I hate feeling this way!

[Mummy2Be_at20]

I keep feeling pressure by my family to not keep my baby (I will let you come to your own conclusions in regards to what that means). Like today was my great grandfathers 88th birthday so my entire family got together and my cousin was there (she's a grad student) and she was telling the family how she applied to museums in Italy, and the Louvre in France and the whole time I could feel my moms gaze on me as if she were disappointed that instead of working in a foreign country I was pregnant instead. I feel so ashamed of being pregnant and not happy at all, but I love my baby and I love the thought of being a mother, and couldn't stomach not having my baby with me...I'm just so torn up. My family is so judgmental. They believe without a shadow of a doubt that if I keep the baby I will become a "statistic" and be an unwed mother, college drop out, and on welfare. My mom even told me that if I wanted to keep the baby she would take me to apply for welfare and WIC and then would be disappointed in me and that I would be one of "those" mothers. I feel like I can still go to school and accomplish what I want to do. I never even planned on having a super career and being this crazy career woman jetsetting between countries...I wanted to go to cosmetology school for pete's sake and now because of my mom, i'm working towards a degree as a lawyer. I know that it would be hard and it would take me a little while to get back on my feet. But I also know that it CAN be done...I just can't stand the thought of having to choose between my family (and disgracing them) and my baby. I'm an emotional wreck right now.

 

[Estesbaby]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all that! Don't for one second let them make you believe that you can't still accomplish whatever you want! And in my opinion, you are only a statistic if you aren't trying to better yourself and your baby's life. There is a difference between needing help because you are doing all you can and its still not enough and using the system because you are lazy. Your family has no right to say what you need to do with your baby. It sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders, and that you know what you are getting into. I don't have to tell you that raising a baby won't be easy, and they don't need to tell you that either. I hope your family comes around and gets more used to the idea, I can't imagine how this must feel. You already have crazy hormones right now because of the pregnancy and I can't even begin to think what your family's opinion is doing to you as well.

Good luck to you, I hope it all works out. Stay strong!

 

[medic9114fun]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I honestly thought my mom would react the same way, different urchin stances as I'm married , but I was terrified. Luckily she is happy for us

Do you have any friends that would support your decisions and not judge you? Even help you to work towards your goals?

I truly believe that even with a child you can accomplish your goals

I had a close friend tell me that she wod believe it when she sees it about continuing with my passions. It's hurt a lot. I couldn't imagine it being famy

Sometimes you have to do things for YOU and work to prove the doubters wrong.
Sure it may take a little longer but if you're happy they should be happy for you...
Maybe once they see you aren't a "statistic" they will come around and be happy

If possible maybe distance yourself from the doubters and surround yourself with those that care about you. As hard as it is sometimes ou have to walk away from the drama others create and just be happy with you

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I honestly thought my mom would react the same way, different urchin stances as I'm married , but I was terrified. Luckily she is happy for us

Do you have any friends that would support your decisions and not judge you? Even help you to work towards your goals?

I truly believe that even with a child you can accomplish your goals

I had a close friend tell me that she wod believe it when she sees it about continuing with my passions. It's hurt a lot. I couldn't imagine it being famy

Sometimes you have to do things for YOU and work to prove the doubters wrong.
Sure it may take a little longer but if you're happy they should be happy for you...
Maybe once they see you aren't a "statistic" they will come around and be happy

If possible maybe distance yourself from the doubters and surround yourself with those that care about you. As hard as it is sometimes ou have to walk away from the drama others create and just be happy with you

Well see when I found out about baby, I spent literally straight 24 hour days just detailing what I should do and how we are going to be able to afford the baby. My OH already has a three bedroom place he's renting with one of his airmen. He said the 3rd bedroom could go to baby. I would work full time up until I couldn't any longer and would have to take off for maternity leave. And my OH has said that I wouldn't have to pay for anything during that time (except for gas back and forth to work) and we would use all that money for the baby. My uncle just had a son and daughter (girl is now 2 boy is now 1) so they have a lot of things they don't need anymore. Our combined income would be no where near the poverty level for a family of 3 (especially if we got married) so we wouldn't even qualify for welfare in the first place. I am covered by my families insurance until i'm like 26, and my OH has wonderful insurance that we'd put the baby on asap. And once he lists the baby as a dependent he'd make even more money. Daycare is also free on base (for when I plan on going back to work, though I want to really stay home with baby and just do online school, but i'd feel guilty having my OH be the source of income). The conversations between my mom and I usually go like this.
.
Me: Well he works and I would work
Mom: It doesn't matter if he isn't going to marry you? Is he going to marry you?
Me: We discussed marriage but we-
Mom: I don't believe in getting married just because of a baby.
Me: ...Well thats why we decided to wait a while until we adjust to the baby
Mom: So you're not going to be married? Whats keeping him from just walking away?

