Interracial relationships

[tina3747]

Dragonfly- I must say when visiting NI it wasn't as bad as I thought , I honestly believed there'd be soldiers on every corner! I think when my hubby visited yrs before I did it was like that, the only thing that shocked me was the presence of the army at the police station, covered in barbed wire and heavily secured!It's a predominatly catholic area.
The people were nothing but lovely, but the amount of times I heard the words "I hate the effing English.. But your ok" !!!! I didn't take offense, just laughed it off!
My hubbys friend involved with CFC has had death threats, letter bombs ect. Just a crazy crazy world.

 

[smelly07]

Personally i do not mind who my girls marry in regards to skin colour really for me its definitely more about religion, Myself and my husband are not religious at all, i think religion is total and utter nosense however we do believe there is life after death so i guess we are classed as 'spirtual but not religious' I would fully support my child if they wanted to convert to a religion but if i was totally honest i would be least happy if she wanted to be with a pakistani muslim purely because of experiences and knowledge of strict muslim men and their families and how hard and difficult it would be for them........... i guess in a selfish sort of way it would be hard for me to watch my daughters being controlled in the way the religion expects...... i would find it hard to keep it shut x

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly- I must say when visiting NI it wasn't as bad as I thought , I honestly believed there'd be soldiers on every corner! I think when my hubby visited yrs before I did it was like that, the only thing that shocked me was the presence of the army at the police station, covered in barbed wire and heavily secured!It's a predominatly catholic area.
The people were nothing but lovely, but the amount of times I heard the words "I hate the effing English.. But your ok" !!!! I didn't take offense, just laughed it off!
My hubbys friend involved with CFC has had death threats, letter bombs ect. Just a crazy crazy world.

What year did you come here? not been any soldiers in a long long time here since the 90s. Its not as bad as people think only how the news makes some things look and everyone assumes its like a war zone here. Some areas are ok some arnt. Here is a nice town with mixed religions. We had some bombs in 80s and up the road there still is bombs in the city. But we are all fed up with that crap its a step back when something happens from a select few, brings us all down.

 

[Vickie]

I am white, my DH is Chinese.

I was one of the first in my family to get into an interracial relationship though I do have a nephew who has two children who are part-Hispanic and another nephew who married a woman from Honduras while serving in the Peace Corps.

Honestly we've never experienced any kind of racism from my family whatsoever (and I grew up in a small town in Texas where the Asian population was practically non-existent).

DH's family hasn't been racist either but I do get the feeling that one side of the family would have much preferred DH marry another Asian.

Funnily enough when we visit TX we never get any strange or dirty looks.

But around here (we live very close to Toronto) we get quite a few, especially when Hannah's with us.

 

[Quackquack99]

My dad is indian, my mum is irish/spanish with some other nationalitirs mixed in. (From my knowledge). My oh is white british. I think my oh was narrowminded before he met me and I think that is because he comes from a town that was fuelled with race riots. But he is so exepting towards other races now, hence he wouldn't have started a family with me. Ihave no problem with interacial marriages etc. People can't help who they fall in love with.

 

[smelly07]

Your daugter is gorgeous ^^^^^^^^^^^^

so what do you look like? or what do others assume you are? lol x

 

[tina3747]

Dragonfly- I must say when visiting NI it wasn't as bad as I thought , I honestly believed there'd be soldiers on every corner! I think when my hubby visited yrs before I did it was like that, the only thing that shocked me was the presence of the army at the police station, covered in barbed wire and heavily secured!It's a predominatly catholic area.
The people were nothing but lovely, but the amount of times I heard the words "I hate the effing English.. But your ok" !!!! I didn't take offense, just laughed it off!
My hubbys friend involved with CFC has had death threats, letter bombs ect. Just a crazy crazy world.

What year did you come here? not been any soldiers in a long long time here since the 90s. Its not as bad as people think only how the news makes some things look and everyone assumes its like a war zone here. Some areas are ok some arnt. Here is a nice town with mixed religions. We had some bombs in 80s and up the road there still is bombs in the city. But we are all fed up with that crap its a step back when something happens from a select few, brings us all down.

