In laws

[craftymum]

Anyone elses in laws driving them nuts? My MIL announced she is buying brand new cot, high chair and car seat for her house she assumes baby will be staying at hers loads, I don't plan on letting baby stay overnight anywhere for first year. She hasn't offered to buy us anything and we're struggling for cash we're using second hand cot from another family member and I'm panicking about how we will afford all the other stuff we need as we barely have enough for a pram never mind anything else, and she said she'll never be away from our house - they never come to see us much as it is and they never phone unless they want something, it's really annoyed me as she told my mum that she better not think she'll be getting baby all the time just cos she lives closer to us!! Hubby said if it gets to be a problem he will speak to her but she can be quite a pushy woman and this is just really stressing me out now

 

[PrincessSoph]

i here you on this one hun! my MIL is planning loads of stuff to buy to keep at her house (as if the baby will be there much as we live in Germany anyway!) but not really offered to help with the bigger items for us! shes just buying loads of clothes making me think that my baby will only end up wearing clothes she's bought for her. She also tried getting us to buy this second hand pram which was red (nothing against second hand prams but i HATE the colour red) so the next day i dragged hubby to babies r us and bought our own pram!

 

[rubywoo77]

My MIL is the biggest control freak I have ever met- she has forbidden us from buying anything until 7th/8th month - expects me to get the majority of my baby's things second hand/handed down from her precious daughter (my SIL), things like a push chair/ram, car seat (btw I have nothing against second hand stuff but she just assumes I want her daughter's left overs - who incidentally also has a tendancy to be a bit of control freak) and generally just takes over any conversation to do with our baby.

I am just trying to ignore her now - do my own thing regardless of what she thinks and plead ignorance when she gets offended that I haven't taken her up on her offers/advice. After all she does the same thing- she will pretend she didn't realise what she says or does is offensive or hurtful.

Oh btw I have no intention of letting her get really close to my baby after it's born - certainly no over-night stays or lots of time spent alone with it.

My family are buying us a lot of the bigger stuff like the crib and the majority of the expensive stuff - so far she and Husband's side have offered to by us zilch.

 

[craftymum]

It's good to know I'm not the only one, it's such a nightmare, I have no intention of letting my baby stay overnight anywhere until it's at least a year old. I too have nothing against 2nd hand stuff but just annoys me that she knows we're getting 2nd hand stuff and that we don't have loads of money yet she's gonna spend a fortune on stuff for her own house which wont be used that much!! AARRGH think I need to go outside and scream really loudly!

 

[Char&Bump-x]

No advice (except slap the b***h, but doubt that would go down well with OH ) BUT just wanted to say dont worry about how you will afford everything. I get less than £50 a week, and i have managed to get EVERYTHING with no problems. Yes its all second hand, but would you be able to tell? Nope!
It'll work out in the end, and you've still got ages left yet to get evrything, dont panic!
xx

 

[Seraphim]

Bless you!!

I'm feeling relieved now

My folks and how hubby feels are just as much of a worry as me and his folks. It's tough.

Dad offered to give us the money for a pram earlier. Not sure how I feel, but it would be a huge help. Not sure how hubby will feel about it.

MIL keeps thinking something bad is going to happen, and I'm trying really hard not to get upset about it. She was ttc for 15 years, so I understand. But I have no reason to expect anything bad.

I'm just hoping with time she feels better and it gets easier to share the excitement with her. She has got her crochet patterns out And no I don't like those colours, but I'm not going to tell you, because I'm so glad you like them ;D

Super relieved SIL doesn't have ways or things to pass on, and that MIL can't push that on me. I would totally bail on involvement if that were the case.

And my mum just wants to be my birthing partner so bad, but she gets so excited by 'theories' that I don't think I can handle it, or inflict that on hubby.

Very glad that they're all around and excited and involved though.

I know what it's like people spending money in their own vision 'for your benefit' - happened lots when we got engaged and married... nowadays I think I'd just tell them. Sounds like some of yours wouldn't listen though

Oh and craftymum - I hope you know you are NOT being unreasonable. She is. She might be otherwise lovely, but it doesn't stop it being selfish to spend for herself before you.

 

[Wombat]

Girls, just giving you these

 

[amylw1]

at least your inlaws are interested in the baby. 2days after mine found out they rang social services and police telling them that i was beating up my husband and kids! so i have had police trasping through house and 2 social services visits.

OH has said that he wants nothing more to do with them. we know its them cos when she turned up here with the boys easter eggs she stood proud in my lounge and said she had rung social services.

 

[craftymum]

that's awful amylw1, at least your hubby is supporting you, you are definitely better off without her as that's a really nasty thing to do, and then to brag about it in front of you.

 

[MummyBurgo]

To you all, I feel lucky my in laws were great with our son and bought us a pram and bits but for our house! And they bought a travel cot for us to go away with him but we keep it up there so he can sleep in it when he stays.(which isnt often) My MIL lets us get on with things our way and has never been pushy,my mum was at our sons birth and MIL will be at this one we hope. Its sad that in laws can be controling, to you all again.

 

[impatient1]

I am going through the same thing but its with my mother instead. My MIL is offering to buy the crib and help us out with this and that. Told me not to buy anything big as the family will buy it and I don't have to worry about it. At the same time my mother is saying that my MIL is gonna make her look cheap as she is only buying stuff for her house right now (she did add that it is for the baby tho).

