Infant feeding questions

[aob1013]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

 

[Lost_Plot]

thank you ladies!! brilliant responses so far!!

i really appreciate your honesty in this!!

it seems to me that sometimes we misinterpret what people are actually trying to say when they post things?

i really dont think that all FF mums feel guilt though, i believe that is a misconception there.. unless a FF mum directly says it.. i do think that FF mums come under a lot of fire from the massive government promotion of BF,in the sense that they must get sick of the whole Breast is best.

I wholeheartedly accept whatever way a woman wishes to feed her child,however i don't see any harm in giving her both sets on info ,i think that perhaps this info is a bit like groundhog day for many!

I feel guilty. I wish I hadn't given up on it but I only did it for 6 weeks. The thing that annoys me is that I said I was DEFINITELY going to breast feed while I was pregnant and then I couldn't carry on with it. Seriously I admire those that do it for long periods. I don't feel defensive that I FF now though. I'm just really annoyed with myself for not seeing it through - not that it seems to have done little man any harm he's a greedy little pig so I'd have had him stuck to my chest constantly lol.

 

[Dragonfly]

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily?
I can talk happily about that. But I know what you mean others do get up in arms about it. I can see why when theres a baby who cant speak is involved and I think when mums says they choose whats best but choose second best (note I said choose not had no option) that urks some poeple.

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation?
I only notice that in here not in my life, I do feel outcasted in my life but I dont divide people up. I think as theres two sections in here that creates an obvious divide.

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds?
Because it is whats best for your baby and if some turn around and say that they are sick of hearing it and how its great but still dont do it then why not? breastfeeding mums can see how brestmilk effects their baby so having everyone else have that would be great, more healthier babies , breastfeeding isnt all doom and gloom. Some people have a lot of misconceptions also, myths and doubt about what they are able to do so a someone maybe talking that breast feeds can clear that up. Theres good reason why someone who breastfeeds would give out info to anyone making decisions.

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive? As pooeple say the guilt here but then I have never formula fed so I cant answer that for sure. I do know that if i had to move to formula I would feel gutted. And when I couldnt get Alex to latch the thought crossed me what would i do if I had to ff and i could see me explaining to everyone why I wasnt breastfeeding if it came to it, basically like I see woman acting who formula feed. I would be gutted and defensive if I wasnt able to breastfeed. But I cant understand someone not choosing to breastfeeding and knowing the benefits. it may all be about choices but think of the baby before rebelling about your choise to do this and that. It only effects baby at the end of it all no one else.

 

[xUniquex]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

i do agree with this to a degree, however AOB on the flipside there are mums who (like a PP mentioned) wanted veyr much to BF but for one reason or another ended up stopping or didnt manage to.. lets face it there are a million and one factors that can affect us straight after having a baby!!

so although SOME mums might feel guilt,i think it is probably the women who had the choice 'taken away' by factors outside their control.

A lot of these women are failed by teh health system in the fact they didn't get the support they deserved.. i haev seen many a FF mum who started BF then switched and is happy and confident with their choice, so i dont think we can say guilt is the answer to q4.


Just my thoughts!

 

[OmarsMum]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

Not really, I have live example of a very healthy FFing DS vs always sick exclusively BF cousin. They'r both 13+ months, mine is already walking & talking, my cousin is still cruising & babbling. It has nothing to do with the milk they'r taking.

We'r 4, 3 of us were exclusively BF & we were over weight during our teen, my only FF brother is the only one who never had weight issues.

My family are all pro- BFing, my mum cried for weeks when it didnt work for me, but I just moved on. When we were talking about BFing my next baby, I was soo clear with my mom, if I dont like it, I will not go for it, period. So no guilt involved.

Even if I BF my next baby, I will feel offended with nasty comments regarding FFing moms.

 

[Lu28]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

It's easy enough to say that but the reality is different. Aisling didn't latch on properly until 2.5 weeks after birth so I was seriously contemplating whether bfing was going to be possible for us. I know if I'd had to move onto formula I would have been incredibly upset and would have constantly spent my time explaining to people how hard I'd tried etc. I would never have been content with what I was doing because it wasn't my first choice.

 

[aob1013]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

i do agree with this to a degree, however AOB on the flipside there are mums who (like a PP mentioned) wanted veyr much to BF but for one reason or another ended up stopping or didnt manage to.. lets face it there are a million and one factors that can affect us straight after having a baby!!

so although SOME mums might feel guilt,i think it is probably the women who had the choice 'taken away' by factors outside their control.

A lot of these women are failed by teh health system in the fact they didn't get the support they deserved.. i haev seen many a FF mum who started BF then switched and is happy and confident with their choice, so i dont think we can say guilt is the answer to q4.


Just my thoughts!

I didn't explain myself well enough. What you have just said is what i meant

However, i do sometimes think people feel guilty and unhappy with the way things turned out which is why sometimes they can get offended easily, then a war starts!