I came 2 yrs ago to lurgan for a christening, it really was only the police station that I felt was how I imagined it to be. Walking past drunk there were soldiers or police that were armed on the front! My hubbys been over loads, that was mid - late 90s, he be there regular. There was definatly army presence then as he pointed out the window from the place we were and said the last time he sat here there were bullet proof army patrol van going up and
down! Your house is amazing by yhe way... I had a nosey earlier!

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly- I must say when visiting NI it wasn't as bad as I thought , I honestly believed there'd be soldiers on every corner! I think when my hubby visited yrs before I did it was like that, the only thing that shocked me was the presence of the army at the police station, covered in barbed wire and heavily secured!It's a predominatly catholic area.
The people were nothing but lovely, but the amount of times I heard the words "I hate the effing English.. But your ok" !!!! I didn't take offense, just laughed it off!
My hubbys friend involved with CFC has had death threats, letter bombs ect. Just a crazy crazy world.

What year did you come here? not been any soldiers in a long long time here since the 90s. Its not as bad as people think only how the news makes some things look and everyone assumes its like a war zone here. Some areas are ok some arnt. Here is a nice town with mixed religions. We had some bombs in 80s and up the road there still is bombs in the city. But we are all fed up with that crap its a step back when something happens from a select few, brings us all down.

I came 2 yrs ago to lurgan for a christening, it really was only the police station that I felt was how I imagined it to be. Walking past drunk there were soldiers or police that were armed on the front! My hubbys been over loads, that was mid - late 90s, he be there regular. There was definatly army presence then as he pointed out the window from the place we were and said the last time he sat here there were bullet proof army patrol van going up and
down! Your house is amazing by yhe way... I had a nosey earlier!

I havnt seen any army down here they all went away, i think in areas they still are some of them, maybe you see the odd jeep. Police cars used to be unmarked here to in the past always where fords. So different to the 80s growing up. There was a bomb at the end of my drive way killed loads of solders in the 70s

 

[Quackquack99]

Your daugter is gorgeous ^^^^^^^^^^^^

so what do you look like? or what do others assume you are? lol x

Aww thank you!

It all depends on my hair colour. If I have dark hair, people have to ask what my ethnicity is. But when I have lighter hair, I just sort of blend in lol

 

[smelly07]

hhmmm thats interesting......... i wonder what i would look like with lighter hair lol..........may try it and see! x

 

[indy and lara]

.

 

[summer rain]

Nibblenic - wow - I never thought white men were particular about their women's dress, and housework etc. I always attributed these qualities to other cultures. Thats interesting. x

Yeah, totally. I dont mean covering up faces or heads, but I certainly know men who wouldnt like their wife going out with a lot of leg or cleavage on show.

As for the housework, I know a man who left his wife because she wasnt keeping in a clean house. Not that I agree with that, however its still true

Learn something new everyday

My ex-OH was white and he came from a really misogynistic working class 'culture' in the North of England, his dad had been married three times and divorced his first two wives because of them wanting to dress a certain way or come out with him to the pub, and he openly said he only married my ex's stepmum so he had someone to look after my ex and look after the house for him. I called him a misognyist to his face-he just laughed. Some of his dad's friends were seperated from their wives and the reasons were stuff like them refusing to warm their slippers next to the fire or to cut their husband's toenails. It was a horrible, shocking eye opener for me moving to that area; it really was like going back in time. Some people believe Muslims oppress women and its true some cultures that are predominantly Muslim do oppress women but other religions in those cultures are the same, and I had never come across such sexism and oppression of women before moving to that area. My ex was a convert to Islam but he found it hard to reconcile the teachings of Islam regarding women, and his upbringing, he had been brought up to believe that women were put on this earth purely to serve men whereas this is not the teaching in Islam. When he first became Muslim he was shocked that women in Islam do have to pray, fast etc exactly the same as men and that they have property rights and the right to choose their marriage partner and so on and so forth; he actually thought these things were wrong . So my ex may have been the same colour as me but the culture he was from was just so alien the marriage was doomed to failure.

