I'm 30, DH suddenly doesn't want kids - what should I do?

[kassiaethne]

YoYo, That's exactly how I feel. I would be able to live with him without kids because I love him. But after knowing that he didn't even want to try I will feel resentful all the time. I don't think I can just accept a life without kids and not feel regretful at some point of time for not leaving him.
Also, after an ultimatum if he agrees to have kids with me I don't know how healthy even that is going to be. The decision is written for me all over I just have to be strong enough to do it. I still love him. Last night he told me he is ready to do anything else to prove that he loves me too. But I don't want anything else really, I want a family with him. He knows all about how I feel. I just can't believe this is happening to us.

just wanted to send you a giant hug. it has to be heart breaking. But if you stayed in it the love would just twist into resentment over time. So it's probably for the best to do it now, before then. time wise, and for the fact you two can still get along and not hate each other. I mean if there is any upside I suppose it's stretching the meaning of up side but I like to try and find anything good in a bad situation to feel better about it.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Give him time, not too much mind. If he still says yes to babies and tell him u don't want him to say yes just to please u. In my mind if a guy says yes there must be something in them that wants a baby or they wud continue to say no. His mind wud more than likely change if a baby was around.

I hope u can sort this out xx

 

[superfrizbee]

Is there anyone he can talk to - preferably another man who went through something similar, either a friend or via conselling? A friend who already has kids? Even a dads online forum maybe?? You say he'll do anything (bar having kids) - get him to do this and really make an effort at articulating and explaining his feelings, then if he doesnt change his mind you have to follow your heart. good luck hun, I hope you can work through this in a way that makes you both happy.

 

[ProfWife]

If he's willing to do anything, perhaps counseling would be a good path to try first before doing anything permanent.

 

[Sarah523]

I am so sorry you are in this position! I've also been anxiously waiting for my BFP and I am thrilled hubby and I are finally trying.. If I was told something like that.. it would be a huge deal breaker for me as well. Personally I would sit down with him and Id tell him.. "I'm sorry you feel this way, but this is how I feel..I want kids more then anything, and I need you to tell me if your willing to make this dream of mine a reality, or do we need to go our own separate ways?" Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[babyvaughan]

Before giving up on your marriage, because I believe marriage is a forever commitment. (unless abuse is present) Go to counseling to see if there are fears, memories etc. that are changing his mind. With the help of a professional see if his mind can be changed! Tell him that regardless you are going to have child whether its with him, or donor sperm. I would hate for him to say he doesn't want kids, then you leave or get pregnant with donor sperm and him realize he does have the love for a child and that could have been his own.. So really try hard to sway his mind and get professional help you need it! VOICE your desires often and clearly they may wiggle there way into his heart and he may change his plans! BEST OF LUCK!

 

[mmcrv]

I am still childless but I just had my first IUI this month after trying for a year. You all have been so helpful, I wanted you to know. Yes, I am still married to my best friend. He still doesn't really 'want' kids but he couldn't picture life without me.

 

[brokenoven]

I am still childless but I just had my first IUI this month after trying for a year. You all have been so helpful, I wanted you to know. Yes, I am still married to my best friend. He still doesn't really 'want' kids but he couldn't picture life without me.

That's awesome. I read this and saw that this post was from a long time ago. I was worried for you because having endometriosis can make having a baby very difficult and I didn't want you to waste time. If you end up doing a few iuis and maybe IVF and it doesn't work, email me on here and I will tell you what I had to do with endometriosis to get pregnant. Best of luck to you!!!

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I just caught this thread and read through all of it--and am so happy for you that you came to this resolution!! Praying your IUI is successful, and that hubby takes naturally to being a father even though he feels like he won't. Big hugs!!!

 

[babyvaughan]

So happy that you guys figured out a solution! Some men don't want to be dad's but when they do they couldn't imagine never becoming one. One of my guy best friends got a girl pregnant on a one night stand. The whole pregnancy he was having the hardest time with knowing he was going to be a dad, soon as he held his son he's never been the same and absolutely loves it!

 

[wantin3]

Amazing news!! Thanks for updating. I read this thread thinking that it will just stop at a dead end with no update, as that is the trend.

I hope your iui is successful and congrats on getting your dh on board!

Do let us know when you catch that egg!

 

[Smille24]

If my dh came out and said that, I'd feel the same. It's a total deal breaker. You married him with the understanding you would have children. It's unfair that he has taken that from you. You need to be straight forward with him. You deserve to have your dream of becoming a mom come true. Ultimately you deserve happiness. I'm sorry you're going through this .

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Great update, I often feel I sort of nagged my oh into having children but our daughter is 5 months and he dotes on her. He won't deny he's learnt a lot but he wouldn't change her

 

[Smille24]

Oh that's great news! I didn't realize this was from a while ago. I hope it's successful.