i'm considering adopting...

[lovie]

I think adoption is such a great idea! I'm also considering adoption, my OH is a little against the idea at the moment, it is important to him that we have a biological baby... but to me that just seems such a small part of loving someone.

I have an adopted brother and an adopted sister and I really can say that it is no different to having my biological brother and half sister. My brother is adopted from brazil and has very dark skin, both parents are white and we grew up in devon (a very white part of the uk) he has only ever had positive comments about his skin colour, sure he is obviously not my mum and dads biological childbut then so what he is loved and greatly wanted!

on the other hand i have a mixed race cousin with dark skin (whit mum, carabian dad) she has 2 children one is white with blonde hair and blue eyes and one is darker than her, they look as much like biological siblings as me and my adopted brother... so there is no guarentee you will look like your kids even if they are from your sperm/egg.

we have 3 free fresh ivf and 6 free fet cycles so we will go down that rout 1st puerly because its free... but i dont think i could justify paying for ivf when there are so many children in the world needing a home!

any ideas about how to convince my reluctnant OH that adoption is a good idea?

 

[SabrinaKat]

Would love to adopt, but in Ireland, they won't consider anybody over the age of 40 (and a friend was told that over-35 is frowned upon), and it can take 5-7 years....We went to an information meeting and were told, ah, no -- that isn't the case, but we were given a follow-up appointment to meet with social worker for four years from then (in 2009, so appointment was 2013 for first appointment!). We would have been very happy to adopt from overseas as well, and altho, I did get pregnant naturally (two years after mc), we would love to have a little sister for our little boy, so may go back to the States as it is much easier to adopt overseas...growl, and there are so many children who would love a good, happy home!

best wishes

 

[aimze]

My oh wasn't too keen with adoption until i laid all the facts out infont of him. We only get one free ivf an if that didn't work there is no way we can afford more. I don't want to get stuck in the 'we've had a free one, lets try an fund the next' .

We've got a fertility apt a week on Mon n then an adoption meeting with a charity on the Thursday so we can arm ourselves with all options! At the adoption appointment there is a good chance we'll get told to wait since we havntknown about my oh spermies for long!

 

[lovie]

good luck at the apointments aimze, the waiting is just the hardest bit isnt it, when you feel like you want a baby allready the wait just sucks!

my stepdad was told he couldnt adopt in the uk as he was too old (he was 42) so thats why they went to brazil.. he also adopted a 10 year old from the uk, but he fostered her 1st, i think its easier if you foster the kids then after a few years you can apply to adopt them, you have a much better chance then as they are allready settled in your family. he was told he had 0 sperm (alltho this was 25 years ago im not sure how exact the testst were) but him and my mum had an "oppse... happy supprise" baby when my mum was 40 and he was 55 so you never know miricles happen! not that we are treated any differently we are all treated he same.. but its just lucky my sister looks like her dad or im sure he would have been asking questions!

i think that id feel ok spending all that money on adopting, with ivf its such a big gamble especially if you have had failed attempts. also personally id ask my parents to help fund an adoption, i wouldnt ask them to help me with ivf but with adoption i would and im sure they would be pleased to help given the family history.

 

[Skoer1360]

I'm also starting to consider adoption a valid choice.. I would of course love to be pregnant and carry my own baby (duhh I'm on a ttc board ) but I also think that if it came down to IVF or adoption, since I've been told they run about the same in terms of money, I'm leaning toward adoption because I would be too worried the IVF cycle would fail and then Oh! 10k down the drain Plus there are tons of kids in the US alone that need homes to love them, why not help a child that was born into a bad situation?

My DH's father was adopted as were his Aunt and Uncle on that side too annnd on his mom's side DH's Aunt adopted 2 girls because they couldn't have children (though for why I don't know) so DH is totally okay with adoption since he's experienced it first hand and how wonderful a family can be even if the children aren't blood related.

 

[NavyWife84]

good luck at the apointments aimze, the waiting is just the hardest bit isnt it, when you feel like you want a baby allready the wait just sucks!

my stepdad was told he couldnt adopt in the uk as he was too old (he was 42) so thats why they went to brazil.. he also adopted a 10 year old from the uk, but he fostered her 1st, i think its easier if you foster the kids then after a few years you can apply to adopt them, you have a much better chance then as they are allready settled in your family. he was told he had 0 sperm (alltho this was 25 years ago im not sure how exact the testst were) but him and my mum had an "oppse... happy supprise" baby when my mum was 40 and he was 55 so you never know miricles happen! not that we are treated any differently we are all treated he same.. but its just lucky my sister looks like her dad or im sure he would have been asking questions!

i think that id feel ok spending all that money on adopting, with ivf its such a big gamble especially if you have had failed attempts. also personally id ask my parents to help fund an adoption, i wouldnt ask them to help me with ivf but with adoption i would and im sure they would be pleased to help given the family history.

I told my mom about my baby fund, which will pay for whatever insurance doesn't pay for with ivf, and what remains will go toward adoption (we will keep saving duriing ivf) and she surprised us by sending us a little bit of money each month for it. We tried not to take it from her but she explained that it isn't for us...it is for her grandbaby. If we are blessed with a miracle and don't have to use the money to "get" a baby it will go towards their college education (or whatever they decide to do with life). At times I feel bad for taking the money but my mom can be a very stubborn woman...lol

 

[lovie]

good luck at the apointments aimze, the waiting is just the hardest bit isnt it, when you feel like you want a baby allready the wait just sucks!

my stepdad was told he couldnt adopt in the uk as he was too old (he was 42) so thats why they went to brazil.. he also adopted a 10 year old from the uk, but he fostered her 1st, i think its easier if you foster the kids then after a few years you can apply to adopt them, you have a much better chance then as they are allready settled in your family. he was told he had 0 sperm (alltho this was 25 years ago im not sure how exact the testst were) but him and my mum had an "oppse... happy supprise" baby when my mum was 40 and he was 55 so you never know miricles happen! not that we are treated any differently we are all treated he same.. but its just lucky my sister looks like her dad or im sure he would have been asking questions!

i think that id feel ok spending all that money on adopting, with ivf its such a big gamble especially if you have had failed attempts. also personally id ask my parents to help fund an adoption, i wouldnt ask them to help me with ivf but with adoption i would and im sure they would be pleased to help given the family history.

I told my mom about my baby fund, which will pay for whatever insurance doesn't pay for with ivf, and what remains will go toward adoption (we will keep saving duriing ivf) and she surprised us by sending us a little bit of money each month for it. We tried not to take it from her but she explained that it isn't for us...it is for her grandbaby. If we are blessed with a miracle and don't have to use the money to "get" a baby it will go towards their college education (or whatever they decide to do with life). At times I feel bad for taking the money but my mom can be a very stubborn woman...lol

thats really nice that she is so supportive my mum has money put asside for my wedding.. but marriage isnt such a big thing here so i think that would be good to use for an adoption try