 

[summer rain]

Personally i do not mind who my girls marry in regards to skin colour really for me its definitely more about religion, Myself and my husband are not religious at all, i think religion is total and utter nosense however we do believe there is life after death so i guess we are classed as 'spirtual but not religious' I would fully support my child if they wanted to convert to a religion but if i was totally honest i would be least happy if she wanted to be with a pakistani muslim purely because of experiences and knowledge of strict muslim men and their families and how hard and difficult it would be for them........... i guess in a selfish sort of way it would be hard for me to watch my daughters being controlled in the way the religion expects...... i would find it hard to keep it shut x

That is more culture than religion though, so it isn't really fair to say it is due to people being 'strict Muslims', I hate that term so much because the media whenever there is anyone who kills his wife or other family members, or is a rapist or what have you and they happen to have a Muslim name they get called a 'strict Muslim'. 'Strict Muslims' would know that in a Muslim country they would get the death penalty for these things. The Pakistani culture is one of the most sexist, backwards cultures I have come across, many if not most Pakistani 'Muslims' have beliefs and practices that if they are aware of them being wrong and persist in these, would put them outside of Islam, many of their beliefs and practices come from hinduism, zoroastrianism or very ancient pagan religions and cultures-if you look at the cultural practices and beliefs of those living in 'kaafiristan' in Pakistan regarding women its amazing just how close they are to the beliefs and practices of many Pakistani Muslims; and those living in Kaafiristan are following a very ancient pagan religion. A lot of Pakistanis are illiterate in their own languages of Urdu or Punjabi, let alone in Arabic so its no wonder knowledge of true Islam is painfully lacking. If I had a daughter I would have extreme reservations about her marrying a Pakistani as well, because even if the guy is good his family will probably have all kinds of weird cultural beliefs and the hold of family is so strong in that culture that it can cause all kinds of problems. In the past when I wasn't yet married to OH and was getting proposals; I was considering a Pakistani man but my friend's husband who was also Pakistani and had moved from Pakistan about 10 years earlier told me not to do it unless I completely wanted to lose myself in the process. He said his wife had really had to sacrifice a lot of things and adopt the culture and language to please his family and that had meant she had been unable to learn Arabic or Islam properly and it made him extremely sad. xx

 

[summer rain]

Its madness, my best mate runs a cake shop/cafe in the city centre and I cannot tell you how many times she hears. "oh its so nice not to have to buy stuff off a pakki"

I mean wtf?!

Its just like everyone hates eachother before theyve even exchanged so much as a word

No one helps themselves though!! Both sides are as bad as each other. Many Whites think the Pakistanis have taken over what was a lovely City and unfortunately some of the Asian areas are really dirty and run down and have high crime rates! Then on the other side, there are lots of young white men of the "skinhead" culture who tend to believe Bradfrod has gone downhil purely because of the high number of ethinic minorities.
Without sound like my mum... It's six of one, half a dozen of the other

Knowing those kind of areas where Asians live in Northern towns; since I used to live in such an area myself, they tend to be areas of older terraced housing which in the past used to be lived in mainly by elderly white people-who were too old and/or frail to maintain their homes and modernise them, so by the time the Asians bought these houses it would have cost thousands upon thousands to fix them up to a modern decent standard which is money these Asian families simply don't have (and probably most people wouldn't have either). In some areas near where I used to live the council has done up the areas of terraced housing themselves and the whole look of the area is now spotless, the Asian community did used to clean up the area and maintain things well but since the homes were so run down it really made the whole area look bad. I did a little 'drive' using google earth of one area neighbouring where I used to live and there wasn't a crisp bag or any piece of litter on the streets and it looked lovely, this is a 99.9% Asian area. Also I noticed that the local authority where I lived in particular would come round with the street cleaning machine to the Asian area only once a year and public litter bins were rarely emptied but they would always be cleaning in and around the predominantly white areas, probably because those were wealthier areas, with people paying higher council tax and they were more liable to get complaints if they didn't. The local people did their best but any area left for a year is going to get a build up of rubbish and filth xx

 

[summer rain]

