I think this is goodbye... And not for a good reason UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

[iluvbump]

hello, that is definitely an over reaction, is he just looking for a reason to pick a fight? xx

He picks fights over silly things.. makes me laugh that everything thats happened past 2 days... he would say.. "whats up"

What the hell did he think was up!
x

 

[baileykenz]

wow hun i really proud of u for standing up to him and showing him that you are an individual and you have a life too..
i bet you feel much better for it..
xx

 

[Rivetkitten]

I know this is going to sound really, really awful...but if he gets that worked up over the fact you had a cig...and is making a big song and dance about not being able to trust you, I'd be questioning HIS trustworthiness...if you get my meaning.

It is almost like he is trying to blame you for the desolation of your relationship, when really a relationship breakdown is rarely the result of one persons actions. If it is, it is usually because that person is incredibly abusive (i.e. in the case of domestic violence both physical and mental) or the one person has severe issues. But this..having one cig after a MC, to cause that reaction. This would instantly make me suspicious of his motives.

Also the way he comes back, has sex with you, then says how he thinks it's worthless. This man is using you, he's trying to blame you entirely for the break up of your relationship and that's just not right or fair.

Lets play devils advocate here. He's vehemently opposed to smoking. For him, smoking is a deal breaker in a relationship. You two have been through a lot. He should have some respect for you and trust, especially considering you have been trying for a child together. Even if you have had that one cig; I am betting the writing has been on the wall for your relationship for a long time, and while you have dissolved into the world of TTC then unfortunately the horrendous processes of loosing a child, has masked this. But he is just as responsible for that writing. If not more so.

You need to get away from him. You need to set yourself free. You are worth so much more than this.

 

[iluvbump]

Okay so last night we did talk, and i told him i cannot be in a relationship with no trust so he has a choice try or dont.. n if he dont.. bye bye..
he said he hated not being able to trust me and was really gonna try n he said "i know we will be okay" he acted as normal with me.. i wouldnt kiss him or anything though.
why should i right now??
Anyway so this morning he told me he wouldnt be home straight away after work cause he was going to see his brother then his mate.

i text him few hours bk n said i was going to see my friend and her daughter and to let me know when he was on his way home. he replied with that basically he wasnt coming home, i need to think things over as he does..
i was like "WHAT!"
so i text him with "you need to decide right now, be with me or don't cause you keep changing your mind and this isnt fair!so u tell me.. are we together or not."
he replied with "i just wanna think tonight and i want to trust u, jesus christ!"
so i said "fine! tonight u can think.. tomorrow i want an answer."

I believe he will decide we are over. and do you know what.. i dont care now.
im sick of being messed around!!!
xxx

 

[hollyw79]

that's ridiculous- you had a FREAKIN cigarette- you didn't sleep with ten other men. He is full of crap. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't adore you and want to make you happy? sure, there will ALWAYS be tough times with the person you're with - but this back and forth stuff would frustrate me to no end. You deserve better.

Let this man go- and if he fights tooth and nail and begs for your forgiveness- tell him YOU need to think and that you'll get back to him.

 

[spellfairy]

hey did my rant help you get all that courage i love it girl. i do think you should shock him thou.. go stay at a friends and dont tell him, dont pick up your phone no matter if he says ur over. leave a note saying il speak tomorrow. xx

 

[baileykenz]

dont give him your energy anymore as he has drained u no end..
i wouldnt go home and i wouldnt get in touch, hey saying that i think i would end it myself and have some dignity and control..

 

[xSamanthax]

Okay so last night we did talk, and i told him i cannot be in a relationship with no trust so he has a choice try or dont.. n if he dont.. bye bye..
he said he hated not being able to trust me and was really gonna try n he said "i know we will be okay" he acted as normal with me.. i wouldnt kiss him or anything though.
why should i right now??
Anyway so this morning he told me he wouldnt be home straight away after work cause he was going to see his brother then his mate.

i text him few hours bk n said i was going to see my friend and her daughter and to let me know when he was on his way home. he replied with that basically he wasnt coming home, i need to think things over as he does..
i was like "WHAT!"
so i text him with "you need to decide right now, be with me or don't cause you keep changing your mind and this isnt fair!so u tell me.. are we together or not."
he replied with "i just wanna think tonight and i want to trust u, jesus christ!"
so i said "fine! tonight u can think.. tomorrow i want an answer."

I believe he will decide we are over. and do you know what.. i dont care now.
im sick of being messed around!!!
xxx

Sorry he is still being such a d***! keep us updated hun, but if it was me i think i would leave, you don't need the extra stress when he is acting like a child

 

[iluvbump]

Hey ladies.
well hes not home tonight anyway.
and i cant really leave home.. we live with my brother..
if anyone would move out it would be the OH.
and hes forgetting.. he signed a contract for this flat for 6 months... it ends in august.. he HAS to pay.

my mums proud that i stood up to him!

You ladies have been so great xxxx

 

[Deethehippy]

I just read this and it sounds like you could do much better! I wish you all the best for your future (hugs)

 

[iluvbump]

Thanks hun
xxx

 

[HayleyJJ]

omg i cannot believe he is treating you like this i mean how f***ing dare he!!

 

[iluvbump]

whilst im glad i got time to myself while hes disappeared for the night... i feel lonely.. got no one with me.
:/
x

 

[robo123]

aww hun he really is not worth it! you deserve better, i definitely would ask why he is staying out all night. hope you can sort this out and do whatever is best for you. xxx

 

[catcatcat]

first thing i did when i had a mc was have a cigarette and a glass (bottle) of wine. its hard times. your man has been very unreasonable. hope your ok.

 

[beatrix]

He really doesn't deserve you!! I like to think about thinks a slightly different way. HE is the only thing standing in the way of you meeting "The One" and the father of your future children.

Get hunting girl!!!!

 

[hollyw79]

The longer you stay with the wrong man, you are unavailable for the RIGHT one.

I would like go sleep @ a hotel or my parents or something for a few days so that way when he DOES come home~ you are not there.

How is that going to work out though with him supposedly having to pay til August?? I mean, can't you guys just let him out of that and tell him to get out??

 

[spellfairy]

after a night sleep you ll feel better and worse at same time. give yourself time to forget things. and live your life. If he comes back dont say lets talk or if he does, dont talk. He is copying you by saying he needs time. JUst be really really busy when he comes home. Go to the gym, swimming club, friends house... make yourself seem very alluring... remember you both lost a baby and its tough on both of you. He was a dick for trying to control you about cig. but you have a bond now, even if the baby is gone try , but just give him the gift of missing you. tell him you want some time alone, dont say your finishing it and dont give him a ultimation as these dont work. just leave it open and say your going to be while busy finding yourself. and do find yourself take up a new hobby, meet new mates and he will love this about you and jump throu hoops and enjoy watching him ... it works and long term it will... i done this and iam stronger for it and my boyf is still here a year later totally obbessed about me now.

 

[hollyw79]

AMEN spellfairy! good post!

 

[Duffy]

I don't want to be a negative downer on this thread but based on what you wrote that not love, sorry its just not even if you lied to have a ciggrette.

My thoughts he is toying using and playing with you. Dump his ass. That not love that control head case issues.