 

[WantingABubba]

Babe, ignore them. Your baby, your body, your life. You can do this. Do what you WANT to do, in your heart. What will be worse: your family's disappointment (which is likely to be easier to deal with and/or lessen when baby is here) or your lifetime of regret/possible ruined relationship with your OH?

Good luck, hon, we're here for you xx

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

Babe, ignore them. Your baby, your body, your life. You can do this. Do what you WANT to do, in your heart. What will be worse: your family's disappointment (which is likely to be easier to deal with and/or lessen when baby is here) or your lifetime of regret/possible ruined relationship with your OH?

Good luck, hon, we're here for you xx

thanks so much hun, when i even approach the subject of keeping the baby my mother is completely dumbfounded as to why. Like she can't even comprehend why I would want to keep my baby, i'm at a loss as to how to get through to her.

 

[mummy2o]

I had a baby at 21. Pregnant at 20. My parents wanted me to go to uni, make something of my life etc, etc but having a kid was the best thing I've done. By then I had already worked aboard and hated it (mind you every time I go to Germany I get ill so makes sense to have a negative experience). I may not have been able to finish college when I'd have liked to, but it doesn't stop me doing it not. DS's dad left when he was 2 and I wasn't mentally in a good place after that, but still took care of him, just couldn't handle school also. Plus I've decided I wanted to changed what I want to do in life so its probably worked out for the best. It doesn't stop me still wanting to work aboard in the future, just I'll have more people to join in my adventures with.

So my advice is do what is best for you. If your mum can't handle that then fine, she can be just the grandparent. I think it could be more a psychological thing and that she would hate to see you as a grown woman and not the little girl as she probably see's you as. Your baby will always be your baby regardless of age, so it possible that she is just scared in letting you go also.

 

[thosevibes]

Kinda why I'm not telling my grandma I'm pregnant for another week to a month. Judgment, disappoint, etc. It's not a fun feeling at all.

21. College student. Pregnant. Yep.

I've cried over basically the same thing. I know how you feel!

It'll get better though.

 

[WantingABubba]

Babe, ignore them. Your baby, your body, your life. You can do this. Do what you WANT to do, in your heart. What will be worse: your family's disappointment (which is likely to be easier to deal with and/or lessen when baby is here) or your lifetime of regret/possible ruined relationship with your OH?

Good luck, hon, we're here for you xx

thanks so much hun, when i even approach the subject of keeping the baby my mother is completely dumbfounded as to why. Like she can't even comprehend why I would want to keep my baby, i'm at a loss as to how to get through to her.

Then don't. You don't need her approval, mother or not. You're a Mum now, and that's what's important

 

[Mahoghani]

With my first child I was 19 when I got pregnant. I was married, but still 19. Not going to lie, being a Mom at that age isn't easy. And I was lucky, my husband was right by my side and thrilled to be a parent with me even though my pregnancy wasn't even a little bit planned. You'll have to work a lot harder for yourself and your baby. But it is far from impossible. I don't know how your relationship is with your baby's father but it sounds like he wants to be in your and your baby's life and that is awesome. And I applaude you for taking it a step at a time and not jumping into marriage because you're pregnant. There is no reason two people can't parent a child and not be married. Also you said he's in the military? There are all sorts of programs available to help out military dependants. Even if you don't get married all of those things will be available to your baby. My husband is in the military. Another thing I will tell you is not easy but worth it.

Incidentally, that baby that I had at 19, he's 9 now and the love of my life. Being his Mama is the best thing I've ever done with my life. I wouldn't trade him for anything and I believe I had him exactly when I was supposed to. Someone knew I needed him in my life, even if I didn't.

It sounds like your mother is trying to think about what's best for you but isn't listening to you. I'm sorry for that, I know how much that hurts, trust me I've been there. But if you want to keep this baby, don't let her talk you out of it. You will always regret it. And once that baby gets here, I mean seriously, who doesn't love a baby.

I hope your mother comes around. Good luck and if you ever need to talk feel free to send me a message.

