Is it wrong to put a boy in a dress?

[NellyLou]

I don't think I'd use the word wrong. It may not be appropriate at a young age because they don't fully understand the consequences. The boy may think it's a pretty or comfortable dress, but other people will see it as a social or political statement regardless of who is wearing it. I'm all for breaking gender stereotypes, but it needs to be done by older teens and adults. There is no need to subject a child to the backlash from it. If he wants to express himself, let him do it at home.

I pretty much completely agree with this. I wouldn't use the word wrong either. If I had a son who wanted to wear a dress I would explain that he can wear a dress all he wants at home until he is old enough to really understand what other people would think of him wearing a dress. It is different if it's more than just wanting to wear a dress. If he is seriously identifying as a female and wants to live as a girl all the time, then I think I would have to support my child and do my best to let him be himself/herself.

 

[Randianne]

My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Do you only take him around friends who will approve? Do you never go out in public? I have friends who approve and friends who would not, but regardless children have to interact with the general public. I'm not talking about wearing pink or purple, I'm talking about a child who is obviously male wearing a dress in public. That is setting him up to be belittled and made fun of.

I agree we need to change gender stereotypes. But using your child to make a statement when you know there can be extremely negative consequences is not right. If he wants to wear dresses, let him do it at home until he is old enough to understand what wearing a dress means. If at that age HE chooses to make a statement, then support him all the way. But when they are young, if you feel strongly about changing stereotypes you need to work to change them yourself.

Wearing a dress itself is not wrong. Intentionally making your child a target for bullies just so you can express your opinion is.

 

[highhopes19]

I wouldn't say its wrong but its not something I would encourage.... If he wanted to wear a dress then that would be different but I would keep it something's that's done indoors.

I just wouldn't want my son to get bullied or made fun x

 

[Gen79]

My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Do you only take him around friends who will approve? Do you never go out in public? I have friends who approve and friends who would not, but regardless children have to interact with the general public. I'm not talking about wearing pink or purple, I'm talking about a child who is obviously male wearing a dress in public. That is setting him up to be belittled and made fun of.

Would you actually allow people to belittle your child right in front of you? I don't think it would actually be very likely to happen. I think what you're actually worried about is what people would think.

I agree we need to change gender stereotypes. But using your child to make a statement when you know there can be extremely negative consequences is not right.

What "extremely negative consequences"? That people might disapprove? Why is that extremely negative?

What people are missing is that it's not about a political agenda. It's about honestly believing that they way people are now is wrong and wanting to raise open minded children rather than closed minded sheep.

 

[freckleonear]

My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Do you only take him around friends who will approve? Do you never go out in public? I have friends who approve and friends who would not, but regardless children have to interact with the general public. I'm not talking about wearing pink or purple, I'm talking about a child who is obviously male wearing a dress in public. That is setting him up to be belittled and made fun of.

I agree we need to change gender stereotypes. But using your child to make a statement when you know there can be extremely negative consequences is not right. If he wants to wear dresses, let him do it at home until he is old enough to understand what wearing a dress means. If at that age HE chooses to make a statement, then support him all the way. But when they are young, if you feel strongly about changing stereotypes you need to work to change them yourself.

Wearing a dress itself is not wrong. Intentionally making your child a target for bullies just so you can express your opinion is.

Most of our friends are home educators, who are the most open-minded and accepting bunch of people I've ever met. I can't imagine anyone daring to challenge him in public, and they'd have me to deal with if they did. He isn't choosing to make a statement, he is simply choosing clothing that he likes. Personally, I'm far more worried about the negative consequences of gender stereotyping than the very slight possibility that he might be made fun of.

Also, being bullied is never wrong, it's the bullying that is wrong! I find it very peculiar that people put so much emphasis on making the victim fit in rather than addressing the actual bullying!

 

[chell5544]

My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Do you only take him around friends who will approve? Do you never go out in public? I have friends who approve and friends who would not, but regardless children have to interact with the general public. I'm not talking about wearing pink or purple, I'm talking about a child who is obviously male wearing a dress in public. That is setting him up to be belittled and made fun of.

I agree we need to change gender stereotypes. But using your child to make a statement when you know there can be extremely negative consequences is not right. If he wants to wear dresses, let him do it at home until he is old enough to understand what wearing a dress means. If at that age HE chooses to make a statement, then support him all the way. But when they are young, if you feel strongly about changing stereotypes you need to work to change them yourself.

