i'm considering adopting...

[aimze]

Hi All!

My TTC journey has been relativly shortcompared to a lot of you im sure. around 15 months now.

My OH has a low count and motility, we have a FS apt 9th Jan to discuss our NHS IVF but i'm really considering looking to adopt instead. As much as I want to give birth to my own baby I think it would be amazing to help a child who needs parents.

Is anyone else torn this way? You're not allowed to try to adopt whilst having fertility treatment so its either or. I just dont want to spend two years waiting for IVF and having all the drugs an injections for it not to work.

Hope its ok me posting in here, the adoption forum here hasnt been touched since Jan 2010!!

X

 

[Dilek]

I feel the same way as you do. Although i do have a son from my 2nd IVF. We are considering going for another ivf go. But I would love to adopt. Unfortunately as we are not proper white, LOL we wont get a chance to adopt in this country. It basically takes years to adopt overseas and over £10k Even my fertility consultant had to adopt overseas as his Asian.

 

[aimze]

Oh Dilek thats awful! Is there no agencies in the UK that would help? we're really lucky, im mixed carribean/white an my partner is white so luckily we can say what age to adopt. I've been told there are hardly any white babies an there is a lot of mixed heritage that need parents.

Its a tough one - wait two years for IVF for it to fail an then look at adopting, or just look at adopting now...

 

[NavyWife84]

We are sort of in the same boat...
We just found out that one of my tubes is completely blocked and the other one doesn't look too good either. So, our only option right now is IVF (unless we are shocked by the fs saying otherwise). Before we knew about my issues, we decided that we will adopt if we are still childless by the time I turn 30, and I mean on my 30th birthday beginning the process! I am 27 now, so that means we will have been trying for four years. We decided to start saving now in case it comes to that. If we are blessed before that point, we will use the money we have saved on our baby. It will kill me not to carry my own baby, but it will kill me even more to never be a mommy and never see my dh as a daddy. I do feel that it is worth it to give IVF a shot, especially since my insurance will cover 3 attempts. Good luck to you in whatever you decide and please keep us updated!

 

[wonderstars]

We are sort of in the same boat...
We just found out that one of my tubes is completely blocked and the other one doesn't look too good either. So, our only option right now is IVF (unless we are shocked by the fs saying otherwise). Before we knew about my issues, we decided that we will adopt if we are still childless by the time I turn 30, and I mean on my 30th birthday beginning the process! I am 27 now, so that means we will have been trying for four years. We decided to start saving now in case it comes to that. If we are blessed before that point, we will use the money we have saved on our baby. It will kill me not to carry my own baby, but it will kill me even more to never be a mommy and never see my dh as a daddy. I do feel that it is worth it to give IVF a shot, especially since my insurance will cover 3 attempts. Good luck to you in whatever you decide and please keep us updated!

I'm so happy your insurance covers 3 attempts! Are you going for it? If I were you, which I'm not, I would forget about tubal surgery. IVF isn't covered here for tubal was my best bet before spending 10 grand.

 

[NavyWife84]

We are sort of in the same boat...
We just found out that one of my tubes is completely blocked and the other one doesn't look too good either. So, our only option right now is IVF (unless we are shocked by the fs saying otherwise). Before we knew about my issues, we decided that we will adopt if we are still childless by the time I turn 30, and I mean on my 30th birthday beginning the process! I am 27 now, so that means we will have been trying for four years. We decided to start saving now in case it comes to that. If we are blessed before that point, we will use the money we have saved on our baby. It will kill me not to carry my own baby, but it will kill me even more to never be a mommy and never see my dh as a daddy. I do feel that it is worth it to give IVF a shot, especially since my insurance will cover 3 attempts. Good luck to you in whatever you decide and please keep us updated!

I'm so happy your insurance covers 3 attempts! Are you going for it? If I were you, which I'm not, I would forget about tubal surgery. IVF isn't covered here for tubal was my best bet before spending 10 grand.

I think I am going to go for it, but I just researched a type of physical therapy that is offered here in the US. They have a 61% success rate. I am going to see if my insurance will cover this first. If it is unsuccessful, then I will go for the IVF. It is much cheaper than IVF and has a better success rate, so I'm hoping insurance will consider it. I don't know...I have a lot to think about!

 

[aimze]

Thank you all for your thoughts

My thoughts are that if we go through the waiting for IVF on NHS, the stress of the drugs/injections/tests etc I think I would prefer to give another little child a chance at a great life they wont get being stuck without a mummy or a daddy.