Sorry i'm talking crap here, i'm sooo tired

 

[xUniquex]

i think you have a great point there anneka in that the seperate sections for feeding possibly create an obnoxious didvide... i can see where you are coming form there.. although i can see why for practicality they have seperate areas!

i do think that sometimes mums who had an easy time breastfeeding themselves often find it hard to understand why/how others give up/dont do it just the same as some FF mums find it hard to understand why somem BF mums rave on about how great it is :hehe:

 

[angelstardust]

I don't feel guilty about stopping BF. I do feel guilty for not doing what I felt was right for my eldest (1 formula feed to give me a break, at that time it was a straight one or the other). I feel guilty... no actually I feel downright bloody furious that a nurse who was supposed to be caring for my son, asualted my breast while my son was 'playing' and gave me not only mastitis but a mental block that made me panic at the thought of BF him again.

But I do not feel any guilt at all for giving my babies formula. I do feel sad that I wasn't able to stand up for myself more, but not guilty. I did what was needed for all of us at the time.

 

[sjminimac]

1. Because everyone has different views, and everyone is sure that what they are doing is right, and nobody likes to be challenged on how they do things.

2. Same as one

3. Because i want every LO to have the benefits of this wonderful gift

4. Guilt and insecurity

So going by your answer to number 3, do you try to change people's minds?

To Mum's that already formula feed, or Mum's that have definately already decided to formula feed, no. What's the point? The decision is already made.

However, for pregnant Mum's wanting to know about it, the benefits or someone looking for some positive encouragement, of course .. Why wouldn't !

Makes sense! I think we interpreted the question differently. I always tell people how hard bf was but how amazing it is now, but i do it in an informative way, not a 'you should do it' way. I interpreted the above question as changing the mind of someone who has decided not to, that's why your response surprised me

 

[aob1013]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

It's easy enough to say that but the reality is different. Aisling didn't latch on properly until 2.5 weeks after birth so I was seriously contemplating whether bfing was going to be possible for us. I know if I'd had to move onto formula I would have been incredibly upset and would have constantly spent my time explaining to people how hard I'd tried etc. I would never have been content with what I was doing because it wasn't my first choice.

I do see your point, i was talking very generally. Not specifically. Today, i felt very challenged about the tummy sleeping, and it made me question myself .. But then i realised that what i am doing is right for my son and i am happy and content with that.

Frankly, i don't care how people feed their kids as long as they are fed. Leni will act or look no different in 10 years time next to a formula fed child. Love is all a baby needs, and they get that regardless of how they are fed. Of course in an ideal world, i would love all babies to be breastfed, but we have choice nowadays, and that is a good thing too. I would hate to be forced to do something with Leni i didn't want to do.

 

[SKATERBUN]

p.s. i don't understand this "guilt" or "insecurity" when it comes to FF.. THAT'S why FF get defensive.. it's implied that we SHOULD feel guilty or insecure about the way we feed our children.. you know, for alot of us, it is choice!

Ditto


I never felt guilty or insecure although I couldnt BF as I didnt have milk.

I feel offensive with comments like FF babies with become obese, more pron to sickness, etc.

My personal thoughts on this is that, when a bfvff debate comes up the people that formula feed and get very defensive/angry/upset/sarcastic are the ones that are obviously not happy and secure in their decision. If they were, they wouldn't get so upset. Same for every aspect of parenting. It shouldn't offend you if you if you are content with what you are doing.

i do agree with this to a degree, however AOB on the flipside there are mums who (like a PP mentioned) wanted veyr much to BF but for one reason or another ended up stopping or didnt manage to.. lets face it there are a million and one factors that can affect us straight after having a baby!!

so although SOME mums might feel guilt,i think it is probably the women who had the choice 'taken away' by factors outside their control.

A lot of these women are failed by teh health system in the fact they didn't get the support they deserved.. i haev seen many a FF mum who started BF then switched and is happy and confident with their choice, so i dont think we can say guilt is the answer to q4.


Just my thoughts!

yes I'm one of them, and I get sad being reminded of what I cant do anymore, it sometimes comes across as smugness from those who manage to do it without any problems.

 

[aob1013]

1. Because everyone has different views, and everyone is sure that what they are doing is right, and nobody likes to be challenged on how they do things.

2. Same as one

3. Because i want every LO to have the benefits of this wonderful gift

4. Guilt and insecurity

So going by your answer to number 3, do you try to change people's minds?

To Mum's that already formula feed, or Mum's that have definately already decided to formula feed, no. What's the point? The decision is already made.

However, for pregnant Mum's wanting to know about it, the benefits or someone looking for some positive encouragement, of course .. Why wouldn't !