Wearing a dress itself is not wrong. Intentionally making your child a target for bullies just so you can express your opinion is.

Most of our friends are home educators, who are the most open-minded and accepting bunch of people I've ever met. I can't imagine anyone daring to challenge him in public, and they'd have me to deal with if they did. He isn't choosing to make a statement, he is simply choosing clothing that he likes. Personally, I'm far more worried about the negative consequences of gender stereotyping than the very slight possibility that he might be made fun of.

Also, being bullied is never wrong, it's the bullying that is wrong! I find it very peculiar that people put so much emphasis on making the victim fit in rather than addressing the actual bullying!

Completely agree with you here it really worries me the extent some people will go to to 'stop' their child being bullied ie buy them the latest gadget, buy them the latest fashion rather then teach them to be themselves and if people don't like you because of it then their not worth your time.

 

[robinator]

Ummm, because the repercussions of being bullied can last a lifetime......?? And having been bullied I can most wholeheartedly assure you that I will NOT intentionally put my child in a situation where she will be bullied.

 

[robinator]

.Completely agree with you here it really worries me the extent some people will go to to 'stop' their child being bullied ie buy them the latest gadget, buy them the latest fashion rather then teach them to be themselves and if people don't like you because of it then their not worth your time.

If only it were that simple.....

 

[chell5544]

But the bullying needs to be stopped and addressed rather then making the victim feel its their fault for being bullied

 

[Randianne]

So you think that a male child wouldn't be made fun of by other children if they show up to preschool in a dress? You can't follow them around all the time to protect them from kids whose parents aren't teaching them to be as open minded as you are. Until the kid can understand, don't subject them to that negative consequence (which would be being bullied and not knowing why). A four year old wears a dress because it's pretty or comfy, not to make a social statement about gender.

ETA: Yes, call me crazy, but I do worry about the effects of bullying. Suicide, violence, and low self esteem are not to be taken lightly. Social change is needed, but your child is not responsible for that. You are.

 

[LittleBoo]

My son has worn dresses in the past. At the moment his favourite jumper is a bright pink zip-up fleece with embroidered flowers. He also has purple jumpers and flowery jeans, and lots of more boyish clothes. He's 5 and he's never been ridiculed for it because none of our friends are narrow-minded.

Do you only take him around friends who will approve? Do you never go out in public? I have friends who approve and friends who would not, but regardless children have to interact with the general public. I'm not talking about wearing pink or purple, I'm talking about a child who is obviously male wearing a dress in public. That is setting him up to be belittled and made fun of.

I agree we need to change gender stereotypes. But using your child to make a statement when you know there can be extremely negative consequences is not right. If he wants to wear dresses, let him do it at home until he is old enough to understand what wearing a dress means. If at that age HE chooses to make a statement, then support him all the way. But when they are young, if you feel strongly about changing stereotypes you need to work to change them yourself.

Wearing a dress itself is not wrong. Intentionally making your child a target for bullies just so you can express your opinion is.

Most of our friends are home educators, who are the most open-minded and accepting bunch of people I've ever met. I can't imagine anyone daring to challenge him in public, and they'd have me to deal with if they did. He isn't choosing to make a statement, he is simply choosing clothing that he likes. Personally, I'm far more worried about the negative consequences of gender stereotyping than the very slight possibility that he might be made fun of.

Also, being bullied is never wrong, it's the bullying that is wrong! I find it very peculiar that people put so much emphasis on making the victim fit in rather than addressing the actual bullying!

Oh this this, a thousand times this! Thank you!

 

[LittleBoo]

So you think that a male child wouldn't be made fun of by other children if they show up to preschool in a dress? You can't follow them around all the time to protect them from kids whose parents aren't teaching them to be as open minded as you are. Until the kid can understand, don't subject them to that negative consequence (which would be being bullied and not knowing why). A four year old wears a dress because it's pretty or comfy, not to make a social statement about gender.

My son doesn't go to pre-school, even if he did, he can dress in whatever he likes so long as it fits and is weather appropriate. He isn't a doll I dress up, he's a person with his own tastes/preferences. His choice, the only choice I've made is to back down, not repress him or segregate him, to allow him freedom and ignore the narrowminded masses who care more about other people's opinions than their own.

