I think this is goodbye... And not for a good reason UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

[beatrix]

I agree with Robo - If he can behave like a child over something as silly as one cigarette, what sort of father would he make?? ((hugs)) be strong!

 

[baileykenz]

ohh hun i am sooo sorry..
what a selfish thing to do..
u dont deserve this u really dont..
hope u get some sleep soon xxx

 

[iluvbump]

Well he just got home won't even look at me. Says he dunno of he wants to be with me anymore.. X

 

[hollyw79]

well, I agree with all of the other ladies- I understand his point of view and can understand him being bothered- which at the same token you just LOST A CHILD- but to END a relationship over that??? Has he NEVER faltered ONCE in his life? Um- we ALL have faults- and the beauty of LOVE is that love forgives, love never fails!! In the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

REAL adult love forgives the imperfections and weaknesses. What happens when you really sincerely do something to bother him? Will he threaten to leave you again?? I tell ya what- my ex husband kept threatening to leave me.. divorce me.. I got SO FED UP with the threats (among other issues) and just ended it myself. You don't ever throw those words around lightly in my opinion. I know this is sooo hard and I know you love him- but personally I'd rather someone who could NEVER imagine their life without me and loves me for me- faults and all. BE STRONG dear- you CAN get through this!

 

[babyhopes2010]

its a bit over the top.Hes trying to control u tell him feck off he will change hes tune then lol
My DH trys to rule me i just stamp on hes parade lol

If hes ACTUALLY ending it,to be honest with ya hun hemay be trying to make an excuse to end it.My ex bf finished relationship cos he was snoring one night so i slept on the couch! lol and hun if hes a jerk DONT HAVE BABY WITH HIM! hopefully he will stop being a jerk xx

 

[iluvbump]

He came home n went bk out again.. Has come bk n been talking to me about diff things (nothing bout me and him) I dunno whether this is good or bad... I hope it's good. I really care about him.
I do wonder of he's actually gonna sleep In The spare bedroom...I don't think he will though...

Ladies I dunno how I can thank you enough! X

 

[hollyw79]

Never fight for a man that won't fight for you!!!! I hope it works out hun!

 

[pinkflamingo]

I hope things work out as you want them to. If he has gone from saying it's over to now saying he's not sure, it does sound a little like he is venting his upset and anger about the miscarriage. I know that this does not excuse what he has said and his reaction, but when we lost baby I was picking huge arguments with DH for weeks after. None of my anger towards him was about the subject of the argument, it was all about the baby, but I would have a go at him for anything.

It's not right and it's not fair, but it is a process of grieving and we all have to go through whatever it takes to get to the other side.

Good luck hun and hope it all works out. x

 

[vix1972]

I really feel for you. Your emotions are all over the place. I had a stand up fight with my OH to get out of the house and he just stood there. Yes he is bad at talking about it but he has put up with me being a mess for nearly two months now. It does seem that he is looking for an excuse to duck out. Perhaps his way of handling your loss is to run. concentrate on you. You need sleep. try baths, milky drinks, reading anything you can hun. Not having sleep doesnt help your emotions at all. If you feel there is nothing you can do or say then leave him to it. If he is a good one he will realise how silly he has been and will come back. If he was just looking to leave then he is not the right one for you. chin up and one way or another things will improve but it will take time.

 

[iluvbump]

hey ladies... well.. heres an update..

He went out for ages... turns out he went out for dinner.. he can back n seemed to be a lot more chatty.. anyway came to 1am and i went to sleep... 2am came he got into bed.. and put somethin on telly.. he saw me looking at him and said "whats wrong" and i went "you know whats wrong paddy.." he said "no i dont"
So i said "i just dont see why u wont forgive me... i made a mistake.. but i cant bare the thought of you not bein in my life anymore.."
Anyway after ALOT of talking..i said "look i promise i wont have a cigarette again!" and he said "you said that last time" and i said yeah but i just felt the stress from the mc and you didnt seem to like me talking about it...so thats why i did what i did.. but if you dont give me another chance how do you know i dont mean this.."
and he sighed.. looked down then looked at me.. and went "thats true.... okay then" and i went so... are we okay?? and he said "yeah.... we are okay.." took him ages to kiss me on the lips tho..
hes not said "i love you" yet..but hes prob still a lil miffed about it all..
He left for work about half hour ago..
I just came on facebook.. and this was his status at 7pm last night...
"wake up and realise how you make me feel!"
Made me feel bad to be honest..

Anyways.. i think i might know why he when he came bk he seemed nicer to me ... when he went for his meal.. he saw his brother.. i think he told his bro bout it.. n his bros prob said hes being silly..
I dunno its that or he just wanted to sort things..
xxxx

 

[babyboo1258]

oh hunny i feel for you, i agree with all the ladies, hes being really silly its a cigerette, not cheating. was everything ok before he found out?

 

[iluvbump]

Okay last night cause id stopped bleedin... i thought AF stopped.. we had make up ...u know... seemed so loving...
all a sudden ive just got a text off him sayin "i dunno why we did what we did last night sarah untill i can trust you again its not happening.. i woke up this morning n didnt even want to kiss you.. my heart was just saying no.."

