I really can`t be bothered with anything

[dancareoi]

Is this right, I just feel I want to curl up in a ball and just keep crying, on my own, away from everyone.

It will be 6 weeks tomorrow we found our LO had died. Things are just as bad now as then.

i can`t be bothered to do anything or to even speak. I`m not saying much these days. Have to speak to kids, but that`s not as much as usual. Not saying much to DH either, so converstions have gone out the window.

My sister said she`ll come round one night, but I can`t be bothered.

i usually see my mom and her friend on a monday afternoon, but won`t be tomorrow, i just can`t be bothered making small talk.

A friend asked a couple of weeks ago if I wanted to go along to a new baby group (her baby is 15 months, other friends is 16 months and mine is 20 months) said i didn`t feel up to it and would wait until after feb half term, but if she asks me next week i will say no again, because i really can`t be bothered to speak and don`t want to come across as rude.

When i pick kids up from school, I try and stand away from people so i don`t have to speak.

When i speak to my mom on the phone I try and finish the conversation as soon as i can because i just can`t be bothered to speak.

We are supposed to be meeting my cousin, her husband and 6 year old daughter in a couple of weeks to go bowling, i have already put it off once and will probably it off again. I just can`t be bothered speaking and doing something fun doesn`t feel right either.

Am I being rude, or does anyone else feel like this?

 

[Nikki_d72]

I was exactly like this at your stage too, it will pass but just go at your own pace. I still can't really be bothered with small talk - I think when something like this happens to you lots of things become pointless. When you have to use so much energy just to keep it together it's just too much effort as well. I would have happily become a hermit if I didn't have to go back to work after 6 weeks but I did interact as little as possible with people when I wasn't working and cried all the way home in the car every night for a good while, after having to hold it together at work and pretend I gave a toss about what people wanted for dinner! you will get past it in time, I would say just hang with whoever you are comfortable with till you feel ready to expand a bit. I'm sure friends etc will understand. xxx

 

[dancareoi]

Thanks for that, at least i know it is normal to be like this.

Small talk is meaningless when you`ve been through what we have.
xxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Lisa,
I was the same way I didn't see my Mother in Law or FIL SIL or even my own father for 3 months I did not participate in ANY family parties, I even missed a wedding. I would not go anywhere except food shopping and to go pick up my 11 year old from school , other than that you know what I did? I sat on my couch each day staring out the window, watching the cars go by I also did not speak to ANYONE on the phone for the 3 months. This is why I love BNB cause we all have been to this point to get to where we are now. We all know what each stage feels like Then for me anger set it, this emotion did not last long but I did go through bad anger and then back to my broken heart and the sadness. Everything you are feeling now and will for the first year is very very normal. I didn't care who thought I was being rude, they could never ever understand my pain so I didn't give a flying crap what they felt or thought and either should you.

You need time, Lisa. Nobody can say not even us when things for you will be ok ( They will get better) but there is not a time on this grieving. For me it was 10 months for others it is 6 months and for some it may be years The crying will occur even when things get better, but you will get your life back and one day you will be able to think of your angel with a smile rather than a tear I promise you this.

Yesterday I met Cindy a member here, her son is buried right next to Ava, we met at the cemetery and you know I didn't cry, we just talked about our losses and it was nice to see her after knowing her from BNB. My point is I have finally reached the point where I can talk about Ava without breaking down, that is a big thing for me. I wasn't even able to say Ava without crying

Lisa anytime you need us we will be here anytime, we all have been through it and one day you will be here in this section posting to other women going through this and you will be able to help them and tell them things do eventually get better. This is our new normal Lisa and I know we all will make it through this, please believe me on this.

Love you Lisa and I am thinking of you and sending prayers and thoughts and big kisses

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa,
I was the same way I didn't see my Mother in Law or FIL SIL or even my own father for 3 months I did not participate in ANY family parties, I even missed a wedding. I would not go anywhere except food shopping and to go pick up my 11 year old from school , other than that you know what I did? I sat on my couch each day staring out the window, watching the cars go by I also did not speak to ANYONE on the phone for the 3 months. This is why I love BNB cause we all have been to this point to get to where we are now. We all know what each stage feels like Then for me anger set it, this emotion did not last long but I did go through bad anger and then back to my broken heart and the sadness. Everything you are feeling now and will for the first year is very very normal. I didn't care who thought I was being rude, they could never ever understand my pain so I didn't give a flying crap what they felt or thought and either should you.

You need time, Lisa. Nobody can say not even us when things for you will be ok ( They will get better) but there is not a time on this grieving. For me it was 10 months for others it is 6 months and for some it may be years The crying will occur even when things get better, but you will get your life back and one day you will be able to think of your angel with a smile rather than a tear I promise you this.

Yesterday I met Cindy a member here, her son is buried right next to Ava, we met at the cemetery and you know I didn't cry, we just talked about our losses and it was nice to see her after knowing her from BNB. My point is I have finally reached the point where I can talk about Ava without breaking down, that is a big thing for me. I wasn't even able to say Ava without crying

Lisa anytime you need us we will be here anytime, we all have been through it and one day you will be here in this section posting to other women going through this and you will be able to help them and tell them things do eventually get better. This is our new normal Lisa and I know we all will make it through this, please believe me on this.

Love you Lisa and I am thinking of you and sending prayers and thoughts and big kisses

Hi Andrea, thanks once aain for your kind comfortning words, you know just what to say.

It must have been nice to meet with Cindy and talk with someone face to face who has and is, in the exact same position as you.

I am feeling better today than the last couple of days.

Dh and I had another chat yesterday. He is still not saying no, but is not saying yes either?

