Infant feeding questions

[aob1013]

1. Because everyone has different views, and everyone is sure that what they are doing is right, and nobody likes to be challenged on how they do things.

2. Same as one

3. Because i want every LO to have the benefits of this wonderful gift

4. Guilt and insecurity

 

[Mrs Mayhem]

You know what ... before i came onto this forum i never even knew this arguement existed, and i can hand on heart say that ive never seen this arguement IRL!! Funny that?

I couldnt care less how anyone feeds their baby as long as they are fed, ive got my own family to worry about nevermind anyone elses

Love this. Thats my thoughts exactly!!!

 

[sjminimac]

1. Because everyone has different views, and everyone is sure that what they are doing is right, and nobody likes to be challenged on how they do things.

2. Same as one

3. Because i want every LO to have the benefits of this wonderful gift

4. Guilt and insecurity

So going by your answer to number 3, do you try to change people's minds?

 

[OmarsMum]

Before coming to BnB, I didnt know there was something called BFing vs FFing. Where I come from BFing is the norm, if it doesnt work you go for FFing. Simple

 

[babyerin]

saying you want to spice up your Saturday night indicates you're looking for a fight...

I agree but i do think it was meant lightheartedly

I don't know why it get's so heated in babyclub..tired mummies/hormones/stress/everyone wanting the very best for their baby/worry?



ETA:

How about then, we move this over to the debate section where you've a little more freedom to discuss?

 

[xolily]

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily? I have no idea.. cos when it comes to feeding your child, i really couldn't give a monkeys how another parent chooses to do it! It baffles me why people feel the need to defend or promote how they feed their child!

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation? As above.

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds? Cos "breast is best" .. like everyone doesn't know

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive? No idea! probably cos it's referred to as an "inferior" way of feeding.. i've seen formula described as "devils juice" on the BF forums here.. no wonder it upsets some people!

 

[anna matronic]

Am I so stupid that I haven't noticed any problems in Baby Club?

Group Hug

 

[elephant29]

i just know that certain ladies cannot control themselves so no doubt this will get nasty

But i'm VERY curious to the following...so feel free to answer the questions with what you think

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily? God only knows!!

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation? People defend how they parent their children. They are the most precious things to all of us so when someone questions how you are raising them sometimes I guess people will get defensive.

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds? I BF but am def not a poster girl for it and wouldnt dream of changin someones mind. Whats it got to do with me how someone else feeds their baba??

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive? Supposedly not BF can cause some form of guilt for some mums and maybe they dot appreciate being told that something is better when they have a thrieving, happy baby with how they chose to do it

What can i say? i fancied spicing up my Saturday night

Let the chaos begin!

No seriously try and keep it nice ladies and stick to answerign the q's!

There ya go, my two pence worth.

xxx

 

[special_kala]

This is already going tits up, can we just not please!

 

[xolily]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

 

[xUniquex]

the 'spice up the saturday night' comment was said in humour...

all of my questions on the OP are genuine.. as has already been mentioned this kind of thing is unheard of IRL so i am curious as to why it occurs on here.

So far i am very impressed with the responses.. if everyone sticks to the questions there is no need for trouble and i dont see why ,when we are all adults,we cant talk about the things that seem to stir people up for fear of arguments!

Thank you ladies who have replied so far,some very valid comments coming up!

To those who feel my OP is wrong i apologise but it's not like i posted anything directly offensive and there is NO reason for this thread to turn nasty as long as we all act our age and not our shoe size

 

[xnmd1]

i just know that certain ladies cannot control themselves so no doubt this will get nasty

But i'm VERY curious to the following...so feel free to answer the questions with what you think

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily?

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation?

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds?

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive?

What can i say? i fancied spicing up my Saturday night

Let the chaos begin!

No seriously try and keep it nice ladies and stick to answerign the q's!

1 - because everyone likes a good bitch now and then
2- i guess it's got to be, because there are 2 stand points on the feeding situation
3- not sure. i suppose because they feel very passionately about how beneficial it can be to LOs health
4 - everyone on BNB seemed to get offended when their parenting is questioned. i swear someone could post "i let my 6 month old play in the garage with dads tools while i catch a shower and a nap because he thinks its fun" and someone would say that was not safe.. and the next thing you know they'd be arguing about how they know what is best for their LO ( ok .. that might be a bit extreme but do you get my point? ) no one wants to be called a bad mom - although i dont think any of us really imply that any one else is a bad mom! .. that, and guilt

 

[Lost_Plot]

I think the answer to all the questions is the same. I also think the answer is why many threads end up as arguments.