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

*update*

So I dont know if anyone remembers the situation with my mom. But the gist of it was that she wanted me to stay at home and in TN but my OH and I wanted me to move in to his house and raise our baby together in NC. I have been trying to compromise with them both and was going to continue staying here and going to school here until December,then moving with my OH. I revealed to my mom what I had planned today and she basically went ballistic. She called my plan selfish and ignorant. Even though I don't see how. She said that since I want to "shack up with a grown man" (me and my OH are both 20) that makes me an adult and she's cutting me off and not having anything to do with me and is disappointed in me. Her plan would have consisted of me staying in school this semester,then taking classes online and moving into her house until the baby is like 5 months. Then getting on government assistance and going back to school and her paying for my baby, car, and apartment, while also taking my OH to court for child support. he's active duty in the airforce so he wouldnt get to see the baby except on thanksgiving and Christmas,which would destroy our relationship. When visiting my parent house during the summer I still have a time that they want to make me turn my tv off. And there is not an extra room for the baby. At this point the only pro I see about staying here is it being easier to stay in school but living with my OH wouldn't make it impossible. My mom also said she dislikes his parents because when they found out we were expecting 1. They werent angry and 2. They talk to me but didn't call her to "discuss what they were going to do" as if we were both kids! My OHs parents can't fathom why my mom wants to discuss me and my OH plans for our future with them. I just feel like i'm being enabled listening to her. She is refusing to allow me to become an adult for some reason. At this point I'm under so much stress and I'm so confused I just hate my situation so much.

 

[WantingABubba]

*update*

So I dont know if anyone remembers the situation with my mom. But the gist of it was that she wanted me to stay at home and in TN but my OH and I wanted me to move in to his house and raise our baby together in NC. I have been trying to compromise with them both and was going to continue staying here and going to school here until December,then moving with my OH. I revealed to my mom what I had planned today and she basically went ballistic. She called my plan selfish and ignorant. Even though I don't see how. She said that since I want to "shack up with a grown man" (me and my OH are both 20) that makes me an adult and she's cutting me off and not having anything to do with me and is disappointed in me. Her plan would have consisted of me staying in school this semester,then taking classes online and moving into her house until the baby is like 5 months. Then getting on government assistance and going back to school and her paying for my baby, car, and apartment, while also taking my OH to court for child support. he's active duty in the airforce so he wouldnt get to see the baby except on thanksgiving and Christmas,which would destroy our relationship. When visiting my parent house during the summer I still have a time that they want to make me turn my tv off. And there is not an extra room for the baby. At this point the only pro I see about staying here is it being easier to stay in school but living with my OH wouldn't make it impossible. My mom also said she dislikes his parents because when they found out we were expecting 1. They werent angry and 2. They talk to me but didn't call her to "discuss what they were going to do" as if we were both kids! My OHs parents can't fathom why my mom wants to discuss me and my OH plans for our future with them. I just feel like i'm being enabled listening to her. She is refusing to allow me to become an adult for some reason. At this point I'm under so much stress and I'm so confused I just hate my situation so much.

Your Mum sounds like mine. Selfish and unsupportive. Hon, I KNOW how hard it is. I know bubs. Just be strong. Your plan sounds better than hers and guess what?

You're 20.

You're an adult.

This is your and your OH's baby.

This baby is in your body.

It's your life.

Do what YOU need to do, and ignore her. We're here for you, okay?

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

*update*

So I dont know if anyone remembers the situation with my mom. But the gist of it was that she wanted me to stay at home and in TN but my OH and I wanted me to move in to his house and raise our baby together in NC. I have been trying to compromise with them both and was going to continue staying here and going to school here until December,then moving with my OH. I revealed to my mom what I had planned today and she basically went ballistic. She called my plan selfish and ignorant. Even though I don't see how. She said that since I want to "shack up with a grown man" (me and my OH are both 20) that makes me an adult and she's cutting me off and not having anything to do with me and is disappointed in me. Her plan would have consisted of me staying in school this semester,then taking classes online and moving into her house until the baby is like 5 months. Then getting on government assistance and going back to school and her paying for my baby, car, and apartment, while also taking my OH to court for child support. he's active duty in the airforce so he wouldnt get to see the baby except on thanksgiving and Christmas,which would destroy our relationship. When visiting my parent house during the summer I still have a time that they want to make me turn my tv off. And there is not an extra room for the baby. At this point the only pro I see about staying here is it being easier to stay in school but living with my OH wouldn't make it impossible. My mom also said she dislikes his parents because when they found out we were expecting 1. They werent angry and 2. They talk to me but didn't call her to "discuss what they were going to do" as if we were both kids! My OHs parents can't fathom why my mom wants to discuss me and my OH plans for our future with them. I just feel like i'm being enabled listening to her. She is refusing to allow me to become an adult for some reason. At this point I'm under so much stress and I'm so confused I just hate my situation so much.

