsh. Hence the reason i removed it. Sorry if it offended

What was that comment supposed to mean anyway so because I hate my mil (with good reason Aswell ) I'm not in a loving steady relationship

 

[Dk1234]

She admitted it was wrong. I think we're getting off topic. I'm sure she just meant in a living relationship compromise is important.

 

[jenfirstbaby]

I haven't read through the comments because, well quite frankly I can't be arsed and I know there's probably arguing somewhere... But I want to give my input...

I felt exactly the same as you, OP. I would have quite happily left my lo with my own mum, and not my OH! Actually I still feel more comfortable if my mum has her (me and oh have split, he doesn't do over nights etc) but anyway...

I think the thing with the mil is quite common. I didn't want anyone on my ohs side babysitting for the first few months. Mainly because I don't know them well, and mil would make suggestions about giving her rusks in her bottle etc. I know she probably wouldn't have done anything like this tho without asking.

It wasn't until recently that I feel ok about letting her go. Now that me and her dad have split, he takes her on a saturday. At first I was terrified but now im not too bad, and I actually look forward to a few hours to myself.

My mil has now looked after her on her own for about 4 hours. I was worried leaving her then too but it went quite well. I still wouldn't let anyone have her over night tho.

Your baby is still really young so its no wonder you don't want to have anyone baby sit. Its a natural feeling to have and im sure as time goes on you will feel more comfortable with it.

 

[weewdy]

Nice edit!

Thanks at least i can admit it sounded a bit harsh. Hence the reason i removed it. Sorry if it offended

What was that comment supposed to mean anyway so because I hate my mil (with good reason Aswell ) I'm not in a loving steady relationship

No it was nothing to do with hating mils.

It was the debate on whether mothers have more say than the fathers over their babies because they gave birth to them.

 

[mummylove]

I can understand that u dont want to leave ur baby but shes not just urs she is ur OHs to and a bit unfair. As ur MIL ever done anything to hurt u offend u etc

 

[Wobbles]

Member edited a comment she knew quickly was wrong so let's not drag it on. It may not have been a moment of thinking before submitting but she did remove it fast, not something everyone would do!

 

[kittylady]

My baby is 11 weeks tomorrow. I have left her alone for over an hour for the first time today it ended up being 5 and a half but I ha an exam so no choice. I cried as i drove away. I totally understand you dont want to leave her with your MIL. The dog would be the biggest problem for me. I have cats but I'm really careful with them, I love them to bits but any animal can be a danger to a baby. Some people refuse to believe that their fur babys might ever be a danger but its true.

My MIL is pushing 70 and has arthritus in her hands and she said she wants to have her with hubbys brother. I dont trust his brother as far as I can throw him. Ten years ago he attacked his mum and nan. I know thats a long time ago but hes manipulative, tempremental and jelous and I have this fear he'd do something to her. So both of us agree its not for the best.

However I agree if she was capable then it would only be fair to let her look after my baby. I hope I'm capable to look after my sons kids if i have a son as ellie wont be my last.

 

[mummylove]

When both my kids where young i left them with OHs family as they are the only family i have close till my family move here in 3 weeks. MY MIL and FIL are great we have are moments with eachother but i would never stop them wanting to watch their grand kids as they are as much mine as they are my OHs