I am white and was Muslim for several years before marrying my ex-OH and even more years before marrying my now OH whom I have been with for nearly 10 years, so me changing religion for a man was never a factor though my poor mum has actually lost friends because they insisted I must have converted because of a Muslim 'boyfriend'. The area I grew up in had zero Muslims anyway. I personally don't care about race, skin colour, ethnicity etc, my ex husband was a white convert and still people assumed he 'made me' Muslim rofl, so can't win! My current husband is mixed Arab, African, European and various other things, he comes from a small ethnic minority who are not from one particular country or culture nor are they accepted as being 'one of their own' by the predominant cultures in the countries where they live. People in his ethnic group, including women, have been marrying 'outside' for centuries so they are pretty open minded in that regard. Anyway I think a lot of people are 'mixed race' without them knowing it, its naive to think otherwise, the UK is an island and even in Roman times people from Arab countries and black people from Northern Africa settled here so in some genetic ancestry tests people from certain towns and cities in the UK have been found to be from far further afield. I have found out through both genetic ancestry testing and 'paper' research that I do have some Arab ancestry myself, as well as Romany (my mum's great great grandma was a romany gypsy) and ancestors from most European countries 'back in the day'. xx

 

[Lightworker]

Nibblenic - wow - I never thought white men were particular about their women's dress, and housework etc. I always attributed these qualities to other cultures. Thats interesting. x

Yeah, totally. I dont mean covering up faces or heads, but I certainly know men who wouldnt like their wife going out with a lot of leg or cleavage on show.

As for the housework, I know a man who left his wife because she wasnt keeping in a clean house. Not that I agree with that, however its still true

Learn something new everyday

My ex-OH was white and he came from a really misogynistic working class 'culture' in the North of England, his dad had been married three times and divorced his first two wives because of them wanting to dress a certain way or come out with him to the pub, and he openly said he only married my ex's stepmum so he had someone to look after my ex and look after the house for him. I called him a misognyist to his face-he just laughed. Some of his dad's friends were seperated from their wives and the reasons were stuff like them refusing to warm their slippers next to the fire or to cut their husband's toenails. It was a horrible, shocking eye opener for me moving to that area; it really was like going back in time. Some people believe Muslims oppress women and its true some cultures that are predominantly Muslim do oppress women but other religions in those cultures are the same, and I had never come across such sexism and oppression of women before moving to that area. My ex was a convert to Islam but he found it hard to reconcile the teachings of Islam regarding women, and his upbringing, he had been brought up to believe that women were put on this earth purely to serve men whereas this is not the teaching in Islam. When he first became Muslim he was shocked that women in Islam do have to pray, fast etc exactly the same as men and that they have property rights and the right to choose their marriage partner and so on and so forth; he actually thought these things were wrong . So my ex may have been the same colour as me but the culture he was from was just so alien the marriage was doomed to failure.

Wow..that post has really dispelled some myths. I honest to goodness would never have associated that behaviour with white culture. x

 

[FlowerFairy]

Its madness, my best mate runs a cake shop/cafe in the city centre and I cannot tell you how many times she hears. "oh its so nice not to have to buy stuff off a pakki"

I mean wtf?!

Its just like everyone hates eachother before theyve even exchanged so much as a word

No one helps themselves though!! Both sides are as bad as each other. Many Whites think the Pakistanis have taken over what was a lovely City and unfortunately some of the Asian areas are really dirty and run down and have high crime rates! Then on the other side, there are lots of young white men of the "skinhead" culture who tend to believe Bradfrod has gone downhil purely because of the high number of ethinic minorities.
Without sound like my mum... It's six of one, half a dozen of the other

