Is anyone here an unemployed mum to be?

[anti]

Not sure where Im meant to put this thread but thought I'd try here...

Just wanted to find out if there are any unemplyed mums to be who are wholy supported by the OH's and do not get any state benefit, etc.

I thinking of leaving work because I hate it so so much! Only been here 3 months - If I leave now I will not get Mat pay or Mat Allowance because I wasn't working for 6 months before this job. We have a loan on a car still to pay off and we owe my mum some money coz she paid for my OH to have his back op earlier this year. other than that - its just usual rent and bills etc. OH's wage is never the same coz he's a self employed contractor. Obviously im concerned about money worries but OH says I should just leave here and that we will be ok. We managed for 6 months when I wasnt working so I know we can do it again - and after bubs is born I wouldnt come back to work anyway - but I was banking on a bit of Maternity allowance to keep paying the loan on the car - coz every bit helps! but now Im not sure anymore - im beginning to think its not worth the stress. I have arguements everyday at work - I hate it so much and it depresses me!

Any views or encourangement?!

 

[bumpbear]

I used to be a career woman, but emigrated to the US with DH last year because he got a promotion and it made financial sense to make the move. I had to give up work, and since my ten year work history and educational background has no relevance or worth in the US, I decided that rather than start from scratch, I would just enjoy my time here (we don't plan to settle long term).

It was a huge adjustment to lose my independence and become 'a kept woman' as you dont realise how important it is to have your own earnings. I still feel guilty whenever i spend money on myself, even uf its not excessive and tell DH every time i purchase something. Previously i would have gone to town with my own pay check and not even thought to tell him that i'd been on a shopping spree!

Now that I am pregnant, I can't imagine going back to work until the kids are school age. Running a house and bringing up kids is a big job in itself and the difference in our home life is amazing with me being home all the time. Having no work stress is a kind of bliss in itself, abd the chores are always done so when he gets home, we can just chill together and enjoy couple time, soon to be family time. I do volunteer 3 afternoons per week to keep my brain ticking over though and to keep a separate life just for me too. I would go spare if I didn't have that. I cant say that i miss working, though the fun office banter and day to day friendships with colleagues is surprisingly a big loss. you don't realise how much they add to your life. Now, if I want to be sociable, I have to organise lunches and dinners etc so keeping in touch with people and having basic social interaction is harder (but doable if you prioritize it). You will also have to learn to put up with comments from other women who think you're letting the side down by being a housewife. Even my mum comments that she didn't invest thousands in my education for me to be a lady that lunches. You have to learn to brush these comments off and not let them bother you.

So, if you can manage it financially, I wouldn't knock being a stay at home wife.

I do wonder if it will all be bunny rabbits and rainbows when I'm confined to the house a lot more with the baby in a few months time.

 

[berry26]

It's a tough one, but if I was in your situation I would try and stay to get atleast some maternity pay. It may be hard but then atleast you will have a little money coming in.

I didn't have a choice my contract ended in January with one job then I got a jobin a school but it was only a temp contract and I fell pregnant just before the end! And then it was summer holidays and I had an option to go back but it would have been with a slightly agressive child and I was worried about being hit and kicked so I didn't. So yes I am currently unemployed! Just hubby's wage coming in, which is good but with a mortgage on this house and we have to top up our other rented propertys mortgage too! and then bills and my car (he has a company car) and paying his dad back and credit cards etc......and we need to buy baby stuff and are decorating haha, few! It is bloody hard work! And if I could work right now I would!

Sorry not sure if I was any help! But thats my situation lol

 

[thelioncub]

It's a real tricky one!
I'm torn between saying, can you stick it out for another 3 months so that you at least have a bit of Mat pay to fall back on, but also appreciate that sometimes the stress isn't worth it. I think the hardest thing must be because you don't know exactly how much your OH brings home each month.

Perhaps it'd help to sit down and take a proper look at how much you need minimum each month to cover everything, and then compare that to how much he has brought home on the lowest-paid months. This would be useful for him to also see so he knows the absolute minimum he needs to earn each month (doing this has helped my husband who is also self-employed) and it might motivate him more..

Is there anything you can do at work to make life easier? Someone you can speak to, something you can change to make it more bearable?

If it were me, I would probably try and hold out for that extra bit of pay, and keep myself sane by reminding myself WHY I am doing it. BUT - I don't know just HOW bad work is for you, so it's much easier for me to say that.

Good luck lady.

 

[Reno]

It sounds like your job may be a bit too stressful for you right now! You need to weigh it up against the stress of worrying about money and see which one is more important to you! I get super stressed when our budget is stretched so I was planning on being at home and just earning a bit of money working from home to top up DHs wage! I had previously been studying, so we were used to living on the one wage!

