I give up and i am pissed.

[TTC1234]

I want to first apologize for being a pissy today.

I've just about had it and i am seriously going to chug my OPK and everything related to TTC out the window.

So here is my story...

I have been trying to 4 months now after a miscarriage in June. After it wasn't happening the first few times, i decided to increase my chances by getting OPK's.

Well, this month i got most of the pregnancy symptoms i had the last time i was pregnant (very sore breasts, weird darkness around nipple, fatigue, cramps, backaches, heartburn, etc..) I still tried not to get my hopes up, so i waited for AF. Anyway, i made the mistake of looking up when a possible due date was going to be... i was surprised that it was DH's birthday. I thought this could possibly be a sign of some sort.... so now my hopes were up. Yesterday, there was no sign of AF and i was hopeful because of the all early pregnancy signs.

Well, around 3am, i woke up from a bad dream (don't remember what it was) and i felt a gush. I rushed to the bathroom and what do you know.. the ugly witch came!!! ON TIME.

I am so pissed off. I probably tricked myself into thinking i was pregnant or something. And to make things worse, i still have symptoms and i've just about had it with my body. I feel like starving myself for punishment. I am so pissed and disappointed. I literally cried myself to sleep because of all the hope i had that 2010 was going to be my year. The year where things were going to turn around. Yeah right. I give up and i am going to throw everything out the window.

Sorry for the rant, but it needed to be done.

 

[im_mi]

ok sweetie, deep breaths i know how hard it is when things dont work out like you want them to. especially when stupid bodies make us think we are in with a chance! theres absolutely no point in punishing yourself, though. i mean, do whatever you want but it wont accomplish anything other than making you feel worse about it all. And if your body is in starvation mode you probably wont ovulate.

 

[babythinkpink]

I know how you feel, I have been clinging to every hope, sign and symptom, and date possiblities for the last 8 months/cycles too and our bodies are hugely cruel when ttc.
We have decided try a year then give up, we are cycle 8 Dec, which gives us til April, any longer I will become this mad frantic woman who is possesed with the baby making demon that i dont like being!!

 

[confused27]

hey i know how u feel its really hard, i have been ttc for 11 years now and nothing is wrong with us health wise, theres been times ive been crying and tearing the house and my other half apart, ur doing the right thing letting it all out of ur system, then u should just try and forget for this week, i know its hard but if u can push it to the back of ur mind and then next week u can try again, dont give up, it will happen for u, u got pregnant once u can do it again. loads of baby dust to you and good luck!!

 

[Stacey_89]

Awwwwh im so sorry hun !!!!

I know how you are feeling, i had a MC in may and im still not pregnant!!
Tbh i have gave up looking out for symptons...i had so many the past 3 months and still turns out im not pregnant ! I find it best to let all my rants out on here and then i come off,have a big cry,OH gives me great hugs and tells me things i need to hear then i feel fine and positive again.

IT WILL HAPPEN ! You will have a 2010 baby bump hun.
I just keep telling myself that this time next year i will be holding my baby in my arms

 

[TTC1234]

Thanks ladies. i'm trying to be positive, but... i just can't stop crying. It took DH and a long time to even get pregnant the first time to only have a miscarriage. It took me a while, to even think of the possibility of getting preggo again because it hurt so much to think of losing it again... i felt completely robbed of the whole happy pregnancy feeling that everyone around me gets. i know i will be completely paranoid and such.

but now all i want is the opportunity to just get pregnant again and i really feel like there is no hope anymore. I feel like a complete failure. everyone i know tells me, "don't worry, use and opk and you'll get pregnant right away." what a joke.

If only i didn't have the same symptoms as the last time i was preggo, i think i would be ok. But because it all seemed too familiar, i got my hopes up and was so happy inside. and now i feel empty. once again. Uggh.

 

[babythinkpink]

It will happen, I had 4 healthy babies after my mc.
I know how empty you feel, and all the things like feeling useless, and just needing to be pregnant again, i also know its hard just to carry on day by day, but you will gradually pick yourself up, and get preggers

 

[Stacey_89]

babythinkpink is deffo right
her comment actually made me feel better aswell !

Deep down inside of me i know i will get pregnant again and have a healthy baby
but sometimes i crnt help the negative thoughts that pop into my head !

And im the same with symptons aswell, the last two times i had them sooo bad and i rele thought i was pregnant and when that AF arrives i just feel so sad and numb and hate my body for tricking me

 

[suzie7]

I feel the same way! You're not in this boat alone. We ALL have days like this.

I try to tell myself that being all negative, obsessed, and upset isn't going to help. What happens to me is I start to worry and the worry builds and builds and builds.
Now, I am focusing on being healthy, exercising, sleeping good, enjoying my wonderful husband and family. Oh, and I do enjoy a good glass of wine, which one can't have when you get the BFP!

