I just can't let them have her!

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by taperjeangirl, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. taperjeangirl

    taperjeangirl Well-Known Member

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    This is going to all sound really stupid when i write it down, I Know, but I am so upset right at this minute!
    i didn't know whether to put this in here or in the relationship bit but here goes anyway, maybe some of you are having the same feelings.......

    So on Friday (Daisy was 1 week old) OH's mum announced that she was taking Daisy into town to meet her friends and show her off, she never asked, she told me she was and this pissed me off to start with, but to keep the peace I agreed that she could take her for an hour, but this hour turned into 3 and by the time she got back I was beside myself, crying and thinking the worst, she has a mobile but refuses to use it, so I had no way of contacting her and to make matters worse, OH's mother told me to stop being so dramatic and that Daisy was fine. :hissy:

    I then told OH that Daisy wouldn't be going anywhere again unless I was with her.....

    Today he said he was taking her down to his mums, I know I should trust him but I just can't, I can't stand the thought of her being away too long and if anything happens while I am not there I would never forgive myself.

    His sister wants to take her out for a walk on Monday and I am worrying about it already.....

    I think being so young when I had my first daughter I didn't have an instant bond, and my mum kind of took over the last time so I really didn't feel any of this and I am finding it really overwhelming, I need advice on how to deal with all this without upsetting people.

    The way I keep seeing it is that they never really bothered that much when I was pregnant and now they all want to be here 24/7 :hissy:

    I am hoping that all my emotions will eventually calm down but just needing to vent I think.

    Has anyone else been through this? Or maybe I am just being dramatic :blush:
     
  2. reallytinyamy

    reallytinyamy Mum and step mum

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    I've not been through it myself, but it doesnt sound like you're being dramatic.

    Actually reading it again she is downright out of order and I'm pissed off on your behalf:hissy:


    :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  3. Ames

    Ames Mummy of 3 little men

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    I Sympathise completely! had the same issues with my first son.

    you've only just had your daughter.. its your special time with her and you have every right to tell everyone else to butt out if you want to.

    Just explain to them that Daisy will still be there when your ready/want to share her and they should back off and be patient... your the mum, your the boss!!
     
  4. x-amy-x

    x-amy-x Mammy

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    :hugs:

    She is your baby to parade around not anyone elses! She is only 10 days old, they are asking a lot of you to trust them with her. I would explain to them that she is too young and you want time to bond with her yourself first, she is your child and this is your decision

    :hugs:
     
  5. 1st_baby

    1st_baby Guest

    I understand you girl , my MIL got to babysit max for 1 hr because I had DR appt and when we got back to her house she was gone !!!! she decided to go take a coffee with him arghhh i was petrified and when she came back max was sooo hungry I had to calm him down before feeding him ..she knows shes lost my trust for a while .. I mean seriously do they think its a god dam doll they can show off
     
  6. FEDup1981

    FEDup1981 Mam of two & two angels

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    I completely understand. I remember when i had my DS, i didnt want himout of my sight, and couldnt settle at all if he was away from me. My MIL used to come over and take him for a walk while i had a nap, and i just couldnt settle. Your baby is just a few days old, and really shouldnt be shared around everyone yet (no offence to you) and she should be with her mum. The feelings do eventually pass and settle, when u begin to trust the person who has ur child, and they know ur childs needs, but this takes time. Months infact.
    You stick to ur guns and dont be bullied. Say that you are not ready to be parted. You have carried that lil girl for 9 months, and its no surpise that you get seperation anxiety when ur LO is just 10days old. It is completely normal and his family should understand xxx
     
  7. taperjeangirl

    taperjeangirl Well-Known Member

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    To make matters worse, they all used my pram to parade her about before I did!!!!! :hissy:

    I eventually used it yesterday but some of the magic had gone because it already had dirty wheels :hissy:
     
  8. clairebear

    clairebear Mummy to 2 handsome boys.

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    ah hun i would have been pissed off to :hug: that is bang out of order ill be majorlly pissed off to. i dare DH's mum to try it on me i think ild whack her one x
     
  9. hypnorm

    hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    Good grief she isn't even 2 weeks old she should be with you, she's not some doll to pass around, i'd be fumming too!! My OH would have Put his foot down and said No, even if it was to his own mum, the only other way would have been if i was with him too! (although i was breastfeeding so not one could take Ewan anyway) i think you need to put your foot down and say no! you both need to settle and bond and people should respect that. Ewan didnt stay with anyone untill he was 3 months old!
     
  10. Rayven

    Rayven Well-Known Member

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    Hun, i don't think you're being over dramatic. She's YOUR baby - no-one elses. I know that your OH has a say in what happens to her too but YOU'RE the one who's been looking after and protecting her for the last 9 months - YOU'RE the one that gave birth to her & just because she's no longer inside of you doesn't mean that the huge feeling of responsibility, love and that connection you have with her isn't just as strong as it was when you were carrying her!!
    I really think you have to be strong and tell everyone how you feel. If you don't want people to be taking her out on their own yet then TELL THEM!!! They have no right to just assume they can take her without your say so. If you explain to your OH how you feel i'm sure he'll understand and back you.
    I've already warned my OH that my LO won't be leaving the house without me for the first few weeks. Thats not because i'm overly possesive and that i don't trust anyone else with him, but its because my bond with isn't going to automatically be broken the second he gets born. If someone were to take him without me in the first few weeks it would be like losing a limb. People need to understand that and be patient until YOU'RE ready.
     