Knowing those kind of areas where Asians live in Northern towns; since I used to live in such an area myself, they tend to be areas of older terraced housing which in the past used to be lived in mainly by elderly white people-who were too old and/or frail to maintain their homes and modernise them, so by the time the Asians bought these houses it would have cost thousands upon thousands to fix them up to a modern decent standard which is money these Asian families simply don't have (and probably most people wouldn't have either). In some areas near where I used to live the council has done up the areas of terraced housing themselves and the whole look of the area is now spotless, the Asian community did used to clean up the area and maintain things well but since the homes were so run down it really made the whole area look bad. I did a little 'drive' using google earth of one area neighbouring where I used to live and there wasn't a crisp bag or any piece of litter on the streets and it looked lovely, this is a 99.9% Asian area. Also I noticed that the local authority where I lived in particular would come round with the street cleaning machine to the Asian area only once a year and public litter bins were rarely emptied but they would always be cleaning in and around the predominantly white areas, probably because those were wealthier areas, with people paying higher council tax and they were more liable to get complaints if they didn't. The local people did their best but any area left for a year is going to get a build up of rubbish and filth xx

I realise that my post looks like huge sweeping generalization! I think mainly the area's in Bradford and nearby Halifax that I have seen maybe are th "worst" of it and there are plenty of Asian families who do keep thier homes and neighbourhoods nice.
They are older Victorian terrace houses and they could do with a lot of very expensive work to bring them up to scratch!
The area I refer to really is Manningham. There are matresses at the side of the road, lots of boarded u builidings with bags of rubbish outside. But as soon as you get out of there and up a road called Toller Lane, there are soe beautiful large very well kept homes and this is also a predominately Asian area x

 

[smelly07]

When i said 'strict muslim men' (pakistani) its because i knew/know lots of muslim men and some have a much more relaxed approach to their religion, where they have no expectations and where as some are very very strict in regards to their religion and culture and where their family are concerned...........also i knew lots of pakistani girls i went to school with and listening to what was expected of them wasnt a good thing, they went to university (those who were allowed) purely for some freedom and to get away from the family...... so from my expereince there is a difference between the stricter muslim men who take their religion far more seriously which comes hand in hand with their culture. x hope that makes sense.

 

[summer rain]

When i said 'strict muslim men' (pakistani) its because i knew/know lots of muslim men and some have a much more relaxed approach to their religion, where they have no expectations and where as some are very very strict in regards to their religion and culture and where their family are concerned...........also i knew lots of pakistani girls i went to school with and listening to what was expected of them wasnt a good thing, they went to university (those who were allowed) purely for some freedom and to get away from the family...... so from my expereince there is a difference between the stricter muslim men who take their religion far more seriously which comes hand in hand with their culture. x hope that makes sense.

I know what you mean but with all due respect I think you're confusing religion with culture which in this case are two separate things, in my experience it tends to be the less religious and more cultural Pakistanis who are most 'strict', for example one of my friends is 32 and her parents still have her on lockdown, she is only allowed to go to and from work and isn't allowed out to any Islamic events or to socialise with friends, my friend would dearly love to get married as well but her parents don't approve of anyone-her parents are not religious except where it fits in around their culture and they have a hatred of anyone trying to follow Islam according to scripture. A lot of the PAkistani girls I know were glad to go to uni and get some freedom to practice their religion free from ridiculous cultural constraints and beliefs they had at home, many of which are the complete opposite of what Islam teaches. I just don't see how certain behaviours can be equated with being a 'strict Muslim' if they are in opposition to the actual teaching of the faith? It is something that only gets applied to Muslims xx

 

[smelly07]

i guess its just different experinces .....I know the religion and culture very well as my dad's religion was 'muslim' although indian muslim, (all very confusing) but he wasnt strictly religious and he did a lot of things against his religion although even though we werent raised with a strict religious background his culture did come in to play a little............iykwim..........i guess what i was trying to say is that i would be less happy if my daughter wanted to be with a muslim who was very religious and wanted to make sure how he lived would be culturally excepted, so she had to change religion and do things to be excepted (which i understand would be her choice) rather than a muslim who although had his faith/culture respected that the person i.e my daughter wasnt muslim and didnt need to be and respected her relgious beliefs (if any) and her culture and was with her regardless etc basically how my dad was with my mum... although he was disowned by his family for quite a few years because he married my mum and his family never really excepted us because we werent religious, couldnt speak gujarati/swahili, and was bought up basically with the english culture.............. i am what they call a coconut........brown on the outside white on the inside lol!!!!!!!!!!! it was hard for them to acknowledge i was actually as much white as indian/african. iykwim x