If it wasn't so hard to adopt, would you...?

[NorthStar]

There was a documentary on last year about this English lady (with a younger OH) who had her first at age 60 (donor eggs, Italian clinic).

Made for interesting viewing, she seemed like a nice lady and her daughter was certainly well cared for - she was thinking of going back for no 2!

Google it if you guys are interested it might give you a different perspective on TTC 35+ - this woman is my mum's age!

 

[Indigo77]

No I wouldn't adopt. My 3 sisters were adopted and my niece at 5. We had a lot of family problems growing up. I think genetics play a big role in behaviour and the sister i have crazy K would have fit in with her bio family better (we met them). Her half sister slept with her husband. Talk about JErry Springer. I really get along with one of my sisters so there are exceptions but she is completley different then my mom and I. My niece was adopted at age 5. My sister never bonded right. Since her divorce that child has become a pawn between parents. Neither one really wanting to take care of her anymore. My ex BIL sees her 2 wkends a month BUT now 3 however my sisiter has to pay him for the 3rd weekend. Please dont get mad at me i have even more stories about adopted cousins gone haywire but won't get into that.

No offense taken, but please don't generalize; I totally understand that we all have different family histories. As I stated earlier, I am adopted and I love my family deeply. The gratitude that I have to my parents is immeasurable.

I am very sorry that it hasn't worked out for your family, but there really are succesdus.

Yes! What DMom said...I would have put it in a different way, but I will hold my tongue since the essence of the post is the same...

 

[cebethel]

No I wouldn't adopt. My 3 sisters were adopted and my niece at 5. We had a lot of family problems growing up. I think genetics play a big role in behaviour and the sister i have crazy K would have fit in with her bio family better (we met them). Her half sister slept with her husband. Talk about JErry Springer. I really get along with one of my sisters so there are exceptions but she is completley different then my mom and I. My niece was adopted at age 5. My sister never bonded right. Since her divorce that child has become a pawn between parents. Neither one really wanting to take care of her anymore. My ex BIL sees her 2 wkends a month BUT now 3 however my sisiter has to pay him for the 3rd weekend. Please dont get mad at me i have even more stories about adopted cousins gone haywire but won't get into that.

 

[Indigo77]

OK so I'm on holiday and I've watched a bit of daytime tv, and found myself quite moved by a documentary I watched (why do I torture myself I would never normally watch this kind of stuff?).

So, if it wasn't 4 years + of form filling, home studies, intrusive questioning and no guarantee of a baby at the end of it....would you adopt?

I think we'd still want to at least TRY for a birth child, but also think adoption is a valid way of making a family too.

But having watched the show where this couple really got put through the mill for YEARS (and it seemed like standard practice in the UK!) I was left with the impression that IVF and even using donor eggs is less problematic from a legal point of view.

My dh and i have talked about adopting, and using donor eggs, we decided it was not for us, i so want a baby that is a part of us, and a part of my dad that passed away 2 years ago, i just cant do it right now, couple years from now, it might change, but i am not ready to give up just yet.

My sister put it this way to me....our father would have wanted us to experience the joys of parenting and to be happy and fulfilled...

 

[dachsundmom]

I find it interesting when people talk about seeing family in their children; I am told that my DD and I look just alike, but I don't see it. I guess sharing no physical traits with my parents has taught me not to look for them.

But I see my mother in my DD everyday. My mom passed away on Mother's Day eight years ago, but they both share the same warm personality!

I on the other hand share my father's same snarky, dry sense of humor; we are both more logic versus emotional thinkers.

My point is, after being on my soapbox, is that your kids will learn from you whether they are genetically related to you or not; they will look to you everyday as their foundation and they will love you for who you are and what you teach them.

I understand that adoption is not for everyone, myself included (right now), but giving birth to a child is not what necessairly makes a woman an awesome mother!

 

[onmymind17]

There was a documentary on last year about this English lady (with a younger OH) who had her first at age 60 (donor eggs, Italian clinic).

Made for interesting viewing, she seemed like a nice lady and her daughter was certainly well cared for - she was thinking of going back for no 2!

Google it if you guys are interested it might give you a different perspective on TTC 35+ - this woman is my mum's age!

I will check it out, the funny thing is i have a good friend that is ready and willing to donate her eggs, she absolutly does not want any children, and she is such a sweetheart, with a huge caring heart. I have actually thought about doint that, using her eggs, but the problem is my dh and I cannot afford IVF, and that would basicly be IVF. One day maybe we will be able to do it, who knows.

 

[onmymind17]

I find it interesting when people talk about seeing family in their children; I am told that my DD and I look just alike, but I don't see it. I guess sharing no physical traits with my parents has taught me not to look for them.

But I see my mother in my DD everyday. My mom passed away on Mother's Day eight years ago, but they both share the same warm personality!

I on the other hand share my father's same snarky, dry sense of humor; we are both more logic versus emotional thinkers.

My point is, after being on my soapbox, is that your kids will learn from you whether they are genetically related to you or not; they will look to you everyday as their foundation and they will love you for who you are and what you teach them.

I understand that adoption is not for everyone, myself included (right now), but giving birth to a child is not what necessairly makes a woman an awesome mother!

I agree with you honey, i think the only thing that the birth parents could pass on is a genetic disease, that could be a problem, but as far as their personality, i think they are raised and will be the same weather they were your baby or someone elses, you still instill your values and love into them.

 

[onmymind17]

OK so I'm on holiday and I've watched a bit of daytime tv, and found myself quite moved by a documentary I watched (why do I torture myself I would never normally watch this kind of stuff?).

So, if it wasn't 4 years + of form filling, home studies, intrusive questioning and no guarantee of a baby at the end of it....would you adopt?

