Is it wrong to put a boy in a dress?

[LittleBoo]

What's with the sigh? I said my son, or boys in general wearing "girls" clothes. A handful of family members have made strange comments re. my son and some on this thread have been negative about boys wearing "girls" clothes in general. So... ?

Some on this thread are giving their opinion, it was asked and it was given. This is how some feel and there is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong doing what you feel is right for your son. This is a forum there are going to be opinions you may not like, but as long as nobody is rude (Which nobody was) then I don't consider the comments negative .

No no, I don't mind opposing opinions, that's what this place is for. But the little *sigh* from said poster was a little off, more than a little patronising.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I have two boys and would love a girl but I still would never allow Eamon to wear a dress MF It's an interesting question actually.

 

[Jaylynne]

Nope, no dresses here. Never had to think of it with my stepson as he's totally all boy. He tried on his little girl friend's shirts by accident at a pool party and said "ew, too sparkly". If we gave him dolls, they would have battles with superheroes. (my autocorrect on my iPad wanted to say superherpes?!?!). Liam has a few pink and girly toys/teethers but I'd never deliberately buy him a dress. It would never even cross my mind to do so. It's not necessary or appropriate in my opinion. Sure its a different cut of cloth, but so are bras and I wouldnt allow my little girl to wear one as that isnt appropriate either yet. If he wanted to wear one when he's old enough to understand how others may view that decision and make snap judgements about it, then that's another story. But I'm responsible for him now and it's my call.

Other kids can still be brutally honest without being a bully. If they don't like something or think it's odd, they'll just blurt it out. And parents aren't always present to explain everything all the time.

 

[Gen79]

So, according to this article bullies are kids who have high self esteem but feel shame about not living up to their own standards. I suspect these tend to be standards reinforced by parents.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...201010/do-bullies-really-have-low-self-esteem

"Shame has to do with how you think about yourself, and it results from not living up to your own personal standards.... shame makes you feel as though your whole self is bad. A child might experience shame regarding certain things about himself--his appearance, friendships, performance, socio-economic status, or the behavior of family members--if he believes that they don't match up with what he thinks are "good enough" or ideal qualities."


Bullies have high self esteem and victims have low self esteem.
This article talks about building your child's self esteem to combat bullying. And it doesn't say teach them to fit in at all costs.
https://www.freefrombullies.com/articles/Article_4.pdf

"People with high self-esteem can usually shrug off bullying. They
know what the bully is trying to do and either walk away, ignore them or can quieten the bully
with a few well-chosen words."

This one talks about building confidence and self esteem in your children from birth.
https://www.pbs.org/wholechild/parents/glad.html

"You can assist your baby in feeling good about herself by recognizing the unique qualities that she possesses. It's important to pay attention to your baby's temperamental pattern so that your expectations fit her personality."

The point is, those of us who advocate letting children make decisions for themselves where possible, instead of reinforcing unhelpful and possibly dangerous cultural norms are not putting our children at risk of bullying. We're teaching our children that the opinions of bullies don't matter!

In contrast, I do fear that teaching kids to fit in at all costs may create bullies, and even victims.

 

[lozzy21]

You could have a high self esteem but being told something every day for 5 years can wear you down.

 

[LittleBoo]

Two boys here, if we had a baby girl she wouldn't wear a dress until she picked one for herself. Dresses themselves are far too fiddly for me, I don't wear them, my younger son doesn't wear them, he had sleepsuits, leggings, tights, a few pair of cords and t-shirts. Jack only wears them because he loved the look of them at the shops/on his friends.

 

[leannejkl]

so if someone only had boys, and they wore dresses does that not show you bought the desses for the boys to wear, rather then them finding them in sisters room and wanting to wear it..... each to their own, but i feel some do it just to stand out from the crowd personally,

 

[leelee]

Dressing up play, in the house......no.

Out and about, in public......yes!

Ditto to the above!

