is anyone else not getting much "support" from husband or partner?

[lilly100]

hi ladies,
im suffering really really bad from morning sickness at the moment and im really struggling to keep anything down. Making something to eat is just as bad.
I suggested to husband that maybe he could make me something to eat and all he did was twist he's face and say dont be stupid and that it was just an excuse for me not to make food - he's as well!
Just this little comment has really upset me - hormones? - and i just feel like i get no support from him at all.
Sorry for the rant but i just had to get it out

 

[LizziesGrape]

I feel exactly the same, to the extent where i'm now questioning our relationship altogether :'(

 

[lilly100]

well to be honest i keep thinking god if its like this now am i going to be left to do everything by myself when the baby is here as well.
I know exactly how you feel

 

[seoj]

I'm so sorry hun... it's certainly NOT just the hormones... I cannot imagine my hubby ever saying something like that to me! I would just make it very clear that you do not feel well and you need some extra support right now... I mean your growing a baby for gosh sake, you made and spleen today, what has he done?! Hopefully he'll come around soon.

Best of luck and hugs!!!!!

 

[lilly100]

thanks, i hope he sorts him self out and stops being selfish - im saying selfish as thats how it comes across - soon as well

 

[AngelBunny]

mine wasn't great during the sickness weeks. he used to get really cross with me when i would be emotional & tearful, that would make the crying worse, then he would get crosser, i would be crying hysterically by the end of the day! and he didn't get the sickness at all. he's visibly relieved that im more like my normal self again now.. i dont know what it is with men some of them seem to be totally lacking in the empathy department xx

 

[lilly100]

Obviously its not good that any of us has to put up with our hubbys been like this but in a way im kind of pleased im not going through it by myself - i dont mean that in an awful way x

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Popping up from third tri

I had what the doctors thought was hyperemesis for about the first three months of my pregnancy. I was literally bedridden. No fun at all. DH got very stressed out towards the end of these months because he was responsible for everything in the house and on top of that, was worried sick about me. He gets a bit narky now if I ask him to make me anything because I'm obviously not sick anymore.

It's hard for DHs and OHs to understand what the feeling is like when we have MS. Not that it's any excuse for telling you not to be stupid. Maybe throwing up on his food would do the trick

 

[lilly100]

Popping up from third tri

I had what the doctors thought was hyperemesis for about the first three months of my pregnancy. I was literally bedridden. No fun at all. DH got very stressed out towards the end of these months because he was responsible for everything in the house and on top of that, was worried sick about me. He gets a bit narky now if I ask him to make me anything because I'm obviously not sick anymore.

It's hard for DHs and OHs to understand what the feeling is like when we have MS. Not that it's any excuse for telling you not to be stupid. Maybe throwing up on his food would do the trick

lol i like it but prob not a good idea as i would just have to make something else for him lol

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Popping up from third tri

I had what the doctors thought was hyperemesis for about the first three months of my pregnancy. I was literally bedridden. No fun at all. DH got very stressed out towards the end of these months because he was responsible for everything in the house and on top of that, was worried sick about me. He gets a bit narky now if I ask him to make me anything because I'm obviously not sick anymore.

It's hard for DHs and OHs to understand what the feeling is like when we have MS. Not that it's any excuse for telling you not to be stupid. Maybe throwing up on his food would do the trick

lol i like it but prob not a good idea as i would just have to make something else for him lol

Psh! Tell him to cook his own dinner! There are going to be PLENTY of nights after LO is born where he will have to fend for himself!

 

[flashy09]

It's the tiredness my husband doesn't understand. If I come in for lunch after hard physical work from 6am to noon and want to lay down for an extra 15 minutes he calls me idle or lazy. Also he doesn't look at any pregnancy books and names he just grunts if I ask him whether he likes one.