I got very upset when he was talking and didn`t like what he was saying, but everything he said was right - he says at the moment we are far too emotional and raw to make any decisions.

He said we need to be able to sit and talk rationally without be bursting into tears. We need to talk through what we would do if we found there was something wrong or if we lost another.

He did say that if he knew for definate there would be no problems, he would go for it straight away and would do it for me.

I want to TTC next month, but he has said a definate no to that as it is too soon.

I wanted to TTC then, because after last MMC we waited 1 month, then had Eoin and in my head i think the same will happen again, but I know that is not necessarily the way.

However, i am determined now to lose some weight and try and get a bit fitter as this will definately help things.

i found a website this morning about the odds of birth defects. Obviously the older you are the more likely there are to be defects.

If you give birth at the age of 41 the odds of defects 20 in every 1000 births, so that is only 2%, at age 30-34 is it less that 1%. I don`t think these odds actually sound to bad.

So strangely even though I have no definate answer, I feel better. So I have decided now to try and pull myself together and get myself sorted out and hope to TTC in a couple of months.

Where are you at now with the TTC are you going to give it a go or wait a while?

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so glad you are feeling better. I really hope your husband changes his mind on this. If there was a guarantee that everything would be perfect this time for pregnancy I would already be pregnant There is and never will be a guarantee but the odds are in your favor. I know he is scared and his wishes should be respected, but I hope he comes around and is up to TTC again/ For me Lisa I just am still so confused and so scared I just know I can't go through this again, I dont think a next time for me I would survive. This loss almost killed me and I was bad for a long time, I had bad thoughts and the only thing that kept me here was my kids. All I thought about was what would happen if my kids lost me so i could not be selfish I had to get through this, but it was not easy.. My age also scares me, so I really need to think more on it, cause if it happened again I really don't think I would be ok..
XOOXOXO

 

[dancareoi]

I am so glad you are feeling better. I really hope your husband changes his mind on this. If there was a guarantee that everything would be perfect this time for pregnancy I would already be pregnant There is and never will be a guarantee but the odds are in your favor. I know he is scared and his wishes should be respected, but I hope he comes around and is up to TTC again/ For me Lisa I just am still so confused and so scared I just know I can't go through this again, I dont think a next time for me I would survive. This loss almost killed me and I was bad for a long time, I had bad thoughts and the only thing that kept me here was my kids. All I thought about was what would happen if my kids lost me so i could not be selfish I had to get through this, but it was not easy.. My age also scares me, so I really need to think more on it, cause if it happened again I really don't think I would be ok..
XOOXOXO

i understand completely where you are coming. i know I want to TTC but the thought of it happening again just scares me to death.
It still sounds like it is too soon for you to make a decision, as i said in another post, maybe once Ava`s birthday has passed, you may begin to feel a little better about things.
I am so scared of losing another, but even more scared of not trying. I have to know if was meant to be or not.
At the moment i am feeling a little more positive about things, but how long that feeling will last I don`t know.
For both of us, the odds are in our favour. For 35-45 year olds, the odds of a miscarriage are 20-35%, which is roughly 1 in 3. We have both now had t
i know this is only statistics, but they are in our favour.
It also makes me wonder whether accidetal pregnancies are more likely to miscarry. When you know wou are TTC yu tak folic acid and look after yourself, but when it is an accident your body has not been prepared properly.
So maybe next time, with the right care we have a better chance.
i have started taking pregnacare tablets,which is a combination of the right vitamins with folic acid. i`m hoping this will help.

I started a diet this morning and i am starving now!!!!! i hate diets!!!

i am a chocolate, cake and anything yummy person and over the last few days have eaten a little too much. Steak, ribs, chocolate and one of my favourites chicken tikka masala (indian curry which I think has been created specifically for the uk palete!!!!!)

I need food.:drool:

Sending lots of love and BIG hugs

 

[Kelly9]

I feel the same way, though I make myself get out and do things. Most of the time I can't feel arsed and I barely call family on the phone. I do have an 18 month old who needs my attention but it's nice when he's napping and I can just go lay in bed. I spend 98% of my free time in my bedroom, it's just easier. I've started seeing a counsellor and at this point I don't know if it will help a lot, but I've noticed how good it feels to unload whatever I'm thinking about on her without having to worry about asking how she's doing.

 

[dancareoi]

I feel the same way, though I make myself get out and do things. Most of the time I can't feel arsed and I barely call family on the phone. I do have an 18 month old who needs my attention but it's nice when he's napping and I can just go lay in bed. I spend 98% of my free time in my bedroom, it's just easier. I've started seeing a counsellor and at this point I don't know if it will help a lot, but I've noticed how good it feels to unload whatever I'm thinking about on her without having to worry about asking how she's doing.

Hi kelly, I haven`t felt quite so bad the last few days. DH says we can`t disucss having another until I am in a better state emotionally. So I have tried not to be so down, so we can have a proper discussion about what to do.

Although yesterday i felt a bit down again. For some reason I feel worse on the weekends. You`d think with the 3 kids and DH around at the weekend I would have less time to think about things, but for some strange reason i seem to think about things more!

i saw a post by someone a while ago saying they feel worse when they are tired. i think this might be right. My LO was 21 months old yesterday and he is not too well at the moment, so i am up in the night the last 2 or 3 nights so haven`t had my full quota of sleep, maybe this explains why I have been feeling a bit lower!

My AF returned on Friday. i know on this post people don`t want their AF because it means another month to wait, but as this is the first since my MMC I am pleased because it means my body is getting back to normal.

i am already to go now with TTC if DH gives the nod!

Hope you start to feel a little better soon