Lack of sleep, stress, overwhelmingly huge (but extremely rewarding) responsibility, hormones and wanting to be a good mother.

We all want to be good mums and we all want to know we're doing the right thing so add in all the above factors, mix in a bit of conflicting advice from everyone and their dog - from the HV to the postman.

I think that's a fairly good recipe for people to be slightly less rational than perhaps they once were. I don't believe people really come on here for a fight or mean to go off the rails but it's easy to misread or take things to heart when in text form if your having a bit of a wobble and then it escalates.

Almost every day I panic about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. At the end of it all though all I can do is my best and what works for me just like everyone else.

If there was ONE right way of bringing up a child wow life would be so much easier.

 

[angelstardust]

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily?

Dunno. Far as I see it a baby needs milk in his or her belly. How it gets there and where it comes from is unimportant so long as the milk is safe for a baby to drink.

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation?

Hormones? You do get 'extremeists' on both sides who will spark off a discussion, people read this and are already het up before they post. It is not always a them vs us situation though. You just remember those threads the most. I have read many where a woman has asked for advice and has been given good advice with no pressure to do anything they didn't want to do.

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds?

Breastfeeding produces some pretty strong hormones that make you feel really good. So like any good thing all you want to do is to share it. 'oh my gosh! I found this really great thing and you should totally try it!'

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive?

Anyone will find anything offensive if it is put across in a way that insinuates that you are not doing the best for your baby. Think of how often you bath your baby, some think that every night will give them bad skin, some think that not every night will make them dirty. Being told either one will really miff you off!

 

[OmarsMum]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

 

[aob1013]

1. Because everyone has different views, and everyone is sure that what they are doing is right, and nobody likes to be challenged on how they do things.

2. Same as one

3. Because i want every LO to have the benefits of this wonderful gift

4. Guilt and insecurity

So going by your answer to number 3, do you try to change people's minds?

To Mum's that already formula feed, or Mum's that have definately already decided to formula feed, no. What's the point? The decision is already made.

However, for pregnant Mum's wanting to know about it, the benefits or someone looking for some positive encouragement, of course .. Why wouldn't !

 

[hpjagged]

Before coming on this forum I didnt even know there was all this BF v ff. I just knew I wanted to breastfeed. And I really don't care if you are ff, I see nothing wrong with it. At the end of the day we are all human. Arent our healthy babies showing that! we all must be doing something right.

 

[katrina1987]

I think it is up to each individual on how they feed and look after there baby/child. It is noone elses concern or buisiness. I think it's good to offer advice and stories. But it's also hard not to get drawn into the dispute of the topic that is being discussed. I know at times I have done and got sooo nnoyed but then I always say everyone is entitled to there own opinion and do things the way they want to. Some people do take a bit too much offense at times though

 

[xUniquex]

thank you ladies!! brilliant responses so far!!

i really appreciate your honesty in this!!

it seems to me that sometimes we misinterpret what people are actually trying to say when they post things?

i really dont think that all FF mums feel guilt though, i believe that is a misconception there.. unless a FF mum directly says it.. i do think that FF mums come under a lot of fire from the massive government promotion of BF,in the sense that they must get sick of the whole Breast is best.

I wholeheartedly accept whatever way a woman wishes to feed her child,however i don't see any harm in giving her both sets on info ,i think that perhaps this info is a bit like groundhog day for many!

 

[jojo_b]

i think the NHS's current treatment of BFing causes so so soooo many problems. i was at a parentcraft class when i was 37 weeks pg where the one girl who already had a baby was asked how she fed her baby. she said she tried to BF but after 2 weeks of misery gave up because she couldn't manage it. the poor girl was vilified in front of the whole class by the midwife, who said BFing is "not hard" and "formula milk is cow's milk...not designed for baby's poor little tummies". the girl looked mortified.

when we left, i said to OH, "oh that poor girl" and he agreed, but then i said (like a fool) "i won't give up though". fast forward a few weeks, factor in a 60 hour labour, emergency section, interfering and patronising midwifes on the ward and stressed out mummy. turns out i'm not as tough as i thought.

i no longer breastfeed and am wracked with guilt over it. i try not to be defensive over my "choice", but ultimately feel like i didn't have much of a choice - i did not feel like i could carry on BFing.

if FFing hadn't been represented so harshly, and FFing mums painted as the devil while i was preggers, i wouldn't feel this terrible burden of guilt now. i imagine this is what leads to the silly BF vs FF debates.

IMO there really is nothing to debate. nobody will change what they are doing as a result of being talked at by others; all it will do is cause anger and perpetuate their feelings of guilt and inadequacy. IMHO anyway!