 

[JayleighAnn]

My MIL keeps saying she's going to decorate the spare room and buy a cot and a bed so he can stay over all the time.

This is despite the fact that I have said I wont let LO sleep over at anyones house until he is at least 2. That includes my mum as well, although she doesn't believe me on that.

I'm just letting her buy and do what she wants, then its her money wasted

 

[lu-lu2009]

my MIL lives in Poland (thank god !) no matter whats going on in my pregnancy she always knows 'what im doing wrong' and my partner always sides with her.

as for your situation hun, i feel for you. i know what its like when your worried about buying stuff for the little one and your MIL is not helping one bit ! this is where your partner should jump in and let it be known that tho your MIL in welcome, overnight stays are not on the agenda for starters.

 

[craftymum]

MY mil is also talking about redecorating spare room for baby but like a lot of you my baby will also not be staying overnight anywhere unless there is some kind of emergency but even then I'd prob have someone come to my house and look after baby in it's own surroundings. I do understand that she's excited but she will also have to respect our wishes as we are the parents after all.

to everyone in similar situation, families are so difficult!

 

[aimee-lou]

I do feel for you all. I am fiercely independent and my Mum is worrying me. She has talked about buying me loads of cleaning stuff and first aid stuff, and buying us loads of nappies etc. I've had to have a word and said we'll make a gift list for people to buy what WE want off that rather than her just assuming.....hubby and I have a really specific taste. I know she;ll still try to be helpful and buy us lots of things that we haven't asked for...I'm scared I'll seem really ungrateful.

Also, this is our first child, but its her first grandchild and I'm really pleased that she's excited but I wish that she would see that we are excited too and want to do everything our way. Have just found out that she will be away for the week when I'm due....which, to be honest, is a relief. At least none of the family are expecting visits etc. We've already laid down that law!

 

[angelstardust]

My MIL had 3 boys, DH is the middle one. We have 2 boys already. Now, MIL's niece has a 4 month old baby girl. When we told MIL that we were pregnant again, her first words were 'oh you just couldn't see anything going by you, just trying to be like niece'. Even though she knows full well that after DS2 I was told not to have any more (I was using the minera coil).

Set her straight about that, as I have with a LOT of things. I don't even try and keep the peace anymore as for years DH never stood up for me, so I stopped caring and started to tell it like it is.

Now what I'm getting is 'Oh, Niece is doing this with baby' and 'niece was told not to bathe baby' and 'niece is finding it hard to cope with this, how will YOU cope with those two boys?'.

Hmmm... how will I cope.... It's not like I have already did all this TWICE!

That and mentioning that I will have to get used to changing nappies when she knows damn well that DS2 is still in nappies due to his disability (he is 4 today).

Offering to 'be on duty to baby sit the boys when I have to go to hospital appointments' but always being busy if we actually call her.

MIL are like piles, not nice but you can cut them out

 

[PitBullMommy]

I'm not even going to go into how awful my in-laws are. A few small things they've said: "we wish he had married the girl next door to us, not you", "we didn't make any dinner for you cause you're too fat anyway" things like that. I don't like my in-laws.

 

[lu-lu2009]

I'm not even going to go into how awful my in-laws are. A few small things they've said: "we wish he had married the girl next door to us, not you", "we didn't make any dinner for you cause you're too fat anyway" things like that. I don't like my in-laws.

poor you !! theres just no need for behaviour like that and certainly no excuse

 

[cs22]

My OH family. Only certain ones though are really horrible. Its little things that i hate though. The fact that when OH told them we were expecting there was no congratulations from them even though they knew we were trying. They actually shouted out that, "You cant do it" "NO" "You' ll never manage" "OMG youre stupid"
When OH rings them up they are happy to talk to him but as soon as he mentions, "Not long now and i will be a daddy" they want to get off the phone immedialy. There not interested but make out to the rest of the famiy they are.
Another thing too, when OH rings them they never once ask how i am, never. They ask OH how he is, they ask how the dog is ..........thats it. They dont care bout me in the slightest, never ask how i am at all. Never mention baby at all. I wouldnt mind i have been nice to them always, give then no reason to dislike me. OH asked them recently "do they like me" they said "no" over and over. Aaaarrrggghhh

Now because there was other nicer family members there they have INVITED us down for christmas. When they were not looking she was giving me dirty looks. They can sod off. Were spending christmas this year at my mums. Whether they like it or not.

 

[LucyEmma]

My OHs mum drives me mad...shes keeps buying us clothes even though we have enough and i've told her we dont need anymore! she's brought wall paper for the nursery even though we havnt got anywhere for us to live at the moment abd me and OH wanted to pick that bit at least, shes going to turn her spare room into a nursery even though hes not going to be staying there for ages because she has a really disobediant dog and i really not want LO around there when im not. (thats another ranting stort though haha)
I know it sounds horrible because shes just trying to help but it just annoys me she wont ask what we want or like she just gets it, she brought an outfit 'for him to come home from hospital in' and hasnt left anything for anyone else to buy, now my mums asking if we need anything and wanted to buy us somethings but shes left with nothing.
i feel rude if i tell her no becuase she just says ooh you will need that shall i get it and even if i do say no she will get it anyways. sorry bit of a rant on but i couldnt help it. lol x