Is it cruel???

[kittykat7210]

Sorry for a strange post, but until now I never thought anything of it, our daughter stayed in our room for 6 months after she was born, after this she was put in her own room. I always shut the door completely as my daughter can’t sleep with light. Since she’s got older and is now in a toddler bed, I still shut the door completely but there’s a baby gate in the room to stop her accessing the door and getting out. Now number 2 is on the way at some point we will move her into the bigger room but this doesn’t have the ability to have a baby gate so she will be able to get out and fall down the stairs/access the kitchen and the front door (which she can unlock herself and open) which we don’t think she is ready for. I thought about putting a lock (more of a mini deadbolt) on her door so she can’t get out and hurt herself however when I googled this the sites I looked at seemed to think it was cruel! She has never seemed distressed by not being able to get out (never rattled the gate or banged on the wall or screamed for help) she even tends to stay in her bed until we open the door in the morning! So do you think it’s cruel? Or justified? Or just normal parenting?

 

[3boys]

I have a baby gate on the top of our stairs so our little kids can’t go downstairs. I’d feel uncomfortable locking them into their bedroom but that’s just me x x

 

[missielibra]

No, I wouldn't call it cruel, but I know I wouldn't be able to do it. Usually with a deadbolt, you're able to open the door a little bit and I'd be terrified of the little fingers getting caught in there.

But what about the door of the new room makes it so you can't have a baby gate? We have some "strange" doorways in our house, and we've been able to find, they make a gate now for almost every situation! (at least where I live)

 

[kittykat7210]

No, I wouldn't call it cruel, but I know I wouldn't be able to do it. Usually with a deadbolt, you're able to open the door a little bit and I'd be terrified of the little fingers getting caught in there.

But what about the door of the new room makes it so you can't have a baby gate? We have some "strange" doorways in our house, and we've been able to find, they make a gate now for almost every situation! (at least where I live)

the door frame isn’t wide enough to put a baby gate on, and the room is perfectly rectangular so unless I gate the entire length of the room it isn’t possible!

 

[kittykat7210]

I have a baby gate on the top of our stairs so our little kids can’t go downstairs. I’d feel uncomfortable locking them into their bedroom but that’s just me x x

the stairs are the wrong shape/too close to doors to put them on and that annoyingly still gives her access to the bathroom! (And the new baby’s room)

 

[Bevziibubble]

I would worry if they couldn't get out in the event of a fire or illness etc.

 

[missielibra]

the door frame isn’t wide enough to put a baby gate on, and the room is perfectly rectangular so unless I gate the entire length of the room it isn’t possible!

How small is it? We have a very narrow one too, I used Regalo Easy Step Stairway gate, it goes to 29 inches. And we also have a summer infant retractable gate for a weird door/not door in the basement, there's no minimum narrowness for it. Could be 10 inches.

I hope you can find a situation that works for you

 

[kittykat7210]

How small is it? We have a very narrow one too, I used Regalo Easy Step Stairway gate, it goes to 29 inches. And we also have a summer infant retractable gate for a weird door/not door in the basement, there's no minimum narrowness for it. Could be 10 inches.

I hope you can find a situation that works for you

sorry I think there was a misunderstanding, width of door is not a problem, the width of the door frame is only 2cm with the door shut so there’s no way to put a gate on it!

 

[kittykat7210]

I would worry if they couldn't get out in the event of a fire or illness etc.

In the event of a fire Me or my husband would get her out, we have a carbon monoxide alarm and fire alarm on every floor All connected so if one goes off they all go off within 10 seconds. I’m not sure why she’d need to get out for illness anyway, she wouldn’t take herself to the toilet anyway, she’s too little! Obviously once she’s old enough not to play with knives, not to need nappies and not to go out the front door I wouldn’t use it it’s just for the meantime if that makes sense!

 

[kittykat7210]

Also does anyone know when the best time to move her would be? Baby would be staying with us for 6 months anyway but I don’t want her to feel like the baby is kicking her out of her room?

 

[missielibra]

sorry I think there was a misunderstanding, width of door is not a problem, the width of the door frame is only 2cm with the door shut so there’s no way to put a gate on it!

Haha, yes sorry I misunderstood! Oh but in that case you can get those little "box gates?"


Like this one? To just kinda - even if she opens the door she cant get out?

I would probably change her before the baby arrives? That way she doesn't associate the move with the baby? Because I think if you move her when the sibling is there, she might think this is why? But that's just my opinion! That way maybe, it would give a delay between her new room and you guys doing the new nursery, so she doesn't feel like she was moved so the new baby could get her room??

