I just want to crawl somewhere and die...

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Dana_Scully, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. Dana_Scully

    Dana_Scully Zachary's Mommy

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    Am I the only one feeling this way?

    Found out friday that my Boo Bean had stopped growing at 7 weeks and I was 9 weeks pregnant. I was so happy, had started a baby journal, took all my vitamins, was careful about what I ate... but it didn't make a difference.

    I didn't miscarry yet... going in for a D&C on monday... where I'm gonna ask for another US because I'm in denial. I'm scared it's gonna hurt... apparently they won't put me to sleep. I really don't want to be awake for that!

    My husband is also taking it very hard, he saw the baby at the US, and he said it was the most sad and horrible thing he ever saw. Our baby with no heartbeat.

    We try to keep ourselves occupied, but as soon as we run out of things, it just creeps back into our minds, and the pain comes back. I was so sick for the past weeks, throwing up and aching everywhere. I had little strings of blood in my mucus, barely anything. When I went to the hospital, I was so sure they would give me my US and send us back home, saying to stop worrying so much.

    The worse thing will be going back to work. I work with small children... I don't know how I'm gonna bear it now. I don't feel like being around anyone, especially not children!

    I'm sorry for this rant... I don't want to talk to anyone about this. Unless it's happened to you, you can't really understand, you can only imagine...:cry:
     
  2. LilDreamy

    LilDreamy Guest

    I'm so sorry you and your husband are feeling this way. :(
    I just want to give you big big :hugs:

    It is a very difficult time. And those who haven't been through it honestly don't have a clue of what it's like.

    My best friend MCed a week before me. I cried a little for her and tried to comfort her, but I really didn't understand what it was like or what to say... until it happened to me a week later.

    All I can say is don't give up hope.

    I'm not sure if your religious or not... but I like to think that God has your little one and is in a better place with those that are there that you love as well. And I like to think that God will give them another chance at life with your next pregnancy. Maybe you didn't lose little one for good. You will meet him or her soon. When you do get preggo and give birth.

    If you ever need someone to talk to. I am here for you, as well as everyone else here.

    :hugs:
     
  3. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I am so deeply sorry, I wish I could hug you :cry::cry::cry:
    I went for my Amnio at 20 weeks and my little Ava was gone, no heartbeat :cry::cry::cry: That was 9 months ago and I still have really bad days. We buried her on 3/11/2011 and I go see her every other day. Things will get better and people hate to hear this but time will become your best friend, believe me.
    I am here if you ever need a friend. XOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  4. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    i'm so sorry for your loss.. my miscarriage moved very slowly too.. i gladly did not have to do a d&c but i almost did. i hope the procedure goes smoothly for you<3
     
  5. annalee2003

    annalee2003 NTNP #1

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    I am so sorry for you loss Dana :hugs:

    I just went through having a m/c last week. I was 11 weeks along. It was and still is an extremely emotional thing for my husband and I to have gone through.
    Mine went by pretty fast and thankfully the doctor said I didn't have to get a d&c, but I read up about it anyways and I remember feeling terrified that I'd have to go through that.

    I haven't really wanted to talk to anyone either so far, but this site has given me a bit of hope because there are people on here like you and others that have gone through the same sort of thing and really, truly understand everything.

    All I can really say is that each day does get a tiny bit better. Just keep moving forward. If you need anyone to talk to, I will more than happily lend an ear. :hugs:
     
  6. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I am sad, very sad. This is my second 2nd trimester loss in 6 months, and my heart is beyond broken. However, I have 6 children that I have to be strong for, and who I have to stay happy for, and I love and adore them. It is such a hard thing to go through, but time does heal, and it does get easier. I know that is tough to hear, but really it does. As for the D&C they are not that bad, I have had 2 D&E (which are a bit different, but a very similar procedure), within 6 months. My first was an emergency, because I was bleeding to death (not caused by the D&E, but from the delivery of my son), and I was under general anesthsia, and I was intubated, incase I needed an emergency hysterectomy. The second, which I had on Monday was under what is called "twilight" so you are not under general, but you are not awake, and even if you are a bit awake, you dont remember it, and will not recall a bit of it, nor will you feel anything. I am truely sorry you are feeling this way, and that you are suffering right now. Lots of hugs!!
     
  7. Dana_Scully

    Dana_Scully Zachary's Mommy

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    Well it's been a week today since we found out. Still feel like crap. Husband was sent home from work yesturday because he started sobbing... I'm starting work on monday, I don't think I'll fare any better. It feels so unfair that life is still going on. I had to go out to buy some food today, and I was super irritated. All I want to do is stay home and cry. Will we ever feel better???
     
  8. Jennifer.

    Jennifer. TTC

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    I sort of feel the same. It's been a week and four days since I found out I had a MMC and I am still very devastated...It seems like it's getting worse than better with time. When I think back at when I was pregnant I realized how excited my husband and I were. I am bitter and heart broken
     
  9. keepthefaithx

    keepthefaithx mom of 1 soon to b 2!

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    yeah..i know how you feel i just had my 2nd miscarriage early november, and my best friend is due any day-

    im going thru testing to see if i have a blood clotting disorder and other stuff that could be effecting me carrying a baby-

    i just wanna know what wrong and fix it, its extremly hard and im sad all the time-

    goodluck to you
     
  10. Hellylou

    Hellylou Mum to 3 and 1 Angel

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a devestating thing to go through, and such a dreadful shock. It is still very early days for you both. My husband took over a week off work after we lost our little boy at 16 weeks. I had to deliver after my waters broke early. I was off work for a month, went back, and then went off again as I couldn't cope. There is really no pain like this - it is pure, raw grief, and you have to let yourself go through the process to be able to come out the other side, but it will get easier. You will never forget, but the pain does get easier in time. Some days are better than others.

    Take care of yourself and look after each other :hugs:
     

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