I think we'd still want to at least TRY for a birth child, but also think adoption is a valid way of making a family too.

But having watched the show where this couple really got put through the mill for YEARS (and it seemed like standard practice in the UK!) I was left with the impression that IVF and even using donor eggs is less problematic from a legal point of view.

My dh and i have talked about adopting, and using donor eggs, we decided it was not for us, i so want a baby that is a part of us, and a part of my dad that passed away 2 years ago, i just cant do it right now, couple years from now, it might change, but i am not ready to give up just yet.

My sister put it this way to me....our father would have wanted us to experience the joys of parenting and to be happy and fulfilled...

You know this really made me go hmmmmm, your right honey, my dad would not have cared, he would have loved it no matter what.

 

[velo]

I would totally adopt if we were unable to have children. But I would still prefer to have at least one of my own because I'd really like to go through the whole experience of pregnancy and breastfeeding (so donor eggs would be ok with me if mine are not any good)

But I would still really like a baby if I were to adopt because I want to be part of nurturing the child right from the start! Unfortunately there are so few babies for adoption as most unwanted pregnancies are aborted.

Then there's the whole process of being approved, both from the government perspective and from the bio parent perspective, as nowadays most birth parents get a say in who adopts their children - and honestly if you were giving up a child and had to choose between a couple in their 40s or a younger couple, who would you pick?

 

[readyformore]

Now? No, I wouldn't adopt.
For my first? Yes. If I never got pregnant, I absolutely would have adopted. I really thought I would need to do this (which is funny considering I have 3 children).

Does it sound bad that I would like to meet the birth parents? I've had a couple of bad experiences where the birth mom delivers her baby, picks out the parents from a portfolio, and then takes off without meeting the adoptive parents. One of these moms was schizophrenic and the other was a major drug addict; and that would worry me. But, how do you turn your back on a sweet little innocent baby? I don't know.
At least with my genetic pool, I know what I'm getting into (which isn't perfect, but isn't schizophrenic or drug riddled either).

I hate the way that my message sounded, I don't think it came out right so I hope you guys get my meaning. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I really do think adoption is great and the birth parents are being generous and selfless.

 

[deniseindevon]

can i just say, i have 2 adopted children. we adopted through plymouth council. the first application took approx approx 18months from the first interview to getting our baby(1 year old) the second is her half brother and took approx 6 months,if that because they had all our details and forms from child 1 and the only assesment to add was us as a family unit now rather then a couple.
we have a dog, and no mention was ever made to get rid of the pet, infact in some cases it really is a positive! we dont own our own property, we rent. we are not rich,in fact at the time we just had enough to be comfortable and had no debts.
the process is what you allow it to be. we are very open and we never EVER felt the process was intrusive, and in fact we learnt things about ourselves along the way!we are both overweight,this wasnt an issue, and byth time no2 came along i was diabetic and this wasnt an issue.
please dont believe everything you see/hear/read in the press. if its something you are considering,i can only say we have 2 beautiful babies from it.
but, at the same time please dont think it an easy option the application/approval bit really is the easy bit.once they arrive, thats when the work starts. do your research and adoption uk is a good place to start looking.
hope this helps! xx

 

[dachsundmom]

Now? No, I wouldn't adopt.
For my first? Yes. If I never got pregnant, I absolutely would have adopted. I really thought I would need to do this (which is funny considering I have 3 children).

Does it sound bad that I would like to meet the birth parents? I've had a couple of bad experiences where the birth mom delivers her baby, picks out the parents from a portfolio, and then takes off without meeting the adoptive parents. One of these moms was schizophrenic and the other was a major drug addict; and that would worry me. But, how do you turn your back on a sweet little innocent baby? I don't know.
At least with my genetic pool, I know what I'm getting into (which isn't perfect, but isn't schizophrenic or drug riddled either).

I hate the way that my message sounded, I don't think it came out right so I hope you guys get my meaning. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I really do think adoption is great and the birth parents are being generous and selfless.

This makes perfect sense; I have hated not having any medical history. It was South Asia in 1973, girls weren't and sadly sometimes still aren't, children worth keeping. I was abandoned at a police station; I will always be grateful for that.

On the other hand, lol...cancer, Alzheimer's, and vascular issues run in my mother's family. My father's family struggles with heart disease, weight issues, and diabetes. I have never had a major illness; the only time I have set foot into a hospital was to have my DD.

There's no right or wrong answer on this one; it's a personal decision, just like choosing to or not to have kids in the first place. No matter what one does, it's going to be a mixed bag, lol!

 

[Macwooly]

can i just say, i have 2 adopted children. we adopted through plymouth council. the first application took approx approx 18months from the first interview to getting our baby(1 year old) the second is her half brother and took approx 6 months,if that because they had all our details and forms from child 1 and the only assesment to add was us as a family unit now rather then a couple.
we have a dog, and no mention was ever made to get rid of the pet, infact in some cases it really is a positive! we dont own our own property, we rent. we are not rich,in fact at the time we just had enough to be comfortable and had no debts.
the process is what you allow it to be. we are very open and we never EVER felt the process was intrusive, and in fact we learnt things about ourselves along the way!we are both overweight,this wasnt an issue, and byth time no2 came along i was diabetic and this wasnt an issue.
please dont believe everything you see/hear/read in the press. if its something you are considering,i can only say we have 2 beautiful babies from it.
but, at the same time please dont think it an easy option the application/approval bit really is the easy bit.once they arrive, thats when the work starts. do your research and adoption uk is a good place to start looking.
hope this helps! xx

Thank you for sharing your experience

Sounds like the adoption process is similar to TTC as it can take a while; it is different for each person; it can be emotional and seem like hard work but the hard work really starts when the LO arrives