 

[kittykat7210]

Haha, yes sorry I misunderstood! Oh but in that case you can get those little "box gates?"

View attachment 1071294
Like this one? To just kinda - even if she opens the door she cant get out?

I would probably change her before the baby arrives? That way she doesn't associate the move with the baby? Because I think if you move her when the sibling is there, she might think this is why? But that's just my opinion! That way maybe, it would give a delay between her new room and you guys doing the new nursery, so she doesn't feel like she was moved so the new baby could get her room??

ooh that’s a good idea! It might have to go inside the room but we might be able to make that work!

 

[Rags]

I think I'd be more likely to put a better lock on the outside door and just go with closing her door and if she comes out letting her have access to the rest of the house - maybe put a gate at the kitchen door if this is a worry? Ds is 9 now (already!!) but he always had free run of the house - he couldn't reach the outside door lock and I had a gas cooker so a gate at the kitchen. He only ever went between his room and mine, never even went into the living room or toilet without letting me know.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Yes you're going to hear the " oh my god how could you stories"... do what works for YOU! There us a difference between safety and abuse/neglect. Safety is a lock on the front door to make sure child cant get out. Abuse/neglect is being trapped in a room with no way out and no access to anything for an extended amount of time.

You do you momma!

 

[kittykat7210]

Problem is my daughter is so independent she wouldn’t care about coming to see me she’d be downstairs with her toys/opening the fridge/freezer and eating whatever she could get her hands on! Or running herself a bath (she loves baths)

my main issue is we aren’t on the same floor (3 story house) and so much could happen to her without us knowing about it, I just don’t think I could sleep knowing she could get out and hurt herself or worse! It’s all coming from a loving place, it took so long and with many losses to conceive her I just wouldn’t be able to handle it if my negligence (by letting her out of her room unsupervised so young) caused her harm or death! She’s only just turned 2 and even though she’s good on the stairs she gets too excited sometimes and can slip. She loves baths and can turn on taps and get into the bath by herself (not that I usually let her)

I’m sorry that people think I’m being cruel but I just want to protect her!

The moment we hear her wake up in the morning we go get her, and she goes to bed no problem, but sometimes she does wake up during the night, 9 times out of 10 she goes back to sleep herself, other times I’ve found her talking to herself by the baby gate, had I been asleep and she had free reign of the house goodness knows what she could have gotten up to!

 

[Rags]

It's an interesting situation and one that we all come at from different routes so its important to do what's right for you. Personally I'd look at each of the things I'm worried about and address those first - a lock/snib on the bathroom door, a gate on the kitchen or child locks on the fridge and cupboards, a gate at the stairs on her level... How you eventually decide to approach this will be right for you and your family, I personally wouldn't put a lock/snib on the outside of anyone's room but you might decide that this is right for you.

 

[IchigoMewMew]

the stairs are the wrong shape/too close to doors to put them on and that annoyingly still gives her access to the bathroom! (And the new baby’s room)

Could you fit a stair gate in the hallway between her bedroom and the bathroom/stairs?

 

[swedengirl]

So I have to say at first thought I thought locking the door sounded a bit too far. BUT if I think about my DD who is almost two. She is in her crib and the door shut. She cannot climb out of her crib nor can she reach the door handle. The same as you as soon as she makes a sound I’m up to get her. So is it any different? No I don’t think so. She has to wait for me to get her. I’d say for now when she is not disturbed by you waiting to get her I think it’s no different to a baby gate, and just see how it goes and if you feel comfortable with it or if she doesn’t.

 

[Babybump87]

I wouldn’t feel comfortable locking my child in a room , fire , illness etc but that’s just me personally. Each to their own.

Is there no way you can do a DIY baby gate ? Ive seen people do their own baby gates using stair spindles ? .

Baby gates need to be made much more versatile! We had the same issue with the top of our stairs couldn’t get one to fit the gap , in the end I just forcefully wedged it in !

 

[Wish2BMom]

My friend had to get a lock for the outside of her son's door to keep him in during his crazy tantrums and a time out - it's called a Door Monkey and you can get it on Amazon. I believe it allows the door to open a little bit (though now watch out for pinched fingers!) and you put it high and on the outside so they can't reach it. I think it's fine too - do what you have to do. Safety first, and until she can navigate stairs or whatever else without you worrying, then you do what you need to do. Lock or gate at the door - if there is a fire, you're getting in there!