Is it wrong to put a boy in a dress?

[raychmumtobe]

Nope. Its an item of clothing. It isn't child abuse or cruel. Its an outfit.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

like kala said: my son wants to wear his onsie ALL day but I dont let him if we go out?!

 

[smelly07]

If i had a boy i wouldnt put him in a dress - it wouldnt even enter my mind HOWEVER if he wanted to wear a dress and asked to at whatever age i would let him - its not 'wrong' imo

A child age 3 who i looked after wanted to wear dresses and play with princess's and favourite colour was pink and purple at pre-school he played with the girls and would put on a princess dress as soon as he got in - his parents dressed him like a boy would try to force him in a way to like and do 'boy' things and he became quiet/withdrawn/emotional/unhappy - after discussing with us and proffesionals his parents decided to let him be him (with compromise i.e school uniform)- and he has become the most happy confident little boy - my daughter has been asked to be his sisters buddy at his birthday party and when i asked what he was in to his mum said 'barbies' i thought it was great

parents choice = wrong
childs choice = right

children should be able to express themselves both my daughters have t-shirts and jumpers from boy sections in shops because they liked them - i have no issue with it.

 

[Randianne]

I don't think I'd use the word wrong. It may not be appropriate at a young age because they don't fully understand the consequences. The boy may think it's a pretty or comfortable dress, but other people will see it as a social or political statement regardless of who is wearing it. I'm all for breaking gender stereotypes, but it needs to be done by older teens and adults. There is no need to subject a child to the backlash from it. If he wants to express himself, let him do it at home.

 

[robinator]

Honestly yes. I think that sometimes when people push the boundaries its about them rather then the child so allowing a boy to wear a dress everyday wear is not fair to me.

Children need a certain amount of boundaries and as parents its our job to take control sometimes and say no. River would happily wear her pjs out all day but I don't let her because its not ok.

Well said. Why risk your child getting made fun of or bullied just to prove how progressive you are?

 

[pinklightbulb]

^ Absolutely this.

 

[tina3747]

Where do you draw the line though when a child wants to do something??

What about wearing pyjamas and a dressing gown out? They cover up, keep them warm enough and nothing's on show as they would be with regular clothes... It just isnt right!?

I saw a programme once, I think it was about 'Free parenting' basically where the child is allowed to do whatever they want, the parent just says of the consequences ect but let's them get on with it.
The children were sleeping on the stair landing because they wanted to, ate chocolate for breakfast, didn't bathe ect . No choice would be made for them.
I couldn't help but think that rather than making them into confident future adults (which was my understanding of the lifestyle) it was more likely setting them up for a fall where at some point in their lives they will have to conform to some rules and boundaries .

Slightly on a tangent there but what I'm trying to say is what's wrong with a little guidance while they're young, I think it's the teenage years where they need to start shaping themselves and pushing limits when old enough to understand what they're ultimately doing.
I think I've explained myself properly, it is early!

 

[smelly07]

Lets face it there is not a lot of boys who would want to wear a dress but if there is then their could be other reasons why - not allowing them could be just as damaging

seeing little girls run around dressed as batman or a super hero no one bats an eye but someone see's a boy dressed as cinderella shock horror.

i agree its 100% wrong when influenced by parents.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Honestly yes. I think that sometimes when people push the boundaries its about them rather then the child so allowing a boy to wear a dress everyday wear is not fair to me.

Children need a certain amount of boundaries and as parents its our job to take control sometimes and say no. River would happily wear her pjs out all day but I don't let her because its not ok.

Well said. Why risk your child getting made fun of or bullied just to prove how progressive you are?

Totally agree, people make so much of a point about gender stereotypes that they make it worse and fuss over something that was never there to start with.

 

[vaniilla]

If it's not the norm then it's wrong. Here local men wear long dresses, it's the traditional costume & they wear it all the time. It's not wrong as it's the norm

If it's culturally acceptable within a society then it should be fine, but to dress a boy in a dress to prove a point when it's culturally unacceptable then it's wrong IMO.

This is what I was going to say unless it's the norm in a place then no I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to subject my son to the prejudices of others.

 

[freckleonear]

No, it is not wrong to allow a boy to wear a dress. Obviously it would be wrong to force them to! My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

What is most definitely wrong is the way our society imposes gender stereotypes on very young children. I've just been studying the effects of gender stereotypes on children at uni and, although it's an issue I was passionate about before, even I was shocked and horrified at some of the stuff we looked at. Before they are even school aged they are brainwashed into thinking that boys and girls behave differently, which has an effect on their education, career and life opportunities as they get older.

Ever noticed how in toy catalogues the default option is blue/red and then the pink alternative is shown in the background? Why do we need to have a girls' version of toys that were fine in the first place? Why are girls' and boys' toys in separate shelves or aisles in the shops? Why do toys send a very strong message that boys should be active and making things, whilst girls should be caring and nurturing?