4 months is not long, or so I tell myself. I am on cycle #5 now. My mom got preggers on her wedding night so it pisses me off that it happens so easy for some. I just think, the longer you wait, the more special it is when it finally arrives. GOOD LUCK! Chin up!

 

[Libra Mariah]

I have been trying to conceive for 3 years and now I am also feeling like I want to give up trying to conceive. I feel like this often, however just when I seem to be getting over not being pregnant, something happens to make me start thinking about it again. For example, I had stoped buying ovulation kits etc, and then a week ago my younger sister told my family and I that she was pregnant for the 4th time in 4 years.

 

[Libra Mariah]

I have been trying to conceive for 3 years and now I am also feeling like I want to give up trying to conceive. I feel like this often, however just when I seem to be getting over not being pregnant, something happens to make me start thinking about it again. For example, I had stoped buying ovulation kits etc, and then a week ago my younger sister told my family and I that she was pregnant for the 4th time in 4 years.

 

[grrlmom]

I have been trying to conceive for 3 years and now I am also feeling like I want to give up trying to conceive. I feel like this often, however just when I seem to be getting over not being pregnant, something happens to make me start thinking about it again. For example, I had stoped buying ovulation kits etc, and then a week ago my younger sister told my family and I that she was pregnant for the 4th time in 4 years. That really bothered me because each time that she has gotten pregnant, she has expressed her thoughts of considering an abortion.This makes me really agitated to see her becoming pregnant with out even wanting to. Her and her boyfriend have agreed that they don't want to have the baby, and he even made the suggestion of letting me adopt the baby. However my sister still says that she would rather have an abortion because she doesn't want her kid to grow up and hate her for giving it away. I am totally against her having an abortion. I have offered to adopt her baby and each time she says no. However she still continues to complain all the time of the fact that she is pregnant and wishes that she wasn't. I just wonder if she ever thinks about how I feel when she does this.

My best friend growing up had the exact situation you describe: she had been adopted at birth by her aunt and uncle. Her biological mom was her adoptive mom's younger sister.
She knew this, but didn't think much about it; I had known her for years when she happened to mention to me that her Aunt So-and-So was really her birthmother.
She and her adoptive mom were so close, it shocked me to realize she was adopted. And that she actually saw her birthmother on holidays and at family gatherings, and didn't even really care about the woman. Didn't feel anything toward her, except as an aunt.
She didn't hate her birthmother, but her "mom"- her adoptive mom- was her real mom, in her mind.

If adopting your sister's baby is something you'd like to do, and your sister doesn't want it anyway, I think you should discuss it with her seriously. It sounds like her baby's father is already onboard.
I don't think the child would grow up to "hate" her; most adoptees don't hate their birthparents, or if they do, it's merely a passing phase.
And it would be a way for you to have a child of your own, not that you couldn't still ttc a biological child in the meantime, and even afterward.

It just worries me to hear of your sister having child after child when she doesn't really seem to want them. I have to wonder what sort of environment they're going to grow up in. Think of how much better the child would be with someone like you, who actually wants a child.

I hope you do talk to your sister. Perhaps she doesn't realize the seriousness of your offer.

 

[Libra Mariah]

I have been trying to conceive for 3 years and now I am also feeling like I want to give up trying to conceive. I feel like this often, however just when I seem to be getting over not being pregnant, something happens to make me start thinking about it again. For example, I had stoped buying ovulation kits etc, and then a week ago my younger sister told my family and I that she was pregnant for the 4th time in 4 years. That really bothered me because each time that she has gotten pregnant, she has expressed her thoughts of considering an abortion.This makes me really agitated to see her becoming pregnant with out even wanting to. Her and her boyfriend have agreed that they don't want to have the baby, and he even made the suggestion of letting me adopt the baby. However my sister still says that she would rather have an abortion because she doesn't want her kid to grow up and hate her for giving it away. I am totally against her having an abortion. I have offered to adopt her baby and each time she says no. However she still continues to complain all the time of the fact that she is pregnant and wishes that she wasn't. I just wonder if she ever thinks about how I feel when she does this.

My best friend growing up had the exact situation you describe: she had been adopted at birth by her aunt and uncle. Her biological mom was her adoptive mom's younger sister.
She knew this, but didn't think much about it; I had known her for years when she happened to mention to me that her Aunt So-and-So was really her birthmother.
She and her adoptive mom were so close, it shocked me to realize she was adopted. And that she actually saw her birthmother on holidays and at family gatherings, and didn't even really care about the woman. Didn't feel anything toward her, except as an aunt.
She didn't hate her birthmother, but her "mom"- her adoptive mom- was her real mom, in her mind.

If adopting your sister's baby is something you'd like to do, and your sister doesn't want it anyway, I think you should discuss it with her seriously. It sounds like her baby's father is already onboard.
I don't think the child would grow up to "hate" her; most adoptees don't hate their birthparents, or if they do, it's merely a passing phase.
And it would be a way for you to have a child of your own, not that you couldn't still ttc a biological child in the meantime, and even afterward.

