is it inconsiderate?

[miel]

don;t know if you remember ...but a coworker of my husband that we became friends with just less then 4 month ago ....well they know the difficulty we are having conceiving ...anyway they became pregnant last month ( after 1 month of TTC for their number 2 ) .

today the husband was showing off his ultrasound pictures etc all around the office and of course to my husband ....

Anyway my husband was a little bit upset about it as this person knows the difficulty we are having and he was having a hard time to look at the ultrasound pictures (of course he said to him congratulastions again etc...)

but my husband was talking to me and ask me if i thought like him if it was inconsiderate of him to show off like that ?

really i don't know ...i do think they have the right to be happy about the pregnancy and i guess people who never being in our shoes ,in our situation having problem ttc ..i guess they don't see the hurt in our eyes ...they don't see what we feel when they are showing off...they just don't realise what we are enduring every single month ...

but are they inconsiderate or it is just us seeing it that way?

 

[chefamy1122]

don;t know if you remember ...but a coworker of my husband that we became friends with just less then 4 month ago ....well they know the difficulty we are having conceiving ...anyway they became pregnant last month ( after 1 month of TTC for their number 2 ) .

today the husband was showing off his ultrasound pictures etc all around the office and of course to my husband ....

Anyway my husband was a little bit upset about it as this person knows the difficulty we are having and he was having a hard time to look at the ultrasound pictures (of course he said to him congratulastions again etc...)

but my husband was talking to me and ask me if i thought like him if it was inconsiderate of him to show off like that ?

really i don't know ...i do think they have the right to be happy about the pregnancy and i guess people who never being in our shoes ,in our situation having problem ttc ..i guess they don't see the hurt in our eyes ...they don't see what we feel when they are showing off...they just don't realise what we are enduring every single month ...
but are they inconsiderate or it is just us seeing it that way?

I think we are just very sensitive about it b/c it is something we want desperately. I got upset with a coworker (who is also a friend) several months back b/c he knows all about my infertility issues, but he still felt the need to show me his 18 year old daughter's (unmarried, high school dropout, never had a job or any responsibility) ultrasound. Now, the daughter is a nice enough girl and so far has been a great mom to the baby, but it was still one of those "are you kidding me" moments.

It will be our time soon

 

[FJL]

It is inconsiderate Miel and the fact is that regular fertile people have absolutely NO idea what we go through and how badly we want this and all of the struggles we face.

Its hard because most people (not all though) don't intentionally mean to hurt us, but they do.

I really hope that your DH will be doing the exact same thing not far from now

 

[Vestirse]

Not intentionally inconsiderate, but inconsiderate nonetheless. People just don't think. I don't understand why not. The world could do with a lot more empathy.

 

[ellie]

Absolutely.

 

[maz]

I would imagine that sometimes the excitement of having a baby causes normally nice people to be a little insensitive towards others having difficulties ttc. Like FJL said, couples who don't experience problems ttc - and I don't mean people who have been trying for less than 6 months with no known problems - have no idea what it's like to be struggling. They can try all they like to empathise with us, but they will still be way off the mark....

Don't worry though - now that your polyp has been removed, it'll be your turn very soon. And think how proud you'll be to be able to show your friends your scan and tell them that it was a long, hard slog, but you got there in the end...

 

[Mynxie]

It depends... if it was thrust in his face yes, blatently inconsiderate. If he was asked sincerely if he'd like to see the pic (sincerely being that the person asking guenuinely wouldn't be offended if he said no thank you and understood why) that's different.

It sounds more like the first senario though?

 

[tracybirduk]

I have a slightly different take on this..shoot me if its wrong!
But I have had two friends announce their pregnancies to me yesterday...two in one day! And they were both worried about telling me, but I AM PLEASED FOR THEM and cant wait to have a cuddle with the respective babies. I get upset when my friends are worried as I want them to be happy as i know i will be when that pink line finally shows up. I suppose I dont want to be offy cause when it finally happens to me I want to shout it from the rooftops. I must admit I get quite 'closed down' around my niece once in a while as looking at her cuts straight through my heart, but no-one would ever notice as I cover it well. Hope this ramble makes sense, suppose im saying that the world carries on and i would rather be part of it than shy away
Tracy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mer01]

sweetie i think it is very inconsiderate especially as they know what your going through. sending you and oh big virtual



xxx

 

[CareBear]

I agree with Maz and JFL I think people get so excited they forget and are without meaning to inconsiderate. I really hope now that polpy is removed Miel you get that BFP soon

 

[Tilly]

I think it's because you're not pregnant that you both feel more sensitive. I doubt he meant to upset your husband. It can put people in a hard position as they don't always know what you're going through/how it feels, unless they've been there themselves.

Your husband is not wrong to feel upset though!