  11. nikky0907

    nikky0907 Well-Known Member

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    Jeez! Lola-Rose is also 10 days old and I seriously wouldn't want people parading her around without me!
    She's so young,ofcourse you aren't ready to let her go.And your mom should know better than to take her out and be 2 hours late to bring her back!
    Tell them NO,not without you around!

    :hugs:
     
  12. x-amy-x

    x-amy-x Mammy

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    Thats not fair :-( :hugs:

    I think it's really important you put your foot down here. I didn't bond with my baby till she was 4 weeks because of this and only now can i admit it. I love her with all my heart but it took me a while at first. It seemed like she was everyone else's baby. I hated that everyone took her off me when i had such an awful birth. But i was too vulnerable to say anything about. Put your foot down, she will not stay newborn for long. Look at my LO, I can't believe she is here and she is almost 4 months old! Time goes too quick to be letting other people have her when you don't want them to have her xxx :hugs:
     
  13. ryder

    ryder Mum to Jasmine & Peyton

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    ya 10 days is a little soon!

    I am all for family getting their visit time, but only when its appropriate, like not when the baby is only 10 days old! She has barely been out of the hospital for a week with you.

    I would be upset that people are just assuming they can take her too... I guess you need to put your foot down and tell them that you feel she is too young at this point and you would like to spend the time with her. No need to get too upset with them, as one day im sure you will appreciate them wanting to care for the baby, but firm enough that they understand.
     
  14. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    I don't think you are over-reacting either. I still don't feel comfortable leaving Hannah with any other than her daddy and certainly would not have let my MIL take her from me a week after she was born--no matter how long she was supposed to be gone! I can't say I relate completely but my MIL did want to come over EVERYDAY after the birth to help out with Hannah and we had to tell her thanks but no thanks.
     
  15. turbo_mom

    turbo_mom Guest

    holy shit.. I would have refused if my MIL or Mum just made plans with MY baby just days after she was born!!! You have every right to be pissed off. I can't beleive that your family would be that inconsiderate and not ask you first. your LO needs to be with her mum. If I were you i'd lay down the rules NOW or they will just keep making plans behind your back. They have no right.

    sorry to write such a pissed off rant but I find that so rude and selfish.:hugs:
     
  16. Samantha675

    Samantha675 Maybe baby #3?!?

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    Omg, I would have had a shit fit if my MIL had done that to me when Bren was only a week old. How dare she! You have every right to tell them all NO. My mother was at my house the first 10 days, and I hardly ever handed Bren over to her, I just was not ready to let my baby go. Even when my MIL flew over from the UK when Bren was 3 weeks, I had to force myself to hand him over. I really think it is natural instinct not to want to hand them over. Remmber this is YOUR baby, put your foot down and tell them all NO.
     
  17. Tiff

    Tiff LIKE A BOSS

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    I agree, it's YOUR baby, not your MIL's. Or your SIL.

    It's whatever you feel comfortable with, and don't budge. They had their time when their babies were born, (or will have their time, in the sister's case if she doesn't have kids of her own already) and yeah, sometimes you have to put your foot down.

    Do let us know how it's panning out. I'm rooting for you!
     
  18. cparks1

    cparks1 Well-Known Member

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    You have every right to be pissed. It's your baby and your the one who makes the decisions, not everyone else. They just stole one "first" experience from you, that isn't right at all.

    When I had my LO, my husband invited his whole family over to our house the day after I got out of the hospital (4th of July). There was at least 25-30 people there passing our LO around. I was about to go nuts and I was super exhausted. In a way, I'm glad he did that so everyone saw him at one time instead of dropping by the house for weeks when I had my alone time with him. Even now, I still don't like leaving him with someone while me and OH go out. I feel guilty.

    Speak up about how you feel and stand your ground. Don't let people push you around when it comes to your LO. Your the one in charge now, not them. By the way, cherish every moment you have with your LO, they grow up so fast.
     
  19. codegirl

    codegirl Mom to Big E & little e

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    I haven't been through this myself (still preg with #1) BUT I have already warned the family that this is how it's going to be. When I think back to friends and family with their newborns, you sound/look totally normal from my experience looking in!

    They have no right to just think they can take your baby whenever... she needs YOU right now. I think we are hardwired to be that possessive for a REASON!
     
  20. Heather.78

    Heather.78 Well-Known Member

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    oh hun I know how ya feel I dont want to let my bubs out of my sight, Im slowly getting better with mil hlding her and giving her a feed, but at this moment in time I wouldnt let her go out anywhere without me or hubby with her I think its a natural thing not to let your baby go after all its you who protected her in the womb and you who gave birth. take care hunnie it will get easier :hugs:
     

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