It just worries me to hear of your sister having child after child when she doesn't really seem to want them. I have to wonder what sort of environment they're going to grow up in. Think of how much better the child would be with someone like you, who actually wants a child.

I hope you do talk to your sister. Perhaps she doesn't realize the seriousness of your offer.

I am hoping eventually my sister will change her mind. She kind of thinks of abortion as birth control.

 

[WannaB]

Thats just aweful! Please tell me she doesnt know you have been ttc? The thought of her behaving like that and being so insensitive to you knowing what you are going through would just be pure evil to me! Im hoping she changes her mind too and her attitude! Big hugs to you hun!

 

[Angel_dust]

I can totally understand how you feel. I've been ttc for 6 months and i have all the symptoms at the mo, sore bbs, nausea,weird dry mouth and funny taste...

But I spotted when i wiped again today likei have done all month so its just my mind again. I'll test this weekend and like you, i thought becuaes AF was due on daughters 14th bday that it was a specialsign that it was going to be a BFP this month. Like i said, i will test but am sure its just my mnd messing me about again.

What winds me up is an aquaintance of mine, just announced on facebook that she is pregnant. Despite the fact that she still binge drinks every weekend and does amphetamines too. Its not bloody fair! Why does she deserve to get pregnant so quick when she does that when I cant get my BFP and I would look after my bump and not abuse it. It really upset me and im not going to her wedding next month now as i cant bear to even look at her. Sorry I'm ranting now....
Oh and as i type flipping Dannii Minogues on tv with her flipping bump
Sorry again, i'm just getting really fed up now.

I hope we all have our BFP very soon.xxx

 

[c-demers]

I know exactly how you feel about the facebook thing. After being so nice to everyone and always being the bigger person, I broke down. I deleted every single person that was pregnant off my page. The "oh so horrible morning sickness" status messages and baby bump pictures just became too much, I couldn't log in without bursting into tears. I had so many "you're so selfish" messages, but you know what? For once since my miscarriages, I felt great, of course very briefly One of the girls on my page also was drinking well into her 2nd trimester. I just don't understand how we can try so hard to do everything right and still fail, and these irresponsible women get all the luck.

Ok sorry for ranting, but a little about me since this is my first post

My name is Candice, I'm 22 and married to an Army man! lol I have 2 beautiful kids from a previous marriage and my now-hubby and I have been trying *unsuccessfully* to conceive for over 18 months. We've experienced two late first trimester miscarriages, one in February and one in June and we just can't seem to get pregnant now with his schedule and since he seems to always be in training during my fertile times. UGH so frustrating. Every month I think it is MY month, of course, I think that's how everyone is...and I symptom spot so horribly even when I tell myself I won't. I've gone through the stages of being angry with God, being angry at my husband...you name it, I've done it. People don't seem to understand because I "already have two kids." They don't realize how hard it is for us to not have our own. Granted, he treats mine like his own, but they are already 3 and 5, he never got to experience a pregnancy, birth, first steps etc. And after every month, it just seems to get worse for us. To make it worse, he deploys back to Iraq in mid-march, so I have one more, or two max (depending on the exact deployment date) cycles to try again. I really thought this was my month because my ovulation always seems off, and this month it was finally right on track...the 14th. The ironic thing was that I was due Jan 14th with this last baby that we wanted so badly. I keep telling myself that if God could let me be miserable through Christmas and the holidays, it had to be for a reason, he was trying to help me make a good memory out of a bad. How great would it be for me to have conceived on my last due date? I'm trying not to get my hopes up though, but it is so hard not to.

What do you guys think? Is it possible? Right now I am 8dpo, have sore bbs, cramping, bloating and gassy these past two days, lots of CM, and eating everything in sight. Obviously, the symptom spotting is coming into play right now, but I just wonder, could I finally be pregnant? I want it so badly!

One more question for those of you who have had miscarriages. How do you feel when you see those friends that you were pregnant with and you have to watch their bellies grow while your's stays flat...or once the due date passes, and they have this little baby the same age as your's would have been. Is it just me or is it ok to be jealous and hurt? I find myself crying all of the time.

Thanks for reading my rant, I'm glad I finally got this off my chest

 

[Libra Mariah]

Thats just aweful! Please tell me she doesnt know you have been ttc? The thought of her behaving like that and being so insensitive to you knowing what you are going through would just be pure evil to me! Im hoping she changes her mind too and her attitude! Big hugs to you hun!

My sister talked to me today and she told me that she is sorry about how she has been acting and she decided that she is not going to have and abortion. She said she plans to allow me to adopt her baby as soon as she gives birth. Her due date is in September! I am so happy, while we were on the phone I couldn't think her enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!