I'm kinda offended.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Tiffa130, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Tiffa130

    Tiffa130 first time mom

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    My mom is throwing me a baby shower & I have to travel 5 hrs to go to it, which I'm happy to do all but one friend lives there.

    But I'm friends with a lot of guys, more than women & I want a coed shower. My mom is ok with that as neither of us are really "girly" types.

    My dad refuses to go! Even though I'm his only daughter, this is his first grandchild & I'm going out of my way to go. He says he won't go because of an episode of according to jim?! The worst part is I expected my dad not to want to go because he's old fashioned. Fine. But he's talked my brother out of going as well!!!

    My brother and I are very close & I consider him one of my best friends, so much so that he has booked his vacation time around my due date because he wants to be at the hospital with OH & I. But now he won't go to my baby shower either!

    I have other male friends going but I'm upset that my own family doesn't want to go.

    What is your opinion on coed showers? Am I being unresonable wanting them to go?
     
  2. MyFavSurprise

    MyFavSurprise Well-Known Member

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    I totally wanted a coed shower, but my boyfriend has begged me not to! He is involved in everything else and I'm not too mad, I've just told him that we will do it on a Sunday and the guys can watch the game! He's still hesitant, I can't be too upset just because I understand he just feels like it'd be funny for the guys to go because they're not into it like the women.

    I understand why you're offended though too! It's one thing not to want to go yourself, that's fine, but to talk someone else out of going is pretty upsetting. Maybe since you are so close to your brother you can tell him how you feel about it and that you'd really appreciate it if he'd go? I don't know what kind of influence your dad has over him though either. Best of luck!
     
  3. lalaland09

    lalaland09 Well-Known Member

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    Tell them there will be beer! Lol We had a coed shower and it was alot of fun. We had a bottle chugging contest for the boys and a "Who Can Make the Best Clay Baby" contest. All of the couples enjoyed that one.

    I understand if they don't want to go. They have probably never been to one so they don't know what to expect. i.e. Women telling their birth stories and playing "Pin the Sperm on the Egg." Maybe let them know what it will be like and they'll change their minds. Otherwise, focus on all the friends who are coming and try not to worry about those who aren't. Good luck!
     
  4. stucknthecity

    stucknthecity Pregnant with # 1 !

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    I see where this would upset you so no I don't think your wrong for feeling offended. Hell my Dad hurt my feelings when he said he did not want to go to the private gender scan because he doesn't want to know the sex! I think sometimes during pregnancy a lot of people just don't understand how fragile our feelings can be and how much we long for emotional support. Here's to hoping they come around and join in your shower festivities!
     
  5. xolily

    xolily Well-Known Member

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    what's "coed" ? boys and girls? really, it's a party with baby presents.. i don't see any reason at all why a male wouldn't want to go.. or the big deal about having males and females there :shrug:
     
  6. gypsymom

    gypsymom Well-Known Member

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    We're having a coed shower, mainly because I honestly think my DH would go crazy surrounded by my female friends and family without a few of his friends to talk to, so we're inviting plenty of men too.

    But I can understand that you would be offended about your father. First off, he's not going because of a tv show? What exactly is his logical reason for using this as an excuse to not go? Because this sounds crazy! Secondly, you should talk to your brother and explain how important this is to you and how hurt you feel and hopefully he'll change his mind. Hang in there!
     
  7. Ashley2189

    Ashley2189 Mommy to a sweet toddler

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    xolily - the "big deal" is that it's traditionally an all-female event. some men see it as a very girly thing and want nothing to do with it.

    a lot of men wouldn't want to sit through an hour of gift opening while the women ooh and ahh and squeal and hug. baby showers can be awkward, and boring for men. i'm having a co-ed baby shower, but i'm definitely going to have beer there! Also planning activities that won't be weird for the men, so they can get involved and have fun too instead of just sitting around watching the women. It depends on the personality of the guys - i know the guys at my shower will at first think the games are really stupid, then force ONE of the guys to do it, then eventually all join in and make for some really fun memories and photos!

    maybe you should try talking to your dad and explain that it's not a traditional shower, that it's more like just a small party or get-together celebrating the near arrival of your LO.
     