I feel so f**king used!

 

[iluvbump]

oh hunny i feel for you, i agree with all the ladies, hes being really silly its a cigerette, not cheating. was everything ok before he found out?

yeah it was fine :/
x

 

[spellfairy]

sarah u need to let him go. either that or start living your life. If he is still hanging around let him know your enjoying life.. be the sarah he fell in love with.

Ive sooo been there. First time my boyf left it was over dishes! we had a big big long chat i tried to justify things... men dont do that there head rules them.. he thinks you he cant trust you etc etc... he is forgetting he use to love you...

GIVE HIM THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU...

WHen my boyf said he was leaving i said ok come get your stuff let me know when your coming cos i dont wanna be ther (i didnt want to beg him to stay or for him to see me cry) i left the house. After a few weeks of me being heartbroken and doing my best not to text, call email he contacted me over some random thing... after a month he was trying to be my mate and stuff , i let my guard down a few times saying i missed him and loved him and then he went cold again. when i had no time (i did) when i didnt answer his calls or texts he wanted me more and more... Eventually we got back but things just werent as good.

6 months later he started acting cold again etc etc etc i remember going to my sisters wedding and thinking omg i knew he was going to leave (id never had this before) then the more he pulled away the more i went to him , smothered him etc etc... I couldnt loose him not now. i remembered the last time.. it was awful.... well he started making excuses not to come to my house, i was running after him letting him do things i hadnt before (getting a new contract big bill, letting him do as he pleased) he seen his behaviour was getting him more stuff so he started to see that i was worth less ..

eventually with his bad behaviour i ended up finishing it with him, to be honest he wanted it anyways , i was doing him a favour... sooo i let him be.. i cried and cried and left myself a mess (iam such a strong person and for ones who knew me couldnt believe i was letting a man get to me this way). AFter 6 weeks of crying and getting odd tit bits of emails etc i send him a email i stole off a site which helps you get lovers back (catch him and keep him) i said look i am moving on with my life , i hope your well , but id appreicate it if you did nt contact me for a while and il contact you when iam ready!) this is apperently reversing roles. so i started trying to date again and forget him...it was sooo bad i remember washing my hair over the tub and crying and crying whilst getting ready for a date. every man i met i just compared them to him... and as if by magic my OH started wanting to fix my computer or making reasons to see me. I was stronger this time. ok when he came down we didnt take long making up.. but i still done my own things, went out didnt tell him i loved him etc etc.. Now he is a different man!!! as long as you love yourself and dont let him control you , stand up for yourself, he will respect you... Never be a doormat or wait for the crumbs... remember you want him cos he doesnt want you, reverse that role.

 

[iluvbump]

I left him a note dying I was going to a friends for the night after work cause I wanna think about me n him n he needs to do the same I said e needs to decide if e can trust me or not n if he can't then there's no relationship. I got a text bout 2 hours before I finish work he said come home n talk to me or it's over.
I rung him and said I would come home n talk but I'm not just
Gonna let him have a go at me cause I have some home truths for him too n he went quiet..I told him when I got in I felt used and he said sorry n he didn't feel angry at ne at the time we did it but he woke up angry and I said u new u were still angry so u should have done absolutely nothing with me. I told him I he wants to be with me hrs gotta trust me. He said I'm gonna try.. He said it'll take me a while but we will be okay in the end. I said I WILL be going out with my friends on nights out whether he likes it or not cause I miss my friends and they miss me. And if he can't trust me then I'm done cause I can't do this no more.

I cried at work today infront of my boss.. N she said everyones seen a horrible change in me.. She said no one sees u smile anymore u always look depressed.
At that moment I thought, things have to change now! xxxx

 

[poppy666]

Well done im proud of you

 

[iluvbump]

Thanks hun.
we havent kissed.. we hugged once last night.
other than that we've done nothing..
n tbh after feeling used i dont want him to kiss me or anything.
i dont wanna be used again.
n if he decides he cant trust me then im gone.
x

 

[truly_blessed]

I'm sorry hun. I hate smoking and fortunately my DF doesn't smoke but I did used to go out with someone that did and it wasn't nice kissing him after he'd had a cig. I didn't make him stop though, it was his choice and if I couldn't cope with it then I seriously needed to think if I loved him enough to overlook it.

To say he can't trust you over you having a cig and not telling him is an overreaction in the extreme and I very much doubt that this is the cause of him being the way he is. I think it's just a catalyst for other things and the easy way is to say it's your fault, you've broke this relationship up by having a cig.

Honestly, to break up with you for such a petty reason would make me seriously question how much he really loved you. God forbid it was something more serious later on in your relationship if a simple cig makes him act this way.

Good luck and hope things work out in the best way for YOU.

 

[iluvbump]

Thanks hun.
i understand hatesit... but when he asked me out i was a smoker then... so if he had a prob with it then he should have said.. i gave up because i wanted to..
and i havent had 1 since that last one...
i know hes being childish.. and ive told him.. no change... then im gone xxxx

 

[AndiPandi]

hello, that is definitely an over reaction, is he just looking for a reason to pick a fight? xx