 

[Bebica]

I do feel terrible,like i am drugging myself to do anything...but my hubby has a new job and works long hours and I need to cook for him(us actually) because there's no one else to do it,so I do it even though it's hard but he understands and helps me when at home...So now it's ok,but I had two kids before(10 and 12) and i was all by myself through it all-especially my second one where I went through placental abruption alone at 27th week with a 2 yr old with no support at all...Now that was bad bad baaaaad feeling.But here I am,still standing!

 

[ahcigar1]

I was going through the exact same problem with my husband and still do on occassion but not nearly as much. What I did is I sat him down and had a real heart to heart talk to him about what I'm feeling and going through and will be going through and that there will be times that I will need help with things or request for stuff. Even had my two older brothers and father speak to him about their views and what they had to go through with their situations when wife was pregnant and the best way to handle it. Then at 8 weeks had a scan. And after that hubby has done a 180 on the way he treats me and the whole situation. If I ask him to do something for me he does it with very little to no argument. Just give it time, and really talk to him or have some friends or family talk to him about the issues. It really helped for me. And trust me if it worked on my husband who is the most stubborn set in his ways never do anything for you type of person changed to helping, yours will too.

 

[aley28]

My husband hasn't been the most supportive guy, either. He wasn't overly supportive through my first pregnancy. When we went to the doctor, he quizzed the doctor on all of my symptoms, especially the fatigue, like he didn't believe that it was normal. He was better after that about the symptoms, and seemed more forgiving of the fact that I just needed more naps than usual.

This time around, though... he absolutely didn't even react when I told him I was pregnant again. He didn't so much as crack a smile or shrug! He's not mad about it or anything, but its like he just doesn't care! So frustrating! I'm starting to get the fatigue again, and by 8pm I'm downright dragging, but its not like he hopped out of bed this morning to take care of DS's breakfast! Nope... left that for me, and DH slept in until 10!

Grrrr, and last night, he tried to get himself some boobie grabbing in and I about balled up and died it hurt so bad. He says, "Oh c'mon! It can't hurt THAT bad!" I just glared at him and told him he's going to have to find his very gentle setting, or get absolutely no boobie grabbing for the next few months.

I think, really, that men just don't get it, at least some of them. They don't know what its like to bleed for several days once a month, so they certainly don't know what its like to NOT bleed, bloat up by 2 pant sizes, have boobs that ache so bad it hurts to look at them, feel the need to cry every time you turn around, experience cramping and then start to worry, have vivid nightmares that are so realistic that you wake up hyperventilating... Why would they understand?! All they had to do was the fun part. And if you wanted the baby more than he did, he's going to expect you to grin and bear it, because, after all, you WANTED this.

So you stand in the luke-warm shower crying because you married a man and wishing that by some stroke of luck you'll wake up and you're picture-perfect, incredibly sensitive and empathetic husband will be bringing you breakfast in bed, because he got up 2 hours early to clean the house and take care of your 2 year old, just because he wanted you to get in a bit of extra rest, because he knows what a toll this tiny little poppyseed of a baby is taking on your body and he just wants to help out!



By the second trimester last time, my DH was better about the being supportive part, and I felt less like I had made a massive mistake in letting him knock me up. I'm hoping for the same this time around, especially after he sees the LO on the ultrasound.

 

[letia659]

my husband has his own mood swings some days he comes home and tells me to go take a nap and he picks up the house does some laundry and even cooks supper then other days he comes home ranting about why the living room looks like a tornado went through it (we have a 16 month old son!) and why couldnt I just get up and do something but I think those days he works so hard he doesnt want to come home to a mess so I understand but still tell him I do what I can and most days all I can do is take care of Zander and the house does suffer but he was so happy on the phone earlier today since I told him I was feeling so good today with some actual energy!! so I am cleaning the house and gonna make supper since he has been decent most days

 

[daddiesgift]

I dont think its hormones! Sometimes hormones make us act and feel unrational and your feelings are pretty rational! Id be pretty pissed at him! Hes a big boy he can make his own meal and help you too! When I had ms husband would just say "want me to go pick something up?" never cooked lol. He was pretty good for the most part I was SICK flu and virus back to back as well as morning sickness and since I was first trimester doc wouldnt give me anything so I was really out of it! I have to say the house wasnt very clean at that point