  8. RebeccaR19

    RebeccaR19 Well-Known Member

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    I have been to co-ed showers, and they can be fun. For me, I'd actually feel weird if my dad was at my baby shower. It's not because I wouldn't want a co-ed shower, but because I know my dad doesn't enjoy that kind of thing and I would feel weird knowing he was at something he didn't really enjoy. My family lives 12 hours away from me, so I understand how you feel about wanting them there. But I personally wouldn't get offended by it. They aren't totally comfortable with it. And do you want them there if they aren't going to be happy being there? But your dad and brother could be different. I think you should at least try to talk to your brother about it if you feel he'd be cool about going.
     
  9. mrswilsey

    mrswilsey Expecting #1

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    we're having a coed shower! i think its great. DH wants to be involved and, like you, we have more male friends than female. its a shame your dad and brother wont go, but its their loss! :hug:
     
  10. Semanthia

    Semanthia Guest

    I wouldn't be offended, it's not because they don't like you. I would also like a co ed shower but I know the men who would be invited are stubborn mules and would refuse to go because that is a "woman thing". Besides in their defense they'd probably be bored listening to all the ladies talk babies.
     
  11. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    so I've googled, trying to see what the episode of according to jim was about. Figuring if you can figure out why that tv show gave your dad reason to not want to go, you could counteract it.
    From what I can tell, there was an episode where he made up an imaginary friend to avoid having to go to a couples shower.
    There was another episode "Jim ends up on a talk show after claiming that men shouldn‘t let women feminize them, and then refuses to go to Dana‘s co-ed baby shower to prove his point. "
    I'm guessing thats the culprit.

    So its some statement of manhood to refuse to go? Thats total BS! If they don't want to do silly girly games, thats one thing... but to not want to go at all?
    Maybe discuss what the event will be like for them (or start with your brother) and ask what exactly about that would be something they don't want to go to?

    I've also heard of having a poker game where you buy chips with diapers etc... so the games can be very guy friendly!
     
  12. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    This Co-Ed thing was brought up to me and I was told by EVERY male in my family that they wouldn't go... though I wasn't interested in a Co-ED shower much to be honest.

    FOB said he went to one and the men all went outside within 10 minutes and played basketball.

    Men just aren't interested in that stuff.. so no, it wouldn't offend me.

    What WOULD offend me is that your mom wants your shower five hours away. Can't they make it a little bit easier on you?
     
  13. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    My friend had the baby shower then all the boys went off to Dave & Busters, lol... the guys loved it.
     
  14. ermm23a

    ermm23a Well-Known Member

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    I've been to a co-ed shower before, and it was fun. DH was very hesitant about going. I had to basically force him bc he was of the impression baby showers are for girls.

    But this one was a couple's baby shower, and it was more of a party than a shower. It was at night, and we grilled out, there was beer. The men basically stood outside and drank beer while all the gift opening was happening inside with the ladies.

    It wasn't at all what DH had expected and he actually had a good time.

    I can see why your dad and bro not coming would hurt your feelings, but they probably have it in their heads that all it will be is a bunch of women oohing and aahing over baby gifts they could care less about, etc. You know they will be involved when the baby is actually born. Don't get too bent out of shape about a shower.
     
  15. mrswilsey

    mrswilsey Expecting #1

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    dave & busters is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happydance:
     
  16. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    I think it would be pretty awesome to host a co-ed shower AT Dave & Busters! :) Then all the guys would want to come!!!! :haha:
     
  17. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    That might not be a bad idea.... though mine is at a church.... *sigh*
     
  18. MrsWhite

    MrsWhite Well-Known Member

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    I understand why you are upset,but to be honest, I didn't even have any interest in attending showers before getting pregnant,mostly because they intimidated me! Mind you, I was always happy to supply a shower GIFT, it was the party that was scary...because I always just imagined a bunch of moms talking about their pregnancies and kiddos and me sticking out like a sore thumb and just being awkward. So I imagine a man feeling that way times ten. If you just explain that you won't make it like a traditional shower I'm sure your brother will go:)
     
  19. rockabillymom

    rockabillymom Punk Rock Mama of 2

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    I dont think you are being unreasonable. I had a coed baby shower and had actually a majority of men there because most of my friends are guys. My old fashioned grandpa and uncle even went after they tried to put up a fight!
     
  20. Tiffa130

    Tiffa130 first time mom

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    Thanks for all your advice, I talked to my mom tonight & asked her if we could do a bbq instead. That way the men are more inclined to come. My OH is upset he can't be there (someone has to stay & work at our store) but it makes me happier :)
     

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