When I was about 6 weeks I got a studentship offer to do post grad research (after previously being told I hadn't got a place)! I am working/studying 9-5 now and it is tough enough having to get out of bed in the morning never mind having to face housework when we both get home from busy days! Plus I get paid quarterly, so it is a long old wait in between pay checks! I am not earning as much as I would in a job, but it is less stressful than the pressure you would get at work!!

It is hard to know what to recommend, because there are positives and negatives to both of your options! It's great that you have a positive OH who is encouraging you! There would be nothing worse than being told you have to stay at a job you hate just to bring in the money!

Can you think of anything you can do at home to earn a bit of extra money? Maybe making things and selling them online or doing ironing for neighbors etc? Might be a good compromise! Either way you probably shouldnt stay in your current job for too much longer if things don't improve - not worth the stress!

Hope something there helps and good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

 

[LilianA]

I left my job when I got married and I really do miss it! it is nice to be able to stay with the kids and not have to put them in daycare and stuff like that but if you could at least stay the 6 months to get the mat pay then I am sure you will be happy you did that when time comes.
I hated my job as well but having a second environment to go to and people to see and something different to talk about with OH, and ofcourse most importantly money you earn..all of those I miss so badly..I have been trying to find a job for years now but the economy has been terrible and I haven't had any luck.

 

[RaspberryB]

It is hard to say without knowing more about your work and how stressed you feel but if at all possible, I'd really really try and stick it out for another 3 months (or however long you need to qualify for MA). Maternity allowance is £128 ish per week and you get it for 39 weeks so that is a total of nearly £5000 extra plus whatever you make in the next 3 months. To me, that would really be worth gritting your teeth and carrying on at work especially as your OH is self employed.

Like thelioncub said, is there something you can do to make work better? What are the arguments about, can you keep your head down and try and stay out of them?

 

[anti]

Thanks for all your opinions. Think Im gotta sit down and have a proper discussion with OH tonight - I know he keeps saying that I should just quit but I need to sit down with him and talk it all through properly. Really dont think I can do another 3 months of this. Been here 3 months now and Its been too much to handle. I was thinking of making things and selling on ebay and clearing out junk around the house and sell on ebay. Im running out of junk around the house though coz thats what I did when I wasn't working earlier this year - all that money went to pay off credit cards etc. so that really helped.
But on the other hand - if I can stick it out till the end of january then I should be able to claim maternity allowance (i think) and when I think of it - that doesnt sound bad - coz its christmas next month so that always goes quick - then its only one more month. argh! decisions decisions!

 

[bumpbear]

If money is going to be that much of a struggle, I'd stick it out til I qualified for the maternity allowance. It's a big risk to lose that much cash if a slight dip in your partners earnings would be disastrous for your overall finances. On the other hand, I don't know how bad your work situation is, and if it is affecting you physically, your health must come first.

 

[RaspberryB]

Have you got any holiday owing that you could take as well to reduce the time you are there? Maybe a bit of time off ill?? i know that is a bit unethical but if they are making your time there that bad then they can't be surprised if you need a bit of time off for stress!

I find it helps to break things down, just see if you can make it till end November. Then when that is done, see if you can make it till Christmas as the money would be really handy around then. After Christmas, see how you feel and see if you can do another bit. Don't think of it in one block!

Good luck and i hope things improve at work so it isn't so hard for you.

 

[thelioncub]

Have you worked out the exact date you would need to work until to be eligible for maternity pay? That's the first thing to do. Then look at how many actual working days there are until then - like you said.. Christmas and New Year will be in there, and for us the week leading up to Christmas is always the nicest time because everyone relaxes and the mood is just generally better. The same goes for that first week in Jan, because people are still in the 'holiday place'. I guess you haven't been there long enough to know if this is the case for your workplace, but it could be!
Have you got any holiday days you can take to trim down the actual days you are in work?
It's a really hard one to balance, but hopefully this is a starting point so that you can make your decision with all the facts in place.

 

[anti]

Im a temp worker so I dont get holidays! I've booked 8 December off for my midwife appointment though - so thats only 2 full weeks away (and 2 half weeks!) and obviously christmas and new year goes quickly. then the first week in jan is a short one - and then there's only 3 full weeks after that. I'll work out exactly when I have to work up until to qualify for maternity allowance and then take it from there I guess. My current contract is up on 5 December but I think they might extend it - will hopefully find out next week. and then that will be for another 4 weeks - then hopefully only one more contract extension before I can leave. Im gonna keep looking at it in very small chunks. Thanks ladies - you've all come up with some fantastic ideas for me! In the mean time I might try sell some stuff on ebay to see if it works so I know for when Im off looking after bubs.