For those in the UK (overseas maybe youtube/google it??) Did anyone watch the truth about adoption dispatches? I cried my eyes out the whole way! So so sad!

x

 

[NavyWife84]

Aimze...I think that is a great decision. I know you guys in the uk have a much longer wait for ivf than we do in the states. The thought of giving a child a loving home who otherwise might not ever have it is amazing. I still have not ruled out adoption either. Who knows. Maybe one day we will be a blended family with children who I carried and adopted children! It is such a wonderful thing you are doing.

 

[wonderstars]

Thank you all for your thoughts

My thoughts are that if we go through the waiting for IVF on NHS, the stress of the drugs/injections/tests etc I think I would prefer to give another little child a chance at a great life they wont get being stuck without a mummy or a daddy.
x

Thats really great aimze, seems like you've found the right calling for you.

 

[Helena_]

that's great! I have a question though. I know the NHS covers ivf if you don't have any other children but won't if you have had children. Does that include adoption? So if you wanted to go with ivf down the road after adopting would NHS cover it?

 

[terces]

We are thinking of adopting as well. Unfortunately for us our insurance won't cover a dime for IVF, however, my husbands work has a reimbursement program for adoption. It only covers up to 5,000. Guess that is better than nothing at all. I would love to carry a child of my own, but I know there are countless babies out there that need a good home. I personally don't care about the race of the baby. A friend of mine just adopted a baby of another race and said that she feels the same love for this new little baby as she did for her children she carried. Good luck ladies on whatever you all decide.

 

[aimze]

Thanks again ladies!

In the UK once you have adopted you are not able to have the nhs free ivf. Who knows though, by the time we adopt our first baby my oh's spermies might get better an could have a miracle baby!!

X

 

[NorthStar]

Aimze I also watched that show The Truth About Adoption, it was truly heartbreaking and the adoption system in the UK does seem to be completely broken

People adopting privately from overseas also have to go through the same checks and waiting lists for several years to adopt.

One of my old teachers adopted a toddler, and found out that there were 2 other siblings in fostercare, ended up adopting all three so an instant family. The parents are white and the kids are all mixed race, I don't think it matters at all.

I wish you all the luck in your adoption journey.

 

[Dilek]

Maybe it matters about race when u put religion into it. I wonder if they would let a white baby born from christian babies to a muslim family. I wish it didnt matter, but i think it does.

I watched that program and it made me sick. I couldnt sleep all night and i was so angry. Why would they not give that woman a chance, just because she had a disability. It broke my heart. And that young boy, the one where they wouldnt know were they would be after xmas broke my heart. How he hugged his mum. I felt so sad for him and still writting this makes me sad.

I think personally we would try another go at ivf, we were lucky our postcode gave us free 3 goes, and i kinda skipped the list as my case was so serious. If it doesnt work this time around for number 2. I think we would have to talk about adopting.

That program did make me think, even fostering what a great thing to do. These poor innocent kids.

 

[aimze]

It was completely heartbreaking!!

When i was doin research online an in the government packs it says they match you to your ethnic background.

I think its also for the kids benefit. Image a black child with a white mum, an vice versa. The child goes to school an would be asked everyday why they have a different coloured mum. Kids are cruel.

I looked after my friends baby [im mixed race] with my white OH an in through supermarket i was getting some right funny looks like i just stole a white baby!

No, the heritage of the adopted child shouldn't matter as long as the child is loved but in an ideal world i would have my preference as a mixed race child.

Happy xmas, lots of xmas baby dust your way x

 

[AndreaFlorida]

NavyWife how do you get Tricare to cover IVF??? Just curious b/c they won't do crap for me not even an IUI

 

[NavyWife84]

it has been a long journey! After the med clinic on base did as much as they could, they referred me out to an obgyn in town. They did all they could and when they found my tubes were blocked they referred me to a fs in town...about an hour from where I live. We went to tricare to see if they would cover it and they said I couldn't go out in town but I could go to walter reed since it is a military hospital (the one the president goes to). So I had to go back to the med clinic on base, show them all my paperwork from the obgyn, and she referred me to walter reed. I have to see a re there before seeing a fs. It is 3 hours away but completely worth it if tricare will cover it. If I were you, I would look into seeing if there is a major military hospital within travelling distance to you.

 

[momwannabe81]

And u can claim medical miles too (at least on taxes) but some insurances will reimburse also, since u have to drive so far worth checking into. (i'm from a military family )

 

[NavyWife84]

Thanks, mom...I didn't know about that!

 

[momwannabe81]

NP i also did taxes so any money u spend on medical u can claim it also. U have to spend so much but can get a little back so the more the better including medicines