Makes sense! I think we interpreted the question differently. I always tell people how hard bf was but how amazing it is now, but i do it in an informative way, not a 'you should do it' way. I interpreted the above question as changing the mind of someone who has decided not to, that's why your response surprised me

Yes sorry hun i don't think i have explained myself very well here x

 

[SKATERBUN]

^ just wanted to expand on that above comment, when ladies who FF talk about FF in their own section of the forum things go well, when BF ladies talk about BF in their own section things also go well, its when the two collide in the baby club, then theres the fireworks. You know some sensitive issues are best kept to their own parts of the forums, i/e weaning, they you know you are in the company of those who emapthise with you and can help. This is why some emotive subjects are banned totally from being discussed in the general boards, like girly sanctuary as theres always bound to be someone who can get hurt by someone elses innocent remark/statement, like I said before, we are all human, but sometimes a bit of tact and thoughtfulness is needed rather than going in with all guns blazing. I believe if threads were started in the right places, i/e if there are meant to be a debate start it in the debate forum then you know what to expect from it.

 

[Chocciebutton]

I dont have much choice when it comes to the feeding side....I cant breastfeed as I have to take medication daily for an auto immune disease, it would pass through the milk to the baby ....no one can argue with me over that! lol

 

[xUniquex]

ahh but isnt every thread potentially a debate?

this thread isn't a debate .. it simply asks ladies to answer the questions posed.. not debate yet it got moved due to what people worry may happen...

so far i think its a nice thread showing balanced answers from all types of feeders

thanx ladies

 

[Hayley90]

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily?

In the "real world" there is no argument... its only online that arguments occur which was a massive shock to me when i joined bnb... I think we CAN all talk happily, but as always there are a small minority who ruin it and get offensive.

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation?

Again... in RL there isn't! I think it's because there is a lot of guilt that sits with those who are uncomfortable with their decision, or those who feel uneducated, or feel its "too late".... or for those who didnt manage to feed a certain way, or for a certain time. It's a "pressurised" argument because everything is to the point and direct. In RL you can steer questions away, or not talk about something... on here, comments get taken personally and it descends into a "right vs wrong" instead of giving information.

3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds?

Because they believe greatly in breastfeeding and the benefits and want to share that, and good on them. It doesn't mean i have to change my mind though, but i will happily read their tips and recommendations... it doesn't hurt or offend me in the slightest as im 1000% comfortable with FFing. That is where arguments happen... the people that cant see the reasoning behind a statement, regardless of their own situation.

4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive?

Maybe because they feel patronised, or pressured enough already... some areas of the NHS (not mine thankfully) are very ANTI-FF and PRO-BF to an extreme.. which is great for BFers, but FFers will feel the wrath! I can understand them wanting to come online to ask a simple question, seeing all the pro-bf statements and thinking "fgs leave me aloneeeee!!!!!" or someone who couldn't bf seeing generalised statements about FFers, and feeling sad that they arent a BFer. I dunno, its circumstantial... these arguments dont offend me, I have a very happy and healthy little boy who is considered tall but well proportioned, strong and advanced.... all on Formula... so the rude statements dont bother me in the slightest

Whoops i rambled... *goes to tidy up post*

 

[StirCrazy]

ahh but isnt every thread potentially a debate?

this thread isn't a debate .. it simply asks ladies to answer the questions posed.. not debate yet it got moved due to what people worry may happen...

With comments like "i fancied spicing up my Saturday night", "Let the chaos begin!" you're lucky the thread was even left open or an infraction wasn't issued for flaming! Maybe if you worded your thread a little less confrontationally then it wouldn't be viewed as a debate.

 

[eddjanuary10]

1/Why is it that when it comes to the way we feed our babies we can't all talk happily?

I tend to steer clear of such arguments so I do chat happily!

2/WHy is it always a 'them' and 'us' situation?

I don't know and don't think of it like that.


3/Why do you think some BF mums try and change peoples minds?

Milk is milk, but I believe bm is best which is why I bf my baby and I am glad that I am able to do so. Obviously if I believed ff was better I would do that, and if I couldn't bf I would have had to ff then I would probably feel a bit disappointed in myself that I wouldn't be giving my baby what I think best. I do not ever try and change anyones minds about the decisions they have made for their babies though but I guess some people do try because they believe they are helping them to see the benefits of something good.


4/Why do you think some FF mums find this offensive?

I'm sure they all know the benefits of bf'ing but made an informed choice to ff and feel its perfectly good enough for their babies. who is to argue with someones choice that they made for their baby? also, some of these mums may have tried bf'ing and couldn't so don't want reminded of what they couldn't do when they thought it was best.

 

[xUniquex]

ahh but isnt every thread potentially a debate?

this thread isn't a debate .. it simply asks ladies to answer the questions posed.. not debate yet it got moved due to what people worry may happen...

With comments like "i fancied spicing up my Saturday night", "Let the chaos begin!" you're lucky the thread was even left open or an infraction wasn't issued for flaming! Maybe if you worded your thread a little less confrontationally then it wouldn't be viewed as a debate.

i did state earlier in thread that i was sorry if people felt my OP was offensive however it was said in humour hence the emotes

there was nothing intentionally confrontational about it,and as it happens it has been a very well balanced thread,which IMHO speaks for itself!