We had a situation on holiday whereby Max spilt a drink on his top and the only spare item of clothing was a navy summer dress that my friend had in her bag. I put it on him and tucked it into his shorts. It was a situation where I had to choose to let the child be wet or suck it up and put it on him until we got home. No harm done, but it wouldn't be something I would do in an everyday situation.

 

[Jaylynne]

Lol I was thinking about this at work lately. Dresses are a symbol of femininity. They quickly define and separate the sexes. That's why when you go to a public bathroom the stick figures have a dress for a woman and just a straight stick figure for a man. They're universally understood symbols for sorting men and women in today's time.

I think dresses are easier to put on than some tricky boys outfits!

 

[Rainbow82]

I think it's wrong for a parent to put a dress on a boy because the parent thinks it's pretty but I would allow even a 4/5 year old boy to wear a dress outside. The possibility of bullying would worry me but part of me thinks that by stopping a boy wearing the dresses that he wants to protect him is sending the message that I don't want him to wear it because wearing it will make him different and people who are different deserve to be bullied/not protected from bullies. It seems like a pretty irrational jump to think that from an adults point of view but not it isn't really from a child's. Children should be protected no matter what they choose to wear.

 

[Piper84]

Do people do this? Or is it just if the boy asks?

If my LO wanted to put on a dress at home then I'm not gonna stop him or somehow make an issue out of it. If he wanted to go to nursery like that I would gently suggest something else as I don't want him to be the subject of ridicule.

The only two boys I knew growing up who liked to wear dresses did come out as gay later on, but it's not always the case.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My boy asks to wear his dressing up clothes out and also his onsie but I dont really let him, its not practical?!

 

[Foogirl]

I think it's laughable I can dress my daughter entirely in "boys clothes" and no-one bats an eyelid, but that parents of boys can't do the same.

I hate gender stereotypes. I was appalled to hear a father tell a young boy that boys don't do dancing or gymnastics. And some people have real trouble with boys who prefer dolls to cars, but there's no issue that my daughter prefers cars. These social "norms" make no sense.

That said, if I had a boy I wouldn't allow him to wear a dress in public. I spend my life trying to protect my daughter from people staring at her and whispering to each other, I wouldn't want to subject a child to that purposely.

 

[KittyVentura]

Yes, from the view point of the child not choosing it themselves. If either child grew up and wanted to challenge gender stereotypes I'd support them fully. But it would be wrong of me to force it on them and/or use them to fight the battle myself.

I dress them in a socially acceptable manner for their gender without pressing it too firmly. Fin has some neutral girls leggings and cardis but overall he dresses like a boy, without being head to toe blue. Amelia has some boys tops but overall dresses like a girl, without being head to toe pink and frills.

If Fin ASKS to wear something of Amelia's, I let him. So fairy wings, hairbands etc... He wears. He has a baby doll (baby Emma) and pram etc. He chose those. I hope to instill in him a sense of comfort in his own skin and confidence to be whoever he is he's, regardless of gender stereotypes. But, until HE can choose to buy clothes that set him aside from his peers as "different", I will dress him as a boy.

I think it would be just as wrong of me to say "no, you cannot play with that, that is a girls toy" as it would for me to dress him as the opposite gender. Both are unfair extremes. Xx

 

[pinklightbulb]

Looks like I'm in the minority as I wouldn't buy a doll for Eamon much less let him wear a dress :/ Oh, well. It takes all sorts to make the world go around.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I think toys and clothes are different. I don't know why.

My don happily watches peppa pig (he is 8 but mentally about 5) and his fave things are teddys which he dresses up but I wouldn't let him out in public in a dress. He has never asked lol but he gets ridiculed enough without asking for a reason to stand out even more!

 

[torch2010]

I would buy a boy a pram and doll but not a dress, it's just not something I would do. I don't particularly put my girls in dresses either. My youngest wore one on Sunday, probably the third time in 17 months x