Why do we assign particular colours to a gender, long before children are old enough to choose what colours they like?

https://www.jeongmeeyoon.com/images/blue/Jake%20and%20His%20Blue%20Things_m.jpg

https://www.jeongmeeyoon.com/images/pink/Dayeun%20and%20Her%20Pink%20Things_m.jpg

Why do girls believe they are cleverer than boys by the age of 4? Why do boys believe that girls are cleverer and better behaved by the age of 7? Why is it okay for girls to play with boys' toys or dress up as male characters, but if a boy does the same then concerns are raised? Why does the language used in advertising reinforce the idea that girls and boys behave in very different ways?

https://www.achilleseffect.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/wordle-BoysToys-sm.png

https://www.achilleseffect.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/wordle-GirlsToys-sm.png

I fail to see why letting a child wear age and weather appropriate clothing can possibly be wrong.

 

[fantastica]

That was a pretty interesting post Freckleonear, thanks!

 

[smelly07]

freckleonear - exactly what i was trying to say in a round about way !!

 

[Bevziibubble]

It's only 'wrong' because society says it's wrong. If society wasn't bothered then I'm sure children would be able to wear anything they wanted without fear of ridicule

 

[robinator]

It's only 'wrong' because society says it's wrong. If society wasn't bothered then I'm sure children would be able to wear anything they wanted without fear of ridicule

I agree. But it is societal, and that's why parents need to set boundaries.

 

[Bevziibubble]

It's only 'wrong' because society says it's wrong. If society wasn't bothered then I'm sure children would be able to wear anything they wanted without fear of ridicule

I agree. But it is societal, and that's why parents need to set boundaries.

Very true

 

[robinator]

No, it is not wrong to allow a boy to wear a dress. Obviously it would be wrong to force them to! My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Up until the middle of the 20th century, colors were flipflopped, and it was the norm to dress boys in pink; acceptable by society. Then it changed and now pink is for girls; acceptable by society. So when society deems it acceptable to dress my future boy like Strawberry Shortcake, in pink lace and ruffles, then I'll do it. Until then, me and my narrow mindedness are going to to do all we can to ensure my child doesn't face unnecessary ridicule.

 

[freckleonear]

Society is never going to change if stereotypes continue to be reinforced at such a young age. I prefer to give my children the freedom to be themselves, knowing that it will help them to become accepting of people who are different. It is not wrong for a boy to wear a dress, it is wrong for someone to mock him. Why is the focus on what the boy is wearing, rather than on teaching children not to be unkind?

Would you dress your daughter in blue? I'm sure most people would. So why would you not dress your son in pink? Why is it that boys' clothing is so much more constrained by societal norms than girls' clothing? Why is it okay for a girl to be a tomboy, but not okay for a boy to show more feminine traits?

 

[BlueHadeda]

I believe that a child needs his parents guidance in almost everything. From what is right and wrong (killing/harming people vs being kind) to what we believe (our religion) to what is acceptable in our culture (cultural practices), etc. I don't see it wrong to raise my children in OUR culture, OUR religion, OUR society, OUR norms, and form them accordingly to that.

One of the things that's also being influenced by parents, is their child's gender-identity. You can choose to try and influence this, or you can choose to do "nothing" (letting the child decide everything for himself). By doing "nothing", you are still choosing an action. You choose to not form the child. It will be your choice. I don't choose that. Just as I prefer to raise my children in my language, I prefer to raise my children as gender-based. It's things I choose for my child. Decisions I make for him/her, until they're old enough to decide. It does not mean they will be intolerable of gender-less people, or people that cross-dress, etc. It means that they themselves, will be happy and secure in what they were raised as. Obviously, if my child becomes a teenager and then decide that they're not who they want to be, I'll support them with whatever decisions they make. But for the period age 3-5, when gender-identity forms, I WILL influence my children to be the gender they're supposed to be accordinly to their genitalia. And unfortunately, gender-clothing is part of that, because that's part of society and culture. And I want my kids to be part of society AND our culture. So no, I will most definitely NOT buy my son a dress, even if he asks for one. I will not allow him to walk out of the house with payamas, naked or with a dress on. Just as I won't allow my daughter to go panty-less, in inappropriately sexualised clothes for her age or in army-print pants.

I will however, allow them to play dress up at home, so if my son then puts a fairy dress on, I won't care. I also allow my boys to play with their sisters' dolls, and my daughters to play with their brothers' cars. It doesn't bother me in the least. But I won't go and buy my son a doll for christmas, or my daughter a set of army-men.

Just my belief/my opinion!

 

[robinator]

Would you dress your daughter in blue? I'm sure most people would. So why would you not dress your son in pink? Why is it that boys' clothing is so much more constrained by societal norms than girls' clothing? Why is it okay for a girl to be a tomboy, but not okay for a boy to show more feminine traits?

You pose good questions; ones I don't think anyone can answer. All I can say is that over time, these things became the accepted norms. Why? Who knows