 

[robinator]

It's easy to say, "oh the bullying needs to stop", and I agree that it does. But until wishful thinking becomes a reality, there's no point I can see in allowing a small boy to wear a dress in public.

 

[Randianne]

I agree with you about the bullies needing be changed. But there is a huge difference between a high schooler being bullied for being different and a child being bullied and not knowing why. After all, at that age you as the parent are responsible for what they leave the house wearing. You are setting them up to be bullied.

 

[Randianne]

So you think that a male child wouldn't be made fun of by other children if they show up to preschool in a dress? You can't follow them around all the time to protect them from kids whose parents aren't teaching them to be as open minded as you are. Until the kid can understand, don't subject them to that negative consequence (which would be being bullied and not knowing why). A four year old wears a dress because it's pretty or comfy, not to make a social statement about gender.

My son doesn't go to pre-school, even if he did, he can dress in whatever he likes so long as it fits and is weather appropriate. He isn't a doll I dress up, he's a person with his own tastes/preferences. His choice, the only choice I've made is to back down, not repress him or segregate him, to allow him freedom and ignore the narrowminded masses who care more about other people's opinions than their own.

So you'll limit his freedom so he's not cold, but you won't to prevent kids from making fun of him? You obviously have drawn some lines so he doesn't have complete freedom.

Personally, I will protect my kids from being cold and being bullied until they are old enough to understand consequences. They can't understand that no coat means being cold any more then they can understand that dresses will make people react.

 

[freckleonear]

Would you dress your daughter in blue? I'm sure most people would. So why would you not dress your son in pink? Why is it that boys' clothing is so much more constrained by societal norms than girls' clothing? Why is it okay for a girl to be a tomboy, but not okay for a boy to show more feminine traits?

You pose good questions; ones I don't think anyone can answer. All I can say is that over time, these things became the accepted norms. Why? Who knows

Meant to answer this one earlier but forgot. These things have their roots in patriarchy, misogyny, bigotry, homophobia and capitalist greed. They have no place in today's society. Just because something is accepted doesn't mean it should continue being so. Sweden already has very strong gender equality laws, which have impacted hugely on early years provision, clothing manufacturers and toy companies. Hopefully we will follow their lead before too much more damage is done.

It's easy to say, "oh the bullying needs to stop", and I agree that it does. But until wishful thinking becomes a reality, there's no point I can see in allowing a small boy to wear a dress in public.

But surely bringing up children to conform actually creates more bullying, because it becomes so unusual for children to be different?

 

[LittleBoo]

kids don't make fun of him dear! He's so confident/funny/brightly coloured, he just makes friends. Funnily enough, 3 year old kids don't bully until their parents/others give them the ammunition. The only negative comments made about my son or boys in general wearing "girls" clothes, have been one or two members of the older generation, and of course the majority of posters in this thread

 

[pinklightbulb]

It may depend on where you live too. I can assure you that if your son was seen around here in a dress he most certainly would be bullied. I live in a small rural town and my son sees the same kids all the time. No way would I put him in a dress so that he can then be bullied by those same kids whenever he is around them. It may be different-- and unusual from what I've seen of the majority of responses saying so on this thread-- in your area, but in most, it's simply setting your child up for ridicule that he can't defend himself against.

 

[LittleBoo]

The term "put him in a" is starting to annoy me. I don't dress him, or pick his wardrobe. I just don't restrict/control him. Just sayin'

 

[smelly07]

personally i think some parents who have the issue are worried their child is 'gay' - or even worse they think it will 'MAKE them gay' - the little boy i mention earlier was a mini Alan carr - the voice the expressions the walk everything !!! i remember he told me that mum and dad were decorating his room, he said he wanted a pink and purple room but they said no its going to be blue with cars'- its sad but now the parents have excepted it and the change to this little boy is amazing - he hasn't been bullied and is the most funny smiley confident little boy ever and children except this -its normal to them and it stays normal until they are told otherwise.


bullying does happen and children will be bullied for all sorts of reasons -being fat being thin, having ginger hair, wearing glasses, being gay, being black, being brown, being too pale, having freckles, having goofy teeth, being named a weird name - the lists goes on and on - but its our jobs as adults to not protect them by comforming to what society says but shape our children to not care about what society says to give them the tools to grow up confident about who they are - not try and change who they are to fit in- we are all different and that difference should be celebrated.