My husband is pretty supportive and understanding, I make him read things about my pregnancy and how im feeling so I dont have to tell him he can just gage it! I do hate when I say fears or worries to my husband and he says "ah women give birth everyday..do this everyday..blah blah" Id rather him just say "Yeah I can see how that would be pretty scary. Or I see how that would worry you" instead of saying its no biggie cause its done everyday! I even told him that no matter how much I work out or how much baby weight I loose your body never goes back to EXACTLY how it was (not that he would even care but still I DO!) and he seriously compared me to "stars'. "Oh come on you can do it dont worry stars do it all the time!" YEAH cause they have millions, personal trainers, make up artists ect. Id look pretty darn amazing if I had all that too!

 

[giggly_gurl88]

My DH is NOT supportive at all. All he does is complain that he busts his butt at work for 12 hours everyday for this family and he should come home to a clean house and dinner. He told me that I should not be asking him to do stuff for me all the time because that makes him NOT want to do stuff for me..uggh I too am questioning whether or not we are going to stay together.

 

[katlin]

This time around, though... he absolutely didn't even react when I told him I was pregnant again. He didn't so much as crack a smile or shrug! He's not mad about it or anything, but its like he just doesn't care! So frustrating! I'm starting to get the fatigue again, and by 8pm I'm downright dragging, but its not like he hopped out of bed this morning to take care of DS's breakfast! Nope... left that for me, and DH slept in until 10!

Grrrr, and last night, he tried to get himself some boobie grabbing in and I about balled up and died it hurt so bad. He says, "Oh c'mon! It can't hurt THAT bad!" I just glared at him and told him he's going to have to find his very gentle setting, or get absolutely no boobie grabbing for the next few months.

Thats insane you should put your foot down n give him the biggest butt kick hes ever gotten theres no reason for him to be sleeping while your up taking care of your son alone and if you are it should be a thing were you alternate days to sleep in that way no one is being left to do it all the time.

N the boobie thing woop his ass n tell that man if he touches your noonies your gunna woop his but to the couch then he can touch all the soft stuff he wants it just wont be you.



When i told hubby bout the dinner thing were even though cooking is making your tummies ill he just about shat himself. My hubby has had 1 meal cooked by me in the last 8 weeks because he knows that if i cook it i cant eat it and he understands that i need to eat and he needs to eat even if im not the one cooking it. Even if its just them helping with the meal, i honestly cant understand going through what your going through but i really think ladies that you need to lay down the law with these selfish men and you need to talk to them and make them see that your not just bitching and moaning even if you have to get a doctor to back you up on the points your making.

N im sorry if my wording upsets some of you i am just so angry that so many men can be so disrespectful to the women bearing thier children i dont think its right.

 

[giggly_gurl88]

Thank you for wording that so nicely! I feel the same but DH is sooo stuobborn and he just pops off at the mouth when I try to talk to him. Telling me that he has a stomach ache sometimes but he doesnt stay home from work and lay around all day..uuuggghhh i want to smack him!

 

[aley28]

Thats insane you should put your foot down n give him the biggest butt kick hes ever gotten theres no reason for him to be sleeping while your up taking care of your son alone and if you are it should be a thing were you alternate days to sleep in that way no one is being left to do it all the time.

N the boobie thing woop his ass n tell that man if he touches your noonies your gunna woop his but to the couch then he can touch all the soft stuff he wants it just wont be you.

He did have a massive migraine yesterday and was visibly miserably yucky feeling, so I cut him a bit of slack... but if he keeps doin' it... On the days he's working, I take my son to his room, close his door, put some of his blankies on the floor and nap while he plays with his blocks. Couple days ago, he played for like two hours and I felt much better!

Beyond that... DH and I split the cooking dinner 50/50. He cooks on his days off, and I cook when he's working. My "cooking" in the next few weeks might include a lot of frozen pizza and take-out... but he doesn't care so long as his tummy is full.