Your Mum sounds like mine. Selfish and unsupportive. Hon, I KNOW how hard it is. I know bubs. Just be strong. Your plan sounds better than hers and guess what?

You're 20.

You're an adult.

This is your and your OH's baby.

This baby is in your body.

It's your life.

Do what YOU need to do, and ignore her. We're here for you, okay?

Thanks. It's just getting so hard. Like I have a history of depression anyway. And at times I just want to cry and lay in bedaall day and don't eat and hardly sleep. I have thoughts were I don't even want the baby because I'm depressed ans its hard seeing myself be a good mother feeling the way I do. I feel like I dislike everyone. I feel like I just don't want to do anything anymore....I'm having really bad thoughts. Then getting ambushed everyday and verbally attacke# is taking such a huge toll on me. Feeling this way I don't even want to go to school, I don't want the baby, I dont want to move I just want to lay in bed and cry and sleep. I don't know what to do but I do know that every time I have one of these episodes its when I'm with my family. I just I don't know anymore...

 

[mdjoy]

Awww that's too bad. My family judged me with al my kids. You can definitely make it work and still go to school. And so what if you get a little help? I received help while going to school from the state as far as food goes :/.. then I became a nurse. I also received wic in all my pregnancies and for my babies! I know people where both parents work and receive WIC! It's very beneficial if you are going to formula feed as one can of formula is $14 for a small can that lasts 2 days if your lucky! You can work, go to school and have your baby. It is not their business as you are a grown adult now and can make decisions for yourself. Your mother can't make you do anything at this point in your life. As far as travelling, you can have a great career and not travel between countries. Obviously that is not for you regardless of whether you have a child or not! Hopefully your family comes around after you have the baby which is usually the case. My father wished a miscarriage on me when I was 19 and pregnant with my first son as he felt I was not responsible enough and was ruining my life. He adores my kids and spoils them now

 

[Mummys2be]

lets just put it this way

your and adult and you can do whatever you want, if i were you i would move out have a great life with your OH and your baby and never look back, this is what she wants, she is bullying you into not wanting your baby to make life "easy" again. You need to dust your self off stand up tall and tell her and whoever else that has a problem to go f*ck themselves and walk away, you know you can give that baby the best life possible regardless of what everyone else says believe in yourself!

wishing you all the luck in the world! x

 

[Flower15]

I completely understand what you are going through. I was 21 when I fell pregnant with DD, was at University and living with parents. When my parents found out my dad cried (never seen him do that before) and was so disappointed. He wouldnt talk about the baby til she was born. I didnt enjoy my pregnancy because of families reactions. However, fast foward to now (LO is 19 months), he is seriously the best Grandad I could have asked for, he dotes on her, spoils her, complains when he hasnt seen her for a few days. He knows he was wrong with how he treated me in pregnancy, but he was just worried and wanted the best for me. Ive just got pregnant with baby 2 (planned this time ) and Ive already told my parents and they are so excited

I just wanted to show you that things can get better.

At the end of the day its your body, your baby, your decision. Noone elses. Please dont let anyone pressurise you into anything you dont want to do x

 

[Clareyjanes]

Ignore them Hun. Ull be a great mum and somehow you'll manage! X

 

[xjesx]

I have a friend who was 21 and in university when she got pregnant by a boyfriend of only a few months.

She is now married to that man (happily which isnt always the case I know) they have had a second child, and she finished university, went to teacher's college and is now a grade school teacher in the City she grew up in and currently resides.

Its possible.

Know your dreams. Do online education. Get a job. Become a career woman of your choice.

Use this has a chance to become the mom you want to be and not the woman your mother wishes you were (or perhaps she was and she has been living vicariously through you).

 

[44npregnant]

Believe it or not, people react the same way when you are much older!

I'm 44 and my close friends think I should have an abortion because I am going to be a single Mom. I even have a career, I make a decent amount of money, they still think I should get rid of it.

For me, that is not even an option unless there is something seriously wrong with the baby.

You have to do what you think is best. You can't let anyone else live your life. Even if you have to get assistance, that is nothing to be ashamed of. You do what you need to have a healthy happy baby. Good luck!

 

[AC1987]

You're an adult now, it might take moving away to make your mother realize this, it took moving out to make my own parents realize I was an adult too, although I wasn't in your situation I know the feeling of parents trying to be in control.