 

[Trying4ever]

Well I think it is rather strange for a guy to be showing US pics at work....I just have never heard of a guy flaunting something like that.....in fact, I have nevr seen a woman showing her US pics.....maybe to a v close frend.....these are personal pics to the happy couple and I really dont think I would do that even when (fingers crossed) it does happen for us one day!! Maybe they had problems too and thats why he is so happy to show them? Or maybe he really was being inconsiderate and deliberately showed them?.....or as its been said, people that dont have problems conceiving will never know the hurt that little comments and actions can give.......

Once when I was giving blood for one of my fertility tests the nurse said 'don't worry your still young, it will happen for you quick'.........i wanted to scream and shout and say that at 30 yrs and trying for over 2 years she had NO idea what I was going through and it felt like it would never happen for me........mayb i was being oversensitive?

 

[miel]

they never have any problems..got pregnant with number 1 after 2 month of ttc and now the second one after one month...

now that i think about it ..i think it was really not nice of him do that ...as my husband describe me the way he did ...( showing his picture front of my husband nose and saying...SO? can you see my baby ? )...and they do know how hard it's being for us and they did know i just had my polyp remove 15 days ago...

may be i should just show him my polyp picture !!! and tell him SO ? do you see where my possible problem of not concieve is coming from?

 

[diva4180]

You guys aren't being oversensitive at all, it wasn't cool of him AT ALL to have been waving it around, especially since he knows about what you both are going through . Huge, huge

 

[Vestirse]

Very very not cool. Didn't realize he just shoved it in his face - that's horrible. There's a girl at my workplace that's been trying for years - told me about starting TTC 2 years ago. She doesn't know I'm TTC yet (actually want to tell her, but don't want to offend because I've only been at it for eight months), but I could never see myself doing something so tasteless if I were to get pregnant before her. I actually really hope she'll get pregnant before me, it's only fair. Hate the fact that fair doesn't really factor into this though for both of us.

Do you want to try to salvage the friendship by telling them how much it hurt you? Or just not see them anymore? I wouldn't blame you either way.

 

[miel]

well he is a coworker of my husband ( and both him and my husband just started in october in the compagny ) so we just start our "friendship " so to speak...i don;t mine them but i just don't see myself getting super close to them right now specially with their pregnancy news and how it was handle...but i don't want a break up either ...

they wanted to do something with us this week end (again..they are the type of people who call you all the time until you do something with them...) but my husband explained him that right now we are just not in a space for doing so as we want to just regroup the 2 of us ...it' being a long 18months of ttc for us ...and i can't not face his wife pregnancy belly right now...i just can't ...nothing to do with them but just the situation...

hopefully they will understand...i think we just keep a friendly distant for now...

 

[Vestirse]

I think that's a good idea. You seem to be handling this so well. Had it been me, I might have made several nasty calls I'd later regret.

You have every right to feel as you are feeling. I'm hoping you get your long-awaited BFP this cycle!

 

[littlestar]

I Totally sympathise chick, when i found out my brother and his girlfriend were expecting, my brother in law(who is also expecting his first with his gf) piped up with the comment 'i bet nic(me) isn't happy!'

knowing we were trying i thought it was insensitive and nearly blew my top stating why wouldn't I be happy, but he was being over-sensitive towards me,(took me two days of anger to work it out though) what he meant was i bet i was upset as we'd been trying and it wasn't us, so i replied it will be our turn eventually.

As it turned out my brother and his girlfriend had been trying for a year and although i'd suspected they were trying it was a planned baby and i'm totally thrilled for them, i know that they will be thrilled for us when it's our turn.

however they are still over sensitive towards me sometimes even though i will accompany them baby shopping etc and look at their nursery and stuff. i guess through their excitement they also have some consideration to how it must make me feel - trust me when i say i find this take equally annoying! they almost treat me like i should be wrapped in cotton wool!

I guess what i'm trying to say is as Conceiving is something we all want so badly - we do become a little more aware of the sensitiveness of the issue, and no matter what we say or do; those that do know about our issues will never quiet get it right, they're either too abrupt and senseless towards you engrossed in their own overwhelming excitement or to the other extreme where they feel you might shatter like a crystal glass if you mention the word baby or pregnancy.

&

 

[miel]

very well said ..thank you
[/QUOTE]
I guess what i'm trying to say is as Conceiving is something we all want so badly - we do become a little more aware of the sensitiveness of the issue, and no matter what we say or do; those that do know about our issues will never quiet get it right, they're either too abrupt and senseless towards you engrossed in their own overwhelming excitement or to the other extreme where they feel you might shatter like a crystal glass if you mention the word baby or pregnancy.

& [/QUOTE]

 

[BizyBee]

Now that you clarified, I agree that it was pretty insensitive. I understand why he was so excited and wanted to show off the US, but to rub it in your husband's face was absolutely unnecessary!